Contract Pending
by sk.ppy
Summary: Santana has moved back to Lima after graduating college. She promised to meet Brittany at a diner four years ago, but will Brittany keep her half of the promise. Will Santana be stood up by the girl she loves? postcollege brittana
1. Chapter 1

**AN:**Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee.

This is a Brittany/Santana post college fic, in Santana's POV

You will notice a lack of Brittany in the first few chapters. I wrote it with the desire to dive into Santana's character background, done mostly in flashback.

The rating is mostly T, but the later chapters have a bit more mature theme.

Flash backs are in italics, but so are Santana's thoughts. I'm sure you guys can tell what's going on, you're big kids now.

Alright that's about it. I hope

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><p><strong>Chapter One: More Cow Bell<strong>

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_Fucking mini-vans…_ I shifted into reverse with more force than necessary to find a new parking spot. Preferably one far away from the mini-van that double parked, sometimes it's hard for me to control my urge to key idiot's cars. I found a spot a little further down the lot. It was crowed in the back lot of Lima's main street with people no doubt going out to lunch or kids wasting time on the streets.

I dropped my forehead to the warm leather of the steering wheel and let out a sigh before rolling up my window. You'd think I wouldn't want to be here, well not Lima. Who the hell would actually want to come back to Lima? _College graduates with absolutely no job prospects for starters._

The temperature has already shifted from comfortably warm to hot inside the car. I bang my head on the wheel and squeeze my eyes shut. I've been like this all morning. I'm counting that morning came when my mother called me down for breakfast at eight, not four thirty. The empty quivers of my stomach began when I was still in the shower after breakfast, and they have yet to stop.

I look to the radio seeing that it is 11:46, with a huff I pull the keys from the ignition and throw them into my purse on the empty passenger's seat. My sunglasses are a little broken so they constantly slide down my nose. It's very annoying, but I like them too much to get a new pair. I push them up into my hair, and flip open my phone that has been sitting in the cup holder next to the clutch.

Nothing. I nervously bite my lip. _Maybe I should just go home,_"Gaah, this is stupid! Come on you're going in there!" Instilling myself with enough confidence to grab my purse and stand outside my car. That's about how far I get before I start thinking of reasons why I should just leave.

Brittany's megawatt smile flashed in my mind and I was reminded of the prize. At least I hoped that I would be graced with a smile, maybe a hug? _Probably not._

_Maybe though_. With renewed confidence, hope of a glance of my ex-girlfriend, I readied myself to face whatever I may find.

_You lock this damn door and get your ass in there Lopez. Right._I tap the remote lock twice._Now._ Before walking to the back entrance of the diner I took a quick look around the parking lot. The running shoes I have on don't really add much to my height, so I stood on my toes to look any signs of a familiar car. No sight of her car anywhere.

I let out a heavy breath, and stare down at the cracking asphalt. And I can't decide if I'm happy that I'm here first or not. _Probably not._ It adds to the confounding amount of emotions I'm dealing with right now.

I pull my sunglasses back down to cover my face and walk, though it feels like crawling, to the back entrance to the diner. Pushing through the door, an old bell clanks above me. It's a sound that reminds me of when I was little. Every Saturday morning my Aunt Sonia would bring me here to get breakfast.

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_I ran up to the door, waiting for my aunt, my hand on the brass door knob. "Come on Sonia! You're so slow!"_

_I heard her laugh from across the parking lot, and she slowed her pace to a shuffle."I'm…sorry…San..tana…that…I…ca..n't…walk…as…fast…as…you"_

_I stomped my foot on the wooden boards beneath me impatiently. Sonia just laughed at my fit and opened the door, the old bell clanking, walking in before me._

_"Waiting on you now." I screamed at her and ran into the diner to at least get to our booth before her._

_"Looks like the Lopez girls are here." The old man sitting at the table next to the back door I zoomed past, the owner of the diner Scott, waved his cigarette and said something to my aunt._

_I was bouncing in the booth next to the window waiting for her to sit when two more people came into the diner from the back entry, making the large bell clank again. It was the first time I actually really noticed it._

_The bell was hanging by a leather strap against the old wooden door. The metal was bronze and tarnished. It's sound was familiar and at the same time new to me as I finally made note of it._

_"So Tana, do you know what you want?" My aunt slid into the booth and flipped the coffee cup right side up so Scott, who was following close behind her with a coffee pot, could fill it._

_"What's with that bell? What's it for?" Sonia turned and look towards the door._

_"Oh that old thing? It's made for cows to wear." I asked if it was true. Sonia nodded to me, and thanked Scott for the coffee._

_"Then why isn't a cow wearing it?" I grabbed four packs of sugar and ripped them open to pour into my aunt's coffee. Sugar spilled onto the small dish under the cup, but most of it made its way into the cup. I liked that Sonia let me prepare her coffee for her, my mom and dad never let me do anything for them._

_Scott's deep chuckle rang in my ears. "Oh, trust me I tried to get my wife to wear it. She out right refuses!"_

_Sonia joins in with Scott's antics and I chime in with them, without knowing why we're laughing. In the back of the diner I could hear a lady yelling about cows._

_"You see Tana, when you get old and married you turn into a fat old cow." Scott laughs as he wanders away to talk to the other old people in the diner and fill our usual order. Sonia's spoon stirs the liquid in her cup silently._

_I let air pass through the gap cause by my lost tooth, "I ain't got to worry about that. I'm never getting married, boys are stupid."_

_Sonia smiles at me and sips her coffee. "Oh really? I doubt you'll feel that way forever. In fact, I bet you'd be kissing boys before you know it."_

_I laugh at her and stand up in the booth, "The only part of me that is ever going to kiss a boy is my fists!" I box the air and hold my hands up in the air victoriously. Sonia laughs and tells me to sit down before I get challenged to a boxing match._

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

I stood at the door of the diner for a moment taking stock of the customers. The diner isn't too busy; it's more of a breakfast place anyway. There are a couple of old women in the front booth by the door, an old man at a table, another couple of men at the counter all drinking coffee and talking.

I look towards the booth that I had always shared with my aunt, the one next to the large front windows on the street, but I decided for one in the back tucked in the corner.

I sit down in the comfortably worn seat, and direct my gaze to the view outside the large windows of the store front. I flip my cup over, like I have seen my aunt do hundreds of times. Coffee might help my nerves, but it could also send me into a state of frantic worrying. I'll take my chances.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AN:**Let me know what you think about things and stuff. http:/ gleeruinedmylife . tumblr . com

Alright this would be chapter one of many. This is dedicated to Brittana or Santitany [which ever you prefer]; however, Brittany won't be in the first few chapters. And that's only in flashback for the first couple. She will be in the later chapters though, I promise.

It's not all about the ending, it's about the journey.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:**Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee.

Welcome back, Santana's coffee troubles are just beginning.

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><p><strong>Chapter Two: I Didn't Mumble<strong>

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"Hello welcome to Scottie's. Would you like anything to drink?" The blonde girl digs in her apron for silver ware and sets them out in front of me on the table top.

I raise my brow, thought the action is probably covered by my sunglasses I'm still wearing, and point to the cup.

"Oh, coffee eh? Do you want a water too?"

"Yeah, thanks." My sunglasses have slipped down my nose again, so I drop them onto the table next to my phone. Which is still far too quiet for my liking.

"Santana? Holy crap! How's it been girl?" The blonde girl beams at me, and it take a second for me to remember the smile.

Recognition hits me like a ton of bricks. I don't remember a lot of people from high school. I never paid much attention to the 'little people'. If you weren't popular, in Cheerios, or Glee club, which was pushing it I still don't remember the Asians or Wheels names, I probably don't know who you are. But this girl. I remember from first grade. Cassidy Denver. The girl standing before me was vastly different than the younger girl in my memory, but they're still the small person I suppose. They both were my first love.

"Hey Cassidy. It's been good until I had to come back to Lima…"

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_Three people ahead of me, I saw her. Well rather her hair, long and blonde held back by a rose colored ribbon. The same hair I've been following around on the playground for weeks. I've been too nervous to actually say anything to her. I feel a strange annoyance when she laughs with the other girls from our class. I love that she smiles, but I think that I could tell a funnier story._

_The line of kids we're in stops in front of the restrooms, after the teacher commands us to halt. The teacher is mean, not like last year's teacher. Her short pepper hair smells bad, and she's always yelling at us to do this or that. During reading time Mrs. Acres picks a couple of kids to scratch her back while she sits on her computer. It's always the same two though; teacher pets a boy, Dave, told me. She asked me to do it once, but I refused._

_"You have ten minutes, let's hurry along shall we?" Mrs. Acres takes long strides to stand at the end of the hall to talk to the gym teacher Mr. Moore._

_I'm quick in and out of the bathroom. I don't like them, because I feel out of place somehow. The girls in my class tell me that my hair is pretty, but my overalls and shoes are ugly. I look at their dresses and all I can think is that there is no way you could climb the jungle gym faster than Matt in that._

_Waiting for the rest of my class to be done I lean against the rough wall. The dark brown bricks bite the skin on my elbows, but I don't mind it. It takes my mind off of the girl in the cute dress. When I look at her and her dresses I can only think of how pretty she is. The other girls have pretty dresses to, but I think she's pretty even when she's not wearing a dress. I think I like her hair the best. It's not wavy like mine or my mom's, it falls down straight. I bet that it's really soft too._

_Cassidy is standing by herself waiting, like me, for our class to go back to our home room and get back to learning. I watch as she inspects her nails, picking at parts that are chipping off._

_I asked my mom what it means to think that someone is really pretty, like all the time. Even if they have paint on their face. She told me that it means that I might love him, and I should let him know. Even though she said him, I figured it worked the same with girls. Mom said that if I don't ever let anyone know that I like them, I might end up alone. That it's bad not to tell someone how you feel about them; especially if you love them._

_Standing against the sharp brick wall, I got scared. I didn't want to be alone. I had to tell her. I bet she would let me brush her hair, and swing with me outside. I held my head up, like daddy taught me. He said always be confident, and keep your chin up. If you do this, you can never be let down._

_"Hey Cassidy…" My foot scuffed against the tiled floor. She eyed me for a few seconds before replying._

_"Hi Santana." It was now or never. No one else except some boys and the teacher were near us. I balled my hands into fists and let the words tumble from my mouth._

_"I wanted to tell you that…" I removed my gaze from my feet and brought them to Cassidy's eye, just like daddy said. "I think you're pretty and I love you"._

_"What? That's gross!" I'm pretty sure that wasn't supposed to happen. My confession of ever-lasting love was rejected in the worse way. Cassidy's friends skipped from the restrooms to her side and I felt an ominous surge in the air._

_"Santana! You're not supposed to love girls! What's wrong with you?" Cassidy pointed at me leaving no room for error. I was paralyzed and couldn't move from the spot in front of Cassidy and her three friends._

_"Did you really say that? You told Cassie that you love her?" I opened my mouth to defend myself. To say that she lied and I was just saying that I thought her hair was pretty. But that would have probably made things worse for me._

_Our teacher noticed the heated debate and strolled over to the four of us after ending her conversation with the gym teacher. "What are you girls doing? You're supposed to keep quiet in the halls!"_

_The brown headed girl, Tiffany from the name on her shirt, pants, and shoes; called me out. "Santana started it! She said that she was in love with Cassidy!"_

_The Mrs. Acres looked from me to Cassidy silently asking if it was true. I looked from Cassidy to our teacher and watched the blonde girl nod. "Santana, you're not supposed to say things like that to other girls. And you all must be quiet in the halls."_

_The girls, Cassidy, Tiffany, and the other two; were looking at me as if I had a second head they've just now noticed. A twin face that was deformed and so grotesque that it had to be ripped from my body, regardless of what the consequences may be. Under their harsh stares I felt the same. I had to fix it before it grew into something worse. The boys in the hall tuned into the conversation and began crowding around me, Cassidy, the teacher, and Cassidy's entourage._

_My palms were wet, thieves of the moisture from my throat. My head was spinning, I wasn't in control. I thought that this must be in a trap. Luring me here, forcing me to say those stupid words, leaving me no way to escape. My thoughts raced, and not one of them held the key to diffuse the situation. I felt the beginnings of tears prickling my eyes, which were jumping from Cassidy, to her friend Tiffany, to the boys in the hall, and finally landing on my feet._

_The shoes I had on were a gift for my seventh birthday from Aunt Sonia. They were blue with white little flowers painted on the canvas sides. I loved them; I thought that they were cute. Aunt Sonia said that she loved them too, but they were too small for her._

_"I just told her I loved her…" I scanned the blonde girl before me trying to pick one thing, one thing that would be normal to like. So I wouldn't be weird. Her dress was pretty; it was white with red bursts of color. But the girls made fun of my clothes so I wasn't going to pick that. Then I saw dangling from her wrist, barely clutching to her skin, a golden bracelet. The gold braid was interrupted by five tiny charms. Under the fluorescent lights the pieces looked dull, the unnatural light stole away all of their life. "…bracelet."_

_Cassidy lifted her wrist to show her friends. I swallowed a dry knot in my throat, watching as they inspected the jewelry as if it could deceiver my lie. The girls nodded and confirmed that it was pretty and complimented Cassidy, completely ignoring my presence. Tiffany said something about having one that was much more expensive and therefore couldn't wear it to school._

_Mrs. Acres was far less interested in Cassidy's bracelet. She placed a hand on my shoulder and gave me a warning scowl, "Don't mumble dear, people will get the wrong idea about you."_

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

"Ah well Lima isn't that bad!" Cassidy's laughter filled the room, and I thought that she probably got her fair share of tips.

"Well I'm not planning on staying too long. Just visiting the folks you know." I felt a shame, which I guess many graduates would feel, for returning to my parent's house. And I'll be damned if some waitress in Lima, Ohio would think I'm a loser. It was a thought that made its way into the tone of my voice.

"Alright, alright. I forgot you can be snippy." She laughter again, but it sounded a little forced than an actual joke. "I'm guessing you're waiting on someone? You want to wait for them to order?"

"Uh, yeah. I just want coffee for now…" Her questions sent my finger searching for the phone on the table. My thumb pressed the button on the side lit up the screen, showing no miss called or texts only the time, 12:02.

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AN:**Let me know what you think about things and stuff. This story is pretty heavy on the flash backs, just to let you know.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:**Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee.

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><p><strong>Chapter Three: Zombie Tag<strong>

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"I'm guessing you're waiting on someone? You want to wait for them to order?" Waitresses had amazing skills of deduction. If someone was sitting alone, then chances are they are waiting for someone else. Amazing.

"Uh, yeah. I just want coffee for now…" Her questions sent my finger searching for the phone on the table. My thumb pressed the button on the side lit up the screen, showing no miss called or texts only the time, 12:02.

"Alright then, I'll make you a fresh pot so give me a couple minutes." I nodded and she tucked her pen and pad into the front of her apron.

My thoughts drifted into nothingness. The bright sun filtering through the window panes were the focus of my entire body. I did make note of the people walking pass, the two old ladies in the window booth next to the door, how lifeless the empty booths seem, how everything is slow compared to the city. Muffed shouts catch my attention. A group of little boys, covered in mud and sweat, and a young girl run pass the front windows of the diner.

"Uh, look at that. If I were their mother they'd all get a good washing after a spanking." The wrinkled old woman balked at the kids.

"Hmmm, kids nowadays. And look at that girl. When I was little girl never played with my brothers." The old crow took a spoon of her soup to her lips.

"It's not proper, running around like that. Filthy." Nodding along with herself, and taking a drag off the cigarette in her hand. My own hand twitched with the want of a nicotine surge, but I had left my pack in the car. If I did have them with me I would have started my very own chain smoking event.

"Not that I had the time, with chores. And my brothers they worked out on the farm. Kids nowadays…" I knew where this was going. Kids' with no work ethic, blah blah blah.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

_The sun was high in the sky, blazing down on my bare shoulders. The tall grass scraped against my skin where my cut off jeans ended just above my knees. Sweat was collecting on my brow and glistening on my forearms. André and Jacob, my older brother and younger cousin respectively, raced away from me. I gasped for breath chasing them through the unkempt open field, desperately reaching out to tag them. Jacob was slower than my brother, but after twenty minutes of running I had lost my stamina. I caught up to Jake finally and grabbed the back of his shirt pulling him to the ground to maul him, as zombies do._

_Just as I was about to sink my diseased teeth into his flesh my father's voice boomed across the field and commanded us to greet our Uncle Carlos._

_"You're lucky this time Jake." I released the boy and ran in stride with my brother to stand before our father and uncle. Most of our family members have already arrived at the Lopez reunion. It was being held an hour out of Lima at my Aunt Anna's house. It was a pretty big house and sat on a rather large piece of land as well. It wasn't as nice as ours, my mother always pointed out._

_Carlos and my father weren't very large men, neither surpassed six feet; but the way they held themselves demanded respect. Something I was happy to give to my father, and whoever he deemed worthy of receiving it from me. Their presence seemed to fill up to the room's pitched ceilings, and I wished one day to have that kind of authority._

_"Good afternoon Uncle Carlos." My brother and I chimed together. Carlos smiled in returned and the small talk began._

_"Sorry Papa, I forgot the dip in the cooler." Eliza, Carlos' daughter same age as me, hopped to her father's side._

_"Ah, well say hello to your Uncle and cousins."_

_Eliza greets first my father and brother with a warm smile, but when she turns to me all friendly offers drop from her expression. "Hey Tana…"_

_I looked up to my father, after he set a hand on my shoulder. He knows that I've developed quite the personality even at the young age of ten; and that Eliza and I had never really played nice with each other._

_"Hey Eliza." I try my utmost to look down at her, even though we're the same age she's an inch or two taller than me. Sometimes I feel like I've never getting any taller. André was only a year and a half older than me and was already using his height against me._

_My father squeezes my shoulder a bit harder than necessary, but it's not unusual. It means, be nice or else. Bringing me back to my thoughts, he probably wants me to compliment the flower in her hair that Grandma Maria picked for all the girls. I had mine for the total of five minutes before it was trampled in the beginnings of tag._

_"Your flower looks nice." My father loosened his grip and stepped away from me, André, and Eliza, dragging Uncle Carlos along with him. Eliza was not so forgiving however. She twisted her face into disgust and pushed back a strand of hair behind her ear._

_"Anything looks nice compared to you Santana." I quirked my eyebrow at her, challenging her to continue. Carlos and Dad may not like it, but I'd mop the floor before I let her get away with insulting me. In front of our entire family no less._

_André thankfully had yet to leave my side yet. "Eliza don't be mean. You're both very pretty." My brother, the sculpted gentleman product of my mother; sometimes his sap made me sick. But he probably knew that if Eliza continued to agitate me that there would be a fight to clean up._

_"Oh really André? Look at me and what do you see?" Before either André or myself could comment, and mine was much less than appropriate, she continued by making a grand gesture towards herself."The correct answer would be a blossoming young lady."_

_My brother laughed and I poked a finger down my throat with an accompanying gagging noise._

_"Oh please, laugh it up now. Just wait until the summer is over and we go back to school. Momma says that I'll have to bring a club with me to keep the boys away from me." Eliza stood dignified with her hands firmly on her hips. Her deluded sense of what the sixth grade would promise for her sent me and André into hysterics._

_Our laughter mingled together, sounding strangely similar. Yet, I knew she had a point. Eliza wasn't ugly. In her sun dress I could imagine if I were a boy I would be tempted to walk home with her, or try to hold her tanned hand at recess. I pushed that thought out of my mind, and focused on the conversation at hand._

_"Eliza! Don't say stuff like that!" I turned to see my brother, who last I remember was laughing, with balled fists at his sides and his eyes closed. 'What did I miss?'_

_"What? That the only club Tana is going to need is a golf club? Or…" Eliza had a smirk plastered on her painted lips._

_"Or what?" I was confused and searched for the missing puzzle piece. I didn't know why I'd be needing a golf club. But I was going to get my answer quickly as my cousin turned her attention to me._

_Eliza's face for the second time twisted in disgust and looked down on me. "That you're a dyke."_

_The word echoed in my head. It made my blood turn cold, and my jaw clench. It wasn't as if I've never heard of it. I knew what she was calling me._

_It was the same thing I heard spoken in hushed tones when my parents or my aunts didn't think I was near. It was the undertone of when my uncles asked me when I would start wearing dresses. I didn't understand the reason for it. But it was the first time I heard it said to my face; that the word was actually meant for me to hear._

_I wanted to scream at her, to tell her that I'm not. That there isn't anything wrong with me and that she can go to hell. I wanted to hit her, shove her into the white concrete pillar, I wanted André to defend me, I wanted to cry. My emotions took over, and I don't have to choose between my anger or hurt. I get both. I blink away the first of my tears, and my body moves without conscious effort._

_Before I had the chance to do anything of these things Sonia, my savior, stepped between me and Eliza. I didn't even realize that I had moved towards my cousin with my fist raised. My aunt's cool skin shocked me when she grabbed my fist. I barely heard her tell André to go play with Jacob and command Eliza to go upstairs._

_The strength in her grip on my wrist intensified the tears in my eyes. I thought it was from pain, but I realized that it was because she heard that. She heard just as I had that someone I loved, not a stranger on the street or stupid boy at the playground, call me a terrible thing. I let her lead me into the house and towards the spare bedroom beyond the guest bath on the lower floor. She guided me to the bed and as I sat on the hard mattress I felt the tears I was holding back break through my resolve._

_The door opened and closed quietly, and soon I was faced with my mother._

_"Santana, why are you trying to punch your cousin? Really? I thought that I had raised a proper young lady. Not som-" I watched through water clouded vision Sonia pull my mother to the side and whisper to her. No doubt reenacting the scene that had just happened. My mother visibly flinched, while Sonia smiled sadly at me._

_"Santana, stop crying, what did Eliza say to you?" My mother stood in front of me with arms crossed and an unreadable expression on her face._

_"Julie you know what she said." My aunt sat at my side with an arm around my shoulder._

_"Oh I know. I'd like to hear her say it. It's about time I dealt with this." My mother held my gaze. "Now you tell me what she said to you."_

_I blinked away the tears in my eyes, summoning the courage I needed to face my mother. When she took this stance there was no denying her. "She said something mean." I hoped that she would leave well enough alone, but she pressed me._

_"What could she have called you to make you cry like a little girl?" Sonia's hand on my shoulder squeezed at the remark and I took comfort in her presence. Even with her support I dropped my gaze to the carpeted floor. Thinking how soft it looked from where I sat perched on the bed, but I bet more than anything that it was scratchy and rough._

_My chin was jolted into the air, and my eyes met with an intense pair of chocolate brown that mirrored my own. "What exactly did she call you."_

_My voice was barely above a whisper. "A dyke."_

_My mother released my chin from her grip and stepped back. "So?"_

_I looked to my mother, who had turned away from me to stare out the window at some of younger cousins. Did she not care that I was insulted by my cousin? That hushed whisper was now thrown out into the open air for everyone to hear? Was it not as bad as I perceived it to be?_

_I choose a different route to test the waters of exactly what this word meant to me. "She was being mean Mom, and-"_

_"And what? Telling the truth? Is that not what you are saying to the world when you walk out of the house dressed like this?" My mother threw a cruel finger towards me._

_I looked down at my dirty black converses. Black had always been my favorite color, though if anyone would ask I would say red. It seemed like people liked that answer better. Angry cuts where forming on my legs from running through the grass, and the strings from my cut off jeans tickled against them. My tank top was a dark green and where tiny hearts or flowers should be there was blotches of dirt from the fields. My hair was straightened, but it was my mother's doing. I would have been fine with pulling it back into a messy ponytail, but she insisted that I look somewhat presentable today._

_My father had never made any qualms about my appearance, only my mother. I could get away with murder if he were judge and jury. Yet, thinking about what my mother had just said, there are times when his smile seemed forced. Like when I rather play with my brother and his friends than the girls on our street, or when I rather play cops and robbers than dress up._

_"But I'm not... What's wrong with the way I dress?" My fingers twitch nervously in my lap. The comforting touch offered by my aunt had been removed. She moved to stand by my mother's side._

_I can see the muscles in my mother's neck tighten, ready to yell at me. Sonia waves a hand in front of her and I'm grateful for being spared from my mother's voice._

_"Santana, there's nothing wrong with the way you dress." I smiled despite my mother huffing. "But there's a problem with the message you send to the people around you." My aunt moved to kneel in front of my station on the bed._

_I tried to grasp what my aunt had said, but I couldn't connect the dots. "I don't understand... If there's nothing wrong wit-" My mother offered a softened voice and a more direct approach._

_"Santana, when you look in the mirror what do you see. A girl… or a boy."_

_Now this I hadn't thought of. When I stared at my reflection I saw me. The thought of 'I'm a girl' never really passed through my mind. Is that what people really think of when they look at themselves? I looked at their expecting faces, waiting for me to answer a simple question. Are you a boy or girl. This should be easy._

_"A girl." I held my chin up to show confidence in my answer. I was a girl, so that had to be the answer they wanted. Both my mother and aunt's shoulders slackened._

_Sonia took my hand in hers and a soft expression on her face. "Tana. You may see the little girl, and I most definitely see a pretty little girl; but other people don't. They see a little girl dressed as a boy, and they think mean things, like what Eliza said."_

_"All because I wear t-shirts? I don't understand." I was unconvinced that the way I dressed was anything other than a combination of what I had and what I liked._

_My mother cleared her voice; patience was something she lacked, as well as empathy. "You don't need to understand why. They just do. They think you're different and will treat you differently."_

_"Because I dress like a boy I'm different? That doesn't make any sense." I pulled my hand from Sonia's hold. The warm feeling of anger gripped my around my chest. My mother was talking in circles, and it wasn't making any sense._

_"It does, dressing like a boy means something Santana."_

_I think to what my father says when she commands me to change my outfit. "It means that I dress sensibly for my activities." I was happy with my wit and the rile I was able to get from my mother._

_My mother balled her fists and took a step towards me, Sonia was still acting as a protective barrier between us. "It means that you like girls Santana. Do you? Tell us now: Do you like boys or" A wicked snarl surfaced on her face. "Do you like girls?"_

_All of the anger within me vanished. Somehow I felt scared, and I didn't know why. It was another simple question. And I knew what the right answer was, boys. But when I actually thought about liking boys, holding hands with them or kissing them like in the movies, there was a strange emptiness accompanying it. It took me less than a second to decide, and for every amount of emptiness I felt in the answer I said it that much louder. My volume could drown out any other responses or concerns. The strength of my voice would make it so._

_"Boys." I looked to my mother, holding her gaze for a moment to confirm my answer. I looked away to the abstract painting hanging above the bed, swirling blues and greens, "Duh, what kind of question is that?"_

_Silence was the response offered by my mother, and I accepted it. I wanted to go outside or, better yet, home._

_My aunt probably felt how uneasy the tension between my mother and I was. Although it was the usual, verbal spats between me and my mother, this was an argument I never wanted to have again. I'd do anything to never hear it again, or even remember it._

_Sonia cleared her voice twice to get our attentions. "Well then, I dare say some may be on the verge of boy crazy." She chuckled to herself._

_My mother saw no mirth in the joke, and neither did I. All I wanted was to end this and hang at my father's side._

_"Perhaps a shopping spree is in order?" Sonia pulled me up from my perch on the bed and I nodded. I supposed it was. I didn't want my mother or Sonia look and act as they just had around me ever again._

_And if nothing else, I never wanted to hear that word again. If it meant dressing differently, or being boy crazy; then that's what I would do._

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

"One hot cup of joe, for Ms. Lopez." Cassidy apparently returned without me noticing, and I offered her a smile and a soft thank you.

"It is still Ms. Lopez, right?" Cassidy set a tall cool glass of water next to the coffee cup.

"Yeah, no freaking way I'd let that happen." I held out my ring finger to prove the point. "Nothing's going on this. Ever."

"Well, we don't share the same feelings." She flashed me her wedding ring, which was pretty but small. I smiled all the same and congratulated her. The look in her eyes could fool the most renowned jeweler on the diamond's size.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

* * *

><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AN:**Let me know what you think about things and stuff.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN:**Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee. I want to thank everyone for taking the time to follow this.

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><p><strong>Chapter Four: Lone Star<strong>

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

"Who's the lucky man?" I busied myself with adding sugar to the hot liquid while Cassidy rambled about her husband.

"I am now Mrs. Justin Highmann. You remember Justin right?"

I chuckled a bit, "Yeah, though, wasn't it just HighMan back in school? I don't think I remember a time when the boy wasn't stoned off his ass." The mental image of a boy with orange long knotted hair and glazed eyes paired with my mind's eye of Cassidy jumped up to the front of my brain causing me to laugh.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

_The beginning of sixth grade was a difficult time for me. I switched gears from tom-boy to girly girl at the end of summer. During the transition my mother threw out any article of clothing she deemed boyish. I was left with only a few of my prized band concert, motor-cross, and baseball t-shirts. Getting those few shirts was one hell of a fight, but I refused to lose everything I knew. Really I should have been happy just to be able to keep my tennis shoes, my mom was a little unhinged. The suckage was accentuated with the arrival of my 'woman-hood' as my mother put it._

_To put it simply, I was not a happy camper._

_I groaned outwardly as the orange headed boy next to me kicked my sandal and ogled me. I was going to ignore him, as I've done the past two weeks; but he pushed me over the edge when he licked his lips and waggled his eye brows. So I had no choice but remove my attention from the book on my desk to guide my fist into his shoulder. When he cried out I smirked and returned to the passage I was reading._

_"Justin, where is your library book? Do we need to have a chat?"_

_The graying man sat at the large desk in the front corner of the room. Despite keeping his back towards us, Mr. Huffman could sense trouble. It was scary cool. He was shaping up to be one of few teachers I liked. Mostly due to his ninja skills, and the fact he never thought that I was the cause of Justin's woe._

_Beside me Justin plopped his book down on his desk in a huff. I glared at him from the corner of my eye, daring him to say something. For as dumb as he seemed, Justin wasn't stupid. He apologized to Mr. Huffman and left me alone for the rest of the period._

_It was really something I didn't know how to handle. Boys, that is. They all tried to talk to me, and I most definitely didn't want to talk to them. Or really be near them. But they gravitated towards me, making it difficult to keep them at bay._

_I would rather spend my free time with the girls in class, but in the back of my mind I knew I should be talking to the boys. Not to mention I still felt unconfident because of my clothing switch. I never felt as pretty as the other girls in my class. I didn't want to approach them because I didn't want them to tease me. It felt like they knew I was something else, just dressed differently. The boys couldn't tell, that was for sure; but I didn't know what I should be doing. The girls in my class, the pretty ones at least, all flirted with the boys. I didn't want to do that, but I also didn't want to stick out. My conflicted thoughts only caused me to spend all my free time alone, and snap at the boys chasing my skirt._

_The war in my mind resulted in my solitude during recess. Which I suppose was fine. My constant bad mood was beginning to gain me a reputation and I was left alone by most of the boys. Only the braver ones would follow me around the perimeter of asphalted space that we were allowed to play on._

_There were a few fields for kick ball or soft ball, but nothing else. The popular girls would sit under the large oak tree near one of the better the playing field to watch the boys show off. Each time I rounded the spot I thought two things. One: I wanted to sit there. Two: I could run laps around those stupid boys._

_Yesterday it had been raining, and the asphalt was still slick and held large puddles in some spots. It was slightly chilly and I wished I had pants on today. I pulled my jacket closer to me to ward off shivers. It was my third lap around the black top, the third time I would be walking past a blonde girl and three boys._

_The girl and the dopey looking boy I knew from my class, the other two boys were from different classes._

_The girl was one of the popular kids. I always saw her sitting under the tree with the others, so I was a little surprised to find her chatting with the three boys by the water fountains in the corner of the yard. It made sense that she was popular. The girl had shoulder length blonde hair that rivaled the color of the sun. Her eyes were large and I feared that if I looked for too long I'd drown. She was pretty, that much was clear. What confused me was I felt weird every time I saw her. So to stamp down the churning in my gut I avoided her. Even to the point of being mean to her, but it was mostly held off to glares and shoulder checks if she got too close. But she never seemed to notice, and that didn't sit well with me either._

_As I neared them I could see her tuck a lock of hair behind her ear and toy with the cross on her necklace. The boys had circled around her and backed against the fountain. I slowed my paced, but I could overhear their conversation now._

_"Come on, you've got to pick one of us." A boy with a Cincinnati Reds jacket stood in front of her. He had dark skin and a bit of an afro. Which was kinda cool, and I definitely like his jacket._

_"Guys can we just go play kickball? This is getting boring, she ain't gonna date any of us…" The shortest and heavier boy tried to walk away, but the boy from my class caught his arm._

_"Dude, Dave, don't be a baby. She's been asking for this for days. I mean like how many times has she sent me that cute little smile?" Finn shot the girl a smile in hopes to receive one in return._

_"Let me go Finn, screw off!" The shor- Dave, looked dejected as he pulled out of Finn's grasp and stalked away. Dave walked past me to the fields on the other side of the black top._

_"Watch it girly." I felt his shoulder connect with mine, but I let him off with a sneer. I returned my attention to the group of kids Dave left. There were some bad vibes coming from the trio at the water fountain and I was more than curious._

_"Whatever, let him go. So now, Quinn who's it gonna be?" The Reds fan reached his hand to grab Quinn's hand from her necklace._

_Before the dark boy could get too close Quinn slapped him away. "Yeah, you see I don't want to date either of you." Quinn locked eyes with me for a moment and looked back to the two boys in front of her. "So I'm gonna go now."_

_Finn and the other boy laughed. There was a panic in her eyes I could see. I knew I should probably help her out, but I didn't know what to do exactly._

_Finn stepped in her way as she turned to leave. "Uh… no. No you have to pick one of us, or else… we're… going to-"_

_Even though Finn stuttered, I heard his threat and I could see a gleam in the other boy's eyes. Out of nowhere there was a surge of heat in my veins. And I did what I've been doing for the past month and a half. I snapped._

_"Wow, you two sure know how to woo a lady." I stepped up behind the two boys with three loud claps from my hands to mock them. "You know I'm surprised you two don't have an entire harem knocking down your doors."_

_Finn stuttered under his breath. But the other boy turned on his heels to greet their newest visitor._

_When he faced me and was finished eyeing me, making my skin crawl, he gave me a smirk. "Well hello there miss. You know what Finn you can take Quinn this girls looks more my type."_

_I scoffed at his remark and rolled my eyes. Like hell I'd date this sleaze ball. I rounded him to stand next to Quinn. "Let's get out of here." When she didn't move I grabbed her wrist and tugged her along shoving pass Finn._

_"Hey I didn't say you two could leave." The dark skinned boy stormed in front of me. "Yeah you see me and her," He gestured between himself and the girl at my side. "we've got unfinished business."_

_I looked back to Quinn who shook her head pleading with me. Turning back to face the boy in the baseball jacket I gave him a polite smile. The same I used when my father invited colleagues over for dinner._

_"Fuck off." Before he had time to retort I drew back my leg and forcefully planted my foot in the center of his groin. The attack left him in a pile on the wet asphalt and gasping for breath._

_Finn was flopping his mouth open and close and paled when I looked at expectantly. "Do I need to tell you to fuck off as well?" He shook his head furiously and retreated to the same field Dave left to._

_I pulled Quinn along with me for a few paces before I remembered that I could drop her wrist. I mumbled out something like 'sorry'._

_"Why are you apologizing? You totally saved me from those two." She tugged my jacket sleeve to stop me. "Thank you. Santana right?"_

_"Yeah. Well… anyone else would have done the same." For some reason my thought process slowed around the girl. It made me feel the need to run across the black top to get away from the odd sensation._

_"No. Well, maybe... But I doubt they would've kicked Noah in the balls. That was awesome!" A smile lit up her face and I couldn't help the blush stinging my face. I was happy that my skin tone hid that from her, or anyone walking past._

_"He deserved it. Being a jerk face and stuff." I looked over to the girls standing next to the tree just a few yards away. "I don't see how you can talk to them about dating and stuff."_

_"I don't see how you can tell them to screw off and kick them in the baby maker." Quinn looked up, following my gaze, but she ended up staring at the boys playing kickball. She turned to me and looked thoughtful._

_"Why do you act so mean to the boys? I've seen them all follow you around; you've got your own fanclub just as much as I do." I paled slightly; again I was at a loss for words. But I think she meant the latter half as a compliment. It was kinda nice hearing her tell me indirectly that I was pretty._

_"I don't know… They're just annoying sometimes. Like flies, you know. I don't know what else to do."_

_Quinn tapped a finger to her chin and then clapped her hands together. "I know! This is what we'll do. I'll teach you how to handle the boys, in a friendly manner. And you can teach me how to be a uh err.."_

_"Bitch?" A smile cracked its way onto my lips. The girl clearly didn't approve of offensive language._

_"Yes that." She smirked and tossed an arm over my shoulder. "You should come over to my house after school. We can exchange tips."_

_I nodded as I let her direct towards the tree with nine other girls standing underneath the braches._

_"You know what I think Santana?"_

_"Err what?" I looked up to the taller girl._

_"I think we're gonna be good friends." Quinn patted my back and pulled other girls closer so she could tell the story._

_Quinn kept her promise, teaching me how to flirt with boys. Something about teasing and no pleasing. I held up to my end of the bargain as well, giving advice on what to say to make people break down into tears. I thought that I had created a monster. But then I realized she had made one too. One with more bite._

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AN:**Let me know what you think about things and stuff. http:/ gleeruinedmylife . tumblr . com


	5. Chapter 5

**AN:**Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee.

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><p><strong>Chapter Five: Doodles<strong>

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

I was in a fit of giggles remembering Justin from high school.

Cassidy laughed along with me, "Despite his slip ups in high school, Highmann has turned into quite the responsible young man. Justin is one of the IT managers at Lima Memorial."

"Wow, I wouldn't have pegged him for manager material. But people grow up I guess. I'm really happy for the both of you." I swirled my spoon around my cup, thoroughly disheartened.

Here I am, college graduate sitting in my home town's diner not doing shit with my life. And Cassidy, who works in this crappy place, has a family; and from the sounds of it, a promising one. Hearing her talk about it made me feel lonely.

"If you told me four years ago I would be married to the resident stoner… I probably would have laughed and then spit on you or something equally nasty."

The cook from the back of the diner shouted out that Cassidy's order was up. "I'll stop by in a while to freshen your cup. But really Santana, don't write-off marriage all together it has its perks."

I waved her away. _Like hell I'll get married to some baby crazy girl. There's only-_I shook my head to dislocate the thought from my brain and picked up my coffee was hot and bit the tip of my tongue as I sipped it. I looked down to my cell phone and watched the time change from 12:12 to 12:13.

I took a gulp from my coffee that brought tears to my eyes, and I decided that it was better to sip on the ice water and wait for the coffee to cool down. The feeling of hot and cold hit the center of my chest. It was an odd sensation, and so to pass the time I did it a few more times. I stopped after it caused me to burp, and Cassidy came back to refill my cup.

I opened my phone after dumping sugar into my cup again. 12:21 and no messages. I dropped my head to the table with a soft bang and sighed. Caffeine always made me overdramatic, as did any other drug.

_She's never been good with numbers… Maybe she's just running late_. I stared down at the table, the wood grain blurring together. Sighing again I closed my eyes.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

_Lima's junior high school population wasn't that large. News spread fast._

_Who's dating who. Who fought with who over who. Who was talking about who. Lots of whos. I never thought that I would be one of the main whos, much less want my name on everyone's lips. But there it was, my name flying around the school._

_Not just my name, Quinn's too. The gossip really picked up after we joined the junior cheerios in seventh grade. After that whatever we did spread like wild fire._

_Quinn's advice from sixth grade, about what to do with boys was put to hard work. It was easy for me to bring them in close and then walk away. Build them up and then break them down. It was fun, teasing them._

_The teasing made them frustrated with me. I quickly learned the signs of a boy ready to break up with me. Quinn said that you have to be the one breaking hearts, not the other way another. So I shuffled though boyfriends. I liked it better that way, so I wasn't so annoyed with them._

_I guess dating wasn't so bad._

_What wasn't fun was the touching. All the hand holding, hugging, draping their arms over me that they wanted to do constantly made my skin crawl. I didn't like to be touched by my own family, much less some stinky boy. So there was the strict no touching policy for me, enacted onto my boyfriends Quinn and I picked out._

_Quinn had a say in everything I did. I loved it and at the same time I wanted to punch her in the face and tell her to mind her own business. It resulted in eye rolling while I did as she asked. Secretly I enjoyed it, because when I set out to complete whatever task she commanded she would have a smug little smile on her lips._

_In the beginning of seventh grade, kissing was becoming something very hard to dismiss. Quinn even called me out on it. Saying that if I wanted to be popular I had to make-out with my boyfriend, whoever it was at the time._

_Once Quinn brought me into the in crowd I realized that my only competition was her. We were on top of all the other girls, and our 'skills' allowed us to control the male population easily._

_The effort that I was putting into being popular made that weird feeling go away whenever I was talking to Quinn, or sitting next to her, or thinking about her. The point is that it went away because I channeled it into something else._

_I wanted to rule over these snobby kids like a dictator from WWII. To show that I was better. Better than anyone at this school. Including Quinn Fabray._

_If I had to kiss boys, then I would drain the life from them when I did. I'd be the best and no one would be able to dispute that._

_Jean was the first lucky soul with whom I honed my macking skills with. He was Quinn approved, so I can say that he was cute. He had short black hair and a lean body. It wasn't so bad then, having him follow me from class to class. What I thought was funny was that his name is Jean, but he never wore jeans. I suppose that it was for the best. 'Nice jeans, Jean' probably would get old real quick. Especially coming from your girlfriend._

_My first make-out session was behind the school in the football bleachers. I've watched my fair share of on-screen kisses, so I wasn't at a total loss of what to do with the boy. But it was a bit more wet than I would have ever liked. It was like he couldn't control his salivary glands. I may not have liked it, but Jean did. And he let everyone else know just how much he liked it._

_Apparently I was blessed. Gifted in the art of tonguing._

_The next day, me and my relationship was a hot button topic. That and a new girl transferred from some small town on the border of Ohio and Indiana, and a rumor about some Asian boy taking dance classes._

_At lunch the table was full of gossip and questions. I shared a knowing look with Quinn at the table surrounded by other girls on the squad. It made me feel better, a lot better. Being noticed like that. I would have rather found another way to do it, but if getting my mack on with a boy resulted in this. I'd do it again, and I probably will._

_As I walked through the halls with Jean after lunch I felt everyone's eyes on me. Boys and girls alike were leering over their shoulders._

_A shiver ran down my spine at the thought of girls watching me. Looking at me in same way I try not to. I shook my head to get rid of the thought; and I pulled Jean down to give him another kiss,_

_'Why not put on a show?' I knew I did it to push that feeling down, and I almost felt bad for using him. Almost._

_"Ms. Lopez and Mr. Green, must I remind you two of the school's view on PDA?" My algebra teacher, Mrs. Jackson broke apart my impromptu display._

_"I'm sorry Mrs. Jackson, I'll remember not to flaunt my youth next time." I strode past her, leaving Jean alone to face her wrath._

_The woman hated me anyway. I never paid any attention to her in class, but I did well enough on her tests. Not to mention I picked up a habit of being a bitch to all of my teachers, at least to the ones that would get worked up. And I knew how to press her buttons._

_I sat down in my assigned seat, at the desk in the front of the class. No use in pissing the tub of lard off anymore than I already had today. Usually I would seat at the vacant spot next to one of the girls who was on the squad._

_There were a few other people already sitting down, and more filtering in. The short math teacher was still standing at the door speaking to someone I couldn't see. Mrs. Jackson pointed in my direction and a tall blonde peered around the corner of the door. My teacher turned, probably to check if I was sitting at the correct desk today. I smiled at her and waved. Mrs. Jackson scoffed, but the tall blonde returned both the smile and wave._

_The flash of her teeth and glint in eyes sent me into a mental tizzy, and I looked away quickly. I busied myself with dragging out my notebook and flipping to a blank page to stare at while I regained control of myself._

_The chair next to me clattered as the girl dropped herself gracefully into the seat. I glanced at her from the corner of my eyes. For some reason my throat tightened and I felt my shoulders tense._

_"Hi, I'm Brittany. I'm new." The girl offered her hand to me, but I wasn't in any state to shake her hand much less speak. Instead I just shook my head, trying to compose myself._

_The girl, however, took my motions as hostilely and frowned. "Fine, be like that then. I still think your headband is cute."_

_I snapped my head towards the blonde, "I was just… I forgot to do my assignment for today. Sorry. " I confused myself; I didn't know where that apology came from. But it most certainly flew off my lips the instant the smile left the blonde's face. This probably wasn't a good thing._

_"Oh, that sucks. I forget stuff all the time. Like how to spell my name." The girl smiled and turned away to gather her supplies for the class._

_"Wait…you forget how to spell your name?"_

_She turned back to me with a blank look on her face. "Yeah, like there's a bunch of different ways to spell it. So I like to stick with Britt or B with friends. What's your name anyway?"_

_I had a surprised look on my face, but I recovered quickly. She did have a point. "Uh it's Santana, Santana Lopez." I offered her my hand to shake as she had done moments ago._

_I don't know why, but the smile and gentle shake of my hand I received from the girl made my day a hundred times better, and it was already a pretty good day._

_She giggled and then a serious expression crossed her face, "Very nice to meet you Ms. Santana Lopez. I'm Pierce, Brittany S. Pierce."_

_I'm pretty sure that I managed to spit when I started laughing from her sudden James Bond impersonation._

_Our fun was cut short when a dumpy brunette stalked past me down the aisle and muttered 'slut' under her breath._

_My body tensed again, feeling a flare in my chest. I moved to stand and follow the girl to the back of the classroom and lay down some knowledge on her. But I was stilled by Brittany's gentle touch on my shoulder._

_It was like I was zapped and all of my anger was washed away. As quickly as the feather light touch appeared it was gone._

_I reclined in my seat and glanced towards the blonde girl to my right. She held her hand to her chest and was staring down at the desk._

_"You shouldn't start fights. You'll get in trouble…" Brittany then smiled and gave fleeting look to the door. "Besides she's probably just jealous of your boyfriend."_

_Before I had time to respond the bell rang out and Mrs. Jackson took her post in the center of the white board. The lesson was boring as usual, and noting that it was Friday Mrs. Jackson gave us half the hour to work on homework and ask questions if we had to._

_The only thing I liked about Mrs. Jackson was that as long as we were quiet we could 'help' each other, A.K.A. cheat and talk for the rest of the hour._

_Seeing that I didn't know Brittany at all to start up a conversation, and the fact she was busy with her homework, I contented with myself to do my own. I was taking my time with the assignment not really wanting to put forth much effort, so once I got to a problem that demanded more than a few scribbles I looked over to Brittany._

_"Hey, did you do number eleven yet?" Brittany shielded her paper from me._

_"Yes, but no cheating! We both would get in trouble."_

_"I'm not cheating. I could do it myself, I'm just being lazy and you already did it." I propped myself on my right hand so I could scribble on my paper still._

_"Oh, well ok." Brittany slid her paper across the desk to nudge against my left hand. I glanced down to copy her answer, only to find that it wasn't an answer. Instead of a numerical symbol there was a drawing of a sun with sunglasses on._

_I picked up the paper and turned in my seat brushing my knees against her jeans. "Brittany this isn't an answer. It's a picture."_

_"Yeah I know, it's a sun." She said it like it was the sanest thing in the world._

_I looked between her and the paper. The first five problems were completed and correct by my own work, but numbers six through twenty-five had answers ranging from ducks to rainbows._

_I slapped the paper down in front of her. "What the hell is this?"_

_"It's my homework assignment…" The blonde turned her head to the side with a confused expression on her face._

_"Yeah it is, but these answers… Are you stu-" I torn my gaze from her paper to her face which was slowly distorting into a heartbreaking scene. I don't know why, but I switched gears "Are you stuck?"_

_She sighed a little before answering. "No… I just. It's really boring San…" She trailed off at the end of my name._

_"Tana, San-tana."_

_"Sorry. I can do it; I just get bored with all the numbers Santana. They can be so confusing…" Brittany dropped her head into her hands and continued on._

_"Like the number three... It's three but it sounds like E, and they even look the same just reversed. Then I think that it only has two E's. Shouldn't it have three E's if it's three? But then I remember not everything needs to be like that, even or whatever. Then I think about the number of E's again and that three's a odd number but two is an even number-"_

_I attempted to follow the ramblings tumbling from her mouth, but I was only getting bits and pieces. I'm sure my eyebrows have never traveled that far north on my face._

_Brittany picked her head from resting in her palms and finished with, "And then I forget what I was doing. Does that happen to you?"_

_I didn't know what to say to her so I just nodded my head. It seemed to please her and she cracked a smile._

_"Most people just think I'm stupid." Even though she was smiling I could tell there was pain behind it, and it made me feel sad too._

_Again I didn't know what to say. It sounded like she had a lot going on in her head. It's a wonder that all of her papers didn't have intense battle scenes of cats scrawled over them._

_Then I had a stroke of genius, well at least I thought that it was smart._

_"They're probably stupid and just jealous of your skills." She brightened a bit so I continued, "I can draw a pretty awesome unicorn, well not as awesome as your otter but still pretty awesome. Check it out."_

_Brittany scooted her chair closer to me, barely leaving me room to draw. As I drew my arm kept nudging hers until she moved it to the back of my seat, which made me blush._

_It was like she didn't have the concept of personal space. Not that I was complaining. But it still was a little weird._

_Where the answer for question number eleven of my Unit 10-3 assignment should have been I drew a unicorn flying through the clouds with a monkey smoking on its back. I lost three points, but I gained a best friend._

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

* * *

><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AN:**Let me know what you think about things and stuff.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN:**Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee.

So I was attempting to update once a week. But it seems so slow to me. I'm going to try for bi-weekly once I get the story heading in the right direction. I've got a few ideas floating around in the chasm of my mind.

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><p><strong>Chapter Six: I Promise Promises<strong>

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

The bell from the front door chimed, but the sound was lost to my ears as I sat in the back booth and banged my head on the table.

Every meeting of my forehead to the cool wood was followed by the same thought. _She's not coming and you're a fool for thinking she would._

Every thump followed by a sigh.

I paused my self torture to fling a hand to the table top and retrieve my phone. I pulled my head to the edge of the table just enough to check my phone for messages, which of course I had none. 12:27.

I huffed loudly and tossed the phone back to the table top, and resumed my banging.

I know I was acting like a baby, but I didn't care at the moment. I was upset and this was better than throwing the condiments on the table at the innocent patrons. The heavy glass ketchup bottles seemed like they could do some damage.

I don't know why I set my hopes so high. We haven't actually spoken in about… "three fucking years. Three years, yeah, she's totally coming…"

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

_It was two days before we would have to separate._

_Not for good, not forever._

_But after six years of constant interaction, minus family vacations, days of grave illness, or holidays spent with our respected families; it felt like the end of our world._

_I knew as soon as I got accepted to the University of Chicago, to follow in my mother's foot-steps as a lawyer and to please my father, that Brittany was most definitely not going to be following me._

_Well she could have, but she had scholarships to Ohio State in Columbus. Which made me really happy for her. Britt's grades weren't perfect but junior year she really turned them around. Mine were good enough to get me to UC, but it was my parent's money that sent me there._

_For the entire summer we ignored our looming fate. We took a little vacation to my parents' lake house, two hours out of Lima, with Quinn and some of the Glee kids. For our friends it was a weekend getaway. For me and Britt it was a weeklong retreat._

_Up until the last few weeks we'd held our composure. Well, Brittany has, I on the other hand flail at the mere mention of college. I was crying from the stupid TV college ads. Rides on my latest emotional rollercoaster usually lasted only a few minutes. Brittany has a way with 'calming' my nerves._

_But today, it was Brittany's turn to freak out, and time for me to step up and find a solution once and for all._

_We were in my living room watching a random cartoon that was older than the both of us while my parents were at work. I was pushed into the arm of the couch with Brittany's head nuzzled into my lap. The rest of her body was thrown haphazardly down the length of the couch._

_We'd been sitting in silence for at least twenty minutes, she had fallen into a light slumber and I was enjoying playing with her silky hair. Picking up strands to let them glide through my fingers._

_I was trying to bury my thoughts. The kind which have the potential to send me into miserable quivering ball. Thoughts like, this could be the very last time I would have Brittany in my lap. The last time that I would have the pleasure to run my fingers through her fine hair. The last time I would feel her warm breath against my skin, her nose against my thigh, the comforting weight of her body on mine._

_I pushed those thoughts out of my mind, and focused on her. Her light breathing and feathering hair. Occasionally, between lifting her hair to let it fall, I scratched and massaged her scalp with my finger tips. Each time earning me a contented sigh from her and a quick kiss to my thigh. But all good things must come to an end._

_Suddenly Brittany bolted up next to me and whimpered. Her eyes, fixed on mine, already had turned glassy and her bottom lip was quivering. It scared me to have her change moods so quickly, more so that I didn't understand what the cause of it was._

_"What's wrong B?" I reached out to cup her cheek, but she pulled back, jumped to her feet and began pacing. Her bare feet pattering against the cool hardwood flooring._

_"San, what if you leave tomorrow morning and I never see you again!" She stopped long enough to scream at me, and then continued her pacing in front of the coffee table while raking her hands through her hair._

_I sat up on the edge of the couch cushion with my freshly yellow painted fingers gripping my bare knees. "I'll skype you every night."_

_When Brittany worked herself up, there was little you could do._

_I tried once to hold her down, during a panic attack spawned from a missing Charity; but it landed me on my butt with a busted lip. In my Brittany S. Pierce Guide Book, under the heading Panic Attacks, I am instructed to reassure her everything will be ok and wait for her to work off her excess energy._

_After being victimized by her first freak out freshman year Britt made me a guide book to herself. It's not very long, but I take what is written and illustrated between the pages of the guide very seriously. Plus I thought it was adorable._

_"What if you're busy one night and you forget about me?" This time the outburst was accompanied by her gripping my shoulders and shaking me._

_For a lanky girl, she had a lot of hidden strength. I was probably going to have bruises on my shoulders from her fingers sinking into my flesh._

_Before I had the chance to push her off me, the blonde released me and resumed her pacing. "I'll call you twice to make up for it." I rubbed the reddened welts on my shoulders to dull the pain._

_"Yeah but…" She froze staring out the large bay window, and folded in on herself. Her knees collapsing, arms wrapping around her waist, eyes squeezing shut; she simply crumbled into the hard wood flooring._

_"What if you forget to call twice the next day? Or what if I don't answer and I forget to call back? You know I do that kind of stuff." She looked up to where I was seated on the couch and let her tears drop from her eyes._

_My chest tightened, the sight of her distress caused my own to simmer. I took a deep breath and pushed myself from the couch._

_I kneeled in front of her taking her face in my hands, brushing away her tears with my thumbs before bringing her to my chest. "B, I'm not going to lie and tell you I'll never forget to call, or you'll never forget to call me back."_

_I pressed my nose into her hair, taking in the scent that I soon would have limited access to. It was a scent that had a strange power over me. It could comfort me one moment and excite me the next. It could give me courage to face any challenge, but it could so easily break me into little pieces. However, it's most definite quality was that, when I submerged myself in it, I felt nothing but love._

_"We might forget to call, but B, I will never ever forget you. I will always love you."_

_She pulled back from me; her hands knotted in her tank top, and looked desperately into my eyes. "We're going to be really far apart... Santana, I know what distance does to people."_

_Brittany reached up to hold my hand on her cheek, grazing her thumb over the back of my fingers. "It breaks them apart. I don't want you to break away from me…"_

_The truth of her words brought my own tears stinging in my eyes._

_It was true, distance for four years had the potential to destroy us. Break our relationship into a million fragments, distorted in ways that even if we tried to piece it together again, it would never be the same. Our feelings would change, because we would change. Enough time spent apart and the girl sitting before me, who I knew inside and out, would feel like foreign terrain._

_Seeing each other only a few times a year, I didn't know if I could last. I would remain faithful, but I don't know what it would do to me emotionally or physically. André had a girlfriend in Lima and when he left to New York they only lasted three months. 'But my brother wasn't in love.'_

_'We're different. We're in love. Nothing comes between love, not time or space.'_

_I brushed my tears away with my free hand; and climbed into Brittany's lap, straddling her waist. "Britt Britt, I know. It's going to be hard. But we're not people. We're Brittany and Santana." I tossed my loose hair over my shoulder and placed own joined hands over my heart._

_"Do you feel that?" I waited a moment for her to sniffle and nod._

_"That's you in there." I moved our hands over her own heart beat._

_"And that in there, that's me. If either of us left, we'd have to burst straight through all that flesh and bone. I think that might be messy." I let her hand fall from mine and draped my arms around her shoulders._

_Brittany smiled through her tears, at my attempt of humor, and leaned forward and lightly kissed my cheek. "You know I love you. I feel terrible for saying it…"_

_She looked away from me, with new tears silently rolling down her cheeks. "But I'm still scared…"_

_I sighed and pulled her head into my chest, placing my chin on top of her blonde head. One hand smoothed out her hair against her back, while my other kept her firmly in place at the base of her neck. Her arms wrapped around my waist, clutching me tightly like I would fly away if she didn't. I could feel her lips mumbling something that I couldn't hear against my neck._

_I thought for a moment, I needed to reassure her somehow. More than just words, she needed something more binding. We both did._

_I smiled, after coming to a conclusion; and placed a kiss on her forehead before wrenching out of her grasp with a jump, rounding the couch and running up the steps to my room._

_I heard her call after me. I was probably freaking her out but it was better for the surprise._

_I opened my door, leaving it ajar for the tornado that would burst through in a few moments, and sat down at my computer._

_"San! What the hell are you doing?" Her voice boomed from the hallway._

_Brittany stormed into my room whirling in the door way until she found me at my desk. "Really? You're checking Facebook… In the middle of our conversation?" She stomped up behind me, grabbing my shoulders._

_I opened a window and began typing. "I'm not checking Facebook, Britt; I'm making a legal document." She dropped her head to peer over my shoulder. I could hear the confusion in her breath at my ear as she tried to figure out exactly what I was doing._

_"What are you doing exactly…"_

_I contained my chuckle and swirled in my chair to face her. "I'm making us a contract. I think its suiting since I'm going to study law." I booped her nose and returned to my task._

_My fingers glided over the keys producing two short paragraphs. Simple, quick, easy, and hopefully it would put all of our doubts behind us. If verbal promises weren't going to convince us that we'd be together in the end, then this would. A promise written in plain language, black and white, dotted and crossed. Insurance._

_"Yeah… why do we need a contact?" She abandoned looming over me and I heard her drop onto the messy sheets of my bed._

_"Contract." I typed a few more lines and hit the print button twice._

_The small printer underneath my desk buzzed to life. Furiously working to create the words on my screen, to produce the reassurance that I needed. A document that would bind both of us together._

_"With this contract," I leaned down to the printer to pick up the paper filled with confidence, but it wasn't ready yet. "Sorry it was supposed to pop out so I could dramatically wave it in the air."_

_Brittany cocked her head to the side trying to recall something. "Is it a marriage license? Cuz I don't remember you asking me to marr-"_

_I rolled my eyes "I'm not marrying you Britt", removing my gaze from the blonde perched on my bed to check on the printer's progress._

_Finally the papers shot out of the noisy machine. I flourish them in the air, standing to wave them above my head. "This contract- B don't pout."_

_"Why don't you want to marry me? Am I ugly?" She pretended to cry, more convincing than usual due to her puffy eyes, and threw herself into my pillows._

_"Britt you know I and the rest of the world think you're smokin' hot. Now stop distracting me this is important. I'm fixing shit damnit." I turned back to my desk to find a pen. "Now come over her and sign this."_

_I laid the twin documents neatly side by side, and signed both copies where my signature was required. The white papers glared in contrast to the black lacquer of the desk. They were my beckons of hope._

_Brittany hopped up from the bed and leaned against the desk, "What am I signing?" Her fingers dragged against my own as she pulled the pen slowly from my grasp._

_It was ridiculous that she could turn a simple gesture into something so sensual. Brittany's entire existence was erotic and I could never tell if she did so on purpose or not. Or maybe it was just my own delusions, she did have a strange effect on me._

_I released a breath I didn't recall holding in. "You're signing a contract that binds you to meet me two weeks after we graduate at noon in Scottie's diner. I already signed them."_

_"Why didn't you pick Breadstix?" Brittany looked up to me confused as why I would pass up my favorite carb-loading restaurant._

_I cleared my throat, "Well I didn't think about it. I must have pie on the brain or something. Oh well it doesn't matter where we met, as long as we do. That's what matters to me." I smiled to cover my error; Brittany nodded, accepting my choice, and continued signing her name on the documents._

_It wasn't as if we never visited the diner, it had great hangover food. But I wasn't concerned about food at this point._

_Honestly if either one of us forgot about the date I didn't want to be waiting in Breadstix looking like a loser. Her or me. The diner would be easier to get blown off at. Though I doubt either one of us would forget._

_The contract was added security, not a fall back crutch._

_I memorized the way her muscles of her forearm and fingers guided the pen effortlessly across the page. The way she twirled the pen in her fingers after she finished. How it slid from her gentle grasp as she placed the instrument among its brethren._

_"San, thanks." Brittany's voice snapped me from my observations and back to the beaming beautiful girl standing before me._

_"Thanks for taking this so seriously and making me feel better. I really do love you. And as much as it hurts, I know we have to go to college. We have plenty of time to hang off each other after we have awesome jobs."_

_"Britt, you know I'd do anything for you. I'd go through one of those Saw movies if it meant I got to spend the rest of my life with you. Hell I'd watch the whole series for you." I watched as her lips turned into a smirk and her eyes darkened._

_Brittany closed the space between us, and husked out "The whole series huh?" Her hands gripped onto my waist pulling my hips into hers with a grunt, effectively ending any response I had floating through my mind. Her cobalt eyes were fixed on my lips and she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, it was an expression that never failed to turn my legs into jello. She dipped her head down to glide her wet lips smoothly against mine._

_My eyes fluttered closed and I threw my arms over her shoulders, to pull us closer and to support myself against her assault. The heat of her hand skimming up my back poured through my thin t-shirt, pressing our chests together; while her other anchored itself in the back pocket of my jean shorts._

_I mewled as her tongue darted out to trace my bottom lip before sucking it between her lips and nibbling it to a redden state. She released my lip and pulled away from me; a satisfied look adorning her face after I whimpered at the loss of contact between us._

_"Now what do I do with it?" Brittany grazed the paper in her with her finger tips waiting for the next set of directions. It took me a moment to remember just what we were doing before I collected myself and slid my arms down from around her neck._

_"Well I'm going to put mine in a place I won't forget it or lose it." I picked up one paper stepping to my mirror and folded the paper to wedge it between the wood and the glass. "You should probably put yours in your bag so you don't forget it."_

_"I didn't bring it…" The paper in her hands was already beginning to get crumpled. I wondered how long that it would last in her care._

_"Ok well then put it in your pocket." She shook her head and motioned to her pocketless white gym shorts she was wearing._

_"Well then fold it up and put it in your bra?" This time she cocked her head and put on hand her hips, successfully adding to the distortion of the fake contract. It's where I stored most of my possessions; I didn't see the problem with it._

_"You know I don't have a bra on San!" She gestured with the paper to her tank top. The fact was rather obvious with her revealing choice of clothing today. I almost felt stupid._

_"Well I don't know shove it in your panties!" Brittany frowned at me._

_"Why do you insist on wearing the bare minimums?" I threw up my hands and stalked over to her ripping the paper from her grasp, and pitched the paper onto the desk, silently reminding myself to not forget to make her take it home later._

_She stood next to the foot of my bed with her arms crossed glaring at me. "You never complain about that any other time."_

_I came up in front of her and forcibly shoved her shoulders to push her to down onto the bed. "Shut up."_

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AN:**Btw Santana hates horror movies, especially gory ones. Let me know what you think about things and stuff.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN:**Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee.

You probably noticed that I didn't make my goal of being bi… weekly. [I'm so funny]

The point of this is that I felt bad for being a liar. A betrayer. A despicable troll. A bad person.

Anyways, so I gave you all a much longer chapter.

You guys were so nice with your reviews that I thought you deserved it. You keep that up and who knows how far you'll get with me. I might buy you some candy that isn't laced with drugs.

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><p><strong>Chapter Seven: Giving In<strong>

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

I lifted my head from the table and sat up in the booth squaring my shoulders. I should probably stop acting like a little girl.

Faint trails of stream slowly rolled off the surface of the dark liquid in front of me. Hooking a finger in the ceramic mug I tested my coffee with my bottom lip and found it to be a pleasing temperature and took a few sips.

The last time I saw Brittany was over summer break before sophomore year. The University of Chicago had an odd schedule that didn't match up to the state schools in Ohio, so we only saw each other for a few days. She was leaving to visit her grandparents in the Netherlands, and by the time she returned I would already be back in Chicago. Discounting my arrival day and the day that she left with her family, Mrs. Pierce, Daria, and her Aunt K; we were able to see each other for the total of four days.

_Four very intense days_.

Mid gulp of my coffee I heard a familiar laugh and my eyes sought out the source of the sound. When they landed on the figure the liquid in my esophagus decided that it would rather be at the bottom of my lungs. The sudden change in location sent me into a coughing fit.

Between my coughs I managed to pull the sunglasses from the table onto my face and turn my head to face the wall. I thought I was effectively hidden from view. But clearly God was in a devilish mood today.

"You alright over there Santana? I'll bring you some napkins in a second." Cassidy shouted from across the diner at the register where she was helping the customer I was trying to avoid.

I attempted to pretend that I didn't hear her; for fear that the acknowledgement would deliver the man to my booth. I curled into the wall, but my bright red top probably acted more of a beacon in contrast to the plain white décor.

I peaked over my shoulder towards the counter and the man child immediately brightened and waved. There was no use in hiding now. Scooting into the middle of the booth and slouching I closed my eyes and prayed.

I prayed to the Holy Mother herself that she take me from this Earth this instance, but I was given no such luck.

"Wow. What are you doing here Santana?"

I took a breath and turned my head skywards to look at the man that approached my booth. "I'm drinking coffee, what does it look like? How the fuck did you get taller?"

Finn chuckled and dropped his heavy frame in the booth, "It looks like you're trying to inhale it. And you're not very good at hiding."

Not only had he grew a few more inches, but he was filling out. Whether it was from excess of donuts or he finally started working out to get rid of his cream puff nipples I couldn't tell because of his grease monkey suit.

"Whatever… What are you doing here?" I cleared my throat and took a drink of water to set things straight in my digestive tract and tossed my sunglasses back onto the table.

He thumbed over to the kitchen and scratched the back of his head. "Oh I'm picking up lunch for Burt, Roy, and me…"

"Glad to see you picking up the family business." Finn looked down to his dirty blue shirt unbuttoned to show off an equally stained white t-shirt. It was similar to a button up shirt I remember Kurt wearing to school once. The only differences being the grease stains and different embroidered name patches.

"Yeah… what are you doing here? I thought you lived in Chicago." Finn toyed with the sugar packets I had discarded on the table.

"Well…" I thought about lying and saying that I was just visiting, but it was Finn. For whatever reason I felt that I didn't have to be perfect, he wasn't perfect and neither was I. It was like a flash back from Glee club. "I moved back. I couldn't find any work in Chicago… Not much demand for journalists with no connections."

That was half the truth. Sure I could get into about any paper I wanted working at some watered down entry position, but I didn't want that. I thought it was because I expected more from myself, that I deserved a better job than some pencil pusher.

Really though, it was Brittany. I lost all desire to be the best, and I thought that if I moved back to Lima that she would be here.

Waiting for me.

"Wait, I thought you went for law…" The stupid look on his face never failed to make me want to smack him.

"Have you gone to UC? They have crazy high standards for pre-law students, and I'm so lazy. It was ridiculous."

"Why didn't you just go to a different school then?" He quirked an eyebrow at me. My father was angry enough with me for switching majors. I don't know what he would do if I would had wanted to transfer schools, though I had too much pride to transfer anyways.

"I didn't want to do that anyway. Law is not as glamorous as the movies would like you think. It's actually really boring." I played with the straw bobbing in my water, chasing the melted ice cubes around the sides.

"Oh…" I watched him deliberate on the next piece of conversation. "But why are you here in the restaurant? By yourself?"

As honest as I was willing to be with Finn, I felt like a fool sitting here waiting for Brittany. Waiting for thirty two minutes now, and she probably isn't even going to show.

Yeah I'm not telling Finn that.

"What? Can I not go out and have a cup of coffee?" I pointed to my drink in case the visual of the cup was lost in his massive skull. It wouldn't surprise me that he had a few disconnected nerve endings.

"Yeah, but Cassidy said you've been here since noon waiting for someone." He glanced to his wrist watch, "And its 12:33 now."

I blanked out for minute. I feel a wave of apprehension wash over me and I didn't know why I was nervous. In fact I should be probing him for information.

After our four day reunion, Brittany vanished slowly from my life. She either didn't call or wouldn't answer. Even her online activities were blocked from me. Then one day I noticed that she removed me from her contacts and deleted her accounts. She dumped me in the worst way, the kind that left no reasons, no chances, no hope, no anything. It spurred a two week binge of junk food, booze, and whatever woman I could entice into my bed.

I supposed she became tired of me. The only thing keeping me from asking friends about her was my pride. If she didn't want me, then I would have to deal with it. I know I didn't push her away, or she stopped loving me...

Well maybe. But I'm blaming the distance. We had a very physical relationship, not that we didn't have a deep emotional connection either. But time takes its toll. The distance was able to wear us down, and finally snap us apart.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

_Tension had been the highlight of my relationship with my best friend._

_It was so strong that I had to fight it every waking moment I was near her, which was made more difficult since the girl wanted nothing more than to hang out with me constantly. After that day in Mrs. Jackson's math class she was at my side, more so than any boyfriend I ever had. Brittany was quirky and charming, so it didn't take long for her to win over everyone at the school. Even Quinn took a liking to her._

_The only time I was released of her was when I slept or went out with whatever boy I was dating at the time, this week it was Noah. Though, if I had to choose between spending time underneath a boy or having to sit on my hands watching a stupid Disney movie and let the tension swallow me alive. I would choose Brittany._

_Brittany was physically draining for me. I felt a constant pull towards her, a force which resulted in my continual internal struggles. I was always aware of the, limited, space between us. Even though it was from her actions, I had to be sure that I wasn't lingering. That kind of rumor would not go over well in high school. Not to mention ruin any chances I had to be at the top of the social heap._

_So I limited myself to never being the one to engage the contact, and I never had to wait long. It seemed that pushing her away only forced her to me. Even though it was sometimes painful to stand away from her, ignore her in favor of a boy; it was all worth it when she would lock arms with me at practice, pat my shoulder to get my attention, whisper too closely into my ear, nudge her foot against mine in class, or just laugh. There were a million little things that made me melt. And for a second I could enjoy them, but in the next I had to rebuild my walls and gently push her away._

_I don't think I knew someone as touchy feely as Brittany. She definitely wasn't afraid of showing her affections. Towards me, Quinn, the entire foot ball team. That kinda made me feel weird, but it wasn't like I didn't have my fair share of encounters with boys. I had to force myself to perform so that I could sit comfortably at the top of the school's social ladder. But Brittany really took to heart Quinn's advice with guys; I think she just dropped 'none of the pleasin' from the clause. I figured it was just her nature, to never say no. It was that thought that made me feel that much more protective of her._

_Today was her pre-birthday party. The guest list had been edited and posted for weeks on the head-board of her bed. The guest list included me, her mother, who was away at some quack doctor convention, Daria, her older sister who was away at college, and Charity, her feisty feline._

_Entertainment was to be provided by me, I was bringing The Aristocats and we'd probably end up watching whatever other cartoon Brittany wanted to see. She definitely retained her inner child, and she loved anything animated. I may be more entertained watching something more adult, but I loved the way Brittany was pulled into the story despite knowing exactly how it all ends._

_Food and beverage was to be served by Britt herself. Going out on a limb I was expecting ice cream and soda. To make up for the tameness of the night I was bringing a surprise bottle of 'how did that get in there' whiskey. You only turn sixteen once right?_

_All in all, this night was adding up to become a drinking game stuck in a dark room with Brittany, me, and ice cream. It could be a nightmare or the best night of my life._

_My mother and father made me stay until after dinner. I had told them our plans for the evening, minus the drinking of course, and my mother insisted that I eat a proper meal before I go off and eat an entire carton of ice cream._

_Standing in my room I checked myself in the mirror one last time. I straightened my hair a bit, it was still kind of wavy; but it looked good. I smoothed out my form fitting t-shirt and grabbed my keys off my vanity. I tossed them in the overnight bag I had prepared as soon as I got back from Cheerios practice this afternoon. I checked to make sure the bottle of whiskey was tucked out of sight under my pjs, and that I had B's movie._

_In the sitting room I said my farewells to my father and mother and quietly left my house. It was just after eight when I left and Brittany's house was a ten minute walk from mine. Normally I would walk, but it was dark and I was pressed for time. I slid into my car which was parked in the drive way instead of the garage, and zoomed over to Brittany's house in record time._

_When I hopped up the steps to her house, the entire place was dark. For a moment I thought that she had gone out with her mom, but the thought was lost when Brittany flung open the door and pulled me inside._

_"What took you so long? I've been waiting here all by myself forever!" Brittany jerked my bag from my shoulder set it next to the door to give me a bone crushing hug._

_"It seems like someone's been hitting the sugar cane." Brittany giggled and released me. "My mom made me stay for dinner, sorry B."_

_"Oh well that's probably a good idea, all I have is ice cream." I looked at what Brittany was wearing and I felt over dressed in my jeans and t-shirt, not to mention her outfit was enhancing the cotton in my mouth._

_"Britt why are you in your pajamas?" I followed her into the kitchen, trying not the stare at the dangerously long creamy legs protruding from her shorts. I forced myself to think of something else, like the half gallon of ice cream I would be eating soon._

_The blonde looked down to her shorts and baggy shirt hanging down past her collar bone. "It's a pre-birthday party. I wanted it to be a pajama party. Look even Charity has pajamas on." Brittany pointed to her skinny cat sitting on the counter by the cookie jar. The cat appeared content, with what looked like to be a cut tube sock over its midsection. I stood next to Brittany in front of the old cat watching her hand slide down it's back to the fluffy tail._

_"How did you manage to get that on her Britt? Didn't she fight you?" I reached out to pet the normally aloof cat, finding her quite subdued and even purring._

_"No, I just told her it was pre-birthday party and she went along with it. It probably helped that I told her Tubbington wasn't invited. They don't get along very well sometimes."_

_As if on cue, the fat brown cat waddled into the kitchen. Brittany gave him a stony glare as he walked over to his food bowl and mewled._

_"No mister!" She crossed her arms with a disappointed huff. "You don't get any of our pre-birthday party ice cream. I saw what you were watching on TV last night." The tom cat meowed and waddled to the basement door forcing himself through the cat door._

_"So ice cream and a movie then." I stood on my toes to open the cabinet and bring down two bowls for the treat._

_"Hold on a second Santana, you're not properly dressed yet. It's a pajama pre-birthday party. You have to change first." Brittany jumped to my side, hooking her hand around my upper arm pulling me out of the kitchen and down the hall to her room after pausing to pick up my bag._

_The girl dropped my bag onto her bed and I worried that the bottle would crack. "Hey watch it; I've got some pricey stuff in there."_

_"Oh please. Santana, calm down." She unzipped my bag and pulled out the shorts and t-shirt I had brought with me. "These will work, go and change."_

_Brittany had thrust the clothing into my hands and pushed me out of her room and into the hall bathroom. I turned around just in time to see the door slam shut._

_Even though we're both on the Cheerios, spent hours swapping clothes, for some reason Brittany draws the acceptable nudity line at changing into sleep wear. Which is fine by me, there is only so much torment I can take during any given day._

_I made quick work of changing into my pajamas and returned to Brittany's bedroom. She had an almost fierce look on her face and a hand planted on her hip, her free hand was in the folds of my overnight bag._

_"What?" I felt her eyes rake over me, and I tugged at the hem of my white cotton tank top nervously wishing that it was a bit longer to meet the top of my shorts._

_Brittany released me from her glaze so I could breathe again, and pulled the bottle of whiskey from my bag and brought it level with her face. "What is this?" Her brows were narrowed; it was a look she never could pull off._

_"Whiskey." I could tell if she wasn't actually angry with me because her blue eyes were shimmering with laughter. I stepped towards my bag and stuffed my clothes into it, and yanked the bottle from her hands. "I borrowed it from my dad's cabinet. It was supposed to be a surprise."_

_"Sorry I was looking for the movie. Are you going to drink all night and then throw up?" She questioned as she picked up the DVD case._

_"No. We…" I pointed between the two of us, standing close enough that I could count the faint freckles on her bare shoulder that her shirt failed to cover. "are going to drink and definitely not throw up."_

_Brittany fidgeted for a second. "Well alright. You put the movie in and I'll fix us some drinks then!" She stole the bottle from my hands and replaced it with the movie._

_"Come on!" Brittany brushed my shoulder and stood waiting at her door, she flicked the light off after I passed through the entry way._

_I followed her down the hall and watched her continue into the kitchen to mix our drinks. I was a little worried for my taste buds and stomach until I remembered Daria._

_Brittany was no chef, but her sister did teach her how to mix drinks. It probably wasn't the best way to learn, having a thirteen year old serve drinks to kids getting ready to leave for college, but Brittany was pretty good at it._

_The Pierce's home entertainment theater was massive and complicated. Mrs. Pierce told me once that television was a waste of time, so I was confused to why they had a TV so big. Brittany explained that it was one of the few things that her dad left behind, seeing that it was huge and would make storming out more difficult._

_I had a hard time believing that Brittany could ever watch TV by herself, but she was the one to teach me how to use every piece of equipment. It took me three minutes to get everything onto the right settings and the movie playing. I settled into the large sectional and munched on the pretzels and chips that Brittany must had set out before I got here._

_"Here you go Santana." The glass was offered in my face and I took a testing sip. The sip turned into a gulp when Brittany dropped next to me._

_Of all the space that the over sized sectional offered, my blonde tormenter chooses to sit as close as possible without actually physically touching me._

_"It's just whiskey and coke, we didn't have any Dr. Pepper or else I would use that. Is it good?" Brittany leaned forward to grab the remotes to stash next to her. Her shirt was baggy, but it managed to cover nothing. It somehow exposed the small of her back as she retrieved the remote from the table. My eyes trailed over the expanse of, what I could imagine to only be silky smooth under my finger tips, skin before Brittany settled back into the couch next to me._

_I took another gulp, hoping that the alcohol would ease the tension in the air and cool the blood in my veins. "Yeah it's good… just a bit strong."_

_Brittany laughed and took a drink from my cup. "Oh yeah. Go dig or go home, right?"_

_"Go big." I reached out to her cup to taste it. "Let me try yours."_

_Brittany retreated her cup into the air and away from my hand. "No, you're not supposed to share drinks. You could put drugs in it or something."_

_I quirked my eyebrows, "Oh really? You made my drink and you tasted it, and there isn't anything wrong with me." I attempted to reach out and pull the cup to me, but Brittany arms were longer than mine. I was a failed attempt, but I was an excuse to drag my finger tips over the skin of her forearm._

_"Are you feeling sleepy yet San?" She lifted her free hand to my temple, brushing back a lock of my hair behind my ear. I immediately retracted my hand from her wrist, picking up my drink and hiding behind it. The tag team effort of her fingers lightly dragging through my hair and the sensation of her skin under my fingers lit a fire inside me. One that could start a forest fire if I didn't put it out soon._

_Brittany smiled into her cup and took a long drink after I retreated. The previews stopped and the disk was prompting us for a selection._

_"Whatever…" I sank down into my seat against the dark brown leather arm rest and continued sipping my drink. Brittany made the selections for the movie and the room went dark before the federal warnings popped up._

_"Hush San, it's starting." Brittany took another large drink and set her cup on the table. She turned and pulled a blanket from the back of the couch down over my lap and herself before she curled against my shoulder._

_I stiffened for a moment and clenched my jaw. It wasn't unusual for her to use me as a human pillow, but it never failed to freak me out. It wasn't that I didn't like the feeling of her weight pressed against my side, or the warmth of her skin eating away at mine, or the way her scent blanketed me, or the way I felt as though she needed me even if it was as a pillow. No, it was that I enjoyed all of those feelings. That's where my problem laid. I liked it too much, and I wasn't supposed to._

_"I can move if you want…" She sounded a little disappointed and I didn't want the warmth at my side to leave. I shook my head, in response Brittany giggled and snuggled closer to me, and took another gulp from my whiskey mix._

_With my constant gulps to override the tension in my head and flips in my stomach, caused by my best friend who was half in my lap, it wasn't long before I was in need of another drink. I started to get up to mix another, but Brittany bounced up at the chance to refill our drinks. She called out from the kitchen and asked if I wanted a bowl of ice cream, I declined. I wasn't sure if my stomach could handle ice cream on top of the whiskey/Brittany mix._

_"Yeah… it's all melty now anyway."I pictured the mess on the counter that Brittany managed to create and giggled to myself._

_That image was quickly followed by one which involved Brittany covered only in the mint chocolate chip goo sitting on the counter beckoning me between her… A surge of heat dropped between my legs and I had to backpedal in my own thoughts. This was my friend, a girl, a person that I shouldn't be thinking about in this way._

_By the time she came back I regained my train of thought and feeling a bit tipsy. Cheap beer was all that I've been exposed to, and the whiskey was blazing a trail its way into the functioning parts of my brain._

_Brittany set both of our drinks on the table and resumed the film. She pulled the blanket from my lap, bringing a chill to my bare legs, and draped the blanket over her like a cape._

_My thoughts were meshing together. I was cold and I wanted her to sit next to me. I wrote it off as she took the blanket and therefore owed me something equally warm. Her body was much warmer and much more appealing than a blanket could ever dream of being. Because that is the types of goals blankets had..._

_I flung my arms out inviting her to snuggle against me again. Brittany's nose crinkled before she fell against me. I was usually not so generous with my affections towards her, but she accepted as always. Brittany draped her right leg over mine and pulled my arm into her lap._

_"You're like a super hero…" My hand, that wasn't captured in the prison of hers; lifted on its own to blanket, gently tugging at the soft material._

_"Really? Does that mean I get to save people?" Her eyes were following my fingers that had twisted into the blanket on her shoulder._

_I nodded, not really listening._

_I was entranced by her chest, which was rising and falling at a rapid pace. I pulled down, intent on exposing her shoulder. The blanket gave way, and my heavy hand brought her shirt down with it. It fell down further than I had thought it would. Before I had anytime to appreciate the new view, Brittany's flushing skin, she swatted away my hand readjusting her shirt and pulling the blanket back to rest over her shoulder._

_I picked up my fresh drink from the table, embarrassed by my actions. I tried to pull my other hand from Brittany's grasp, so it could help steady the cup in my shaking hand; but she threaded her fingers through mine, keeping me in place. She smiled at me and once again I hide inside the cup, drowning my insecurities and impulses in the burning liquid._

_I finished my drink well before the end of the movie, but I wasn't given a third._

_I was feeling more than lightheaded from the alcohol, and drunk from the warmth and smell radiating from the blonde girl curled against my side._

_Sometime after I finished my drink Brittany began lightly running her fingers up and down my arm. They danced from the crook of my elbow to my wrist, circling the bone protruding there and then gliding back up. Her right hand never untangled from mine, anchoring it in her lap. Her fingers worked slowly against mine, causing a frenzy in my mind. I desperately tried to ignore the sensations and focus my hazy mind on the kittens. But…_

_It was a lot for me to take in and not react to._

_I felt Brittany shift, releasing my hand, and place the arm around my shoulder. "San?" I didn't respond and she cupped my chin to turn my face._

_"Hey it's ok, the kittens make it back. You don't have to cry." Her thumb brushed away the wet trails down my cheeks and I realized that I was in fact crying._

_"I'm not crying because of the cats B." I lifted the blanket from her shoulder to wipe my face._

_Brittany sat facing me on her haunches "Then why are you crying?" Her hand was rubbing small circles on my back. For some reason the comforting gesture managed only to make me cry harder._

_It was a good question. 'Why the fuck am I crying?'_

_It was the one of my two 'go to' emotions: tearing up or tear down. However, I wasn't even aware that I was crying before Britt alerted me. I can't even remember what I was thinking about. All my thoughts evaporated the second she wrapped her arm around me._

_I wanted to feel her hold me again. As the thought passed my mind, my body racked out another sob._

_"I don't know…" Exasperated I flung my head back onto the couch, facing the TV. I closed my eyes and attempted to stop blubbering._

_I was falling to pieces because of the girl who was almost on the verge of tears herself trying to figure out what was wrong and help me. Every soft, well meaning touch pushed me a little further. Stretching me out too thin, like I was going to rip apart._

_I felt a warm breath on my cheek, snapping my eyes open to find a mess of blonde hair illuminated by the screen across the room invading my vision. The softest pair of lips fell onto my cheek, lingering for a few seconds and taking all of the oxygen from my lungs as they drifted away. The wells behind my eyes dried, and I focused all my energy on breathing._

_I gasped so I wouldn't black out, when I felt Brittany's nose gently nudge my ear. The hand she held on the back of my neck stilled me, barely squeezing to keep me in place; her other cupped my cheek opposite of her._

_The whispers pouring into my ears smelled only of sugar, without the bite of strong liquor. In my haze I made out her command to stop crying. The effect she had on me was immediate. She willed the sobs to stop long before I could process her orders._

_Brittany was able to control my body without my permission. It was a good thing; her hushed commands into my ear to breathe were probably the only thing keeping me alive. My brain had stopped functioning on needless operations such as respiration. It had much more pressing issues to deal with, such as replaying the soft kiss I had just received from the girl that keeps me awake at night over and over._

_"You… you kissed me." My voice finally returned once she pulled away from me._

_"Was that bad? You looked so sad… I wanted to make you feel better." She left her hand on my shoulder and her fingers kneaded the muscles underneath them._

_I touched my fingers to the kiss that had been recently blessed. "It wasn't how I imagined it…"_

_The alcohol apparently made its way to my brain-mouth filter, effectively throwing the off switch. I stuttered something else to cover up my slip, but Brittany didn't pay any attention to my rambles._

_"You imagined me kissing you." Brittany laughed. It was usually a sound that brightened my entire day, elevating my mood, but now it made me want to dig a hole and die there._

_Brittany pressed onward between giggles. "Was it better in your head then? Did I fail to meet your expectations?" The hand on my shoulder, drifted under my hair latching onto the back my neck once more._

_I paled and shook my head. "No."_

_I paused for a moment and thought of all the ways she could have kissed me, and my blush returned the color to my features._

_Brittany was giggling with renewed energy and I realized what I just said. "I mean, I don't think about you like that! Not that you're a bad kisser or anything… It was nice… not that I liked it or anythi-"_

_"Santana, you're rambling. How drunk are you?"_

_I brought my hands in front of me and attempted to bring them closely together without touching, but I just ended up clapping them together rather loudly._

_"That much huh." Brittany laughed again and pulled her hand from my neck; smiling she took a drink from her cup and returned it to the table._

_"How come you're not drunk? You've had just as much as me… of I had." I fumbled with my words, more so from being under her scrutiny than the alcohol._

_"I didn't drink anything other than coke. I thought about it, but then I remembered that one of us probably should be sober incase we want to watch another movie." She pointed towards the large rack of DVDs that her family had collected._

_"So you just let me get drunk by myself?" I threw my hands up. The point of tonight was that both of us would be drunk and it would be fun, but so far I've only managed to cry and become frustrated with my friend in the worst way._

_Brittany cocked her head sideways "I'm right here…"_

_"No Britt, I mean that I'm the only one drunk." Why would she not drink with me? I wasn't really upset, but I thought that she would…_

_I don't know why but my mind took a plunge into the gutter and a sloppy smile crept onto my face. "What are trying to do… sleep with me?" I laughed as her eyes went wide. Brittany probably did realize what it looked like._

_Brittany giggled along with me for a few seconds. She then took my shoulders pulling me to face her with a pensive expression. "How did you know I've been trying to seduce you?"_

_Brittany's breath was hot on my cheeks. Her eyes were shimmering pools inviting me into their waters. The fingers on my bare shoulders felt like they were burrowing into my skin. She had been pushing me all night, and I was in a state that my strength to fight was gone._

_I knew she was playing, I could tell from the crinkle in her nose. But I didn't care._

_I know that she didn't expect me to close the space between us and press my lips against hers. I didn't care, I wanted her to feel what she did to me._

_The tension had built up in my chest and broke free in that moment and I let myself be washed away with it._

_I could lie and say that I didn't remember doing this. I could just close my eyes and pretend that this was a dream._

_I didn't have to remember throwing my arms around her neck and climbing into her lap._

_I didn't have to remember how her hair tickled my arms from where strands of the blonde locks fell out of her bun._

_I didn't have to remember that my heart was ten times lighter when I felt her clutch my waist and return my kiss._

_I could say that the feeling of her soft lips against my own and the smooth skin of her legs against mine didn't drive me crazy._

_That when she pulled me to her chest, her breasts pressing into mine, I didn't moan into her mouth. I didn't feel her smirk against my lips after my escaped frustration._

_I didn't have to remember that she willingly opened for me when I ran my tongue over her bottom lip, or how my body trembled when she did._

_When I glided my tongue over hers she didn't sigh and clench my shirt. That she didn't taste like something I was starved for._

_I didn't have to tell anyone that the way her hands trailed over my back set fire to my skin. No one had to know that I wanted nothing more than to let her burn through me._

_I didn't have to admit it to anyone. It could be my secret._

_But when I pulled back and saw the yearning in her hooded cerulean eyes, my plans changed._

_It wasn't just me enjoying finally giving in, Brittany felt the same._

_And that changed everything. I couldn't pretend that this didn't happen, or that this didn't feel right. I couldn't deny that this is exactly what I wanted so badly for so long._

_I couldn't lie; I couldn't ignore her; so I didn't know what to do._

_This was supposed to bad. Yet here were where. My legs wrapped around her waist sitting in her lap with swollen lips. Brittany with one hand pushing my hips down into her lap, her other lost under my tank top; her skin flushed with heat._

_Even though I didn't know what to do next, I knew what I wanted to do._

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AN:**Let me know what you think about things and stuff.

I know you guys are pining for present Brittany to appear. She'll be here in a few chapters I believe. I kinda feel bad from keeping her from you, but just think of how bad Santana feels.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN:**Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee.

So my lovelies, I bring you another chapter. I hope you like it.

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><p><strong>Chapter Eight: No Phone<strong>

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

Finn observed me with the dopy expression I remember from the beginning of sophomore year in high school when he dated Quinn for the first time. I propped my head up with my right hand and stared out the front windows, trying to think of a good answer.

Finn probably knew that we broke up, unofficially. He'd been living in Lima since high school, and he was brothers with one of the bigger gossip hounds from high school. I've had Kurt send me a message or two for status updates. Ranging from who I was seeing, which lead me believe that the Hummels and rest of the gleeks knew; or simple things like how school was going for me. Knowing that Finn knew about my failed relationship made me feel stupid for sitting here like Brittany's loyal pet that had been abandoned, but refusing to accept it.

I thought about denying waiting on someone, or making up a story about someone else. But the bitch in me popped up. If I was going to sit here waiting and Brittany didn't show up, I would like that information get back around to her. Maybe it would make her feel like an ass.

The thought didn't sit well with me. Bringing Brittany any sort of discomfort, even if she deserved it, I couldn't stand for it. _Maybe Finn knows what happened to her_. Now this idea was more reasonable.

"Brittany…" I turned my head to face the man in front of me, so that I would stop staring out the window and start finding some information. "I've been sitting here for thirty minutes because of her."

Finn's face contorted into confusion before he spoke. "Brittany, uh she doesn't live here anymore…" I cocked an eyebrow; clearly Finn was on his A game today. Maybe he knew what year it was too.

"Yeah I know she went to Columbus for school." I managed to contain my usual comments and reclined in the booth. I had hoped that Finn would be a little more helpful.

"No, well she did; but she dropped out like two years ago? Something like that, maybe a little more." Finn scratched at his weak attempt at a beard.

I clasped my fingers around my empty cup. This was news that I hadn't heard. Brittany dropped out, I wondered why. A million scenarios raced through my mind, each one worse than the last._What if she got hit by a car and lost her scholarship because she's paralyzed?_

"Why did she drop out?" The words rushed out of my mouth. Last she told me things were going well. There was no reason I could think of that would cause her to drop out.

"Uh, I'm not sure. But she stayed with her mom for a while, I saw her around town a few times. Then after a month or so she moved. Didn't you know?" The way he said the last bit was indignant. I controlled my urge to kick him in the shins, but only barely.

"No… I didn't." I fiddled with the handle of my coffee cup, rubbing the strains off.

"Oh yeah, you guys broke up. Sorry about that, you two seemed like a forever deal." He seemed genuinely apologetic; I waved my hand to dismiss the issue.

The gory details of the break up between Brittany and I was definitely not something I was going to be spilling to Finn Hudson of all people.

Though Finn probably knew more than he let on, it was just a matter of uncovering it. So I switched my tactics. A more direct approach would probably get me to my goal faster.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

_After last term I changed my major. I learned quickly that law probably wasn't the best for me. My intro classes bored me to death and just thinking about having to study for all of the exams I was going have to pass to even be considered for law school made me want to vomit. I could do it, I wasn't lacking the ability._

_I was lacking the drive._

_My heart was left in Ohio and it drained my energy for school. I felt like a husk walking to classes, going to parties in the dorms, sitting in the library studying. Without Brittany by my side I lost the capacity for any emotional presence._

_Every night around eleven I called Britt, and I would text her randomly throughout the day. The texts were mostly passing thoughts or quick 'I love you's, however there was no lack in correspondence of a more sexual nature. Throughout freshman year the replies would come hard and fast, Britt would reciprocate with a furiosity hard to compare._

_Now in our sophomore year, things have changed drastically. Now I would get a reply hours later, and sometimes my calls went straight to voice mail. It didn't deter me, I knew she was busy. She had practices, exams, papers, and more friends I could count. Yet, I had all these things too._

_"Hey this is Brittany, please leave a message after the beeeeeep!" The phone chimed in pitch with Brittany; I used to think that it was cute. I guess when you hear it on repeat it loses its appeal._

_I snapped the phone close, I've left her two messages already and I didn't want to seem crazy. Was it too much to ask that I could speak with the girl who had a constant presence in my thoughts? The face that would float into my mind while studying for exams, the voice that echoed in my dreams, the girl who held my heart._

_The phone weighed heavily on my chest as I laid in bed. I wondered if it ever missed its twin, it did spend quite a lot of time laying next to Brittany's phone. Could phones become attached to other phones? It was a reason that I had yet to upgrade my phone from high school, because I enjoyed thinking that Brittany still had hers. Slowly I opened my phone again to stare at my background._

_It was a picture of me and Britt kissing from over the summer in June before she left to visit her grandparents. Brittany wanted to go on a picnic at the park in the middle of town. We packed cheese sandwiches and sparking grape juice, Brittany declined the champagne I offered to steal from my parent's liquor stores. It was cloudy, but with Brittany's energy it could have been raining and it still would be the perfect day for a picnic. After we finished eating I decided that I needed a new background. Brittany suggested the ducks on the lake, but I wanted a picture of us. At first I tried to hold my phone out to digitize the moment, but after several failed attempts Brittany reminded me her arm was longer and that she more educated with electronics therefore she was better equipped to handle the task. Of course she was able to get a perfect shot on the first try. Every time I looked at the pixels I could remember the feel of her lips against mine, her hair tickling my face from the wind, the glimmer in her eyes as she focused on the camera._

_The tiny photo on my phone served as a reminder for what I was doing so far away, why I had to make it to the finish line, what was waiting for me when I finally returned home._

_In my hands my phone vibrated and displayed a new message from Quinn, asking when I would be back in Lima. I wouldn't be back in Lima until fall break and I was hoping to spend it with Brittany. Maybe a weekend at my parent's lake house, we could even hold a little party there. Really all I wanted was some quality alone time with my girlfriend. But I was getting ahead of myself; I had yet to actually ask Britt if she could come. My reply to Quinn was mostly the fact that I didn't know what I was doing for break yet._

_It was already past midnight so I decided it was time for bed. I shuffled across the room wrapped in my blanket to turn off the light and my ipod, which was blasting music from my desk. I liked my roommate from first year, Toni; but this year I have yet to actually have a bonding experience with my new living partner. Kelly was friendly, but she spent most of her time out of the room and rarely slept in her own bed. I enjoyed the little freedom I had, but I did miss the camaraderie._

_I crawled back into my bunk and set the alarm on my phone. I had an early class in the morning, one that I skipped frequently and probably shouldn't. I tucked the cell under my pillow after tossing my glasses to the floor in their case, and began willing myself to sleep. Sleeping never came easy for me after I quit Cheerios. I needed a good physical exhaustion to put me to bed. And I haven't had anything or anyone to exhaust me recently, recent as in the past four months._

_The darkness closed around me, the air was cool, my pillows fluffy as was my comforter; but I was nowhere near sleep. The conditions were exactly to my preference, but my mind drifted to one thing: Brittany._

_I missed her badly always, but laying fully awake in my cold bed made me miss more of her. I missed her soft touch and her warm body crushed against my own. I wanted to feel her hands run over my skin, igniting a fire within me._

_I wanted all of these things, but I had to settle for my mind's doppelganger of the beautiful girl._

_I imagined Brittany's breath against my ear whispering nothing, her wet lips traveling down my neck. Sucking and teasing the flesh under her mouth, until finally stopping at the base with teeth and tongue. Both hands firmly massaging my breast thumbing my nipples while she ground her hips against mine. Her thigh wedged between mine pressing into me, bringing her hand down to my hip to guide us together with more force. Open mouth over mine releasing harsh breaths._

_One hand danced over my stomach, pushing my shirt up to follow the path of ghost's Brittany. By simply envisioning Brittany's assault I found my nipples were already becoming stiff. My other hand pressed against my core over my panties attempting to mimic the ghost's movements. I slipped my hand into my panties to rub against the growing wetness, just as Brittany would._

_I thought of how Brittany's fingers would feel circling between my folds, how they seemed to be much longer than my own, how they would feel inside of me moving in rhythm with my need._

_I could feel my arm sliding against the thin layer of sweat on my stomach. I pushed inside of myself, my hips lifting to meet my hand, letting out a small moan at the feel. At the same time wishing that I was buried inside of Brittany and how wonderful she would feel; or how Brittany would shove my hips back to the bed with a smile and a bite to breast, pushing in and out of me._

_My fingers worked me into frenzy, pretending that they were someone else's. I spread my legs open so I could hit the spot that Brittany probably knew like the back of her hand. Over and over and over I pressed into and against it, the swelling quickly building up waiting to be released._

_I imagined Brittany's hands clawing down my sides of my hips as she invaded my center with her tongue, accompanied by her nimble fingers. Her tongue flicking and sucking, her fingers sliding against me._

_Turning on my side, I slid against my hand with a feverous pace. I was almost there, the feeling had been built up. Only a few more, only a little more… until._

_Nothing._

_Not to be easily defeated I worked my fingers again, but I had lost whatever I had managed to create. It was an odd sensation to be so needy, but not to be able to fulfill it. The feeling was awkward and dismal, like something gnawing at the back of your mind only it was situated between your legs and you couldn't rid yourself of it. As of late I've been having problems in this department of my life. Always coming to the edge and never able to jump. Close but no cigar._

_I pulled my hand from between my legs, still wet with my own desire, and walked to the bathroom to clean myself. I returned to my bed and clutched my pillow tightly to me, wishing that it was someone far away. Maybe someone could invent a machine to swap pillows with people._

_As the day's events and my frustrations slowly lulled me to sleep I felt vibrations under my head just as I was drifting off. I slid the cell open and mumbled out a hello, my voice already hindered with sleep._

_"Hey San, you asleep already?" Brittany voice echoed over the speaker. She was clearly wide awake. It seemed like Britt was always wide awake, I wondered if she ever slept._

_"No, not yet." I cleared my throat; sat up in bed hugging one pillow to me and leaning against the wall with another pillow behind me. I perked up quickly, scraping sleep off my mind pushing myself into the moment. Brittany had been busy the pass two days to call, well I figured she was busy she hadn't told me she was doing anything, either way I was happy to hear her voice._

_"Oh… well what's up?" The background noise seeped through into our conversation, with that and the way she asked basically why I was calling, I felt like I was bothering her. It hurt to be asked what I wanted. I thought she should just know. All I wanted to was to hear her voice, so that I could make it through the next day._

_"I just wanted to talk to you." I slouched into the pillows. There was a pause, similar to the others that were becoming a common occurrence in our communications. "I miss you, you know?"_

_"Yeah I know." I could hear laughter in the background, Brittany's own mingling with the voices of others I couldn't identify. Apparently she was at some sort of party; I listened to the music and voices in the background behind Brittany's soft breathing._

_"Hey BB you sho... co… … … the kitchen. We're … missing that booty of yo..." I could faintly make out the words, what I missed I could fill in. Spoken or not, they cut me all the same._

_"I'm on the phone; I'll be back in a while." Jealousy trickled into my veins, speeding up my heart and causing me to clench my teeth. I may be full blown gay, but Brittany… She was still Brittany, which basically meant she loves everyone. She told me multiple times that I was the only one for her…_

_"I'm talking to Santana, go make me a drink and I'll be back in a bit." But the problem with bi girlfriends is that you've got competition everywhere._

_"Who's your friend? You gotta careful about who makes you drinks." I tried to sound nonchalant, but Brittany could probably feel the anger through the phone._

_"Huh? Oh, it's just Eric." Brittany's voice was light and she dismissed it easily, but the answer caused a new surge in my stomach._

_I knew who Eric was. He was a handsome guy from her squad, whose intentions were purely friendly when I probed Britt about him. I Facebook stalked him for a day or so after I saw his profile picture. It was him, two other girls, and Britt. The way his hand was locked on Brittany's waist put me on edge. I know that I should be happy that she'd made friends, however I couldn't help but feel jealousy clench in my chest._

_I pushed the thoughts of Brittany and the boy out of my mind, and refocused on creating conversation. If anything to make her not return to him and his mixed drinks._

_"So, how's your day been?" It felt strained, like everything I was saying to her. My sad attempts to get her attention. I picked on a string coming from my pillow while I waited for her answer._

_"Same old boring stuff. Classes are hard, practice is easy. What about you? Are you liking journalism better than law so far?" Britt knew I was pissed at myself, for 'giving up' on law. It disappointed my father, and therefore me as well. But I really liked what I was doing with my courses so far._

_"Yeah, it's less demanding and more entertaining." Despite the distance of our relationship I still confided in Britt, in hopes that she would return the sentiment. Recently though she's has refrained her bubbly rambles towards me, and I felt envious of who she shared her latest debacles with. Not that I knew who her knew best friend was, but I knew that she was pouring out her soul to someone since it wasn't me._

_"I'm happy that you lik- Stephanie knock it off I'm talking here… I'm going to my room." The fit of giggles stabbed through my chest, but it was the way she said the latter half that caused me to grip my pillow tighter. It was like I was inconveniencing her._

_"Hey if you're busy it's cool. You don't have to talk." I swallowed the lump in my throat. Our phone calls had been becoming short, mostly due to Brittany's social life. It seemed that she was always at a party, or hanging out with someone._

_I could her Brittany let out an exasperated sigh. "Alright then."_

_My heart sank and thudded slowly against my stomach._

_"Yeah I was going to sleep anyway, early class in the morning." I squeezed my eyes shut. I didn't know how she could dismiss me so quickly. We used to talk for hours about nothing. Other times we could just sit together on the phone in silence. But now, four hundred miles apart, I didn't know how to get her to talk to me about anything._

_"OK, well then sweet dreams San." I could hear her friends in the background calling her, but I couldn't make out much._

_I didn't want her returning to them, I wanted her to actually fucking talk to me. Then I remembered that I had something important to ask her. So maybe I wasn't grasping at straws yet._

_"Hey, wait." I rushed out before she hung up on me. "I was thinking that we should hang out over fall break. Yours is in a couple weeks right?" I had been meaning to ask her for a few days, but the timing never felt right. Time was passing by quickly and I didn't want her making plans for her break. I knew if I could get her to visit me that I could last until Christmas. That is unless she spent it with her aunt in Akron again like last year._

_"I dunno." This was first time that Brittany had said something to me that resembled a no._

_My mind was repeating her verbal assault of 'dunno'. "If it's a money thing I'd spot you. I was thinking of going to the lake house or something."_

_If I wasn't grasping at straws earlier, I was now. I could feel it over the phone, my first conclusion had been wrong. I actually had to sweeten the deal for my girlfriend to spend time with me on break._

_Something definitely was wrong._

_"That's nice of you San, but… I was uh, going to see Daria in Cleveland over the break… sorry." Her broken sentence seemed to shatter my heart. I knew that not everything was working out between us, but what she said. What she just told me made it clear that we were drifting apart._

_"Oh… well tell her I said hi." I swallowed my tears, willing myself to hold it together until she hung up._

_"I will." Britt's voice clipped back._

_"Ok then… Night. I love you..." I barely made out the last half of our standard goodbye._

_"Nighty night…" I waited until I heard the line disconnect with a quiet click. My phone fell silent against my ear, the only sound coming from the fan in the corner of my room._

_I brought the phone to my chest, pushing back the tears I knew were on their way. Looking back down at my phone, it was like the background image glared up at me. Taunting me with what I wanted, but clearly couldn't have._

_I threw my phone against the wall across the room with a howl. I saw the pieces bounce around. Some went under my desk; others hid next to Kelly's bed. I shoved my face into my pillow to muffle my distress._

_It was the first time she didn't say it back. The last few times may had sounded short and forced, but at least she said it back._

_This time there was nothing._

_I cried myself to sleep hours later. There was no alarm to wake me for my morning class so I never left my bed. I woke sometime in the late morning, deciding that I wasn't going to any of my classes. I dragged myself out of bed to the shower._

_I took my time in the bathroom. Cleaning every inch of my body at least twice to attempt to remove the ugly feeling crawling over my skin. After an hour or so I was finally dressed and sitting at my laptop._

_I checked my e-mail and class schedules to see exactly what I was missing, but not really caring. I wasn't aiming for perfect marks anymore, I was just getting by. The only thing I cared about was Brittany, everything and everyone else could get fucked._

_Facebook showed me a message from Toni asking why my phone was off. I forgot that we were supposed to get breakfast after my morning class. She would have to wait until later; I had no desire right now to crawl around on the floor to piece together my phone._

_My mind was stuck on Brittany._

_"Wonder what happened at that little party last night." First I decided to check male cheerleader's page. The guy was pretty foolish to let anyone on his page, but I supposed I should be thankful that he did. How else would I be able to snoop on him?_

_The boy's page showed nothing new from last night, no pictures or stupid statuses from last night. For some reason I felt absurd for stalking my girlfriend's friend's account. Where would it get me if I did see something suspicious? It wasn't like I could pull her aside and talk it out._

_If anything, I would think any behavior like this would send Brittany further away from me. With a huff, I closed my laptop and searched for my phone to reconstruct it._

_Once I pieced it back together I saw that I had a few messages from Toni, each progressive text with another colorful describing word of my face. Instead of texting Toni, I sent one to Quinn and waited for her reply._

_**From: Quinn** I was thinking of getting some people together and using your parent's lake house for a few days of debauchery. You know the normal everyday stuff for you [12:46]._

_Smirking I sent her an agreement. Leave it to Quinn to be the voice of reason._

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

* * *

><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AN:**Let me know what you think about things and stuff. This one was much shorter than the last one, but you know how it is. Anyway we're getting closer to seeing Britt Britt. Keep with me, I know it's hard.

If you guys have anything you'd like to see, let me know.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN:**Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee.

Thanks for everybody leaving reviews.

The last one was pretty depressing, but this one is no better. Well, maybe a little.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Nine: Replacing Air<strong>

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

"Oh yeah, you guys broke up. Sorry about that, you two seemed like a forever deal." Finn looked away from me, but it wasn't like I was going to attack him for the slip up. Me and Britt came out of left field for most of our friends; so it's not a shocker that he wouldn't know all of the details of our relationship.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

_Rachel and Kurt stood in the center of the choir room belting out the last note of the duet they suggested for sectionals. It was a really good selection and their voices melded together wonderfully._

_The entire club vocalized their appreciation, Finn and Mercedes being the loudest. I almost stood up and clapped along with the rest of the club, but I had an image to protect. I left the leaping for the two girls to my right. Quinn kept her approval of the duo more regal than Brittany's fist pumps and whooping._

_"I think we might have our opener for sectionals. Great job, you both were fantastic." Mr. Schuester slammed a hand on Rachel's shoulder and tried to ruffle Kurt's hair._

_I hoped that they would get their solos for sectionals. Not only was it a good choice, it also meant that I would have a better chance of stepping into the spotlight at regionals._

_"Thank you Mr. Schuester…" I laughed internally watching Kurt bat away Mr. Schuester's hand. I don't think that anything could mess up the boy's hair with as much product he dumps into it._

_While Mr. Schuester commented on the song, Brittany and Quinn settled back into their seats; the former lacing her fingers through mine and swinging our hands between the chairs. The three of us were the only ones sitting in the back, and I was thankful._

_Every time she held my hand it never failed to stop my heart and my stomach to flop. The world around me to melted away. Sounds were white noise, colors drained away; it was as if Brittany was pulling everything into her, myself including. The feeling left me with an incomparable high; it was better than any drug, it was an injection of pure Brittany._

_I had always felt a tingle from any sort of contact from Brittany, but ever since we were official the feeling intensified somehow._

_Two weeks ago I had asked her properly and openly, I even swallowed my pride and bought her flowers._

_"Alright, see you guys next week. Have a great weekend." Brittany slipped her hand from mine and I woke from my daze to see Mr. Schuester and the rest of the club packing their things._

_I must have had some sort of confused expression, because Brittany stood in front of me smiling holding out my bag._

_"Come on Santana." Quinn chirped from the floor of the choir room with her arms crossed over her chest; desperately trying to avoid both Rachel and Finn's cuddle fest next to the drums, and Puck and Lauren's wrestling match._

_I tossed my bag over my shoulder and watched Brittany bounce down the rows to Quinn. We were going over to Quinn's house to watch movies tonight and Brittany was overly excited as usual._

_Before I could join the girls a hand was thrown up to block my path. I glared down to Kurt, an insult waiting on my tongue; but he avoided my wrath by addressing Brittany before I could say anything._

_"Brittany, Quinn, Santana…" He removed his hand to place on his knee, but I remained next to his chair._

_"I would like to invite you three to join myself and the rest of the club to a night of bowling at All Star Lanes around seven. What do you say?"_

_Kurt looked towards Quinn, who shrugged and nodded towards Brittany. Britt was the one with her heart set on the three of us having movie night. Brittany took a moment to think and then asked, "Who's all going?"_

_"Well Blaine, myself, Mercedes, Tina, Mike, Artie, Sam, and the UFC championship over there." Kurt pointed over to Puck and Lauren gaining their attention; before glaring at his step brother._

_"Finn and Rachel had previous engagements." Finn looked over to Kurt bewildered and Rachel was rolling her eyes._

_"Ah well then." Brittany gave Quinn a little smile then extended her hand to me to help me down the step. Not that I needed it, but it did send a surge of warmth through me. "What do you want to do Santana?"_

_With Brittany's eyes shimmering I couldn't help the grin on my face as I took her hand and stepped down to stand next to her. I nudged her shoulder with mine, trying my best to appear indifferent to the audience we had gathered._

_"Whatever you want to do is fine. We can go bowling with the commoners if you want." Brittany squeezed my hand her smile growing and nodded eagerly._

_Puck had moved behind Kurt's chair, gripping the back and casting me a bizarre look._

_"So what's up with you two lately?" Puck motioned between me and Brittany._

_"I mean I ain't complaining, you guys are usually hanging off each other; but you seem…" He looked away searching for his words._

_My palm began sweating and I relaxed my grip on Brittany's hand. The bottom of my stomach sank at the thought of where Puck was going with this._

_From my diminishing peripherals I could see Quinn take a step forward and growl out Puck's name with her fists balled. Kurt looked up to the boy above him with his mouth hanging open and then back to Brittany and me._

_"Overly friendly recently." I paled and felt my feet root into the ground despite the urge I had to smack the smug look off Puck's face. "Like kinda lady gay."_

_The half sentence sucked my breath away. I knew this would have to happen eventually, but I wasn't prepared for the reality of it. There were dozens of mock 'outings' I had played through in my mind. Brittany had suggested that we sing, but I reminded her gently that not every situation can be solved with a song._

_I stood with my mouth hanging open and I could feel Brittany shying away from me. Her hand slipped from mine and she stepped closer towards Quinn._

_The entire club formed around us, looking on with interest. I knew that they wouldn't care. I kept telling myself this, but it didn't help that their stares felt like flames lapping at my skin. Heating my body to the point of causing my brain to shirt circuit._

_Sam caught my attention, looking between Brittany and me with a puzzled expression. "Wait… are you two dating?"_

_There was a long pause. I stood rigid, unblinking; not knowing what to say or do. After what seemed like hours Brittany's voice cut through the thick air._

_"We're just…"_

_I turned my head to her only to find her staring down to the floor next to Quinn with her shoulders slumped in defeat. This was my moment to shine, show her that I wasn't all talk; and I was flapping my mouth like a fish out of water._

_No. I had many short comings, but this would not be one of them. Not if I could do something about it._

_I squared my shoulders and side stepped to Brittany, grasping her hand painfully tight. Her eyes, wide and bright, snapped to mine; I spared her a firm nod before addressing the club. A group of people Brittany considered her home away from home. A group of people that I consider friends._

_My first target was Sam, shooting him a deadly glare. "Yeah we are dating." I set my jaw, torn my hand from Brittany's so that I could wrap my around her waist and pull her into my side._

_"You got a problem with that?" I focused my rage on my second target, Puck; who held up his hands in defense from behind a shell shocked Kurt._

_Feeling in the moment, I fired at Finn, who was looking more confused than usual. "You got something to say?"_

_"Uh…no. I mean…" Finn fidgeted with the drum sticks in his hand._

_"Yeah that's what I thought." I dropped my arm from Brittany's waist and took her hand again. I was hyper aware of our extreme height difference and it was unnerving me._

_Today Britt had decided to wear two inch heels and I was in flats, this was probably something we would have to discuss at a later time._

_With her hand in mine and my blood cooling it was time to go before I did something stupid. "Let's bounce."_

_As I dragged Brittany out of the choir room she said her goodbyes over her shoulder. "We'll see you guys later tonight, bye!" There was a chorus of mumbled farewells reaching out into the hallway._

_I pulled her through the school and didn't drop her hand until we were outside at our cars. Leaning against the bumper of my car I covered my face with my hands and huffed._

_"Hey, I don't think it was that bad." Brittany stood flush against me and gently pulled my wrists down from my face. "At least they know now."_

_"You're right." The last of my adrenaline was seeping out of my system and with it was a sinking feeling._

_"I'm always right." Brittany smiled and I watched as her tongue darted out across her lips. "Now I can do this without explaining myself."_

_Brittany's breath was hot against my ear, causing me grip the spoiler of the car. The spoiler burnt my fingers, heated from sitting all day underneath the sun; but it could never measure up to Brittany. I readied myself for a fiery kiss, closing my eyes and wetting my lips. However I only felt Brittany's soft cheek against mine and her arms wrap tightly around me._

_I made some sort of displeased sound and opened my eyes, finding her grinning at me. "What? Did you think you were getting a kiss?"_

_"Kind of." I lifted my arms around her neck, hoping that she would give in already. I was all for her teasing me, but I hadn't had a kiss since this morning._

_"I suppose you do deserve at least one." She giggled and I was about to protest the quantity, but she silenced me with her mouth over mine. I pulled her down further to deepen the kiss I had been awarded._

_"Noah!" Rachel's voice boomed across the near vacant parking lot, causing me to push away from the girl with her tongue down my throat._

_"Shut up! It's a free show!" Puck shot up from behind a car not too far away from mine and Brittany's. The half of the club was scattered about the parking lot near their cars._

_"Your disrespect of their relationship is revolting." I saw that Rachel had a firm grip on Finn, marching them both towards his truck._

_"It is kinda hot." It was a mumble, but I could hear Finn well enough. Brittany giggled into my shoulder attempting to hide her flushed face, but I was a little less amused._

_"Finn!" Rachel stomped away from him, and I finally laughed as he stumbled over himself to apologize._

_"Think you can handle this?" Brittany placed a tiny kiss on my temple and pulled away from me, circling around to her car._

_"If it gets the boys in trouble, hell, I think I'll enjoy it B." I opened my car door and threw my bag inside. It was definitely not as bad as I expected it to be. In fact, my new relationship just opened more doors that allowed me to stir the pot. And I love to meddle._

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

I ignored his apology, it's not like Finn had anything to do with me and Brittany breaking up.

"Do you know where she went?" A more direct approach would probably get me to my goal faster.

"I'm not totally sure where she would have ended up at, but I think I heard that she left with Mike and a little while after she came back to Lima." Finn pulled out his phone from his pants pocket. Whoever it was he chose to ignore the call and slip the phone back into place.

"City, state, geographic region?" I felt like I should be writing all of this down, or pull out a map.

"Err I'm not sure. Sorry. But Kurt is due to visit this tomorrow afternoon. Tomorrow's Saturday right? He probably knows more than I do. Him and Tina started up a interior design in Dayton a few months back. So far its goin-"

"Tina who?" I'm surprised that I recognized Finn, but it was probably because of his over active pituitary gland or weekly injections of HGH that I could spot him.

"Asian Tina, the Tina dating Mike…" I raised my eyebrow so that Finn would elaborate. "The other Asian in Glee." Now I remembered her. Goth, weird, dated Sit and Spin.

"They're still together then?" If Brittany left with Asians I would bet money that she was still hanging around them. She loved them too much, I never really understood it.

"Yeah, they're engaged actually." Of course they would be how many more Asians were there in Ohio?

Cassidy wandered over to the table and placed two large paper bags in front of Finn. "Oh thanks Cassie." She smiled and returned to the kitchen.

"Ok, so Britt left with the Asian pears. One of which is in business with your brother…" Maybe Finn could connect the dots for me.

"Yep…" Finn's face fell into confusion. "What?" Clearly not.

"If Brit left with them, she's probably still with them… right?" I slapped my hands down on the table on either side of my coffee cup.

"Like I said I don't actually know anything." If Finn hadn't of been mildly useful to me today I swear I would have gone Lima Heights on his ass.

"Does anything change?" I snapped at him and slouched back into the booth.

"Whatever Santana. If you want to you can stop by tomorrow night and talk with Kurt." Finn pulled a greasy pin from his shirt pocket and scribbled his number on a napkin.

"Just send me a text or something… We could all go for drinks if you want." Finn stood up from the table and cradled the two bags, probably filled with cheese burgers, in his arms.

I nodded and shoved the napkin into my purse.

"I could be down to get my drank on." It would probably be good to get out of the house and socialize, even if was with Finn and Kurt. I couldn't stay locked away in my parents' house forever.

In the back of my mind I knew that talking with Kurt wouldn't get me far. Even if Brittany was in contact with Mike and Tina still, hell if Brittany was fucking roommates with the two, where would that get me? Dayton was an hour and a half away. If she wanted to see me she would be here now. I doubt that she would want me showing up on her doorstep.

My fantasy was crumbling down with each passing second. Brittany wasn't coming, she ended it. I was playing the part of a love sick fool. She had done her best to cover her tracks. Should I really be trying to hunt her down?

"It looks like you could use a drink. Something stronger than coffee at least." He turned to leave, but he sat one of the bags back on the table and dropped his hand on my shoulder. "Don't sit here forever Santana... If you need anything you know where the garage is."

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

_The sun had yet to dip pass the horizon and my eyes were already threatening to slip close. I shook my head and repositioned the lap top balancing precariously on a pillow over my legs. I had two papers due tomorrow and I had been completely unproductive today. Every four minutes I would either sneeze on the screen or knock the computer over to reach a tissue. I had books and loose papers spread out over the bed, and I was getting lost in my haphazard organization._

_"This paper is going to suck…"_

_I wiped the liquid draining from my face with the sleeve of my sweat shirt. It was disgusting, but I've long stopped caring about it. The fabric was softer than the cheap sandpaper tissues that Toni brought me before she went to class._

_Toni was a good friend checking on the bio-hazard as Jenny dubbed me. Jenny took the joke a little too far and sealed my room of our shared apartment with caution tape. I was not pleased to say the least. At least, for her sake, I was weak from being sick and couldn't properly strangle her with the yellow tape._

_I was lucky enough to not have a class on Wednesdays; not having to brave the cold to get to class was a plus. I wanted to stay wrapped up in my cocoon of warmth all day, but I had to force myself into consciousness and finish these papers._

_My head dropped back onto my head board causing me to groan. I checked the time to see how much longer I would have to wait for the drugs to kick in. It'd be another ten minutes of fighting before I would feel the medicine working._

_Sitting up straighter in bed, I pulled up my e-mail to pass the few minutes I had; and see if one of my professors had died so that I could go to sleep._

_No one dead, and nothing interesting._

_I scrolled through the spam that the university sends me daily and started deleting. It's been a while since I've cleaned my inbox, so I decided now was a good time. And it offered a way to procrastinate that was mildly productive. There wasn't that many in my school e-mail, so I logged on my personal to do the same._

_This inbox was full of crap from sites that I hardly ever visit. I scrolled through each page searching for anything that would be entertaining before deleting them. I spent a few minutes deleting before I got to the older ones that I've read, but haven't trashed._

_That's when I remembered why I haven't checked this e-mail in so long._

_There were countless e-mails from Brittany, before she broke up with me last semester. Messages ranging from hello to deeper thoughts of the origins of hats. All of them signed with a cue little 'I love you more than...' whatever she came up with at the moment._

_A new trail of liquid poured out from my nose, but for a different reason. I reached for the rough tissues and knocked over my computer again. It landed on its side, but I didn't want to pick it up and see the screen again._

_Toni told me to delete them months ago in October, but I couldn't. I couldn't even move them into a folder so I wouldn't have to see them sitting in my inbox. Instead I ignored the account for a few weeks, a period consisting of terrible life choices; until they were pushed far enough down that I didn't see them right away. So that I wasn't reduced to a sniveling pile of pitiful when I checked my fucking e-mail._

_But how could I delete them? Each one was a little gift from her. A little reminder of how much she loved me. If I read them I could have that feeling again. That everything was right in the world, that the sun and moon set for me and her, we could accomplish anything, that we were in love. A love so strong that nothing could break us._

_My sleeve was wet with my fresh tears, as I wiped them away. I couldn't keep these. I couldn't keep these mementos of what we were. I needed to keep a level head. Brittany left me. We were over. Past tense of the word love was required. At least on her part._

_I sneezed again during my most recent breakdown, and I was glad my computer wasn't in front of me. After a minute of feeling sorry for myself I pulled the computer into my lap and selected each one of Brittany's first page of messages individually. The task was made much more difficult by the coupling of my cold and Brittany's adorable innovation of subject headings. I dragged the pointer to the delete button. One click and all traces would be gone._

_"She'll never really leave…" Brittany would always be at the back of my mind, gnawing away slowly until there was nothing left._

_There was a soft knock at my door and my deliberation of deletion was put on hold. I exited the page and opened my incomplete essay._

_The door glided open and I shoved my glasses on to see who had entered._

_Madison, brushing the snow off her heavy brown coat and pulling off her blue sock cap, stepped into my room. She smiled at me, and shook her short dyed black locks._

_"Awww my baby's still all sicky poo." I rolled my eyes. Madison closed the door and shucked off her coat. Her cheeks were tinged pink from the cold outside. Just looking at the snowflakes still clinging to the material made me shiver, either that or a draft from the door opening and closing._

_The last thing I wanted was her jumping on me and touching me with her icy hands. I cringed at the thought, but the action sent a dull pain through my back._

_"I'm not sicky poo, I have a sinus infection." I tried to seem busy with my paper, typing out a sentence that had little relevance to the paper. I knew I wouldn't be getting anywhere with the paper while she was here, but I figured the best way for Madison to leave was to look busy._

_"Sounds more like grumpy poo." Madison muttered as she pulled out a tissue to pick up the used ones surrounding me on the blanket that covered my lower half._

_"How'd you get in?" Madison tossed the tissues into a trashcan at my bedside. She fell to the bed and nearly sat on top of my legs hidden under the three thick blankets._

_"Jennifer buzzed me in." I watched her hand drop on my shin covered by the barriers, she squeezed but I couldn't really feel it._

_"Remind me to throw something at her." Madison snorted, but I was probably going to hit my roommate with a shoe. Jenny was the cause of my current annoyance, for that she'd have to pay. Jenny was also the person who introduced me to my current girlfriend. That part was okay, Madison was great at making me forget how terrible my life was. Even if it was only during my nightly visits to her apartment._

_Madison and I had been dating for about two weeks, nothing serious just hanging out. Which was exactly what I wanted from her. Madison was fun to be around; but I haven't been in the mood for fun in months, no matter how hard I tried to be. I was surprised that she even showed up. Our dates usually consisted of dinner or drinking, then quickly moving on to the sexy stuff. I didn't think that we had the kind of relationship where she would try and nurse me back to health. Apparently she thought so._

_Madison crawled up to the headboard next to me and draped her arm around my shoulder. "Aww, Santana don't be mean. I had to come check on you. You weren't answering your phone. I thought you might have passed out from a fever or something."_

_"I didn't. I turned it off to work on my papers." I grabbed a packet off my bed and pointed it to the phone sitting on my nightstand._

_"Oh." Madison turned her attention back to me from my phone. "Have you been crying?"_

_"I'm sick. Everything is draining out of me. For example my patience." I guessed my eyes were puffy from the e-mails or something, but the girl was pushing all of my buttons. She didn't deserve my anger, but when I'm sick I'm three thousand times more bitchy._

_"Hey, come on. I'm just trying to be nice to you. Do you want soup or something?" Madison tightened her hold on me._

_"I'm fine. I've got drugs to keep me awake and drugs to put me to sleep. I think Toni threw a box of crackers and a water bottle in here earlier. I need to do this paper." I waved my hands in front of the screen to increase the importance of it so maybe she could get the hint._

_"You should eat something more than crackers. I'll go make you some chicken noodle soup. It'll taste great and make you all better!" Madison placed a kiss on my temple through my fizzy hair and stood up from the bed._

_I was happy that she was going to let me be for a few minutes, but I was in no mood to eat. I was stressed about my assignments and a girl who I'd never see again. A girl who knew that when I was sick, spicy vegetable soup made me feel better._

_"It won't be as good as Britt's…" I mumbled under my breath before I realized what I had said, and I hoped that Madison didn't hear._

_"What?" She halted with her hand on the door._

_"Go and make the stupid soup." I waved my hand to dismiss her, and pave over my mistake._

_"I hope it meets your expectations." She sneered over her shoulder. Normally I would have rolled my eyes at her. Brushed it aside, because it was unimportant. But I highly doubted that whatever soup Madison would bring me would even come close to Brittany's._

_"It probably won't." I fixed my gaze to my laptop screen._

_"Really?" Madison turned to hover over me. "Here I am, being nice and trying to do something for you, and you're being a total bitch. For no damn reason."_

_"I never asked you to do anything." My head was swimming from the cold medicine and I was exhausted from staying awake all day working on papers. I didn't want to deal with her right now._

_"Wha- You shouldn't have to ask me to be nice. It's just what you do. It's what you do when you like someone." She had her hands firmly balled on her hips, and her mouth agape. She was something I didn't want to look at, not with her face contorted into such an ugly expression. Brittany was probably the only person on Earth who managed to look cute regardless of her expression._

_I stared up at her blankly and shrugged. Clearly the only way to get her out of my hair was to piss her off. A skill of which I was born with._

_"And I shouldn't be asking for you to treat me the same." Madison was yelling at me now. Something I didn't appreciate with a headache._

_"I treat you just fine. If you don't like it leave." It was somewhat true. I wasn't the greatest girlfriend, but I wasn't the worst. Somewhere in the middle really. I would pick up the tab when I asked her out, I would listen to her stories, and I even let her cuddle with me once._

_"Way ahead of you on that one." I watched her pick up her things and throw open my door. "Bye."_

_"See ya." She slammed my door hard enough to cause it to bounce back and stand open. Madison continued her rampage and slammed the apartment door, which caused Jenny to wander out into the hallway._

_Jenny stood in my door way staring down the hall for a moment before turning to me with an inquisitive expression._

_"And that makes three." I tossed my glasses down onto the papers laying on my bed. At least my latest relationship lasted longer than a week. Maybe I was getting better?_

_"You have quite the collection Santana." Jenny leaned across the threshold to grab the door knob, no doubt to quarantine me._

_"Yeah, but it's not worth anything." The door quietly snapped shut. I was left alone to focus on my papers and ponder on if I would find anyone to replace Brittany._

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

Finn left quietly with a smile. He did have a point; I couldn't sit here forever and wait for Brittany. A girl who wrote me out of her life. The girl of my dreams, regardless of how many others shared my bed.

Brittany was my standard. Whoever I was dating would be harshly judged against Brittany's perfection. It was like comparing a masterpiece to a fourth graders' art fair disaster. I would be forever biased.

Anger flashed through me. I gripped the table top until my knuckles turned white. I wanted rip it from the ground and throw it through the front windows. But I couldn't do that, so I gritted my teeth and dug my nails into the wood.

Brittany had single handedly set the rest of my life up for constant misery. I would never be truly happy with anyone. Not when I know what true happiness is. When I've already had a taste of heaven. Found my missing piece, and all the other stupid clichés.

I've found all this; I've had it all in my hands, only to have it torn from me. Ripped from my soul in such a way that it left me battered and broken, I was damaged goods.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

* * *

><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AN:**Let me know what you think about things and stuff. This was the last of the flashback centric chapters.


	10. Chapter 10

**AN:**Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee.

Thanks for everybody reading and reviewing.

Ok so here's a stick to hit me with for lying to you again. Once you're done beating me read this.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Ten: The Cardinal Law<strong>

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

I ripped my hands from the table to thrust them into my purse for my wallet. Dropping a five on the table, I waved bye to Cassidy from across the diner and collected my things.

My phone flashed 12:46 and I shoved it into my pocket. I pushed through the back entrance, the bell clanking angrily as I threw open the door. Stepping out on the wooden stair case the sun blazed down onto me. I flicked my sunglasses down over my eyes to block out the bright light. From the elevation of the steps to the back of the diner I was able to see the entire parking lot and inadvertently searched the lot again for Brittany's silver Honda.

Even after my revelation that I would never love another person as strongly as I loved Brittany. Could never find someone like Brittany, and I blamed her for this.

I still sought her out.

Desperately so.

Despite my boiling rage, I could never stay mad at her. Just scanning the parking lot in hope to see her car, or a flash of her hair; froze the heat behind my eyes. I unclenched my fists and took hold of the metal railing.

Brittany may have kicked my sorry ass to the curb, but at least she made me true to myself. Without her I would still be milling around with guys, hopping from one to the next. At least now I was doing that with my preference and without feeling ashamed for it.

Even if I was happy with who I was, there was still a hole in my heart.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

_I spent a lot of time thinking about how this would go down. I played out every scenario that I could think of. I thought about telling them together and separately. The combination of my father's most probable indifference and my mother's potential freakout didn't appeal to me._

_Definitely separate._

_I didn't want them to join forces and drag me out of the house by my hair and toss me into the street. I hoped they wouldn't do that, but I always plan for the worst. I wasn't pregnant like Quinn was, but it just felt like I was letting them down somehow._

_My planning led me to the one person that I trusted, someone that would still love me when they found out. When I told them that I was gay, super gay, and in love with my best friend._

_It was early in the evening when I set out on the short drive to Lima Heights to visit my Aunt Sonia._

_I didn't remember the drive, nor did I remember feeling my legs climb the steps of the porch. When my brain finally caught up to my external world I was standing under the dim light in front of Sonia's door. It was an unusually hot day in late July and I was sweating from more than just the heat. At least I had made the correct decision with my thin shirt to counteract my unwise choice of jeans._

_My arm was heavy and trembling as I lifted it to press the illuminated door bell on the side of the door. It wasn't but a few seconds before my aunt greeted me at the door. Her smile dropped from her face and she pulled me into a crushing hug._

_"Tana, what's wrong baby girl?" I squeezed her back, pressing my face into her shoulder. Holding onto the few precious moments I would have if she rejected me._

_I answered her question with a shake of my head, faintly feeling the tears roll down my face._

_"Hey, come on now. Why are you crying?" She pushed away to brush the tears off my cheeks. I couldn't tell her standing in the door way. It wasn't a part of the plan._

_Well neither was me crying, but I had to allow some room for deviation._

_Sonia placed a kiss on the top of my head and pulled me into her living room sitting me on the couch. She sunk into the overly fluffy couch next to me, pushing my hair from my face._

_"Hey is Santana here?" A tall tanned man with a goofy goatee stumbled into the living room and collapsed into a recliner._

_"Yeah, she's right here." My aunt gestured to me as if he hadn't seen me yet. "Brad can I talk to Santana alone?" Brad waved at me and popped the top to her beer bottle._

_"Sure thing baby. One request, you have to give me a kiss." The man pointed to his forehead, "Right here."_

_My aunt rolled her eyes, but stood and planted a kiss on his forehead. "Why don't you practice darts? The boys are coming over tomorrow right? You gotta prepare yourself."_

_Brandon, my aunt's live-in boyfriend of seven years, took a long pull from his bottle before standing and shuffling over to the steps down to the basement. "You don't need practice when you're this good."_

_"Uh huh, I thought being good meant winning." Sonia teased him and he slurred something I couldn't understand from the basement steps. She returned to her seat on the couch, slightly turned towards me with her arm propping up her head on the back of the sofa._

_I leaned back into the cushions and stared at the muted television. It was a baseball game, two teams I didn't know or care about. Brad was originally from St. Louis and kept his crazy fandom after the move._

_I tried to zone out and ignore my problem. I didn't want to tell my aunt. I knew I needed too, because I needed to know that someone had my back on this. Someone other than my teenage friends._

_But what if she didn't. My hands clenched around each other in my lap at the thought. What if she was repulsed by me, what if she hated me?_

_The only sound was the soft thump of darts hitting the board downstairs. After a few more minutes of prolonged silence between my aunt and me, she sighed and spoke._

_"Is it boy problems?" By the tone of her voice Sonia meant it jokingly, breaking the ice to get me talking; but I visibly flinched from her words. Which probably spurred her next question and her hand clamped over mine._

_"You're not pregnant are you?" She rushed out in a whisper._

_I tried to laughed, but it came out as a broken sob._

_"Tana do you know for sure?" Sonia raked a hand through her hair hastily. "Sometimes you can just be late. I mean it might not…" She was darting her eyes all over the room, probably looking for her purse and keys to drive me to the pharmacy and buy a test._

_"No." I shook my head and wiped the tears on the green bandana tied to my wrist. "No. That's not why I'm here."_

_"Oh, thank goodness." Sonia immediately settled down, relief flashing across her face. "What's on your mind then honey?"_

_"I dunno." I dropped my gaze back to the TV._

_For some reason I couldn't do it. All of my courage left me. I had built up my confidence before driving over to Lima Heights, but sitting in my aunt's living room everything felt out of control._

_It was just two words, three if I didn't want to use a contraction. But they were so… scary._

_"Santana, you asked to come over. You told me you wanted to talk. I'm not going to push you, but I can tell that my lil Sanny is upset." Sonia placed a hand on my shoulder and gently squeezed._

_"You know I love you, right? You can tell me anything?" She searched my eyes, begging me to spill._

_I stiffened. "Do you really?" I stared at the glass coffee table collecting myself; taking inventory of the water rings, opened mail, and magazines littering its surface._

_If she was going to reject me, I didn't want to cry. I would rather scream and tell her that she was terrible one, than have her kick me out of her house in a sobbing mess. I had to test the waters first, protect myself from all the hurt she could cause._

_"Of course. You're my favorite, but you can't tell anyone else. They'll be even more jealous of you." Her voice was light, but I could feel her eyes bore into mine searching for the prompt of the question._

_"But what if… what if I did something you didn't like." I fidgeted with the hem of my thin grey shirt. I was quickly losing the small amount of confidence I still had. I didn't know how being gay was 'doing something'; more like 'doing someone', but words tumbled from my mouth in a mess._

_"I like everything you do, especially the bad stuff." Sonia smiled at me, combing her hand through my hair. I was thankful that she was so lighthearted, but I needed her to be serious with me._

_I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. Sonia's hand dropped down to my arm to pull my hand into her lap._

_"I would be disappointed, but I wouldn't hate you. There's nothing you could do to make me hate you. I love everything about you."_

_It was like she said the magic words. I launched myself onto her chest and crumbled. I wanted so badly for her to stay true to her words. For Sonia to be honest. Not be the liar I knew she could be hiding._

_"Please don't lie." I cried into her shoulder. The material of her shirt was quickly becoming damp from my never ending cascades._

_"I would never lie to you Santana." She ran a hand over my back to console me, pulling me closer._

_"You'll always love me? No matter what?" I managed to be somewhat coherent between my broken gasps and tears falling over my lips._

_"Always and forever. Thick and thin. Whoever you are and whatever you do. Nothing could stop me from loving you."_

_I pulled away from her. Swallowing my sobs, forcing myself to be strong and get it over with._

_"I… I'm." I took a deep breath. After the buildup, there was no turning back._

_I reached out for her hands and held them tightly, letting them fall to the soft fabric of the couch between us. I held my chin up, blinked away the water lingering in my eyes, and spoke as evenly as I could._

_"I'm gay."_

_Sonia was silent for a moment, her eyes softened but she didn't look away. She squeezed my hands and smiled._

_"Are you sure?" She pushed strands of hair sticking to the side of my face behind my ear._

_"Yes…" I looked up to her face before I continued. "I'm very sure."_

_Sonia eyes skittered around the room finally resting on our joined hands. "I'm happy that you told me. But Tana, this isn't something bad. You're not bad."_

_"Everyone else thinks it's bad." Fresh tears pricked at my eyes, but I managed to pull them back._

_"Well everyone else can screw off. Nobody messes with a Lopez." She gave me a soft smile. "So who is it?"_

_This wasn't the response I fathomed. I planned from anger to a version of 'it's ok'. I didn't think that she'd be asking who I was gay for… no, who I loved._

_"My… best friend." I looked away, suddenly embarrassed for some reason. What if she didn't like Britt?_

_"That little rich blonde girl? The one pregnant last year?" Astonishment flashed over Sonia's face, followed closely by confusion._

_"No, no, no. It's Brittany that I fell for…" I waved my hands to stress the difference between Quinn and Brittany._

_"Oh, the tall one, Brittany right? She's got those pretty blue eyes." Sonia nudged my shoulder. "I can see why you'd fall for her. I remember her from your competitions."_

_I nodded to confirm that it was indeed the tall blue eyed blonde that stole my heart. Though there was so much more to Brittany than her hair and eye color. There were a million things that made her beautiful, from the freckles on her shoulders to the wrinkles on her fingers. They all came together to make a masterpiece._

_There was a silence over us for a few seconds. With each tick of the clock I could feel myself grow a little lighter. Like a small weight lifting from my shoulders, a wall cracking around my heart, finally getting a breath of fresh air._

_"You know…" Sonia grinned at me. "Ed had a thing for blondes during his undergrad years. Like father like daughter I suppose is the saying now." I scrunched my face to show my displeasure to the information. I didn't want to hear about my father's conquests. I didn't even like to think that my parents were ever intimate. Not even twice to conceive me or André._

_"So you're not… mad?" I fidgeted with my bandana, tightening it._

_"Honey for a second you had me thinking you murdered someone and you were asking me to help you hide the body." I smiled. Sonia was always a lighthearted person. She could never stay serious for very long. "No, I'm not mad at you. Why would I be?"_

_I shrugged. I had just thought that she would be. That everyone would be upset._

_"Let's get a drink." She pulled me up from the couch and into the kitchen. I sat at the breakfast table in the corner as she brought over two sodas from the refrigerator._

_"Have you told your mom and dad? André?" She sat the drink in front of me and I quickly popped the top and took a sip as she took a seat across from me._

_"No. Not yet. I plan to, but I just wanted… I wanted to make sure I had somewhere to go." I looked away ashamed of myself. If my parents did kick me out, I wanted to be sure I had somewhere to go. I'm sure Britt's mom would take me in. I was like a third child to her. Under the circumstances, however, I think that both she and I would have to reconsider._

_Sonia scoffed at me. "Like Ed would kick his baby girl out on the street." It made me feel better, knowing that my dad wasn't going to kick me out. But I was still very unsure. My mother was a much different animal than my father. One with stronger Catholic guilt._

_"What if they hate me?" I wiped at the condensation on the can with my finger, drawing an S and a little heart next to it._

_"They can't hate you." Before I could draw the next letter Sonia stilled my hand with her own._

_"Well what if they get mad." I could feel the tears swelling in my eyes again. Sonia sighed and stood to come behind me, giving me a hug._

_"I can tell you that I highly doubt your father is going to be mad. And you know how you're mother is. Give her a day or two to cool off and she'll be back to her snobby self." She planted a kiss to the top of my head._

_"I don't want them to be mad." She tightened her grip around my shoulders before she released me._

_"Neither do I Tana, but this is something that gets worse with time. You've gotta tell them. You can't spring a girlfriend on them. It'd be better if they know beforehand, let the idea marinate."_

_"I don't have a girlfriend." I wiped away the little drawing on the side of the can with my palm._

_"Oh, I just assumed that you and Brit-"_

_"No. She and I are… We both admitted that we love each other… but it's just… It's complicated." I shook my head and pressed my fingers to my temple. Our relationship at the moment was a huge ball of what the fuck._

_"Hmm, I bet it is." Sonia sipped at her drink and we fell into a comfortable silence. I looked down at the little owls on the table. They were salt and pepper shakers that I had got her for Christmas years ago._

_"Do you think it's bad?" The little owls stared up at me encouraging me somehow when I felt so unsure of myself. "That I love her."_

_Sonia grasped my hands on the table and took on a rare serious expression._

_"I already told you no. But let me tell you something. You can't choose who you love. Man or woman." She motioned to the floor._

_"That drunken oaf downstairs, I fell in love with him. I can't tell you how much flack I get from Nana about him on a daily basis. People think I'm fool, and those people can think it's bad all they want. But in the end it doesn't matter. He treats me better than any other man I've ever met, and I love him to pieces._

_"You love who you love. Can't change it even if you want to. You and Brittany, or any other girl for that matter; people are going to think that it's wrong. But you can't let that stop you from loving someone. The alternative is hiding yourself from love, and you'll be miserable for the rest of your life."_

_I looked down to my soda and frowned._

_That had been the path I was on. Denying my feelings and taking it out on everyone around me. I had felt so confined. Like one wrong step and I would die. Now, after hearing Sonia, I felt so unrestrained._

_"Don't ever think it's bad to love someone. Screw what everyone else thinks." I smiled and she beamed back at me._

_Her words lifted me up, and I felt happy. I was happy that Sonia came through for me, and that I was right about her. She gave me the confidence I needed. The kind that had to come from family._

_"When do you think I should tell them?" Sonia raised her eyebrows and shrugged._

_"I don't know. That's up to you, the sooner the better." She paused. "But don't build it up so much… You really freaked me out there for a second."_

_The rest of the week I spent my time worrying over the best time to tell my father and then my mother. My father received the message much better than my mom. He didn't say much, but he did give me a rare hug. My mom used a few choice words, as did I in retort; but the following day she told me that she didn't care who I loved as long as I was happy._

_I would rather that she did care who I loved, but I suppose that her ignoring it was better than nothing. I was happy that they accepted it, like they knew the whole time._

_However, it didn't really even matter at the moment; since I didn't have anyone to make me happy._

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

I took the stairs to the asphalt one at a time. There was a heavy weight on my shoulders that I couldn't shake off. It was like I had a chain wrapped around my neck, keeping me from running to my car. I felt terrible for leaving, but I felt just as bad for sitting in there waiting for someone who wasn't going to show.

I wanted the world to reflect my turmoil. The ground should open up and swallow families, fire rain down from the sky, mountains crumble, and rivers flood. However it was a really nice day, sunny and warm.

As I trudged through the parking lot the breeze caught in the lush leaves of the trees, dancing to the beat. Everything around me, the world, was calm. It did nothing to help ease the tension in my chest. I probably should go for a jog when I got home, work off some steam. _Who am I kidding… I'm going to lay in my bed watching Sweet Valley High while I slip into my newest depression…_

A polished black SUV, a Cadillac, was rolling down the narrow aisle forcing me to sidle against the parked cars in the lot. The driver was an auburn headed woman in her early thirties or late twenties with two kids bobbing their heads in the back seats. I paused behind a white Nissan Sentra to leer at her. My guilty pleasure for eye candy recently has been more matured women. Well actually, just older ladies with nice cars.

I beamed my champion smirk at the woman as the vehicle slowly made its way pass me.

I glanced over my shoulder to find the woman staring at me in her side mirror. At least one thing was going my way today. I decided to be a little more amorous, drop my sunglasses down and give the mother of two a wink.

As I was enjoying teasing the lady in the Cadillac the driver in the Nissan must had become impatient with me or completely oblivious to my existence, because I found myself almost toppled to the ground. I staggered, but was able to regain my balance. If I had been in heels I would have been eating the pavement.

Lucky for me, unlucky for them.

Whoever was at the wheel of the car was going to face the unrestrained fury of Santana Lopez.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AN:**Let me know what you think about things and stuff. To make it up to you I'm going to post the next chapter in a day or two.


	11. Chapter 11

**AN:**Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee.

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><p><strong>Chapter Eleven: Against Better Judgment<strong>

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

I squared my shoulders and let the pent up anger in my chest take over.

It would probably have been better for their physical and mental health if they had just backed over me. Twice, for good measure.

"Hey asshole!"

I kicked the bumper of the small white car with all my might. My frustration left nothing but a black scuff. The plastic clung to the car despite my best effort to punt it across the parking lot.

"What the fuck," I kicked the bumper again; smirking at the dent I was able to leave. "is your fucking problem you god damn retard!" I dropped my purse on the ground next to the adjacent truck. This was turning into the perfect way to unleash my frustrations, and I was going to milk it for all it's worth.

"Really? You didn't fucking see me standing behind your fucking piece of shit car?" I rounded the driver's side banging my fist on the roof of the small car. The car pulled forward into the parking spot and the whining of the engine was silenced.

I continued my assault on the car, kicking my way to the driver's door. I saw a flash of blonde hair sitting in the driver's seat, causing my heart to flutter and momentarily I paused my attack. Taking a better look through the tinted windows I found the driver to have short blonde locks where I desperately needed long cascades. Though I was thankful that it was a lanky girl instead of a hulking man beast, her unintended deception renewed the fire behind my eyes. Adding to the fact that the bitch nearly backed me over.

I bent over to find the girl was facing away from me texting on her phone. Another flare of anger washed through me. Was this dope really going to ignore me now?

"Hey! Ass hat!" I yanked at the door handle to find it unlocked and flung it open. The door banged against the truck next to the Nissan, the sound echoed in my ears and my heart skipped a beat.

My newest victim spun to face me and I froze. The only features that registered were red rimmed pooling blue eyes and a dusting of freckles across milky skin, taking my breath away.

"Hey Santana…" Brittany let out a shaky laugh and stepped out of her car.

I propelled myself backwards; the mangled sunglasses falling down the bridge of my nose. A strangled noise was all that I could manage to acknowledge my ex lover.

Brittany tucked a strand of her short straw hair behind her ear while she stared down at her feet. "Do I not get a hello then?"

"Britt… what?" I swallowed to replenish the moisture in my arid throat. "What are you doing here?" Apparently I was also in need of replenishing logic in my frazzled head.

"I was leaving…" Her gaze shifted from her shoes to the driver's seat.

"Yeah, I noticed. I was almost road kill." I scoffed pushing my sunglasses into my hair and crossed my arms over my chest.

Of course she was leaving. She didn't want to see me. So much that she didn't even notice me standing behind her car.

"Sorry about that, I didn't see you." I watched Brittany's slender hand brush through her hair.

There were a million thoughts racing through my mind. I had thousands of questions, and I wanted answers. But I had to keep calm. And definitely not cry. I wouldn't break down in front of her, she wouldn't have that luxury.

After a long pause I gritted my teeth. "So you were just going to leave."

"I couldn't go in." Brittany hugged her arms around her and gave a fleeting glance towards the diner.

"Why not? I've been in there for almost an hour." I managed to keep my voice down. There were a couple of people watching. They either saw her bump me or heard my outburst; either way I wanted them gone, so I sent them my best glare hoping they'd take a hint.

"San… I" Brittany's fingers dug into her arms wrapping around her chest, but I was more concerned with her watery eyes. Each one was full to the brim and it was a wonder they hadn't spilled over yet.

"I was afraid that you wouldn't be in there." Her voice was nothing more than a harsh whisper, deflating me.

The sadness in her voice was pushing me to gather her into my arms and tell her that I was here now and everything was fine. That I would forgive her for all of past sins against me. I almost did. I clenched my eyes and regained my senses. I couldn't crumble that easily.

"Well I was." I couldn't let her off that easy though. Did she think so little of me that I wouldn't show up?

"I'm sorr-" Anger and hurt flashed through me again as she reached out to my crossed arms. I gave her a warning look and stepped back to the truck. Did she think that she could really apologize and that would be the end of it? Maybe she didn't want to see me; maybe that's why she was leaving.

"How long have you been out here?" Brittany flinched against the volume of my voice. I glanced over to check that the people had left like I thought.

She recoiled from me and sank against her car. "Umm, like twenty minutes?" I nodded and bit my lip.

"So I was sweating it in there, and you were just sitting out here listening to music and texting or some shit?" I knew she was sitting in the car crying her eyes out. Her puffy cheeks and red eyes were proof of that. "You couldn't even poke your head in and take a quick look?"

"Santana, I didn't know you were in there… I didn't want to look stupid." She looked down to the ground, kicking at the small gravel that had broken away.

"But it's ok that I look like an ass?" I waved my hands about to point at myself and get her attention. _Sure let me look like an idiot, anything for you Britt Britt._

"No, of course not. I was jus-" I rolled my eyes, whatever she had to say wasn't going to fix anything. I was stupid to think that we could be fixed. What did I expect to happen?

This is why you set your goals low, and your expectations even lower; that way you'll never be disappointed.

"Save it." This was quickly turning into the opposite of what I imagined. Like the extreme negative of what I had envisioned our reunion would be. I was letting my temper get the best of me, and I didn't know exactly how to stop. But I didn't want her to walk all over me.

"I know you're mad. But don't be." Brittany looked at me with downcast eyes. "Don't be mad at me, please." I felt my resolve melting away slowly. She was going to break through the already thin armor I wore around her. Brittany knew all of the holes, how to worm her way in and crush my heart.

I had to fight it. Brittany wasn't going to win with a pout. Not this time.

"Why shouldn't I be? You went AWOL on me for three years." I clenched my jaw. If I walked away from this with a broken heart, so be it; but I would find out why she decided to cut me off. I was ready for my miserable life.

"I had to." Brittany held my gaze for a moment before my eyes darted over her face.

_She had too…_Was that all of an explanation I was going to get. It sounded like she was blaming me and forced her to leave. That it was somehow my fault that she erased me from memory.

I looked away from her, staring up at a light pole. I knew that I was close to crumbling, and I didn't want her to see me break down.

"What do you mean you had to? Did you find someone else to preoccupy your time? I knew you got around in high school, but really you cou-" Brittany swiftly clamped her hand over my mouth.

Caught off guard I stiffened in her grasp, but I couldn't move to free myself. There was no strength in her hold. It was like she was exhausted, which was rare for the spirited girl. The only thing keeping me in place was feeling the soft skin of her palm against my lips and the salty sweet smell accompanying it; combined they were paralyzing.

"Stop. Let me talk." There was a stormy look in her eyes, an expression I had only seen a few times. All I could do was nod and focus on her words.

"It hurt, and I know you felt the same way. But for me…" She dropped her hand from my face and took a step back, rewrapping her arms around her waist.

"School was so hard, it was struggle. Without you I couldn't do anything right. Everything was wrong, I couldn't even try to fix it. Thinking about it, how to fix the hurt I was feeling, just made me hurt more...

"The only thing that made it better was cheering; I didn't have to think then. I could just focus on the routine. But it wasn't enough… It was only for a few hours… Then I would have time to sit and think about you." A small sad smile pulled at her lips, but her eyes had nothing akin to happiness shining in them.

I wanted so badly to cradle her to my chest, and I was happy that she was remaining so composed despite the quiver in her voice. If she let a single tear trail down her swollen cheeks there would be no stopping me.

"After summer break it got so bad. I felt so… empty. To the point where I didn't even go to class anymore. I just went to parties and lost myself in other people. I tried to drown out the pain, but once I thought it was gone you would call. And I had to start all over again... Darr told me that I couldn't do that. It wasn't fair to you or me."

I wanted to ask her to clarify what she meant when she said that she lost herself in other people. Maybe I had heard her wrong. But I knew what she meant, exactly. Brittany had just admitted to cheating on me, and I couldn't even muster up the energy to be angry with her. Not with her standing before me looking so shattered. I had felt the same; I suppose I just handled it differently.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

_I sat on my bunk, curled in my thick red blanket, watching Britt show me the new dance move she learned yesterday. The connection was choppy, but it was better than nothing. She jumped around her dorm room, sometimes moving off camera, dancing her heart out for me._

_"What do you think?" Brittany rushed back to her computer._

_"Awesome Britt." I clapped my hands and smiled. She was amazing at everything she did. I only wished I could see it in person._

_"Yeah, I'm pretty awesome at everything." Britt looked smug and dusted off her shoulder._

_"That's why I love you."_

_"I'm not as awesome as you though." I smiled back at her, pulling the blanket tighter over me._

_"Hey I don't think I'll have time to call you tomorrow, sorry baby." My phone vibrated next to my laptop, it was Toni telling me to get my shit together._

_"Oh, well that's fine. School comes first right?" Brittany didn't sound too upset. We'd managed to talk to each other almost every day this week._

_"No, you come first; then a bunch of other meaningless crap then school." She smiled, giggling into the mic._

_"Well good luck on your test." I loved her serious face, it was nothing but adorable._

_"Yeah, thanks B. Procedural Law is kicking my butt." My phone buzzed again, Toni once more._

_"I think I'm gonna go to bed now… I'm tired." I checked the clock on my computer. It was almost eleven, but I suppose in Ohio it was closer to twelve. Still, it was early for a Friday. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew she was going out to do the same thing I was leaving to do. The thought was over looked by my own need._

_"Okay Britt Britt. Night I love you." I blew I kiss to my camera, and I watched as Brittany caught it and slipped it into her pocket._

_"Nighty night, love you too." I closed the window, and shut down my laptop. I shook off the blanket and stood to straighten my dress. It wasn't even thirty seconds after I told Brittany goodnight and I was feeling that emptiness crawl under skin._

_I did my best to ignore it. I touched up my make-up with the small mirror I kept on my desk next to literally everything else I owned. There was two ways of dealing with not having Brittany in my immediate proximity: crying about it or getting really really really drunk._

_"Santana you ready to go yet?" Toni popped into the room holding out my coat._

_"Yeah, where are we going tonight?" I stood and checked my reflection in from the window._

_"Ron's apartment." I made a face. Ron was a creep, but he was a creep with beer. "Hey, it's close and we don't have to shell out cash to get wasted." I took my coat from her, and pulled it over my arms._

_"Not with these on display." I laughed and pointed to my chest._

_I picked up my keys and phone, and pushed her out the door. "What took you so long? Have to get permission from wifey?"_

_"I do what I want. Shut up." Toni liked to tease me about having a long distance girlfriend almost constantly. I smacked her in the back of the head, as she was walking down the steps to get even with her._

_After a short, cold walk two blocks from the dorms we arrived at Ron's apartment. Ron, a friend of a friend that Toni knew, was an upperclassman who had a taste for freshmen. From the door we could hear that there were more than a few people getting trashed inside Ron's apartment._

_Toni made a bee line for Ron. She could tell me that it was all about the free drinks, but I knew she had a thing for the sleaze ball._

_It didn't take me more than one minute before someone was asking me to take shots with them. I declined a few offers until I spied a boy holding a bottle of fairly expensive tequila under his arm, standing in the corner._

_"Are you trying to keep that warm or something?" I sauntered over to the boy, wearing sunglasses probably to hide his fried red eyes, and his two friends in similar states._

_"Maybe… You want some?" He smirked as best as he could. The boy was clearly very drunk and pretty high too._

_"Maybe." I tried my best not to completely mock him. It looked like he had the better liquor at the party. I could take a few party shots from him and move on to the cheap beer Ron always provided._

_"You gotta do a dance for it." He did a pathetic little dance, and I laughed at him._

_"I can do that. But I get better the drunker I am." He held up the bottle, shaking it in the air, and motioned for me to dance._

_The Latin station was playing loudly in the background, which was a bit confusing since most of the people in the apartment were white. I listened to the beat for a moment. I had a usual slut dance I did for occasions similar to this; but then Brittany wormed her way in. In my mind I watched her perform the dance she showed me earlier tonight._

_The dance wasn't meant for this beat, but I doubted that the stoner with the bottle of tequila would notice. I did my best to mimic Brittany's dance. Swaying my hips, twirling at the right count, Brittany made everything seem so easy._

_After a minute or two the boy and his friends were clapping, signaling me to stop and claim my prize._

_"That works! Here, as much as you want. Only if you keep dancing." He held out his bottle to me._

_I stared at the glass bottle containing the clear liquid for a moment. This was the only way I knew how to rid myself of the tugging in my chest. The heartache I felt from being separated. I had to drown myself, eliminate my external world._

_I swiped the bottle from the boy and unscrewed the cap, giving him a little wink. Greedily I gulped from the bottle. The liquid burnt my throat, but it was all a part of forgetting._

_"Hey leave some for the rest of us…" One of his friends stepped forward to pull the bottle from me._

_I smirked at the three and apologized, saying that I was really thirsty. They grumbled something, so I moved on to find Toni or maybe a beer._

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

I opened my mouth to say something, but Brittany continued before I had time to comment on her confession.

"I dropped out before my professors could fail me, and I went back home. I didn't want you to know. I didn't want to screw up your future like I had sabotaged mine. I thought that if I disappeared from your life you could carry on and be successful… like you wanted. I knew you were strong enough to do that, I was weighing you down…" The tears welling in her eyes spilled over and I could help but reach out and grasp her arms. That was my last thread. No matter what she did to me, Brittany never deserved to be sad. I know it sounds stupid, but I guess I'm just stupid then.

"B, you neve-" Brittany brushed my hands from her arms, only to reclaim them in her own between us.

"But I did Santana. It was hurting you, and I stopped it the only way I could. " She turned her head to wipe the tears on her cotton t-shirt clad shoulder and squeezed my hands.

"I stayed with my parents for a while before I talked with Mike, and he offered me a job at his Aunt's studio in Dayton. I didn't have anything going on other than a part time receptionist job at my mom's office. I left so that I could dance. Pass on my gift to the kids who wanted to learn. But mostly I left because if I sat still… I could feel the jagged pieces…"

Brittany lifted both of my hands to the bare skin uncovered by her tank top over her heart. "Right here."

I could feel the warmth radiating from her chest and the quick thumps of her heart beat. It was a familiar rhythm, one strong enough to reset my own and beat in time.

"Why… why did you leave me?" I gently pulled out of her grasp. Her skin under my touch was too much, it was drowning my thoughts. I was starting to understand, slightly. Brittany's logic was always a bit different from my own, but it was never anything I couldn't comprehend.

"Santana… the only reason…" She was fighting for words, her stress was evident. She raked a hand through her short her again and huffed._I wish she wouldn't had cut it…_

Brittany turned and climbed into her car. For a moment I thought that she was leaving. Her voice was the only thing that stopped me from grabbing hold of her and pulling her from the car.

"I know it's not real. But it's real to me." She tossed the words over her shoulder while leaning over the seats to pull a crumpled piece of paper from her bag on the floor boards.

She pivoted on her feet and smoothed the paper over her stomach before presenting it to me. The paper was fragile and well worn. It had doodles of hearts and animals on the boarders, and more stains than I could count. The ink in some areas had flaked away, but it wasn't necessary for it to be legible.

I knew what it was.

I knew what was written.

It was going on five years old and showed it, but it was the pseudo-legal contract I created. Of all the promises she had broken, she felt bound to this one.

"This is the only reason that I could leave you. Because I knew that you had to come back to me. That I had to come back to you."

I handed the paper back to her. What was I suppose to say? It's ok that you cheated on me, dragged me along, stomped on my heart, and completely disappeared from my life? It's ok, because you're here now?

Brittany folded the paper neatly and slid it into her back pocket of her faded jeans. "I know that doesn't fix anything."

"It really doesn't." The stupid document was meant to make her feel better when she was weeping on my living room floor. Not to be used as a crutch to get me back after she dumped me.

"And… I don't deserve it. But…" Brittany looked up to the sky with a sigh and blinked causing twin droplets to roll down her cheeks.

"You're it for me ok? Like, no one else can compare to you. No one else gets me like you Santana. No one else can make me as happy or even as sad as you can." I smiled, my own tears threatening to spill. She beamed her flawless smile back at me and I felt my legs quiver.

Brittany took my crooked smile as an invitation to bind our hands together again. "There's only one person in the world that I want to be with. And that's Santana Lopez."

Brittany's speech mirrored my own feelings. Almost exactly, minus the whole 'wallowing in misery for the rest of my life' thing.

"You're asking for a lot B. A whole hell of a lot." She had strayed from me once. Left me in a heaping mess of pathetic, _I'm still a mess without her_.

There was a trickle of doubt in the back of my mind that I couldn't trust her.

Against the the thought of trust, there was a flood of want coming over me. Like I was standing on a beach watching the tsunami roll in towards me. I could try and run, but the waves would crash over me and drag me out to sea.

I felt that tension rising, filling the space between us like a hot bubble. It was something that pushed and pulled me towards her years ago. The strength it possessed was overwhelming, both physically and mentally. And I was drained from fighting it years ago in high school.

"I know." Brittany's voice was a mere whisper. I was transfixed on her thumbs stroking over my fingers in her grasp. "But I haven't got anything left to lose."

I looked up into her glassy blue eyes, ones which haunted my dreams for years. This was a girl who, unlike any other, had the power to captivate my mind and body. I don't know if she even realized the control she has over me. The potential to destroy me again, at least what little I rebuilt.

The danger was real for me.

Brittany just wasn't a girl. She was much more.

Hidden behind her angelic features, her perfect smile and glittering eyes; there was a beast. A creature waiting to sink its claws into my heart, asking my permission to pierce my soul once more. It would scratch away the flesh, crack bones under immense pressure, and tear through muscle; until settling in my inner most sanctum. Eliciting a pain which was only felt when the claws retracted; leaving a hole, empty and raw.

Here I was, with a scarred void, standing before her yearning to be filled again. Wanting her to thrust those claws into my soul and never leave.

Brittany was asking for my heart again. Denying her would leave me empty, but it could save me from a fresh wound. From an unbearable pain.

I could never say no to her. And that was probably a bad thing.

"Brittany I… I love you." I keep my eyes on her fingers grazing the sides of my hands. "But I don't think that I can just jump back into your arms. Like the last three years didn't happen."

"I'm not asking for that." Brittany brought a hand to the side of my face. I knew she was searching for a way into me. If she didn't want me, then what did she hope to accomplish here?

"Then why did you come here?" I closed my eyes and leaned into her touch.

"All I want from you is a second chance. I'm not asking you to forget, just forgive."

"A second chance?" I opened my eyes to find her staring at me, mesmerized.

Forgiveness, it was simple to say. However, the pain of her ripping away from me was something I could never forget. But she wasn't asking for that.

"Yes… Let me try and fix us. Please. I love you more than anyone in this world." Her eyes were swirling pits, dragging me down into her soul.

I wanted her so badly. To have her love again, to be the only one in her world. I could swallow my pain, ignore it. Maybe she could drown it out with something new to replace the pain with. Maybe she could heal the wounds she dealt me.

I pulled her hand from my face, wrapping my fingers around her palm. "Alright. One condition."

Brittany broke a huge smile with her blue eyes shining. "Anything."

"You're not allowed to disappear again. Even if we manage to fuck up again, you can't leave me alone. I didn't just lose my girlfriend, I lost my best friend. I don't want that to happen again. Ever."

"I promise, super pinky promise that I won't disappear." She offered her pinky to me. It was something we've done a million times. Hundreds of unspoken promises and this was one of few verbal ones. Once I accepted it, curling my little finger around hers, a feeling of nostalgia and warmth spread through me.

Maybe I made the right choice. If not, this was going to be one hell of a letdown. But what's life without the risk?

"Ok then…" Brittany swung our locked fingers between us, still smiling. It was infectious and I felt my own pulling the corners of my lips into a grin.

"Do you want to um, get lunch or something?" Her cheeks flushed, causing mine to as well. It felt more of an official question than it used to. She used to state it, well she told me that she was hungry and then we'd go get something to eat. This was a strange change.

"No… sorry. I mean. Today has been a lot." I dropped her hand. I don't know if I could sit across from Brittany and attempt to eat. As of right now my appetite was nonexistent. I just wanted to go home and digest what I've agreed to.

"Oh, ok…"

Brittany pouted and I quickly thought of a way to make it go away. "I think that we should take it slow." Actually that was a great idea. _Twenty bonus points for me_.

"I think that's a good idea." She smiled as she agreed, but it wasn't as bright as usual.

"We've been apart for a long time, who knows how you've changed." I shrugged my shoulders. My interests slightly changed over the few years we were apart, naturally hers would have too.

"Err… I don't think I've done much of that. But that's fine, no lunch today." Brittany fidgeted on her feet and I followed suit by crossing my arms.

"Tomorrow?" I hated the way desperation tinted my voice.

"Uh, no I'm supposed to go shopping with Mom, and Darr's visiting too with her husband." Brittany's statement felt like a punch to my stomach. And from her expression, she felt the same.

Well this was starting off well. I wonder how the hell this was supposed to work when neither of us could scrap together the time to go out.

"Oh, that's nice… Tell them I said hello. Did she finally settle with Jessie?" Last I remembered of Daria she was with Jessie, a strange boy with an obsession with Starcraft.

"No, she met Thomas in grad school. It was like an instant thing, he's kinda cool." The information served to jar me into the reality of the situation.

We haven't spoken in three years, I don't know if she's even the same. Her family was branching out, is her mom still with Jeff? Who knew how many cats she's 'rescued'.

"Well, I guess I'll go now… I'll see you around." The conversation took a dive into the pits of extraordinary awkwardness. And I found myself extending a hand in the form of a hand shake.

"Yeah, bye Santana." Brittany quirked her eyebrows and gripped my hand in the awkward farewell. I pushed my sunglasses on my face to cover it.

"See ya Britt." I quickly turned and picked up my purse, taking long strides towards my car at the end of the lot. I decided that distance between us right now would probably be in my best interest, as to not look more foolish.

I dug through my purse to pull out the keys and unlocked my car. The door was open and I was climbing inside the oven like vehicle when I heard Brittany shout.

"Hey, wait up!" I spun around in my seat to see Brittany jogging towards me, her short hair bobbing up and down.

"I totally forgot you don't know my number." This was an oversight. I'm glad she caught it; it would have put a huge hindrance on our second chance thing.

"Here, give me a call when you wanta hang out. I promise that I'm free after tomorrow. But I'm leaving for Dayton Monday night." She handed me a small business card to a dance studio with her name and contact information on it.

"Wow you're legit now huh? I'll call you later, see if you're up for something Sunday then…" The card in my hand was growing heavy. Brittany lived in Dayton now. She wouldn't be fifteen minutes away; she'd be the better part of two hours away. How was this supposed to work?

"I'll think of something." I couldn't tell if she was reading my thoughts or if she was answering the previous question.

While I was lost in my thoughts of impending heartbreak, Brittany leaned down and gave me a small kiss on the corner of my mouth.

It felt like an electric current that reset my entire system. It banished my worry and put a huge smile on my face.

Before I could say or do anything else, Brittany skipped away from me, her hair catching in the breeze.

I jammed the keys into the ignition of my red Cobalt and blasted the AC. I sat in my car for a few minutes, my mind going blank. I retrieved my wallet from my purse and tucked Brittany's card into one of the slots.

A smile crawled onto my face as I backed out into the aisle.

So today wasn't terrible.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

* * *

><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AN:**Let me know what you think about things and stuff. Next chapter car accident and Santana dies LOL.

btw Darr is Daria nickname.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN:**Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee.

hangry= hungry and angry

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Twelve: Don't Stop Me Now<strong>

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

It was ridiculous how happy a little kiss made me.

I felt light as a feather and indestructible. The adrenaline coursed through my veins, dopamine swamped my head. The mix caused the sun to shine a little brighter, and the air to be a little cooler. Suddenly my life didn't feel so miserable and hopeless.

All from a little kiss.

Once on the road, I let my foot sink to the floor. I turned off the AC in favor of the wind tangling my hair. The stereo blasted to a level to compete with my voice.

The wind was at my back, because Brittany was back. We were together again.

As the thought passed through my mind, I squealed. Like a teenage bubble gum pop rocker kid. I didn't even know that I could even emit that type of sound.

With my reckless disregard for the law, it didn't take long for me to get to my parent's subdivision. Turning onto my street I slowed my speed to let the song finish playing. I rolled past the pristine gardens and lawns ornaments, the scent of fresh cut grass and blooming flowers from the gardens wafted into my car.

The song was an old classic rock song, one that we covered senior year in glee club. However, the song felt much more true to its name today than it did four years ago. Mostly because now I have absolutely no urge to continue my education, a bachelor's degree is enough for me.

In the middle of the road, two houses before mine, there was a turtle crossing. I was going to dodge the creature, but I had to stop when two boys ran into the road to save it. It was a good thing I was going slowly for once, or else I would have probably hit the little idiots.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

_"Rachel needs to take a chill pill. I swear to god. I'mma cut a bitch before the week is over. I mean, come on. Everybody could see this one coming. I just hope she doesn't fall into the same depression kick Quinn did. I don't think I could deal with her being mopey." Brittany nodded her head in agreement. She was completely focused on the road ahead of us, but I knew she was listening intently to my complaints._

_One hand guided the car down the deserted streets while her other traced shapes on my knee. When I would say something about our fellow glee clubbers that she disagreed with she would lightly slap my leg._

_"It's just what Finn does. Be a douche bag bitch boy. I'm surprised he didn't dump her earlier; I guess the new girl is his type. The whole I have a boyfriend slash not interested thing she's got going on. But you know, I don't even think it's his fault; he's got ADD or something. Maybe he's actually mentally challenged and he just forgets how to be a normal human being." I scanned the radio while I rambled on about the latest scandal of Glee Club. I turned down the volume and started the mixed CD I made for Brittany a few weeks ago when I couldn't find anything good._

_"That's not very nice." She landed a gentle smack on my knee._

_"Sorry. But I don't even know what those girls see in him. His IQ and height are roughly the same, a little over six." Maybe it was the lack of oxygen at that altitude that caused him to be so dim._

_I reached out to turn down the AC. We could have the windows down, with the cool spring air; but I didn't want to risk my hair being ruined. Or Brittany's hair for that matter, I spent a good chunk of time to get it to curl like that._

_"You-" I could see the half smile Brittany was trying to hid from me in the twilight._

_"I'm not above spousal abuse, Britt. We do not talk about that." I crossed my arms and glared at the girl who was supposed to be on my side of everything. She wasn't supposed to be dragging up nightmarish memories of past bad choices._

_"I'm not talking about anything." She blankly stared at me, pretending to be naïve. "Oh look!" She slowed the car to a stop in the middle of the road._

_"What?" I looked over my shoulder to make sure no one was behind us before I saw the reason for our detour._

_"A turtle? Yay, now let's go. I'm getting hangry. I need breadsticks."_

_"I can tell." Brittany smiled at me and unbuckled her seatbelt and opened her door, leaving the car to idle._

_"Whoa. Where are you going?" I tried to lean over and grab her wrist before she exited the car, but my seatbelt stopped me half way._

_"I'm going to save the turtle from an unfortunate death." She popped her head inside the car and motioned for me to follow her._

_Brittany was an animal lover. She told me that when she was little she wanted to be a veterinarian. Every animal that would allow her to come near she would cuddle and try to sneak into her room. Mrs. Pierce was much more lenient than my father and allowed Britt to take in the two cats that I adore just as much as she did. I would enjoy the company of a family pet, but my father was against bringing animals into our home to leech off of us._

_"Ew, don't touch it. Who knows what kind of diseases or warts you'll get." I unbuckled my seatbelt, but I wasn't going to help her move a stupid turtle off the road. I leaned over to the driver side and flicked on the hazard lights to let other drivers know that my girlfriend was acting as a hero._

_I settled into the familiar seat and smoothed my skirt. I had bought it last weekend and I was eager to show it off. Dinner at Breadstixs with my girlfriend of eight months would be the perfect occasion._

_"You don't get warts from turtles San." Shouted to me as__she hovered over the reptile. The head lights from her Honda were unlike the spot lights from the auditorium. Despite the unflattering beams of light she was beautiful._

_"Whatever, hurry up and move it then." The cell phone tucked into my bra vibrated against me. I pulled it out and scanned the text quickly, before adding to the end of my shout "Quinn says that she's already there."_

_We were having dinner with Quinn, so it wasn't an actual date. But I could pretend. Maybe Quinn would bring along some dude and it'd be a double date. Quinn needs to move on anyway, she's been moping about having no one to love for too long._

_"Oh, is Rachel there too?" Brittany looked up to the car, shielding her eyes from the lights, searching me out in the darkness of the cabin._

_My brows furrowed, and I looked over the text again. "Rachel? Why would… Brittany are you dragging me out with that dwarf?" I opened the car door and stepped out onto the gravel._

_"I'm not dragging you anywhere. I'm driving you to your favorite restaurant and paying for you to eat your heart's content of breadsticks and then shove ten more into your bag."_

_A car slowly pulled up behind us and Brittany waved them around us with a cheery smile. The man in the car honked and appeared generally displeased._

_"Like hell I am going to sit across from that thing and eat." I flipped off the man driving pass us and I mumbled under my breath "Freaking white people."_

_I stood behind Brittany as she slowly shuffled behind the turtle urging it forward._

_"Just thinking about it greatly subdues my appetite. Actually I can feel my stomach twisting now." I wasn't lying completely; my stomach was starting to growl. But it was in no way related to Rachel._

_"Oh please. Just be nice and focus on breadsticks." Brittany flipped her hair over her shoulder and rolled her eyes at me. She was the only person in the world that could get away with bossing me around. It probably had something to do with the way she looked in her tight white pants._

_"Whatever, if I barf it's your fault." I looked down to humanity's latest victim._

_The little shelled animal had made it a few feet closer to the side of road, but it still had a long way to go. "What's taking so long with the turtle?"_

_"Hm?" Brittany followed my pointed finger to turtle crawling in front of her car._

_"Move the damn thing so we can go!" I threw my hands in the air._

_I was done with standing in the middle of the road, one mosquito already landed on my bare arm. I didn't want any bites._

_"Oh, now you can't wait to see Rachel. Do you have a secret crush you're keeping from me? Should I be worried?" Brittany turned to me with a pout on her face._

_"Oh my god… CAN WE PLEASE GO?" I yelled more at the turtle than Brittany._

_She knew how to rile me, but I wouldn't actually ever be mad at her. It clearly was the response she wanted though, because she resumed her task with a little giggle._

_"San you have to wait for him to cross on his own, or else he will turn around and cross again." She knelt down behind the turtle whispering words of encouragement. Either that or she was reassuring it that I wasn't going to punt it across the road. The thought did cross my mind however._

_"That is the biggest load of bullshit I've heard today." I huffed and crossed my arms, watching her rock back and forth on her heels._

_"Well it's true." She tossed the comment over her shoulder and did a little cheer for the turtle. I doubted she read that from a legitimate source._

_"I don't believe it, just move him. He'll feel like he's flying or something." The image of a turtle in a cape popped into my mind and I grinned._

_"I'm not picking him up." Brittany stood shook her head._

_"Fine I will then!" I had played with turtles when I was younger. Recently, however, I've lost any want for them._

_I bent down to the turtle and gripped the sides of his shell and lifted him into the air taking a few quick steps to the edge of the road._

_"Santana, no! Wait, monsieur turtle doesn't like to be-" Brittany reached out to me and I looked over my shoulder to see what she wanted._

_Before she had time to say anything I heard a strange noise and a sudden wetness on my left leg. I snapped my attention to the turtle and removed it from my personal space._

_"Goddamnit! What the fuck turtle? Really? Really!"_

_I quickly stepped off the road and sat it gently in the grass on the side of the road. "There you go asshole, enjoy your miserable life pissing on people. Oh this is so gross! Ahh it's all wet!"_

_"Santana it's just pee." Brittany stood behind me with a hand on the small of my back, she was trying to hold back her laughter and failing miserably._

_"Shut up its nasty! Do you have anything I can wear?" I looked back to her car._

_Brittany always left clothes in her car. From dance or sleepovers, it was always full of something. It was unusually clean today though, leaving me to hope that she just moved her second closet into her trunk._

_"Yeah, calm down." Brittany composed herself and tugged on my shoulders to direct me back to the car._

_"Says the girl who doesn't have turtle piss on her leg!" She pushed me down into the passenger's seat sideways, so that my legs were hanging out the door._

_"Do you want pants or not?" I opened the glove box which was full of napkins, from her mom's insistent worrying. I grabbed a few to wipe the liquid from my leg, but I couldn't bear the thought of getting any on my hands._

_"Yes! Sorry… I just don't do bodily fluids." I hovered the napkins over my leg._

_"I know. Here let me do it." Brittany took the napkins from my hand, and crouched on the ground pulling my left heel to balance on her knee. She made quick work of wiping the liquid from my skin. Britt stuffed the soiled napkins into the side pocket of the door, before retrieving more from the glove box._

_"Thanks B." Her hand skated up my leg to the hem of my new skirt, sending a shiver down my spine. With the napkins she dapped at a spot on my skirt._

_"It didn't really get on your skirt too bad. It's just kinda damp now. Do you still want to change…"_

_I was glaring down at Brittany before she looked up to me._

_"I'll grab some pants." She dropped my leg and opened the trunk to find something for me to wear._

_"Is this all you have?" She returned with a pair of blue sweats, holding them out towards me._

_"I wore them today so they're smelly. No complaining, you've been warned." I yanked them out her hands._

_"I'm going to look ridiculous. There has to be something else." I attempted to stand, but she pushed me down back into the seat. The blue sweats were not going to match my top. Like at all._

_"San I only have my dance clothes in the back. Mom made me clean out my car yesterday. And your skirt isn't destroyed. You can't even see it." She gestured for me to properly sit so that she could close the door._

_"Well I know it's there." I muttered to myself while she walked around the car to her side and climbed into the car._

_"Fine, change if you want. I'm driving now." She buckled her seatbelt and I did the same._

_I held the sweats on my lap. There was no way that I was going to put these on and walk into Breadstixs. But I also didn't want to walk in with turtle pee on my new skirt._

_"Are you not going to change, or are you shy all of the sudden? We're almost there." Her eyes glanced over to me from the road. She almost looked disappointed she wasn't getting a free show before dinner._

_I smirked, "I am not shy. I'm the total opposite, whatever that is… But I'm not going to have dinner dressed like a clown so that the damn hobbit can mock me."_

_The grin was replaced by a frown when I remembered that Berry was going to be joining us. "No way in hell. I'll deal with the turtle pee."_

_Brittany broke into a smile. "Awww."_

_"Aww, what?" I didn't understand how turtle pee, sweats, or Rachel being irritating could possibly be thought of as cute._

_"It's so cute." I quirked my eye brows, waiting for to continue. "You're trying so hard to look nice for Rachel. It's sweet."_

_I glared at her, daring her to say anything else. She stifled a laugh and grasped my hand sitting on her sweats in my lap. "I'm actually a little jealous. You never dress up for me."_

_"I hate you." I crossed my arms, pulling her hand with mine, and watched the traffic light change from yellow to red._

_"I love you too honey." Brittany leaned over and kissed my cheek. I kept my gaze on the light and a hard expression on my face, but on the inside I was tip toeing through tulips. That's just how Brittany's tiny kisses made me feel._

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

I pulled into my parent's drive way leading up to their massive Dutch colonial grey stone home, and into my bay of the open garage which I forgot to close. Once inside I pressed the remote to close the heavy metal door. The dim light from the machine added little light to the sun peaking around the shuttered windows.

It was hot and stuffy inside the garage. Humidity was something that usually killed any good mood I would have.

But not today. There was no way anything like a little heat was going to sour my smile. I grabbed my things, and exited the car.

The garage was large enough for four cars. One space held my father's cherry red 1973 Plymouth Barracuda. A car, that upon the right circumstance and correct pout, I was allowed to drive around town in. Two oil spots tarnished the polished concrete floor, spaces of my parent's vehicles who wouldn't be home until the late afternoon.

I entered the silent kitchen and stopped by the fridge to pull a bottle of water out, humming to myself. I kicked the door closed with my foot, still wearing my shoes. The hum turned into the chorus of a song that had been in the top 20 for the last couple of weeks. I dropped my purse onto the counter next to a note from my mother and cracked open the bottle.

The note instructed me not to get anything dirty, and that she was working late as was my father. _Like that's anything new._

It was a little different than living with my roommates. For some reason even though I lived in this home for eighteen years with my parents it felt weird, emptier than usual. It's probably because André wasn't here for me to bother. The thought of André stifled my good mood, so I moved on with a deep sigh.

The smell of cleaner lingered in the air and I figured that Mandy must have just left for the day.

My mother's kitchen was immaculate, as was every other room of _her_ home. Though it was mostly the maid's doing, my mother helped with ordering the poor woman around. If either one was here I would have been scolded for my shoes. Mandy probably would have been a bit kinder with asking.

I tossed the cap at the bin, not caring that I missed, and danced my way into the living room. Leaping over the back of the couch I landed with as much grace as a meerkat and not spilling a drop. I mashed the keys on the remote to watch whatever terrible reality show reruns were on.

There were three girls screaming at a well dressed man. Two of the girls were clearly back up for the short brunette attacking the tall man. The look on the man's face from the verbal assault the girls dealt him was amusing, but more nostalgic for me than anything else.

It reminded me of my early high school days and tormenting the under classmen. It was a terrible thing to do, but nothing brings you closer together than slandering someone's good name. Brittany was never thrilled to follow Quinn and I in our attacks of freshmen that wandered in our paths, but she accompanied us nevertheless.

I missed the unity we had. Perhaps we could have that again. The three of us against the world.

Quinn and I kept in touch. She was just as lost as I was when Brittany disappeared. For weeks I would call her whining and she would do her best to comfort me over the phone, but I often forgot that she lost someone too.

I shook my head and muted the television's commercials screaming at me. My phone vibrated in my pocket. _If this is Quinn I'm going to freak out._I slide the phone open to view my newest message.

**From : T-dawg** I hope I'm not interrupting… [1:22 pm]

Toni was the girl who faced the brunt of my anguish and anger, and who stuck by my side through it all. But more importantly she knew what today was.

I quickly typed out a reply and sent it off with a smug look on my face. I bit back a smile, just reading the words made me happy.

**From : T-dawg**Are you sure that you want to do this? [1:23 pm]

I knew what Toni meant. It was a difficult choice to take back Brittany. The sane thing would have been to decline her offer, but my heart wouldn't have allowed it. Did I want Brittany back in my life. Yes. Do I want her to trample me again, no. Was I going to take the chance. Hell to the yes.

**From : T-dawg** I'm not going to tell you what to do, but she did fuck up once. And I won't be there to pick up the pieces. [1:24]

I glared down at my cell phone, and tossed it into the cushions of the couch next to me. I didn't know what to say to her. I wanted to snap at her. Toni was making it sound like I was inconveniencing her, or that I couldn't take care of myself.

Instead of stringing together a text that would surely dampen our friendship, I opted to ignore the feelings welling up inside me and watch the stupid reality show.

After a minute, and with a firm grasp on my emotions, I composed a reply. Half way through my passive aggressive text, Toni had sent me another.

**From : T-dawg**I am happy for you, don't get me wrong. Even though I never met her, Brittany must be some kind of amazing to make a fiery Latina like yourself go weak in the knees. Just be careful [1:27 pm]

She had vindicated herself, so I rewrote my text into something more friendly. Toni didn't approve of Brittany's second chance, my second chance too I suppose. Isn't that what friends are supposed to do though? Question and irritate you?

Whatever. It was to be expected.

Her words, however, did manage to start anxiety to swim in my gut.

I stood up from the warm leather of the couch and strode into the kitchen to retrieve Brittany's business card from my wallet.

A welcomed happiness seeped into my fingers and throughout my body when I pulled the small card out of the faux leather slot.

It was simple print; even the logo was lackluster 'Dayton Dance'. The lettering was black and white, but where Brittany S. Pierce was written it must have been shooting rainbow lasers into my eyes to cause me to smile the way I was.

I hopped up onto the counter and slid my phone open again, ignoring a 'ttyl' text from Toni, and dialed the number on the card Brittany gave me earlier today.

My fingers felt like glue on the keys, it was a struggle to type them all out. Just before the screen turned off I hit send and slammed the phone to my ear, clicking against my earring. The sweat from my palm caused the tile underneath my right hand to become slick, and if I wasn't busy counting the seconds between rings that fact would have repulsed me.

After the sixth ring Brittany's bubbly voice cracked through the speaker.

"This is Brittany Pierce, please leave a message with your name and number and I will return your call as soon as possible." I quickly shut my phone and dropped it to the counter top besides me.

It was strange change from the last voice mail message I remember. Britt was able to keep her child like wonder, but she definitely did a lot of growing up.

It made me feel like a child compared to her. Brittany had actual responsibilities. Adult responsibilities. She lived on her own, had a full time job, she had people that depended on her, and who knows what else. It was weird to think of it.

I had responsibilities too, well up until a few weeks ago. But somehow my part time job and college apartment lifestyle felt insignificant compared to Brittany's life. A life that I knew very little of.

I dropped down and picked up my phone from the counter, slowly I made my way back to the couch. Sinking down into the cool leather cushions, I sent a quick text and waited.

The reality show was on a commercial break, it wasn't captivating but I still stared at the screen. Seven minutes and a busted lip dealt to one of the guys in the show from a bouncer; lyrics to a rap song, justifying the reasons of why there were so many hoes on their dick, blasted from my phone.

"You know when all you send is 'HEY' I can't tell if you're being creepy, cheeky, or if someone has you bound and gagged and you're in need of assistance immediately."

"It got your attention didn't it?" I muted the television and pulled off my shoes and socks, kicking them under the coffee table.

"Next time I'm not going to respond." Quinn threatened me, but if she didn't talk to me then she would have seriously damaged her friendship pool.

"Yeah, I'm sure you won't. Is sitting around doing nothing all day becoming a chore?" I laid down on the couch resting my head on the armrest.

"You're in the same boat as me; at least I'm trying to find a job. Now what did you want?"

I was going to retort that I had quite a few applications and interviews scheduled, but I had more important things to tell Quinn than my job search status.

I chewed on my lip, for some reason I was becoming nervous about telling Quinn. "Something happened today…"

"I know you like to play twenty questions, but just tell me." Quinn sighed and I could faintly hear the tapping of keys in the background.

"Fine." I took a deep breath to prepare myself. "I saw Brittany today."

"You saw Brittany." Her voice was airy echo of my own.

"Yes, we were supposed to have lunch." I felt a pang of regret that I didn't get to spend more time with her today. Maybe we should have gone to lunch.

"So you didn't have lunch with her?"

"No, she didn't show."

"I'm confused you said you saw her, but you didn't? Did you even talk to her?" I could tell that Quinn was getting annoyed with me. I needed her opinion, her advice; so I elaborated.

"No I did… I talked to her in the parking lot before she had the chance to leave."

"Ok… What happened? How is she?" Quinn missed Brittany just as much I did. I felt bad that she wasn't there to see her too.

"She's good, still the same. She cut her hair."

"I'm glad to hear that… I don't know how she would look with short hair though." Quinn gave a small laugh.

Brittany did look kind of silly with short hair, but I guess that was from years of seeing her with much longer styles. Even if I was biased there was no denying her new style, long enough to almost brush her shoulders, added to her beauty.

"So what did you two talk about?"

"She asked…" It still felt so surreal to me. Like I was in a dream, and I haven't woke up yet.

"She wanted a second chance."

Silence was all that I heard. Not even her breath or her nails on the keyboard came in over the speaker.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

* * *

><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AN:** Let me know about things and stuff. I cut this one into two parts because it was getting kinda long and, well I wanted too. It'll be up soon. Don't stress.

I was purposely being vague about the songs. I think it's more interesting than just saying, oh XXX is playing. But so you know the first is School's Out, the one Santana is humming in the kitchen is whatever song will be popular five years from now, Quinn's ring tone is… I don't even know anymore.

Also turtles are bitches.


	13. Chapter 13

**AN:**Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee.

Here's the second half of the phone call.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Thirteen: The Middle<strong>

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

"Quinn?" She had been the one to help me a long time ago, and I needed to hear her opinion this time.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

_I sat in the Fabray's driveway collecting my things; phone, bag, towel, the soda I picked up from the gas station. The sun was high in the sky, beating down onto every living creature with the sole purpose of making me more miserable._

_Most people assumed that I could take the heat. I supposed my skin tone is what they used to base their reasoning; however I was a fair weather girl. Extreme heat or cold, I was no fan of._

_For the majority of summer break thus far I had secluded myself to the inner sanctum of my bedroom. Any desire to socialize had been stripped from me, replaced with an aspiration to promote a mind numbing depression. If I could I would blame it on Brittany, but I knew it was my fault. I was the one unable to come to terms with who I was. I was the one laying in bed all day not doing a damn thing._

_Today, I grew weary of my pity party. Quinn had been texting me the past few days trying to get us, Brittany included, to do something. I sent her a text earlier to inform her of my arrival and that we would be swimming in her pool. My parents had decided not to open our pool this year, because the lining of the in ground pool was in need of repair._

_Both of us, me and Quinn, were in need of some conversation other than with the voices in our heads. Even if all we did today was argue and insult each other, it would feel better than sitting alone in my house watching reruns of cartoons and missing Brittany._

_I stepped up onto the porch between the tall pillars and thumped on the large red door with my fist. It didn't take long for Quinn to welcome me into her home, throwing open the door and gesturing for me to enter. Her mannerisms felt like she was treating me like a vampire or something._

"_Please come in. Took you long enough." Quinn held the door open searching outside for something, while I stood awkwardly in the foyer waiting for her._

"_Where's Brittany?" Quinn questioned me over her shoulder as she peered outside into the summer heat. Her hair shone in the sun's light. It was already getting longer; she would have to get it trimmed soon if she wanted to keep the style._

"_I never said that she was coming." I fidgeted with the strings of my gym bag cutting into my shoulder and sipped at my soda as to not make eye contact with short white girl closing the door._

_Quinn walked past me into the Fabray's sitting room. My legs moved on their own accord, following her._

"_Oh, is she busy?" She leaned against the ornate polished wood of the sofa, staring me down._

"_Why should I know?" I put on my bitch face, hoping that she would leave me alone and stop questioning the absence of the girl who was constantly attached to my hip. That is since she decided to give 'us' space to think._

_I know what Brittany wanted. She wanted me to be out and proud. But what did I have to proud of? How can you be proud of yourself when your family sees you as a sin. A marr, something to be fixed. How could I tell them I was gay and be proud of that. I wouldn't just be ruining my life, but theirs too._

"_Do you need to change?" Quinn moved towards the steps that lead to the second floor and her bedroom._

_I shook my head. "No. Do you have the rafts from last year? I plan to get my tan on." I came prepared to jump into the water if I felt like it._

"_Yeah, you can go out back if you want." I nodded and watched her ascend the staircase._

_I got lost in my thoughts and my eyes fell onto the girl climbing the stairs. Before I knew what I was doing I was blatantly staring at her. Quinn glanced down at me and I turned my head quickly; the Fabray family portrait wasn't interesting, but it would have to do._

_I didn't even realize I was staring. "I'll be out in a second." I didn't respond to her and instead I stalked into the kitchen and through the glass sliding door stepping out onto the patio._

_Mrs. Fabray was able to make some sort of deal to keep basically everything until Quinn graduated from McKinley. I was happy for them, because it meant that I still had access to the magnificence that was the Fabray's pool. It was a pretty simple layout; diving board, slide, the shallow water deepening to over twelve feet. But it was tricked out with a bar, color changing lights under the water, every type of pool toy, a large umbrella and chairs, and my personal favorite an awesome sound system._

_Quinn really didn't use it as she should._

_I walked over the bar and pulled my Ipod from my gym bag. There wasn't one thing I really wanted to listen to so I just put it on shuffle and hooked it up to the system, cranking the volume. Stepping out from under the bar's roof the sun immediately attacked me. I made it to the lounge chairs at the far end of the pool before I had to rip off my tank top and jean shorts._

_Setting my soda on the small table, I laid out my towel over the chair and pulled my sun tan lotion from my bag. After putting my hair up into a pony tail with the band form my wrist, I squirted some lotion into my hands and worked it over my arms. I paused at my wrist, where normally I would have stopped to remove my cherished bracelet; however, it was no longer hanging from my wrist. I don't even remember when I stopped wearing it._

_I continued slicking my skin with the lotion, avoiding my zebra striped bikini. I was able to cover myself pretty well, except for my back. That part of me would just have to suffer since I didn't have either a rambunctious or a passive aggressive blonde to help with the task._

_Quinn was apparently taking her time changing, so I laid out on the chair with my sunglasses blocking out most of the sun's light. I closed my eyes against the brightness that still managed to smuggle through the dark lens._

_My body relaxed into the chair, finally giving up the fight with the heat and letting it overtake me. The sun was so hot that it pushed any thought out of my mind._

_I didn't have the energy to think about what Brittany was doing, who she was with, if she missed me like I missed her, or if she would come over to Quinn's if I asked. No, my mind was blank aside from the thought of 'It's H-O-T'; and that was wonderful._

_It wasn't long until I was abruptly torn from my tranquility. One strong kick to the chair I was laying in brought me back into the harsh reality of my life._

"_Get up Santana." Quinn kicked the lounge chair I was in once more. I dropped my feet to either side, so that she wouldn't have the idea to tip over my chair to get me up._

"_What?" I looked up at her just in time to catch the bottle flying towards my face._

_Quinn was wearing our old Cheerios swim suit, minus the skirt. It was almost sad how she clung to the past. But I suppose I wasn't one to talk._

_I still couldn't tell my friends, much less my family, that I was gay. And if I had the chance, to go back to ways things were, I think that I would definitely push back the clock. At least things wouldn't be so confusing. So hard._

"_You need to put sun block on my back so I don't burn." Quinn turned her back towards me and pointed to the area of which I was commanded to cover with the sun screen._

"_Fine. Sit down; I ain't stand'n up for you." I heard Quinn let air pass harshly from her nose before she sat down on the end of the chair. It was the noise that accompanied her smirk; the princess got her way look._

_I scooted up a bit, my knees brushing her sides, and squeezed some of the white cream into the palm of my hand. Her skin was already pink, from previous days laying under the sun I assumed. I rubbed my hands together and smoothed the cream over her warm skin. My hands traveled over her shoulders and down her spine, they were working on autopilot and began gently kneading her lax muscles._

_Quinn leaned into my touch, pressing her back into my fingers and palms. This coupled with the feeling of hot flesh under my fingers, a sensation I've been deprived of recently; caused my pulse to quicken. I put forth more effort into my impromptu back massage, stealing what I could with my fingers and eyes. When Quinn sighed I remembered who I was with, and how inappropriate my actions were. I retracted my traitorous hands and wiped them on my towel._

"_Alright, I'm done." I poked her in the side to get her to move off my chair. "You're still gonna burn."_

_Quinn didn't say anything, but I could feel her sneer down at me while she situated herself in the lounge chair next to mine. It wasn't my fault she was white. I rolled on my stomach, so that she wouldn't feel the need to force conversation. I didn't really feel like talking._

_Thankfully neither did she._

_We sat in silence for a long time letting the sun drench our skin, sharing my soda, and listening to the music from my Ipod. Most of the songs were top 40, but a few that played over the speakers were from Mercedes' collection. The condensation collecting and rolling down the sides of my blue and white styrofoam cup had most of my attention, but Quinn's air catching in the breeze was equally entertaining._

_The day was going well; I'd even say that I was enjoying myself. I forgot all my worries, all my concerns over Britt, my internal struggle with myself. All I had to think about was that after the next song I would have to roll on my back again to even my tan. It was nice. Nice until the current song faded away and the next song began._

_The twanging of the strings floated into my ears and my spine stiffened into a plank._

_Now this was a song I definitely did not want to listen to. I rolled onto my back and picked up the styrofoam cup._

"_Skip this one." I spoke around the straw in my mouth, taking a long pull from the dark drink._

"_I like it." Quinn smiled up to the clouds and made no move to reach for the remote on the table. She probably knew why I wanted to skip this song. Hell I'd listen to one of Kurt's show tunes rather than this._

"_It's too slow." And depressing._

"_We're not dancing. I think it's relaxing." She shrugged and rolled her head to face me._

_I huffed and stretched out my arm to grab the remote on the small table between us. It was just far enough away to brush my finger tips. I almost fell out of my chair reaching for it, but I managed to wrap my fingers around the small white device, before the end of the first verse._

_I immediately held it up, pointed to the dock and hit next. But the song continued on into the chorus. "Why won't this thing work?" I slapped the remote in my hand and tried again._

"_I don't know, batteries dead maybe?" Quinn was clearly enjoying my battle with the remote._

"_Are you so poor you can't afford batteries now?" I tossed the remote down onto the table and stood up from the chair._

_The concrete was hot under my bare feet and I quickly slipped into my flip flops. I marched around the pool, over the bar where the stereo was housed; the music growing louder as I neared the bar. As soon as I reached the Ipod I switched the song._

_I was about to return to my chair when I saw what it chose to play next. Before Quinn had the chance to recognize the song, which I doubt she would have, I ripped the Ipod from the dock. If I didn't want to hear Landslide I sure the hell didn't want to hear this one. I pressed a few buttons to turn on the radio and set it to the station I liked._

_I could feel Quinn staring at me, even though she had on dark sunglasses, as I sat down in the chair._

"_Now we have to listen to commercials." I glared at the blonde from my chair._

"_My Ipod was dead." Hopefully that would shut her up._

_All that moving around caused my skin to grow hotter than it already was. I wanted to jump into the cool water in front of me, maybe a canon ball to splash Quinn._

"_You wanta get on the rafts?" I nodded, thankful that she suggested we get wet._

"_Yeah."_

_Quinn stood up from her chair and started to walk along the edge of the pool to the shallow end. I didn't want to take the time; I needed the cold water biting at my skin now. I handed her my sunglasses and waited for her to pass me. I took a few steps back before running at the deep water, jumping in with a noisy splash._

_I let my body sink down into the bottom of the pool, keeping my eyes closed so that the water wouldn't move my contacts. My butt bounced on the bottom of the pool. I felt weightless and free. I could faintly hear the music blasting from the speakers. Feeling my chest tighten and my heart beat a little quicker, I pushed off the bottom in search of air._

_Breaching the surface, I wiped the water from my eyes to find Quinn floating above me on a clear green raft holding a blue one next to her. I was able to pull myself onto the float after the third try and without Quinn saying anything. She handed me my sunglasses after I was settled and I slipped them over my face._

_It was then that I recognized the song playing, and it was probably the reason Quinn was being so quiet. Well, not giving me shit for my inability to pull myself up on the raft quickly. She was sunken in on herself, she looked miserable. I knew she was depressed and I felt bad for her, even if I thought it was a stupid thing to be sad about. But we were pretty much in the same boat, the S.S. Self Pity._

_I reached out my hand to grab her raft and pull it to mine. The rafts bounced against each other, but I kept a firm grip._

_Quinn quirked an eyebrow at my action and I gave her a smile. "Do you think there's a song that we haven't covered in Glee Club?"_

"_Maybe a couple slipped past Mr. Schuester." Quinn laughed, it sounded hollow but I chuckled anyway._

_We were both going through some tough shit. Realizing that no one loves you, and realizing you're a lesbian are both pretty harsh on a person._

_Quinn shoulders were slack and she had her arms crossed over her stomach, my weak attempt of cheering her up clearly failed. Even though I loved to fuck with Quinn, we were still friends and I didn't want her feeling like crap over stupid boys._

_I moved my hand from her raft to her bicep and squeezed. She turned her head and stared down at my hand. I didn't say anything at first; I didn't know what to say really._

_Quinn turned from my hand to look up at the sky. "You're touching me." That's one way to break the ice._

"_I know." I had no idea where I was going with this, but I knew something had to be done._

"_Can you be done now?" The water lapping at our rafts was the only sound other than the commercials on the radio._

"_Quinn… You know it'll be better later." I racked my brain and that was the best I could come up with._

"_What?" She turned back to me, and it spurred me on._

"_You don't need any stupid boy to drag you down now." She tried to pull away from me, but I tightened my grip and continued. "And in college I bet, no I'm positive; you'll have a bunch of boys tripping over each other at the chance to talk to you. Don't worry about it so much."_

_Quinn cracked a smile, but it quickly faded from her face. "Yeah, but… I want someone to love me. Not just want me."_

"_That's harder to find." My thoughts drifted to Brittany. How many people have I been with and not felt anything. How many people have I ever felt love for. How many people ever told me that they loved me._

"_You have it." I loosened my hold on Quinn._

"_I found it… but I don't have it." It tumbled from my lips, it was true. Brittany made her ultimatum and I wanted so much to fill it. But I couldn't._

"_Is that why Britt isn't here?" I ripped my hand from Quinn's arm, fisting it into my stomach. Quinn knew, I guess it wasn't really that hard to put together from her stand point. However, I thought we had an unspoken agreement not to talk about it._

_I sighed; maybe it would do some good for me to talk about it. What would Quinn have to gain from this? Nothing, we weren't on Cheerios or fighting over a boy. "That would be her choice."_

"_You know… if I were you; I wouldn't be floating in a pool right now. I'd b-"_

"_And just what would you do?" I crossed my arm over my chest; I didn't want to hear Quinn's love advice. It was a bad idea to talk about it._

_Quinn rolled on her side and shifted her sunglasses down her nose. "I'd be doing everything and anything to get… her." She stumbled with the 'her' part of it. I wonder how hard it was to talk with your friend about girls._

"_Well it isn't that easy." Why did people think that it was just that easy to do it. To act like having a girlfriend wouldn't change everything._

"_You just told me that love is hard to find, and you're just gonna let that pass you by because things got difficult?"_

"_Quinn, if I do this I would be an outcast. At school, with my family, hell in most of the fucking world."_

"_So you're going to hide all your life? San, that sounds miserable." She reached out to set her hand on my arm._

_I flinched away, and she dropped her hand into the water. "I never said that."_

"_Then what are you waiting for?" Quinn rolled onto her back. "A girl that loves you? What more do you need?" Her hands splashed the surface of the water, the cool beads landing on my skin._

"_She said I need to sort myself out." I rolled my eyes even though she couldn't see them, she could probably hear it in my voice._

"_Then I'd be making that a priority." Quinn had a point. All I had been doing was feeling sorry for myself and worrying about what could happen._

"_She said I need to tell people. To completely accept," I lifted my hand to make air quotes. "How awesome I am."_

"_Have you told anyone?" Quinn's voice quickly followed mine._

_There were only two people that knew. Britt and Dave. I didn't want to out David, and I'm guessing that Brittany didn't really count._

"_No."_

_I looked over to side table at my cup, wishing that I had something to occupy my fingers with. I looked up to the sun, now hidden behind a large cloud._

"_Well, tell me." Quinn sat up in her raft, the sides squeaking against her arms._

_I studied her. She had pushed her sunglasses up into her hair waiting patiently for me to tell her. There was nothing threatening about her, about telling her. She knew, and she was asking for the formal account._

_I mimicked her stance on my raft and removed my sunglasses, holding them in my lap. My throat was suddenly dry._

"_I'm… gay." The words stuck to my tongue, coming out jumbled._

"_And the world has yet to end." Quinn looked around dramatically, mocking me. "See that wasn't so bad."_

"_Well you already knew." I rolled my eyes, flicking water at her with my fingers._

"_But you said it." The sun poked out from around the clouds, and Quinn pushed her sunglasses back over her eyes. "And I just thought that you were bi or something. So this is news to me."_

"_Does it freak you out?" I kicked my submerged legs in the water, looking down into the depths of the water._

_Quinn moved to lay face down on her raft. "Yes. Get out of my pool. I don't want to be infected with gay."_

"_Fuck you Fabray." Quinn shot me a lopsided grin and I immediately regretted both my phrasing and telling her that I was gay. I was never going to hear the end of it._

"_Don't make me slap you Quinn. You know what I mean." I pulled back my hand, as to hit her. Not that I actually would, or that she was close enough for me to smack her. Our rafts had floated to opposite sides of the pool without each one of us holding them together._

"_I think I most certainly do." I huffed and did my best to splash her with as much water._

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

"You still there?" Maybe the call was dropped.

Quinn was never one for keeping her mouth shut. Especially when it came to who I was dating.

"What did you say?" I couldn't read her voice, if she was with me or against me on this I wouldn't be able to decipher from her voice.

"I said yes… Is that bad?" I sat up, pulling my knees to my chest to pick at my chipping toe nail polish.

"No… I don't think so. You two, you guys found each other right away. Sometimes that isn't the best, know what I mean?" I nodded even though Quinn wouldn't be able to see my physical agreement.

How many people actually graduate and stick with their high school sweet heart? Not many. But Brittany wasn't that to me, no one was really. Brittany was so much more to me than a high school sweet heart. Those words didn't fully encompass my relationship with Britt.

I doubt that there is a single word, phrase; fuck an entire book that could describe me and Britt.

"Yeah I guess." Quinn wasn't sounding as thrilled as I thought she would. I leaned my head into the couch, the leather warming against my cheek. "She's so different."

"What do you mean? It's only been a few years." The tapping of keys resumed in the background of Quinn's call, and I listened to the noise while I tried to collect my thoughts.

A heavy sigh escaped slowly passed through my lips. "She's got a whole another life Quinn... She's a dance instructor in Dayton with Mike? It's just like she's moved on so quickly. I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"Britt cut me out too, so I'm not that helpful. But I say go for it. Go get a job in Dayton, shack up with her, and make lady babies." Quinn snickered to herself.

I scoffed. "It's been three years, and I'm not moving in with her."

Quinn was definitely missing a few critical steps before I'd ever move in with someone. Yeah, no. I don't think I'd ever move in with someone, not even Brittany. She'd have to move into my place. _I don't even have a place yet._

"I thought that's what you guys do."

"What?" I picked up my water bottle from the table and finished the rest of the cool liquid.

"Did you two meeting today not count as a date? Or is it after two dates that you move in?" I could barely understand the last half of her jab, but it still managed to do its job of being unfunny. It's really only funny to straight people.

"Ha ha ha. Not funny." I pounded my fist into the cushion. "Quinn I need your input here, how many times do I ask you?"

"Okay, calm down. Seriously though, this is a tough question. My advice is to follow your heart. Even if it says the stupidest thing, well short of jumping off a bridge, it's not worth the heartache and remorse if you don't."

"Thanks Q…" She told me more or less to do what I want, the consequences be damned. Which is what I wanted to hear anyway. How many chances at true love do you get in a lifetime?

"Yeah, anytime. Any other bomb shells you wanta drop on me or can I get back to working?"

"Yeah working… I don't think so. No wait, you'll never guess who else I talked to."

"Um, Coach Sylvester? No wait… I don't know who?"

I rolled my eyes, if I saw Coach Sylvester I'd probably be in need of therapy or something.

"Finnocence." I quipped into the phone.

"Wait you're not calling me from a jail cell are you?"

I chuckled, I did have a problem with teasing Finn in high school. "He asked if I wanted to get a drink with him and Kurt tomorrow night."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I want you to come; it'll be boring without you. Can you make it?" I poked at my water bottle sitting on the coffee table with my foot. Having Quinn with me would make it a bit more tolerable.

"Uh, as much as I'd love to spend time with that hodgepodge of sexual identities; I don't think so."

I moved the phone in front of my face and whined out, "Come on!"

"I don't have any money, remember the epic job quest thing?" I didn't have any money to be spending on drinks either, but I was still going.

"You don't have to drink. It's even better that you don't, you can drive me home."

"Absolutely not. I so don't want to be mistaken for the girl that broke your heart that night. Nor do I want you hanging off me and soaking my shirt with alcohol tears." I could tell by her voice that I wasn't going to win this argument, much to my dismay. I really hoped she would be a DD for me, not as though that was going to stop me from drinking.

"When are you going to drop those Christian morals and have some fun?"

"Around the same time you find some." I rolled my eyes. Quinn was the only person that could go blow for blow with me.

"Ugh, are you really not going to come?"

"No, maybe next time. When there's more than just Finn and Kurt. I find the whole 'I had a crush on my step brother' deal very creepy."

I laughed, causing my foot to knock over my water bottle. "Just block them out."

"And you get handsy."

"You like it."

"You like it too much."

"Fine. But you owe me." I sighed, I guess I'd be joining the Hudsons and Hummels for drinks tomorrow night alone.

"How do I owe you anything?"

"You're making me hang out with those losers by myself. My rep is going to hit rock bottom."

"Whatever, we'll get lunch or something next week. Happy?" Quinn was becoming annoyed with me, so I backed off. I didn't want to lose an ally this early in the game. I don't know how me re-dating(?) Britt was a game, but it sounded good.

"I guess."

"Alright, I gotta go. Mom has me doing chores to make my keep around the house now."

"Oh, well don't ruin your glass slippers Cinderella." Like hell Quinn's mom made her do anything. It was most definitely the other way around.

"Right, I'll talk to you later."

"Bye Q." I slid my phone shut with a quiet click, and tossed it on the table next to my empty water bottle.

The reality show had ended a while ago, and now some lame VJ was shouting at me. I picked up the remote and switched to local channels to watch the stupid court shows. They were always the epitome of the redneck social class.

There were two men suing each other over a bar fight, and the judge was tearing down every part of their dignities. Apparently the defendant was drunk and being inappropriate with the plaintiff's girlfriend, giving the boyfriend the right to smack him in the face with a pint glass.

I laughed out loud at the judge's explanation, but the scene reminded me that I should probably let Finn know that I was going to come tomorrow night.

Once again my phone and I journeyed into the kitchen to retrieve a number from the depths of my purse and send a message. After the text I stored Finn's number just in case I got a flat or something. He definitely wasn't a friend.

I returned to my couch and watched the rest of the trial, laughing at the ridiculous situations that people manage to get themselves into. There was a faint song buzzing from the kitchen and I jumped up to see who it was. The screen said unknown and I debated answering it, and decided that if I knew them they'd leave a voicemail or something.

I wasn't in the mood for creepy stalkers, or polling companies.

After the phone stopped ringing, it chimed indicating that there was a new voicemail for me to hear. I pressed a few keys and listened to the new message.

"I had a mysterious missed call earlier. No message, the only hint was the number. Thankfully the iron trap that is my brain concluded that it was Santana Lopez's cell phone number. I would have figured you'd change it since high school, but I guess not. I also thought that you'd answer your phone, but I guessed wrong twice. Oh well. Sorry about missing your call, you can call me back if you want to talk. Bye San."

Brittany's voice was replaced by the automated computer giving me prompts of deleting, storing, skipping, and reviewing my messages. I made her a new contact after exiting my voicemail.

I dropped down to the floor, biting back a smile, knocking my head on the wooden door of the cabinet.

I wasn't going to call Britt back right now. Maybe later, maybe not until tomorrow. I didn't want to seem over eager. I had to play my cards right. I didn't want to fuck this up. It would do her some good to do a little waiting.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AN:** Let me know about things and stuff.

Song this chapter are at the pool Landslide, then Songbird was coming up; on the radio Somebody to Love was what Quinn was all sad about.

I think that's it.


	14. Chapter 14

**AN:**Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee.

This one is an inbetween chapter. Thanks for everybody reading. XD

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><p><strong>Chapter Fourteen: Passing the Hat<strong>

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

The day flew past me. I guess that's to be expected when you sleep into the afternoon hours. For staying up all night long, finally falling asleep around three; I would have to say that I woke up early.

Finn had messaged me last night that he and Kurt were arriving around eight at the bar in All Star Lanes.

Rolling out of my bed, my hair sticking up and out in all directions, I felt an uncharacteristic smile on my lips. Normally when I woke my mind set was 'fuck errbody and errthing', so today was an experience I hadn't felt in quite some time.

Standing at my vanity I did my best to control my hair with my fingers. As my hands weakly attempted to tame my locks, a package of cigarettes sitting on the polished black wood called to me. I had been trying to stop smoking for months now. I used to think that it was cool, and it worked well with my bad ass image. Now I find that having something control my actions, like the nicotine was, to be disturbing.

I ignored the pack, for about thirty more seconds. I cracked my bedroom window, and lit up the tobacco with the lighter stored inside the pack. I was never one for smoke rings or fancy tricks. It seemed too showy, and I wasn't very good at them. Exhaling the white smoke out the second story window, I took my time to finish the cigarette.

Brittany never liked my habit. She said that the smoke clung to me and transferred the smell to everything I touched, including her cat.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

"_Hello Santana, and Lord Tubbington. Where'd you find him? He escaped last night, and Britt's been upset." Mrs. Pierce ushered me and the cat into the house._

_I shifted the cat in my arms to hold up his weight and knocking some of the snowflakes from his back._

"_He was sitting next to the door." I lied. It was only because I couldn't think of a good excuse for me to be at the side of their house smoking next to the air conditioner unit with the cat perched on top of it._

"_Well Tubbers always comes home." Mrs. Pierce smiled and scratched the underside of the cat's chin still in my arms. "Probably because the food's plentiful here."_

_I rubbed my face into his soft warm fur. Momentarily I forgot that I was with Brittany's mother._

"_Nah, it's because Britt gives the best kisses." I stalled on the last word, my brain catching up with how the statement could be interpreted._

_Mrs. Pierce petted Tubbington's massive head and turned back into the kitchen. "He's probably in withdrawal; you'd better get him to her."_

_I didn't say anything else to Brittany's mom, not trusting my stupid mouth. I heaved the cat's head over my shoulder, and marched down the hall into Brittany's room._

_I knocked at the door with my foot only because the fat ass cat required both hands. Brittany opened her door with and was surprised to see me, but much more excited to see her cat._

"_Lord Tubbington! Where have you been?" She pulled the heavy cat out of my arms and threw him up into the air. It's a wonder that she could twirl him around like that._

"_Around, doing illegal things." I sat down on the edge of her bed after taking off my Cheerio's jacket and watched Brittany dance around with her cat. It was cute, Brittany dancing around singing with Tubbington, the cat meowing along with her._

_Brittany paused to cradle the cat in her arms and pepper his head with kisses. "I've missed you so, so," Abruptly she stopped her kisses, and glared over at me._

"_Why does he smell like smoke?" She took another sniff of the cat._

_I became uneasy under her scrutiny. "Well when I was outside, I found him smoking…"_

"_Liar." Brittany dropped the cat from her arms, and strode across the room to stand in front of me._

_I moved my hands behind my back. She looked down at me sternly and held out her open palm. I hung my head and handed her the pack from my pocket._

"_You're the only one that's been smoking." She took the pack and tossed it in her waste basket._

_Brittany pointed to the door, commanding me to go and brush the taste from my mouth. I did so only because Brittany really did have the best kisses._

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

I flicked the filter out the window and pushed it shut.

"Just another reason to quit."

I made my bed before shuffling out of my bedroom and into the shower to prepare for my 'morning'.

After changing into some comfy shorts and a shirt, I decided that now would be a good time to pick out my outfit for tonight.

It was just going to be and the two boys, neither of which I needed to impress, so I thought that something laid back would be more appropriate. Something that I could drunkenly bowl in too, in case we decided to do that. I rifled through my closet to find a suitable top for my jeans.

I was torn between a white button up, and a green concert shirt I had bought while in Chicago. I tossed the jeans down on my bed along with the band shirt. Then I moved over to my vanity to pick out a few accessories, three thin silver bracelets and a pink sports watch.

Satisfied with my selections I followed my stomach's calls and climbed down the steps, the kitchen being the goal.

I came downstairs to find my father watching a movie and my mother barricaded away in the dining room on call with a client.

"Hey Papa." I dropped into the couch, pushing my glasses up my nose so I could see the screen properly.

"You get enough sleep?" My father sat in the recliner staring at the television, a half empty glass of iced tea sitting on the side table next to him.

I groaned, but he made no action to acknowledge it.

"Yes Papa, I couldn't fall asleep last night." I left out the reason why. They tolerated my relationship with Brittany, and that was more than I could have asked for.

"Mama will have words to say about it." He tore his eyes from the screen, "Just so you know."

I nodded and focused on the movie. It was an old action movie, one I've seen before. About a man searching the world over for his kidnapped daughter, it was pretty awesome.

The movie had just started so I decided to hurry into the kitchen and pour a bowl of cereal so I could watch the rest of the movie with my father.

This was how we bonded. Simply sitting in silence together, no talking, and no needless words; enjoying a good show. It was how we worked.

"Santana!" A harsh whisper from behind me pulled me away from the movie. I turned around to find my mother glaring at the empty cereal bowl on the coffee table.

I rolled my eyes after I turned around to pick up the bowl. As I rounded the leather couch, my father held up his empty glass for me to refill.

"You want more?" I took the glass from his grip and made my way into the kitchen.

"Yeah, thanks Tana."

I returned with two glasses of iced tea, my father nodded in gratitude after taking his glass. We sipped at our drinks and finished the rest of the movie without my mother coming back to bother me.

There was another action movie coming on next, and from my father's unmoving hand on the remote I gathered that we were going to watch the next one too.

"Have you had any luck finding an opening?" He muted the television and adjusted himself in the recliner to observe me.

Instantly I felt nervous. My palms grew wet, I fidgeted with my glasses, and I checked the time from the clock hanging on the wall across the room.

"No… It's not like I haven't been trying. There just isn't much demand for my field." It was getting close to six, so dinner should be getting started soon.

"I don't want your excuses. I understand your situation, but I have to push you." I watched him flip down the leg rest to plant his socked feet firmly on the ground. He clasped his hands together and leaned forward into a ray of sunlight coming through the curtains.

"It's the only way you'll learn."

"I know Papa." I stared at his watch, the silver metal dancing in the light.

"I was talking with you mother and-" I frowned at the mention of my mother and father meddling in my career. "Don't make that face. Now, we were talking and I thought that maybe you should try to get into her firm."

"Papa, I'm not a lawyer…" I understood his disappointment in my study choice, but I wasn't following where he was going with this.

He waved his hand to dismiss my thought and continued his lecture. "I'm not talking about a lawyer, though that would have been better for your future."

"Papa!" I pounded my fist on my thigh harder than I wanted to, leaving me with a dull pain.

"Anyway, since you have some background in law; we thought that maybe you could try your hand at project managing." The hand with his silver watch lifted to stroke through his facial hair.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, basically it's an office job. But you also could run interference with the press on bigger cases and keep the lawyers in line."

I sat quietly for a moment. It wasn't the description of my dream job, but I was in need of a good job. I needed to save up and get out of here as quickly as I could. André was lucky for finding a job quickly in New York. If he still talked to me I would have asked him how he did it.

"I thought it sounded like something that might interest you." My father stretched out in the recliner again, bringing the foot rest up, signifying the end of our conversation.

"Thanks, I'll talk to Mama about it." I was about to stretch out on the couch, mimicking my father; but my mother's voice called me from the kitchen.

I guess it was time to start dinner. At least I had something to talk to her about now.

There was a small grouping of vegetables for me to cut, the knife and wooden board sitting close by on the island. My mother was standing over the sink preparing the meat, slicing off unwanted pieces into the garbage disposal.

"I already rinsed them, just chop them up dear."

Saturdays were the only day that my parents would be home for dinner consistently. Which meant that my mother would drag me into the kitchen so I would have a chance to practice my culinary skills, and she would have the chance to condemn them.

I cleared my throat to get her attention. "Papa told me about some project manager position at your firm?"

"Yes, are you interested?"

"Yeah, it sounds… neat." I picked up the large knife and let its weight cut through the yellow pepper.

"You sound disappointed."

"I was just hoping to get out of Lima." I was hoping that I wouldn't have to live at home after college.

"Well you most certainly won't be staying here forever." She turned to glare at me, making me feel worse about leeching off my parents. "But, let me talk to a few people and see if I can pull some strings for you."

"Alright. Thanks." I didn't know exactly what she was talking about, but I've learned that the best conversations with my mother were short.

Very short.

"You can slice those a bit thinner." She hadn't even turned around to check before she berated my pepper slices.

I liked them thick. Her and papa can deal.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

_Our newest recorded episode ended too quickly. The stupid DVR cut off the previews for next week. But I was more upset that I'd have to untangle myself from the girl under me. Coach Sylvester had been working us to the bone to prepare for Nationals. The addition of Kurt's voice meant revising our routines to fit seamlessly together again._

_It also meant that I was tired all the time. Thankfully Brittany was more than happy to cuddle with me on the couch. Even though we had Glee and Cheerios, activities that left me drained after school, Brittany still had energy to spare. Which was probably good, since she had more extracurricular activities than anyone I knew._

_Not interested in moving I kept my head on Brittany's shoulder. I was content to stay in the position for the rest of the night, blanket pulled over the two of us and her hand skimming my legs. I let my eyes flutter close hoping that if I fell asleep she would let me be, but I felt two quick jabs to my stomach._

"_I'm hungry."_

"_What do you want?" I pulled my head from her shoulder and stretched my arms over my head._

"_Uh, something to eat."_

"_What would you like to eat?" Brittany pulled me back down to her, laying her arm around my shoulder while she thought of what she wanted to eat. I tucked my head under her chin and listened to her muse._

"_Something good." She murmured the words into my hair._

"_Okay, do you want me to make something or do you want to go get something."_

"_I want you to make something. And I wanta help!" Brittany shot up from the couch, bouncing on her heels._

"_Alright, come on then." I threw the blanket over the back of the couch and pulled Brittany into the kitchen._

"_Are you really hungry or do you want a snack?" I opened the pantry to scan for potential snacks._

"_I'm not super hungry." I turned around to find Brittany sitting on the island swinging her legs back and forth._

_I thought about telling her to get down. If my mother was here she would have something to say about it, but I decided that Brittany would do as she pleases anyway. One blink of those baby blues had that affect on people._

"_How do french fries sound?" The sack of potatoes caught my attention and I bent over to bring them to the island Brittany was sliding down from._

"_That's not something you make Santana." There was a hint of confusion in her voice, the adorable quizzical__bemusement that caused my heart to flutter._

"_We're going to make them, it's easy." Brittany tilted her head and continued to observe me as I retrieved two knives from the butcher block and cutting boards for each of us._

_I placed the boards and knives down on the island, and grabbed a few potatoes to rinse off before slicing them._

"_Here you slice up some, like this." I gestured for her to stand at her board, and I commenced to slice my potato._

"_I've never made my own fries before."_

_I was sure to watch as she made her first cut, but I became distracted by her tongue jutting out at the corner of her mouth in concentration. She had made a few fries before I noticed that she could actually end up getting her finger tips cut off._

"_Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop. You're going to hurt yourself like that." I stilled her hand, wrapping my fingers around her wrist._

"_What?" There was a pout on her face, and I had to shake my head to clear my thoughts._

"_Do it like I do." I release her wrist to give a tutorial of how to properly slice the potato for making fries._

"_Like this?" Brittany made a terrible attempt to slice the potato, sending one half twirling off the cutting board._

_I giggled and picked up a fresh potato, a wicked thought popping into my mind._

"_Almost… Here let me show you."_

_I dropped the potato on the board and moved to stand behind her. Before she could complain I pressed myself into her back, pushing her flush against the counter; and ran my hand down her right arm taking hold of her wrist._

_I felt her take in a deep breath and slowly release it as my hand dragged down her arm. Brittany was too tall for me to peer over her shoulder so I had to stand on my toes to ensure that I wasn't going to maim either of us._

"_Let the knife do the work." I lifted her left hand to hold the potato still, while I guided her right hand to hold the knife properly._

_I tilted my head to husk my next command into her ear, letting my lips graze her skin._

"_You just guide it through, pressing down firmly."_

_I pushed myself into her, my chest compressing against her shoulders and my hips into her butt. I faintly heard the knife chop into the wooden board. However, my full attention was on her parted lips and the strangled puffs of air passing through them._

_I nudged her neck with my nose, taking in her sweet scent. Brittany sighed and pushed against me. I let my lips drag over the soft skin of her neck, searching for her pulse._

"_What are you doing?" I stepped away from Brittany, spinning to find André standing at the garage door._

"_Teaching Brittany how to cut potatoes. I thought you weren't coming home tonight." I put more distance between Brittany, rounding the island; I as I explained to my brother what we were doing._

"_Right… I had to pick up an extra controller." He walked through the kitchen into the living room._

"_Well go get it." I yelled at him from the kitchen as he climbed the stair case to his room._

"_Shut up. I'm going. Weirdo…"_

_I huffed and tossed my hair over my shoulder._

"_Santana?"_

"_What?" Brittany was pointing down to the potato she had destroyed under my tutelage._

"_I don't think I did that right." I shook my head, and clean up the potatoes. The cut pieces were thrown away, and the others were tossed back into the sack._

_I was no longer in the mood to cook. Brittany could be sedated with the stash of Dots I kept in my room for her._

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AN:**Let me know what you think about things and stuff.

I'll update in a couple days.


	15. Chapter 15

**AN:**Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee.

I hope you guys like this one... If not. Then poop on you.

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><p><strong>Chapter Fifteen: Metal Meltdown<strong>

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

I was running late.

My parents had kept me after dinner to discuss my future career and how I wasn't taking it seriously enough. Also up for debate was how long I would be staying in the house without paying rent.

The whole thing left me in a sour mood. I was grateful that I had the foresight to lay out my outfit after I woke up. It made storming out of my parent's house that much smoother.

I pulled into the parking lot around eight thirty. The neon lights were casting shadows over the parking lot. I picked up my phone and sent a text to Finn to make sure that he was indeed sitting in the bar with Kurt.

Not a second later Finn sent me a confirmation and that there was a surprise fourth member to our drinking party.

It was probably wishful thinking, but I hoped the surprised involved Brittany.

Hastily I grabbed my wallet from my purse, and shoved my phone into my pocket. I shot out of my car, the alarm trumpeting behind me. The thought that Brittany was sitting in the bar made feel like running, but I opted for large strides.

It wasn't a crazy thought. Kurt and Brittany hung out with the Asians, lived in the same town, they both came home this weekend. Kurt probably invited her along last minute, that's why she didn't say anything about it yesterday.

The glass doors where smudged with finger prints and whatever else a person could smear on it. Despite the questionable cleanliness, I was able to catch my reflection in the glass making me wish that I put forth more effort in my outfit. There was no time to run back home though, I was late enough.

Pushing through the door the music and noise hit me, the lanes were lit up with black light paint, people were yelling, I had never seen the bowling alley in such an uproar.

I quickly made my way over to the bar tucked into the corner of the bowling alley.

Turning the corner I scanned the bar and found the occupied stools to contain neither the brothers nor the blonde I wanted to see.

"Santana!" I turned to see Finn standing at the edge of a booth waving me over.

For a split second I thought why the fuck was I hanging out with Finn and Kurt. But then I remembered that Brittany was probably lurking around somewhere, seeing that the fourth member wasn't sitting in the booth.

"I was starting to think you changed your mind." Finn plopped back down next to Kurt. I ignored Finn's comment and sat across the table from the pair. I pushed my wallet and keys to the edge of the table wedged to the wall.

"Long time no see." Kurt had one hand propping up his chin and the other had a death grip on his empty tumbler.

"Hmm." I glanced around the area again. "So where is the mystery person?"

Finn smiled, "Oh they'll be back over in a sec."

Kurt rolled his eyes and chewed on an ice cube from his glass. "Are we getting a round anytime soon or not?"

Before either Finn or I had time to agree, a body crashed into the seat next to me.

"Sorry, long line. Hey Santana, how's it goin?" My head snapped to the boy that thought it was ok to jump into my personal space. It took me a second to look pass the shaggy brown hair and the patchy beard, but the mouth gave him away. It was Sam Evans.

"Uh… fine." I pushed aside the wash of disappointment that Brittany was not going to be joining us, and took in Sam. He looked like he could use a good scrubbing and a shave.

"What's with the hobo look?" I pointed to his ripped jeans, clearly not torn by the designer. "You still homeless or something?"

"Technically yes, but my family's all good now. Thanks for asking?" Sam sent Finn a questioning look, but continued on. "I've just been traveling around the country, doing odd jobs to keep me afloat. I just back in town today and stopped by to say hi."

"It's nice to hear you're giving your froggy legs a chance to shine." I looked over to Kurt hoping to elicit a chuckle from him. "Give your lips a rest, you know."

Finn drawled out an okay and suggested we get a round. Sam waved over a waitress so we could put in our order. The older woman leaned on the table, she's clearly seen better days but it wasn't stopping her from flirting with the boys.

"Since we're all together now, what do you say to shots?" Kurt pulled out his card, tossing it to the older waitress.

A minute later the waitress returned with my mixed drink, Kurt's scotch, the shots, and a pitcher for Finn and Sam.

Finn raised his shot, I was already rolling my eyes before his line "To old friends" came out.

"How about to getting drunk?" Kurt smiled at my toast and clinked his glass against mine. The other boys followed suit.

The liquor tasted like gasoline, so I wasted no time in chasing it with my cranberry and vodka. The rest of group made similar grimaces before washing the taste away.

Finn started talking to Sam about the garage, and I pretended to listen in. My attention was more so on Kurt, who was unusually quiet.

I was feeling a little disjointed, thanks to my parents, but the way that Kurt had downed his drink made me believe that there was something on the boy's mind.

I fazed back into Finn and Sam's conversation just in time to question my presence here again.

"No, dude. This girl was built like…" Finn made a look of awe, as if that would better describe the girl he was talking about.

"Do you always get hot babes walking into the shop? I might have to ask Kurt's dad for a job there then." Sam nodded to Kurt; who smiled and nodded, he clearly wasn't listening.

"Is this seriously what you guys talk about?" I finished off my drink and slammed it to the wobbly table.

Finn grinned, "Why do you want me to see if Burt could use a new office assistant?"

I raised my eyebrows. Clearly Finn was a light weight, either that or he had a few drinks before I got here, because I doubt he would have said that to me if he didn't have alcohol in his blood.

I gave my sweetest smile to the lumber jack. "Yeah, but I don't want to intrude on your territory. I wouldn't want to take from the unfortunate."

Finn looked confused, while Sam asked "How do you like them apples?" in his Sean Connery voice.

"Outta the way trouty mouth, me and Hummel are getting more drinks." I pushed Sam out of the booth and brought my wallet with me. Maybe if I bought Kurt a drink he'd open up a bit.

Kurt hadn't moved, even though Finn was standing for him.

"Come on, you can't nurse an empty glass." I leaned into the booth and pulled him up by his vest's lapel.

"Hey watch it! This is vintage!" Kurt adjusted his collar and smoothed his hand over his vest before stalking past me to the bar.

"Bring him back in one piece." Sam chuckled, but Finn looked pretty serious about his comment.

I followed Kurt over to an empty section of the bar and sat next to him in the old wooden stool. The bulging gut of Barry, the bartender and owner, stood before us.

"Two rounds of whiskey, and refills on our drinks." Barry asked to see our licenses, which was to be expected since Kurt looked like a fourteen year old. There weren't so many people in the bar, so we got our drinks fairly quickly.

"To what do I owe the honor, Satan?" Kurt stared down at our drinks, gingerly dragging one shot closer to him.

Ignoring his comment I lifted my glass and pointed towards the clock on the wall. There were a few clocks hanging on the walls, most had company logos; but this one had no numbers only the words "SHOT TIME".

"Well in that case." He raised his glass and tipped the liquid into his mouth, as did I.

The burn from the alcohol this time was more bearable. It also seemed to do its job on Kurt, who was bent over his drink.

"Not that I'm complaining, but you haven't said anything about my outfit yet." I sipped at my mixed drink, observing the boy shifting at my side. I hoped that the comment would get him started.

"You look great." He didn't even bother looking at me, and I was expecting a harsh critique not a blessing.

I don't know why I was making it my business, normally if someone felt like drowning their problems I would leave them to it. For some reason, maybe it was the company of Finn and Sam I was desperate to avoid; I felt the need to lift Kurt's spirits. Or maybe I was still on a high from seeing Brittany yesterday.

Kurt had his head propped up with his arm again, bringing the tumbler to his lips every so often.

"What's wrong with you?" I toyed with my straw and watched Barry fill pints from the tap.

"Life."

"Oh please, don't be so dramatic." My glass dropped noisily to the dark wood of the bar.

"Let's see." Kurt downed the second shot of whiskey before falling into a rant. "My business is skating by, I live in a crap apartment, my step brother is the golden child, and somehow despite my flawless personality and my exquisite body I am utterly alone."

"Oh yes, you definitely deserve to drown your sorrows." My tone was mocking, and Kurt stiffened.

"Well you freaking asked."

"I did, because I don't see what you have to be depressed about. All of your _problems_ can be fixed." I pointed over to Finn and Sam who were on their second pitcher now. "And Finn's not golden. I don't know why everyone thinks that."

"Thank you." Temporary relief flashed over his face.

At least I helped a little. Though when I asked I was hoping for something a bit racier, not the usual 'everything is bad' crap. But the single status was something that caught my attention.

"What happened to Blaine?" Kurt cracked a smile before taking another drink.

"What happened to Brittany?"

Touchy subjects for both of us. But I didn't let it phase me. Brittany was back anyway.

"You know what happened, because I remember your Broadway buddy Berry leaving me an apologetic voicemail about my breakup." I thought it would be better to keep the new status of Brittany and my relationship to myself. Just in case.

"Hmmm." He sloshed his drink on the bar, twirling the liquid in the glass. "Well let's say that when he got his first break on stage he needed a new wardrobe."

I took my second shot. "Well that fucking sucks."

"Yes, that does suck."

My phone vibrated in my pocket and pulled it out to find a text from Quinn.

**From Quinn:** How's the drinking party going? [9:14]

"Who's that?" Kurt crunched on an ice cube.

My fingers punched at the keys to send off a text.

"Just Quinn asking how we're doing. I'm telling her that she should have came with us."

"Oh, well send her my regards." Kurt finished is drink and called Barry over for a refresher.

After a few minutes of discussing Quinn's life I probed him a bit more. The alcohol was working its way into his head and he was slowly becoming chattier, as was I. We began trading war stories of our college years.

Kurt told me how he decided to return home after Blaine dumped him. Knowing exactly two people in a large city, one being your ex-boyfriend, did not make for a friendly environment. I would have argued that simply having Rachel Berry in the same state would make it inhospitable.

He told me that after returning to Ohio he attended Columbus State CC, where he met up with Tina. They both lived in the dorms, but on the weekends they stayed in Mike's apartment.

Once they graduated Tina and he set up their business in Dayton since Mike was working at his dance studio. Kurt's dad loaned him some money for the business and even to set him up with an apartment since he couldn't stay with Tina and Mike. I wish he would tell me where Brittany fit into all of this, but I supposed he was being a gentleman and didn't want to give me material to cry over.

On my fourth and his fifth drink he even told me about his flings in college, and I traded my own experiences with him. There were quite a few men in his life, but none with the romantic heart he desired. It was odd how similar we where, but I didn't let that slip.

"Excuse me." A tall man with green needlely eyes hidden behind wire glasses and ginger hair had taken it upon himself to drop into the seat next to me.

I shot him a glare and turned back to Kurt. There were plenty of seats at the empty bar, why he had to sit next to me was beyond me.

"That's a feisty lady you've got there man. Full of fire sauce." The man slurred out looking to Kurt.

The Taco Bell joke was directed towards Kurt who looked between me and the man. His hand was on my arm in a second; probably under the impression I was going to smash a chair over the man's head.

In any other state I would have, but alcohol has a way with reducing me into a squishy ball of emotions. So I did my best to ignore the asshole.

"Hey, bartender dude! We asked for a pitcher like thirty minutes ago, what's the deal."

Our conversation quieted down and we both tried not to make it apparent that we were watching the man sitting next to me. I looked over to Finn and Sam, but they were too lost in their drunken world to notice the mental case next to me and Kurt.

Barry shuffled over to the man. "Alright. Calm down, you start something and I'll have to ask you to leave."

"Just give me a fucking pitcher." The man pulled out a twenty and handed it to Barry.

"I'm serious, I know some of the off duty cops bowling over there." Barry took the money and went to fill the pitcher. "Here, go back to playing pool." Barry set the pitcher down on the bar and the guy left quietly.

"Cops would make anybody shut up." I finished my drink and pushed the glass to the edge of the bar so that Barry could take it away.

"Yes, there is no buzz kill like the policía." Kurt agreed and turned around to see where exactly the cops where. "Oh my god."

"What?" Kurt spun me roughly in my stool to see whatever he was freaking out over.

"It's Karofsky." Kurt giggled out, "With a Fu Manchu moustache!"

"Holy shit." My eyes were glued to the back of Karofsky's Allen County Police Department shirt, as he threw a ball down the lane.

After a minute of giggling and watching Karofsky attempt to bowl, Kurt downed his drink and hopped down from his stool.

"Where are you going?" I slid off my stool slowly to keep my balance. Another good choice of flats today. If it wasn't cars knocking me over it was gravity.

"I'm going to talk to him." Kurt straightened his vest.

"Oh. Well I'll come with you. Hold on a second." I grabbed my wallet from the bar and rushed over to the booth where Sam and Finn were still drinking.

"Watch my stuff." I leaned over to toss my wallet next to my keys. "You both smell like cheap beer."

"Sorry miss lady." Sam and Finn laughed and high-fived over some joke that I had no desire to understand.

"Whatever, we'll be right back." I didn't wait for their confirmation, and hurried to follow Kurt.

Kurt was already out of the bar area waiting for me at the corner, keeping himself steady on the wall.

"What are we going to say?" I asked, Kurt offered his arm and I slid my arm through his. It was a wonder we both remembered how to walk.

"Well I usually start off with a hello or perhaps a good evening officer is in order?" I slapped his arm, and continued to the counter behind the lanes where Karofsky and his cop buddies were playing.

We didn't catch Karofsky's attention right away. Instead it was another officer, wearing a similar Allen County Police Department shirt, who approached us. Well me actually.

"Hello there miss, is there…" The man paused to drag his eyes over me. "Something I could help you with."

Kurt eyed me wearily as if to remind me not to piss off a cop.

"Actually, yes. We were hoping to speak privately with your friend sitting on the bench there. Mind getting him for us?" I leaned over on the counter and tossed my hair.

No harm in flirting with the county cops right? You never know when you'll get pulled over.

The cop smiled and turned around to yell at Karofsky. "Hey Dave, the lady wants to talk to you."

Karofsky ripped his attention from the guy bowling and turned to me and Kurt. Instantly he shot up, clenching his jaw.

"Thanks Jarvis." Karofsky stomped over to us in his bowling shoes.

I stood up and leaned my weight against Kurt. He pushed me off and I caught myself on the counter, and then gave him a shove.

"What are you two doing here?" He gripped the counter with his hands.

"No hello? No how have you been? Straight to the point as always I see." Kurt ran a finger through his hair indignantly.

"We came over to say hi. Is that so wrong?" I slapped my hand down on the counter.

"No… it's just. Are you two drunk?" Karofsky took a step back to observe us.

We both chimed in a slur of no.

"Yeah you guys are drunk." Karofsky stuffed his hands into his pockets. "So what do you want?"

Kurt fell down onto his elbows, holding his chin in his hands on the counter. "We saw you and your _awesome_ moustache and we had to come over and say hello."

"Yeah, you should come and have a drink with us."

"Why are you two drinking buddies all of the sudden?" Karofsky flickered between me and Kurt.

"Sam and Finn are here too." Kurt waved his hand to dismiss the two. "You really took the bully whips thing to the next level huh?"

"Yeah I guess…" Karofsky rubbed the back of his neck.

I watched the other cops bowl for a few minutes and zoned out on the conversation that was quickly leading into Kurt's uniform fetish.

The black light paint, flashing lights, and the bad pop music was making my head spin. There was too much movement for me to stay steady.

I turned around, hopping up to sit on the counter. I watched the boy at the shoe rental play some game on his phone, until a group of kids ran in front of the booth. They ran into the gaming section of the bowling alley.

There were pinball, hunting, and driving games nestled into the corner. What caught my attention wasn't the flashing lights from the arcade, it was the couple hovering under the dim lights playing pool.

The flash of blonde hair and a giggle that floated through the pounding music into my ears. My mouth dropped open as a slid off the counter. I took a cautious step towards the pair, there was no way what I was seeing was real.

But there was no way I was hallucinating this.

Bent over the green felt cue in hand, was Brittany. A smile on her face and a giggle on her tongue; with the freak show dude from the bar draped over her back helping aim the cue. His twig like fingers groping over her hands on the pool stick. Brittany's apparent ease with him, like this was something normal, stabbed into my chest.

Time slowed as I moved closer to Brittany, then my shock set in. I could hear only a buzzing in my ear and feel the vision of the two burn into my brain. My surrounding melted away. Kurt and Karofsky chatting next to me, everyone at the alley disappeared. There was only the girl I loved fucking around with some guy.

Brittany took her shot, I don't know if she pocketed a ball or not, I didn't care. I cared that after the shot the man pulled off of her, slapping her ass; Brittany's response was to jump up and hug him.

_Not even a day. Not even a full fucking day._

Has Brittany morphed into some sick creature, leeching off any able body that walks her way?

I was close enough to them now, only the pool table separating us, to see Brittany's lip gloss shimmer in the dim light. I could hear my name being called out, a woman's voice. The sound was similar to Brittany's but not quite right and I could plainly see Brittany's unmoving mouth.

Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, Brittany dislodged from the man and her crisp blue eyes locked to mine.

Her lips pulled back into a wide smile, she didn't even have the decency to push him away. No, she kept her hand on his shoulder and called out to me.

"Santana! Long time no see." Brittany was quickly moving around the long pool table to me.

I was falling. Folding in on myself. I couldn't stand here and like her try and explain. I was a fool.

Before she was within arms reach of me, I turned on my heel and fled. If I let her catch me I know I would have taken any pathetic excuse she gave me.

I heard Kurt shouting my name as I ran past him and Karofsky. My destination was the safety of my car, where I could hide from the world. I stumbled in the entrance, the glass door slammed against the bricks of the building. I wanted the glass to shatter, but it held strong against the force.

The night air was cool against my skin, wet with sweat suddenly. It was dark; the only light was that from the neon lights on the building and a flickering lamp. I ran to the edge of the parking lot, finding my car magically in my drunken haze.

I latched my fingers around the door handle, pulling hard. Once, twice, until I realize it's locked. I drove my hand into my pocket to come up with only my phone. My body slumped against the window.

"Fucking fuck!" I screamed into my window and pounding my fist into the metal of the red door.

There was no way that I was going back in there to get my keys and wallet.

I dropped down to the ground, resting my back against the cool metal. My head drooped into my hands. I felt the tears soaking my cheeks and my stomach churning. My head was swimming and I closed my eyes to stop the world from spinning, but it did nothing to stop it. It was like Brittany threw the world off its axis.

I attempted to keep my cries to myself, but they easily broke past my lips. What was I to Brittany? Was she dating that creep and I was a fling to her? A powerful sob erupted from me as my thoughts dipped into darker and darker thoughts.

I shoved my fist into my mouth, in hopes to quiet myself. My hand only resulted in becoming something to take my frustrations out upon. My teeth burrowed into my skin between my knuckles, I could only taste the salt. I wanted to feel physical pain, but I couldn't bring myself to bite any harder.

_I am a sick joke to her?_

I wanted to go home. But I couldn't go back in to get my keys and wallet. I stared down at the broken asphalt with my sweaty palms buried in my hair, watching my tears fall and collect in a hot puddle beneath me.

Looking down to my right I saw my phone. I must have dropped it. After putting the back plate on, I and dialed Quinn's number. She could fix things. She could come and get me.

There were people shouting, but I focused on the ringing in my ears. Wishing for Quinn's voice.

The call went to voicemail and I tried again. There was more shouting, sounding like the argument was over.

The phone was pressed hard to my ear, my eyes screwed shut. Finally Quinn's voice barked at me through the speaker.

"I don't want to hear your drunken ramblings." At the sound of her annoyance I broke into sobs once more.

"Quinn…" I cried out into the phone, hoping that she would suddenly appear in front of me.

"What's wrong? Where are you?"

"I'm at the bowling alley. Brittany... she she's" The phone was ripped from my hands, upward into the air.

I craned my neck to see that Brittany had stolen my phone and was standing over me. Brittany looked at the screen before putting it to the side of her face.

"Quinn, this is Brittany. Everything is fine." Brittany had a hard look on her face, staring down at me. I didn't know who it was meant for, me or Quinn, but it bubbled anger in my throat.

"What do you think you're doing!"

I stumbled to stand up, pulling myself on the door handle. I tried to grab the phone from Brittany, but she stepped back from me. My miss sent me falling forwards towards the ground. Before my face met the pavement, Brittany caught my shoulders with one hand and steadied me.

"No. Do not. I'm taking care of her." With that Brittany snapped my phone shut and put it into her pocket.

I pushed her hand off my shoulder and fell against my car. "Give me back my phone!"

"Santana, calm down." Her voice kept the hard tone it had with Quinn. She reached out for me again, but I batted her hands away. It was like she was chiding me.

"No! Give me my phone so I can leave!" I slurred and held out my hand for her to set the phone in. Brittany shook her head and stepped up to me, smacking my hand away.

"First off, you're in no condition to drive." Her breath was hot in my face.

"You don't have a right to tell me what to do!" I glared up to her, poking her in the shoulder with finger. Brittany stepped back from me, putting needed space between us.

"Second, you don't have your keys. I do, and I'm not giving them to you." She twirled my keys in front of me and threw the wallet into my chest.

I managed to catch my wallet she tossed at me, and she took the distraction to clamp her hand around my bicep.

"You get to have that. Now get in the car." With her strong grip she started to pull me to the passenger side of the car.

"Get off of me!" I tugged free of her hold, using the car's spoiler as an anchor.

My head was pounding, I was still crying, and I my stomach wasn't feeling any better. I really, really, really wanted to go home. Well, get away from Brittany at least.

"Stop acting like a baby Santana!" Brittany threw her hands up and finally yelled at me.

"You stop acting like a fucking slut then!" I clenched my jaw after I spat out the words. I forced a smirk onto my face, even though it killed me to say it. But that's what she was, _wasn't it?_

Brittany chuckled lowly, her face darkening. "Is that why you're acting like a bitch?"

"I have every right to! You're bending over for whoever walks your way!" I slammed my wallet down on the trunk, causing Brittany to flinch at the sudden noise.

Brittany wiped a hand over her face. "That was Thomas!"

She advanced upon me and pinned me between her body and the trunk of my car. Brittany was shaking, with anger or what I don't know, but I had never seen her like this before.

"I don't care who the fuck he was!" I kept my post at my trunk, tilting my chin up to bark at her. The name sounded familiar, but he was still some man running his hands over someone who was supposed to belong to me.

"Thomas is my sister's husband." Brittany's voice softened, "He's my brother-in-law. There is nothing for you to be worked up about."

Brittany brought her hands to the side of my face. "There is no one, but you."

I was shocked by her sudden change in demeanor. I didn't have time to retort before she pressed her forehead against mine, closing her eyes tightly squeezing out two tears.

She shuddered out a sigh, her thumbs caressing my cheeks. "Why can't you see that?" As soon as her whisper reached my ears she pulled away from me, walking around to the driver's side.

I stood at the back of the car, the unlock lights flashing into the darkness of the parking lot. Brittany's trembling voice drained the fight from me.

I was so quick to declare her a slut, with her brother-in-law no less. Over something that should have been seen as playful. I never questioned her behavior during high school, why was I questioning it now? I saw no harm in flirting with the cop, and that was almost the same argument.

My shaking hands pushed back my hair. "What the fuck is wrong with me."

Maybe there was a piece of me that didn't want this. That looked for any possible way out. Anything to break the fragile bridge we created. Any reason to keep her away. Was I trying to protect myself?

No, I'm just stupid. Stupid and jealous of every living creature that Brittany looks at.

The sound of the engine spurred me to collect my wallet and move to sit inside the car that was waiting to take me home.

The only noise in the car was the brief snap of my seat belt and Brittany's shallow breath. When we didn't move right away I dared myself to turn and look at her.

Brittany's shoulders were slumped over, her head resting on the steering wheel, and her hands gripping the plastic. The AC was blowing her short hair back and forth, and I almost moved to brush it back but I stopped myself.

"Britt, I… I'm-" Her small voice stopped my tongue.

"Do you not want this?"

Brittany stared at the dash, the blue light casting over her broken features. I turned to face out the window, pressing my face against it. Looking out into the night, somewhere that didn't hold my world.

"Do you not want me?"

There was a sob from her seat, stabbing me in the heart. I bit my lip hard so that I didn't do the same.

_Of course I want you, I love you. More than you will ever know._

Why couldn't I say it? I didn't even have to say that. All I had to say was yes. It was just one word. But my throat was tight, my jaw unmoving, I was paralyzed.

From the corner of my eye I saw Brittany's hand on the shifter. I wasn't sure if she knew how to drive a stick, but at the moment I didn't care. The car lunged backwards, then forward slowly making our way out of the parking lot.

Street lamps and headlights drenched the small spaced we shared as Brittany drove us home. I watched the shadows of buildings, trees, and cars pass us by. It had been minutes since Brittany asked me if I wanted us. If I wanted us to be together again.

Talking was never my strong suit, unless it was insulting someone. Brittany wanted to hear more than that. She wanted the feelings I hid deep within myself. She was an intruder, who had already stolen my heart once. Why should I give it back to her so easily?

A tiny voice clawed at the back of my thoughts. Maybe the reason she took it, and was asking for it again, was because it belonged to her. It wasn't even mine to give; it had been hers all along. It almost sounded right.

I looked back over to the woman. Concentrated on the road, slender watery trails down her cheeks, her bottom lip pulled between her teeth. I would give anything to erase the pain from her face. Let the tears be from joy. Her concentration of driving coming from the need to get us home quickly to continue the teasing that caused her teeth to worry her lip.

My fingers moved during my internal debate, slowly hovering through the air to search out her hand on the shifter. I kept my eye trained on her as my hand rested on warm skin.

Brittany's glanced down to our hands, and I laced my fingers through hers. Hoping that she would understand what I meant, that perhaps she could feel my devotion. I watched her eyes flicker back to the road. She didn't pull away from me so I took that as a good sign, that I had yet to fuck this up completely.

I squeezed her fingers between my own. Brittany's voice clipped the silence, "That isn't an answer."

I smiled, dragging my hand up her arm to her shoulders and moving my fingers to the soft skin on her neck, cupping just below her ear.

"I want you more than I can say."

"Do you really?" Brittany's whisper echoed in my ears as she leaned into my touch, and I smiled inwardly.

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't hav-" I dropped my hand from her neck.

"I'm letting this slide since you're wasted." Brittany looked over disappointedly. "But mostly because I really want to have another chance with you. I'm sorry too… For doing something to upset you."

There was a long awkward silence between us as Brittany pulled into my drive way. She didn't bother with the garage door; instead she just parked on the concrete. She killed the engine and left her hand on the shifter. We both sat frozen to our seats.

"Thank you." I ended the silence between us.

"For what?" Brittany quirked an eyebrow.

I shrugged. "For starters, for being you. But, thanks for driving me home." I rested my hand over hers again on the shifter.

Brittany stared down at our hands, moving her fingers to rub against mine. "It's no problem. I was getting tired of playing pool and watching Daria and Tom drink anyways." She turned to send me a smile.

The liquor warmed my blood, but Brittany set it on fire. Each light touch sent an electric current up my arm. She pulled my hand into her lap, turning my palm up to trace patterns on my skin. I closed my eyes, humming to the feel of her fingers dancing on me again.

"At least you don't have that far of a walk." I opened my eyes to see Brittany smiling down to her lap.

"Yeah." Brittany released my hand and opened her door to step out into the cool night.

Inwardly I chided myself for bringing up the fact that we lived an hour apart. It was the only reason I could think of as to why she jumped out of the car. Could we work with the distance this time?

I fumbled with my door, my drunken haze still clouding my movement. Once I did manage to get the door open, Brittany was on the other side helping me out.

I took her hand and she easily pulled me up, closing the door behind me. I was entranced by the light reflecting in her eyes, and she seemed just as distracted in mine. Her hand moved up to my shoulder, gliding up my arm causing me to shiver, and pushed me back into the car.

Staring up at her lidded eyes, there was nothing I wanted more than for her to lean down. One of her hands held me against the car; the other was dropped to my waist. Her fingers grazing the skin left uncovered by my shirt was tingling my skin.

"Do you remember," she brushed my hair behind my ear. Her eyes flicking to my lips, "when after I drove you home I wouldn't go home." Brittany bowed her head, her lips skimming against mine. She left out the part about what we did after returning home, but it didn't fail to send a shot between my legs.

I held out, I refused to break and be the one to press forward. To feel her lips lock over mine, to taste her once again after so long.

I felt her hands move away from my body. I bit my lip and closed my eyes, hoping that she would replace them. The next place I felt her hands were in both of my pockets, pushing my phone and keys into them. I groaned at the feeling, immediately blushing with embarrassment.

I opened my eyes to see Brittany smirking down at me, moving her hands around my waist to pull me into her.

"Really San? Let me refresh your memory." She chuckled, and then dropped her mouth onto mine.

As soon as I felt her lips crushing mine, I threw my hands up into her hair pulling her down to me. My nails scratched her scalp; she hissed and bit my lower lip in return. The force was bruising, but it felt amazing. She was everything I remembered and more. I parted my mouth, demanding her to enter, and she obliged with a grin. I moaned into her mouth when her tongue stroked mine. My knees gave out and I let her hold me up, pressing me into the car.

With her upper body keeping me upright, Brittany's hands began to wander up and down my body. Finding old trails, and creating new ones. I kept my hands around her neck, so she would continue her assault on my mouth. When I felt her hand grab at my ass, I realized how this activity was not filed under 'taking it slow'.

I pulled away from her mouth, but it only caused her to move her kisses down to my neck. Sucking and nipping in a way that made my thoughts turn to mush more than the alcohol did.

"Britt…"

She hummed against my neck; it only was another attack on my willpower to stop before things got out of control.

"Brittany, we can't…" I gently shoved her back with the last of my strength.

"Sorry… you're just... I'm sorry, it's been so long." Brittany wiped a thumb over my lips, removing the mess she made.

"No it's ok. I wasn't fighting very hard anyway. We just agreed to take it slow remember?"

"Yeah…" She brushed a hand through her hair and put some space between us. "Can I see you tomorrow then?"

"Yeah, when?" I draped my arms around her shoulders again. I had truly missed everything about her, and this was a part of that longing.

"How about I take you out to dinner? Around seven?" Her fingers locked around my belt loops as she smiled.

"I'll see you then." It was my turn to give Brittany a little kiss to remember. I pressed softly against her pout, lingering for a moment too long.

I removed myself from her before things got heated again and walked up to my porch as she watched from the car.

The image of Brittany leaning against my car, or any car for that matter, was erotic. Actually I found most of everything Brittany did to be sensual.

"Night Britt." I unlocked the door and waited for her to say goodnight.

"Nighty night San." She blew me a kiss and I grabbed it from the air and slipped it into my pocket.

I opened the door and quietly climbed the stairs to my room. It was going to be another long night laying awake.

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AN:**Let me know what you think about things and stuff.

It might be a little while for the next update.

Also I'm working on a little one shot Brittana, I hope to get that done soon. Star Light Hero, check it out when you can.

I noticed that the chapter titles started off as relevant to the story and then just morphed into whatever I was listening to at the moment. In case someone was "wtf metal meltdown?"


	16. Chapter 16

**AN:**Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee.

I'm sorry for the long wait. I was just being lazy and I lost a little bit of drive for this. But I got it back! Don't worry your pretty heads.

My one suggestion. After reading this, or before [either one] you need to take you butts off the interwebs and get into a theater and see the 3D Glee Concert Movie. Holy poop sticks Heather Morris and Naya Rivera. It's like you can reach out and touch them. [Inappropriately and they won't know.]

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><p><strong>Chapter Sixteen: Mountain Man<strong>

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I was anxious.

It was half past six and I was sitting watching the news waiting for the clock to strike seven. I was ready to run out the door before six. The entire day was spent preparing for my date with Brittany. I ignored the calls and text from my friends-Quinn and Toni, in favor of being indecisive over what to wear. I ignored my mother- up until she left for her church duties, to try and guess where Brittany was taking me. My whole day had cumulated into me on the couch tapping my heels against the hardwood flooring of my living room.

I tried texting Brittany, so she would tell me where exactly we were going. The phone in my hand glared up at me.

**From Brittany:** You'll like it. Promise ;) [3:49 pm]

_I'd like it if she took me to a freaking trash can._Really there were only a few places in town, and fewer that would be open on Sunday. Fewer still that would be open past eight.

"Santana?"

I spun around to the deep voice from the kitchen door way. It was my father fresh from work. Where most people would look ragged from a long day, my father appeared unaffected from his duty. Though he appeared collected, I knew better. After his time in hospital, my dad was snappy and was in no mood for conversation.

"Hey Papa." I resettled into the couch and went about ignoring my father. I had better things to focus on. Like be enthusiastically terrified for my date with my ex-girlfriend.

I heard his footsteps behind me, walking around the living room to his bedroom. He didn't stay hidden away for long. He crossed in front of the television and dropped into his recliner. I tossed him the remote. I wasn't that invested in the depressing news anyway.

We both listened to a featured story about a woman whose husband died "from the hands of the incompetent doctors at Lima Memorial."

After scoffing about how the PR at Saint Rita would nip that in the bud, he changed the channel to some wall street stock market crap, and that was my cue to leave. I could probably do another round of checking for perfection. I've already messed with my outfit, hair, and make-up a dozen times; at this point I'm just killing time.

"Going somewhere tonight?" I turned to my father, seeing him raise his thick eyebrows at my attire.

"Yeah." From the hall mirror my hair was still perfectly straightened, my heart necklace hanging over my modest-for me, cleavage.

"Something special?" He shifted his eyes back to the show, frowning a little at what he saw.

"Yes Papa." The only thing that was out of place was my belt. Just a fraction off center from my dark purple dress.

"Anyone I know?" I paused, smoothing out the nonexistent wrinkles. Since I've been back home I've discussed many things. My relationships, however, were not hot button topics.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

_Instead of texting me, as our usual, for our dates Brittany had started ringing the door bell. She said she wanted to be like the old fashion couples like her mom and dad. I thought it was cute, and it was better than Sam's awkward phone calls or Puck's honking. I don't think that Dave counted. Not that they compared to her. But it was all I had to judge normal against._

_I was dashing down the steps as soon as I heard the chime. Halfway down the stairs I nearly fell on my face when I saw my father pulling the front door open. I didn't even know he was home._

"_Doctor Lopez, hi!" I could practically hear her smile. My father shot a questioning look at me as I descended the stairs. I stopped at the last step and waited for whatever he would say._

_My parents knew. I told them I was gay before school even started. Though neither of them asked more than that. They didn't know if I was dating anyone. I supposed they had their suspicions that it could be Brittany. But they never asked. Nor had I told them. And I made sure that they wouldn't be surprised with anything. It really helped that neither of them were ever home._

_Now, on our seventh official date, it was laid out. Brittany holding a single small yellow Helianthus standing in the foyer waiting to whisk me away. Me clinging to the banister like it was my life line. And my father standing at the door glancing between myself and Brittany, putting the pieces together._

"_I got this for you. It's from my mom's garden, but I helped plant them a long time ago." The flower was limp, the light petals seemed too heavy for the thin stem._

"_Thanks…" I took the flower she held out to me. My eyes flickered between the girl standing before me and my father watching._

"_Are you ready to go?"_

_My father's stare froze me to the step._

_Brittany was in a defying mood it seemed. She grasped my hand and tugged me down the last step. "Was I supposed to ask him if I could take you out?"_

"_Wha-" I don't know if she meant it as a whisper or not, but she basically asked the room._

"_Cuz I thought that I only had to ask him to marry you."_

_I swallowed my tongue._

_A cough from my father turned both of our heads. "Where are you two headed."_

"_I'm taking Santana out to dinner and then we're going to see Puss in Boots…"Brittany squeezed my hand and smiled up at me. I could sense that she was just as nervous as me, but she was better at hiding it. "Is that ok?"_

_Finally my father moved and I felt a deep breath enter my lungs. Unfortunately his three heavy steps took him toe to toe with Brittany. My father is a lot of things, but tall he is not. He had maybe one or two inches on Britt, but he still peered down his nose. Brittany stood rigid, trying to portray confidence. The feeling of her palm sweating against mine lead me to think otherwise._

_He's done this twice before. Once to Finn and then another time to Sam. He never paid mind to Puck, and I didn't really want either of my parent's knowing Noah's name. Dave never came over to my house, and we weren't even dating. So it was relieving to know where he was headed with this._

"_Don't keep her out too late." With that said he returned to the living room. Without a second glance Brittany pulled me out the door and into her car in a fit of scared giggles._

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

No need to lie. He'd find out sooner or later anyways.

"Brittany." I squared my shoulders and looked him in the eye. "She's taking me out to dinner."

He grunted and nodded. "Don't stay out too late."

I turned and headed up the steps with a small smile on my face. I was happy that he was still going with the 'I don't care' route. Once the bathroom lights flickered on the door bell chimed. All of my previous happy thoughts were replaced with panic. Childish, school girl crush, panic.

This time when I saw my father opening the door for my date I didn't falter.

"Evenin' Doctor Lopez. It's been a long time, how've you been?" My father waved Brittany though the door grumbling a response. Even before we were more than friends my parents kept a distance between themselves and Brittany.

I stood at the bottom of the stair case waiting for Brittany to whisk me away once again.

Brittany held out a short stemmed red Dianthus to me. Without thinking much of it, I accepted the flower and placed a kiss on Brittany's cheek. She flushed and my father grumbled.

"You two should get going." My father held the door open waiting for us to flee. I grabbed my purse and Brittany's hand and exited before either Brittany or my father made this more awkward.

"Bye Doctor Lopez!"

"Good night Brittany." With that he shut the door, turning the lock along with it.

I pulled her down the steps and onto the sidewalk. Taking in a breath, _that went well._

"You look beautiful." I looked down to hide my grin. Brittany wasn't a drop in the bucket either. Instead of voicing my opinion I raised my hand to her cheek and press my lips against hers. I stepped away from her smile and towards her car.

"So are you going to tell me where we're going?"

She rushed in front of me to open the door. "You make it sound like there's a magical castle I'm taking you too."

"I am a princess."

"Well you're going to be disappointed if you aim that high." I frowned at her as she closed the door and hurried into the driver's side.

"I'm not that rich San." She started the car, backing out of the driveway. "But I can say that you'll like where we're going. You're hungry right?"

"When am I not?" I gave her an incredulous look causing her to giggle. It was a sound I welcomed, and one that I wished to hear more often.

I leaned forward and switched the track of the CD that was playing, taking over my old role as co-pilot slash music director.

"You not like that song?" Brittany questioned me. It made me question whether it was ok for me to just jump in her car and mess with her radio.

"Uh, sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"Mi casa su casa." She gestured to the stereo system, which had been modified with a sub woofer and amplifier. She began rambling about how it took her more than a week- because how much time do you spend in your car anyways, to figure out what all the buttons did. It was a used car and apparently the salesman didn't say anything about the stereo, or for that matter the neat little designs in the fabric.

It was in that moment that I felt the awkwardness seep in. How the hell was I supposed to act? Was I the ex? Should I pretend that nothing happened? Should I revert back to the best friend in love?

"You still like burgers right?" The car was silent. I looked up at Brittany's concern, and then to the building in front of us. I must have spent the whole ride freaking out that I didn't even…

"Yeah! Of course?" Maybe it was a bit over enthusiastic. "Who doesn't love burgers?"

"Alright just checking. You kinda turned into a zombie there." Brittany threw off her buckle and hopped out of the car.

I took a deep breath and did the same. _Remember Lopez, you're on a date. You've got to talk and shit._

Brittany was waiting for me with an out stretched hand at the front of the car. Her fingers laced mine and her smile mirrored my own. This wasn't so bad. In fact, it felt natural. Other than the fact that we both were very over dressed for Rally's, everything was fine.

"Britt not that I'm complaining, but why did you choose this place?" The kids working in the back were sending us curious glances, and it was starting to irk me. In Chicago people rarely batted an eye at me holding hands with my girlfriends, but here I was back in Lima. A town where I was sin incarnate.

"We're not eating here. That'd be boring." She gave me a confused smiled and pulled out her card.

She tugged me up to the window and put in our order to the pimply girl. Brittany rattled off the exact same order from high school. Two bacon cheese burgers, chili cheese fries, onion rings, one large diet coke, one large strawberry shake, and extra ketchup.

While we waited for our food Brittany asked me if people were going to put their gum on the ground, why they didn't try and make a picture of something.

"Cuz that would be cool. Like a secret gum club going around making cats on everything. Well I mean the ground."

Once we had our order Brittany started driving again.

"Now where are we going?" I snacked on an onion ring while I watched the road twist and turn in front of us.

"You can keep asking, but I'm not going to tell you." She grinned and turned up the radio. It was an old favorite for both of us. She started dancing and that was all I needed to let loose and sing along with the pop goddess.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

It took me a few minutes before I realized where we were going. We were headed out of Lima and off to one of Brittany's favorite activities that require little to no moving. The moon lit the white gravel road ahead of us. It was a short cut to the dirt track where Brittany used to race.

"We're star gazing?"

"How did you figure it out?" Her pout never failed to put a smile on my face. Sometimes. Only in situations like this.

"I'm just psychic I guess." I turned down the stereo as the car pulled up to a stop.

Brittany parked at the back entrance to the track. It was up on a grassy hill, and if I cared I could have recalled the summer days spent sitting on the bleachers waiting for Britt to finish. The track was deserted, I don't think that anyone was there today.

"Hey switch out the CDs for me while I get the blanket." She handed me the CD. It didn't have any writing on it, so I guess she made me a mixed CD. _Cute._

I stepped out of the car into the cool night air and instantly my heel sank down into the soft earth. I groaned and carefully made my way around the car to the thick checkered blanket Brittany laid out for us. My fingers worked the straps of my heels off and I set them off to the side.

"Yeah, heels probably weren't the best choice… Sorry." I started to roll my eyes, but Brittany was returning with my burger. And my rings. And my shake. And my drink. And…

"Britt is that a flask?" I took the paper bag from her and pulled out our food.

"Yeah, Henry gave it to me for my birthday a while back." She twirled it around to show me, "see it has my name on it in case I lose it."

_Henry… I'll just block that out._

"So is that full of water? Or…" She settled down next to me, taking the burger I offered to her.

"I thought you were psychic." I glared at her and took a mouthful of deliciousness. "It's a little bit of what my mom had on hand. I didn't want to buy another bottle. I've got plenty at the apartment."

The mention of apartment caught my attention. I was finally getting a chance to peer into her new life. Hopefully it would be rainbows and sunshine, and not something else.

"So what's it like?" The music was quiet, but it had my foot tapping along with the weird instrumental stuff. It was easy to fade into the background though.

"Probably bitter. It was the cheap stuff…" Turned the flask around in her hand and then slipped it into the pocket of her jacket.

"No." I snickered. "I mean your apartment."

"Oh yeah. Um… normal? I dunno it's not that big." She took a bite of burger, continuing to talk. "It's like all one room, which I thought was cool. But then when anybody visits they can see everything." Brittany grimaced, like there was a story that she would rather not tell.

"Kurt helped me out a bit, since his is kinda the same. So now it doesn't feel like a big room. Now it's like tiny little rooms almost. I can't really explain. You should come and see it!" She bounced like it was the best thing in the world.

I nodded and let her continue.

"Oh! We can have a sleep over and I can show you all the new movies I like. And then you can show me yours." She winked and nudged me when I coughed.

"Yeah, that'd be cool." I crumbled my wrapper and started my onslaught against the onion rings. Brittany stuck to her chili cheese fries and I to my rings. It was probably the only things we didn't share with each other. Ever.

I took a big gulp of the shake and instantly regretted it. Somehow the additional cold from the shake dropped my body temperature. I ran a hands over my arms to will my body to reheat.

"Are you cold?" Brittany cocked her head to the side and set down her fries.

"Yeah just a litt-" She whipped her yellow and brown plaid blazer off and draped it over me.

"Thanks." A fry was hanging between her upturned lips. I pulled the material warmed from her body tighter around me.

"So where are you going to move to?" Brittany rolled up the sleeves of her light blue blouse and shoveled more fries into her mouth.

"I wanted to move to New York, but I couldn't find a job." She reached over to me and rifled through the jacket's pocket to pull out her flask.

Brittany took a swig from the container before offering it to me. "Me too, except I wanted to go to L.A. I didn't have the money. So I came home to save up for a bit and then Mike offered me the dance instructor job. I guess I have plenty now, but I just haven't left."

I took more than a few drinks from the metal flask with Brittany's full name engraved on the side.

"What kind of job are you looking for?" I handed her the flask back. She took another drink before capping it and tossing it on the blanket. Her jacket was sliding down off of me, so I worked it properly over my arms. _Much better._

"Right now? Anything that I can do with my clothes on." Brittany giggled. "But for reals, I did the whole journalism stick. I want to do that and have it relate to music somehow."

"Like a music magazine reviewer lady?" I wanted to get Brittany talking about herself, but I could wait. Answer her questions first.

"Yeah, but I really want to write. Music I mean. Songs and stuff." Journalism would pay the bills, but song writing would be the fuel of my life. Glee Club-as much as I hate to say it, opened me up to the world of music and I could never drop it.

"I think you'd be good at that. You're really good with words San." She didn't smile or anything, she just told me what she honestly thought. It was one thing I loved about Brittany, she was straight to the point.

"Thanks… But I don't think I'll ever be able to do that." Song writing was my dream and would probably stay that way.

"Don't say that." Brittany reached forward taking hold of my hand. "I think you can do anything."

I didn't say anything, I just smiled. Brittany believed so much in me. I just wished I could feel the same. "What about you Britt?"

"Hands down, dancing. I wanted to move out to L.A. to dance, really make something of myself. But I guess it didn't work out." For a moment she looked depressed, but with another chili saturated fry she reversed.

"Britt you can still do that. It's not too late."

"Yeah, I know. I'm thinking that everything happens for a reason you know. I'm just gonna roll with the punches. See where life takes me. If I get to go on stage, if I make it. Then I'll do it. But if not, I think I'll be ok if there's something else. Something better."

I didn't know what else to say. So I just let it be and share the shake with her. She didn't look at me, she just smiled up at the moon. From the hill top it looked like it was taking up the whole sky. I didn't even know that it was a full moon, not that I keep track of that stuff.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

We finished the rest of the shake. Brittany tugged off her white suspenders and flopped backwards on the blanket. I giggled at her, it sounded like she hit her head pretty hard but she didn't make a fuss so I didn't question it.

She motioned for me to join her. It didn't feel right to lay next to her. Sharing her warmth would have been nice, but something felt out of place. Instead I laid down within arms reach of her. I could hear her pout, so I moved my hand half way between us. I watched her fingers graze the tips of mine. She didn't move for more, just that little amount of touch was enough. I turned hoping to see her smiling at me, but she was smiling up at the night sky.

_Probably the moon._

"You know when I was little I used to think the moon was stalking me." She spoke up the heavens, her gaze unwavering from the white rock in the sky.

"Really?" I kept my eyes on her. The rise and fall of her chest, how her brow knitted together. Everything.

"Yeah. I mean I know better now." Brittany turned to look at me. A faint smile dancing in her eyes. "It's been following me sure. But really it's always been looking for you. Hoping that I'll lead it to you. Like I'm the only one who knows how to get to you."

Before I had the chance to ask she continued on.

"I know because whenever all three of us are together. You, me, the moon. When we're all together the moon's happier."

"What?" Her fingers danced over mine. The touch was light enough to tickle, but heavy enough to pull on my heart strings.

"It shines brighter. Like a lot. It means that it's happy. But really, it just makes me happy. To have it be just the three of us."

I may have felt nervous, or misplaced for most of our evening. But this. Brittany telling me inadvertently that her world brightens when I'm in it. Well not inadvertently at all. She freaking said that. It made me feel that all the crap leading up to this. The years of crap, were all washed away. That I made the right decision.

This was the girl for me.

Rolling over to her, tucking my body against hers, I let my hand rest on her cheek and brush away her short locks.

"It makes me happy too."

The smile that broke over her face was more than enough for me to lean forward and kiss her. The feeling of her lips over mine was more than enough for me to snake my fingers into her hair. Her breathy sigh was more than enough for me to climb on top of her. When I felt her arms lock around my waist I didn't tense, I just let her pulled me into her chest. For now it was all I wanted.

Her hands didn't wander. They stayed latched around my waist while we explored and re-established our bond. We fell easily into it. It was like opening my locker after Christmas break. I had no idea what the combination to the locker was. I couldn't tell you code, but I could feel it. With the lock in my hand I could feel where it was supposed to go. How far to the left, how many clicks to the right, until it opened.

The same held true for Brittany. A little pressure here, a nip there, a final swipe over her bottom lip and she opened. She felt the same, physically at least. The same warmth, the same jagged tooth to avoid, even the same whimpers. But it still felt different. Probably because we were different people now. We grew up. Grew out of our best friend turned lovers mold. Now were just two people in love. And we were finally free to be just that.

I pulled away from her with a final wet kiss to her lips. Rolling off her and into her side to stare up at the twinkling sky I felt at ease with my life for a moment. With all the wrong decisions I've made, all my missed opportunities; with Brittany I always do right. And because of that I can do anything. Because of her. I don't know how long we stayed like that, curled around each other. It must have been a while, because I felt myself drifting off to sleep.

"San… We should get going." She untangled her arm from me and pulled me up to my feet. "I did promise your dad to bring you back before you turn into a pumpkin."

I nodded. I was too sleepy to come up with a witty remark. Brittany led me over to her car and guided me into the bucket seat. After picking up our mess she turned the car back down the gravel road and onto the highway.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

The ride home felt like five minutes instead of twenty. I stared out at my parent's yard. The green grass perfectly kept. The street lamps light lit up the tiny drops of dew on the tips of the blades. It looked kind of eerie.

"San?"

"What?" I turned towards her, hoping I didn't miss something terribly important.

"Did you not hear me?" She raised her eyebrows.

"Sorry I spaced out." I twirled my finger around the side of my head.

"I just said that I had a great time."

With renewed energy I closed the space between us and gave her a quick kiss. "It was wonderful. I can't wait for the next one."

She smiled and pressed her forehead against mine before she turned away.

"What's the matter?" I lifted my hand to rest on her shoulder.

"I'm just… I have to go back to Dayton tomorrow morning."

"Oh… well I'll see you again soon right? Next weekend?" I pulled my hand away from her, dropping it into my lap with my purse and shoes.

"I don't know when I'll be able to come back. I don't have every weekend off…"

"We're only an hour and a half apart. Jesus, I'd drive down to have dinner-fuck to have breakfast with you. We don't have to wait for the weekends." I threw my hands up. Did she think that we lived in different states?

_Unless…_

"I mean… if you want to see me again. Soon. Or not." I stuttered my way around the nightmare. "But I would like to see you again, soon."

"No! I totally want to see you again like really soon. I just don't know when I work or anything… Mike has me at odd hours. The dog shelter too." She rested her hand on my cheek. "I'll give you a call when I know. I have to clean up the place a bit too. Who knows what Garfunkel got into while I've been gone."

"Garfunkel?" It's probably her stray dog she rescued from the shelter.

"Yeah, she's been living with me for about four months now." Brittany smiled; she knew I was asking what kind of animal this was. I guess I'll have to wait to be surprised.

"Well ok. I guess I'll go. Text me when you get home. Night." I had the door open and one foot out when I was pulled back in for a sweet goodnight kiss.

"Nighty nighty San." With stars clouding my vision I climbed out of the car limply holding onto my purse and shoes and watched her drive away.

"Damn." There was definitely no way of backing out now.

I quietly opened the front door, and tip toed up the stairs into my room. After basically a week of restless sleep I finally felt tired and ready to sleep. In the back of my mind I tallied this small miracle for Brittany. I still had her jacket on. The fact that she didn't ask for it back made me smile. Quickly I changed out of my tight dress and into my giant shirt. I sank into the cool fluffy cover of my bed and just as I felt sleep grip me my phone vibrated on my night stand.

**From Brittany:** Sweet dreams San. [12:17 am]

I thought about sending her something like, "they're sweet when you're in them." But it felt too… much. I just wished her the same, with an addition of 'xoxo'.

Tomorrow I was going to hit the job quest harder. I was going to need the money for gas if I was going to be driving back and forth between Lima and Dayton every day.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AN:**Let me know what you think about things and stuff.

School starts back up, but I only have four classes. Yay me. I'm used to heavier loads so this should be easy right? Anyway point being it might be a little while for an update. But not a month. Sorry again for that. Like a week or so. Nice words make me write faster though.


	17. Chapter 17

**AN:**Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee.

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><p><strong>Chapter Seventeen: My Best Friend<strong>

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

"Q it's just three days!" I paced around my room looking for somewhere to settle.

"It's not my house. Judy's made that _very_ clear." I stood in front of my dresser and stared at the mess perched on top of it. It was mostly papers, coins, an empty glass, just a bunch of crap. On the corner there was a small stuffed brown rabbit with creepy red eyes. I said unnatural, Brittany determined them to be realistic.

"I can't believe it." I ran my fingers over its fur. It wasn't completely soft, but it made me smile. "You're twenty two-almost twenty three, and you have to ask your mommy permission to have someone stay over." Brittany won it-she has a natural talent with claw machines, on our third date and my second trip to Dayton. We went to a movie last night, where we filled up on popcorn and soda resulting in skipping dinner and heading back to her apartment.

"I might be more accommodating if I knew why you have to escape your house." Bringing the rabbit with me I finally decided that my desk was a good enough place to sit and plead.

"Please!" I slammed the bunny against my thigh, causing its ears to flop up and down. "Sorry." It was directed at the rabbit, but I guess Quinn could use one too. I was behaving like a four year old.

"Why don't you stay with Britt?" I smoothed over the rabbit's long floppy ears. Quinn proposed the idea more than once. Though as tempting it is, I would rather not spend three days playing house with her. The second time I visited her apartment I made some ground rules for us. Namely no over nights for a while. We've been dating for a couple weeks now, and though it's slowly eating away at me, I had to lay out some structure so this wouldn't fall on our heads again. Regressing into our high school routine would be counterproductive.

"I don't want to bother her with it." I kissed the top of rabbit's head and threw him on my bed.

"That sounds more like you don't want her to know." Quinn somehow managed to read my thoughts; she didn't really need to know that though. And I really didn't want to bother Brittany with my family issues.

"Come on Q! I'll give you anything!"

"Anything?" She paused, like she was going to ask for a human sacrifice or my first pay check.

"Yes, please." I coughed to cover up my whine. Santana Lopez doesn't whine.

"Well ok, how about the reason you need to frickin' run out and live with me for three days." She shouted and I almost dropped the phone because of the suddenness.

I sighed, I might as while tell her. It's not a complete secret anyways. "It's André."

"Oh." Quinn knew me and André don't play well together.

"He's visiting for a couple days." The last time I saw my brother it was awkward to say the least. He pretended I didn't exist and I pretended to be dead.

"I still don't understand why Brittany can't know about that."

"Because she'll be sad and shit." I propped my head on my desk and flicked a pen into my drawer.

"Over your brother being a complete dick?"

"Yes." It's more like I'll be mopey and she'll get sad too, and I don't want to bother her with crap about my brother. "Besides I have an interview on Wednesday. I don't want to drive from Dayton."

"Alright." I usually don't say thank you to anyone, but I let a few slip out. "But you'll have to entertain yourself, one of us has a job you know."

"Did you not hear me when I said I had an interview?"

"That's does not equate to job."

"It does for me."

"Whatever, I'll see you Tuesday night then?"

"Yeah. Do you think you can convince Judy to make that cheese sauce for dinner? I was thinking pasta would be great." Unlike most of the Lima's elite house wives, Quinn's mom could actually cook. It was a skill that eluded her daughter though.

"You're pushing it Santana."

"Why are you complaining? Doesn't she put bacon in it?"

"Yes. Bye, Santana." She was short with me, but I knew I was right. Quinn had a few weaknesses, and I knew all of them. Most of them involved breakfast foods.

I slid my phone closed and tossed it on the bed; I followed it into the fluffy blankets with a grin. I was happy to avoid my brother. My father suggested that I find somewhere to stay. I flipped on my back and brought the rabbit onto my stomach. _You need a good name. Chester? That sounds creepy…_

André and I didn't get into a knife fight last Christmas, but the tension was there. It was enough for my mother to talk my dad into kicking me out for a few days. I was fine with that. I didn't want to see the prick anyways. I loved my brother, we used to be best friends; but things change I guess.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

_It was… difficult to tell my parents. They could have kicked me out and I would have lost my father and mother. But for some reason, telling André and having him hate me was devastating. I could lose more than a brother. I would lose my best friend, a protector and confidant. André knew things that Brittany-or anyone else, would never know. Like when I was little and my nightmares kept me awake it was his bed I shared. We had to lay touching back to back, in case the monsters attacked both sides at once. Or the reason I never complained about watching Puck and Sam play their video games for hours was because of the late nights spent watching and bossing André around on a similar screen._

_When everything was wrong it was originally André I would talk to. He was the one to bring the light to my darkness. Keeping this from him, for so long, I was lost in the dark without him._

_All of this was in my head bouncing around, for months. For some reason my mother nor my father hadn't said anything to André. I picked the week André was off on a trip with his friends before he had to go back to college to tell my parents so I could choose the best time to tell him._

_That 'best time' thing wasn't working at all._

_After he returned from Toronto, he was packing to leave for New York. The last eight days of summer he was home I was too nervous to say anything to him. I was too busy looking for signs that maybe mom or dad said something to him that I just started walking on eggshells around him. He handed me the mail addressed to me-my usual subscriptions, and for some reason I felt that the Victoria Secret was incriminating. I told him to throw them away._

_So now sitting in the den watching a movie that neither of us care much about more than to poke fun at, I'm sweating. I no longer had to tell him I was gay. No, now it evolved into I'm gay and I have a girlfriend._

_We're in our 'spots'. He's on the far right and me on the left. André doesn't come home very often, but when he does it's easy to fall back into our old roles. He's only going to be home a few days for Christmas and then he's off to his New York apartment. I thought maybe I could just have Brittany come over so I could have the support of her hand and over-confident smile, but that seemed like throwing it in his face. He never really said anything particularly hateful , aside from 'that's gay' 'don't be a fag', but he never endorsed it either._

"_Don't chew through your lip. The penguin makes it home." André had a point, the bird would be ok. However, the stupid animal was not the reason I was biting my cheek._

"_Can I tell you something?" Why. Why the fuck did I choose now? I suppose it would feel good to get off my chest, but really with the cartoon in the background…_

_He sent me a funny look. "Yeah…"_

"_Would you hate me if I was a lesbian?" I swallowed. It was never so hard to talk to him._

"_What?" He sat rigidly on the opposite side of the couch. "Why are you asking?"_

"_Well... I-" He was going into a rant. I couldn't back paddle now._

"_You're not gay." He said it like it was written in stone. André was always right, he always knew the correct answer, it was like he had a magical compass. "You've had plenty of boyfriends. And I know you're no virgin, as much as that information grosses me out. You're a normal teenage girl. A straight girl." But this time, he was wrong. I know what I am, who I am._

_I could feel the tears pricking the back of my eyes. If I cried it would mean that he was right. Well not right, but maybe that I felt bad. I'm done with feeling bad about who I am._

_So I turned to the thing that has protected me without fail, my anger. "Why are you all pissed off? So what if I'm gay."_

"_Because you're being an idiot!" André stood from the couch, throwing the remote into the soft cushions._

"_I'm not an idiot. And being gay doesn't make you an idiot!" I tried my best to sound like I was made of steel. But this was really too much. I swiped the remote and flicked through the channels hoping to ignore this… problem. I wish I never opened my mouth._

_André stepped in front of me, grabbing the remote and turning the television off. He was as much of a bitch as I was.__"My sister is not a fucking dyke!" His finger was planted firmly in my chest. There would probably be a bruise on my sternum tomorrow, but it would fade away after a few days._

"_Well I guess your fucking wrong." The bruise would be gone, but the scar that I know will form from this fight. I'd live with that forever._

"_Santana, you can't be gay. It's gross! You're wrong!" The dull blade of his words craving into me, attacking the one relationship-my brother, that I thought I would always could rely on. It was my fault, I caused this to happen._

"_No, you're wrong." My voice lost all of its bite. Outwardly I stood tall to face him. But I knew I lost him. "Nothing is wrong with me loving Brittany."_

"_Brittany? You're dating that idiot?" He paused to laugh harshly, like it was ridiculous. "Do Mom and Dad know about this shit?" He flopped back down into his seat.__André may have quieted down, but I could see the fire behind his brown eyes._

"_Yeah, they don't care. Unlike some asshole." I snatched my phone from the table, and turned to walk up the steps.__André made his choice. He made it very clear of what he thought. And unlike our mother, he wasn't going to let it go._

"_Where are you going?" He stood and followed behind me up the steps into the foyer._

"_To my girlfriend's house." I slipped on my Cheerios jackets, and gripped my keys firmly in my hands. The metal stabbed into my skin-grounding me to the world, so I could give my final plea. "I thought you'd be a little less of a dick about this."_

_He crossed his arms over his chest and scoffed. "Fuck off." His voice cut through the air, landing the final blow on the tether between us._

"_Whatever__André."_

_I turned the deadbolt and opened the front door to the harsh cold of Ohio's winter. I gave one last look at my brother, and quietly walked out.__André always had the last word. Always. And the word he decided to use caused a cascade of hurt._

_At least Britt would be happy he knows now._

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

After a phone call yesterday from Brittany ending in her hanging up on me, I was sitting in the passenger seat of Quinn's car with the wind blowing through my hair. I wouldn't call it a fight, no. More like she insisted I come over for dinner and I said I couldn't. She asked why, I let slip that I was staying with Quinn. That's about the time she hang up and probably the reason I'm baking in Quinn's car.

"Can we turn on the air? It's hot as balls."

I did my best yesterday. Brittany knew nothing about André visiting, but I was forced into evening filled with Quinn, the Asians, and Hummel. I supposed it was a small victory.

"It's broken." I watched a drop of sweat roll down Quinn's temple and disappear underneath the frames of her sunglasses. Quinn managed to finish her work a little early, so once she picked me up we were headed on the hour and a half journey to Brittany's apartment.

"Why don't you have Finn fix it?" I pulled my hair up into a ponytail, stealing one of Quinn's ties from her cup holder. I could deal with Brittany and Quinn, that sounded almost pleasant; it was just the others I would rather not spend much time with.

"I'd rather stab myself in eye than have him fix it."

"Then have Kurt's dad do it." She glared over at me. Maybe not Q, maybe just me and Britt. "I should have drove."

"I didn't want to end up spending the rest of my life at Brittany's apartment. And she told me to drive." She collected the rest of her ties and shoved them into her purse sitting in the back seat. I was known to borrow Quinn's things for excessive periods of time.

"Since when do you take orders from anyone, much less Britt?"

"I'm just following your lead." Quinn smirked and I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever-is that the radio?" I turned up the volume. We weren't listening to rap or really anything that modern so the chances of sirens being on the track were slim.

Quinn's hand bolted to the power of the stereo. "No." She glanced in the rearview mirror and a sample of rebel pink Quinn tumbled out of her mouth.

I turned around to see what kind of fun we managed to find. "Nice Q, at least it isn't a state trooper." I've always been familiar with police car types, just in case.

"Santana, not now." Quinn slowed the car and pulled over to the shoulder. "This is your fault." She turned off the car and we were stuck in the heat. Without the breeze it was ten times more unbearable.

"Did I push the speedometer to eighty?" I tapped my finger on my chin. "I don't remember doing that." Quinn huffed and slapped my hand away from my face.

"Just don't make things worse for me." I let the slap go. The heat was probably getting to her, and it wasn't a good idea to start a fight while being issued a traffic violation.

I leaned down in my seat to look at the police cruiser from the side mirror. From what I could tell it was a dude, a big guy. "Calm down Quinn, just bat those pretty eyes at him and you'll be fine."

"That never works." Quinn dropped her head to the steering wheel. I kind of felt bad for her. Quinn's always had a problem with speeding and not getting out of tickets.

"We could make out. It worked once for me and Brittany." I was mostly teasing, but…_These are not appropriate thoughts._

"Shut up Santana." She rolled her head to the side to look at me and continued. "My insurance is already more than it needs to be... Do you really think that'll work-"

"Actually. I think you might be screwed." The officer that lumbered towards us was a familiar drunken memory.

"License and registration." Karofsky stood at Quinn's window with his thumbs tucked into his belt peering into the car through his shiny aviators. Quinn rustled through her purse in shock, _probably the moustache_, so I supposed that it was up to me to get Quinn out of this.

"David, are you really pulling us over?" I skipped the whole 'good day officer' crap. It was just David. I had my ways with him. He leaned down and half grinned at me, it took a lot of strength not to laugh at his goofy moustache.

"Technically I'm giving her a ticket for doing eighty three in a sixty five. But if you like I could bring you both into the station. Tickets are just a nice alternative to a holding cell."

I hummed and smiled as Quinn shook with silent rage sitting rigid in her seat. She was gritting her teeth, thinking that we were headed to the county jail. I wormed my way to lean out Quinn's window. "That is nice of you."

David nodded and smirked before turning to walk away with Quinn's information in tow. Just as he was passing the trunk of Quinn's car I poked my head out the window and sent him my ultimatum. "I'll have to tell everybody how _nice_ of an officer you are. Brittany, Mike, Tina… _Kurt_."

The victorious smile I had in place was wiped away. He didn't even pause; he just walked to his cruiser and started filling his paperwork. "Fuck."

"Yeah eff." She shoved me out of her lap and back into my seat. "What the hell do you think you were doing? Were you trying to piss him off? Are you trying to send me to jail?"

"Stop shrieking. I thought that would work." Quinn quirked her eyebrow before giving me an icy glare.

"You thought being a bitch would work?" I glared right back at her and chose to ignore my itch to start a cat fight in the car with Officer Karofsky behind us.

It didn't take too long for Karofsky to deliver Quinn's papers back to her. However, instead of approaching the driver side he came to my window. _Great he's getting back at me for blackmailing him in high school. Fantastic…_ Clearly there would be a bogus verbal assault charge coming my way.

Karofsky handed me Quinn's license and insurance cards, "Give those to her… and here. It's not for you." He held the neatly folded paper square between his fingers with a pointed look. I tossed Quinn her cards and dropped the note into my purse. I waved him off, I guess I was the pony express now.

"Have a good day ladies." He drummed on the top of car, "and slow down." Quinn didn't need much more to urge her back on the road, rolling down the highway at a moderate-and legal, sixty five.

After a few minutes, and I guess getting the blood flowing back to the illogical parts of her brain Quinn broke the silence. "So you're a witch right?"

"No Q, I'm just a bitch. A tricky bitch." I smiled and finally Quinn seemed lighthearted since we left Lima.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

I passed out on the ride, I only woke up when Quinn punched me in the shoulder. It was still a little early to leave for dinner so Brittany gave Quinn a tour of her apartment, which would have been much shorter if Brittany didn't have a story for every square inch of the apartment. Her place was small, but it was big enough for Brittany and Garfunkel. I thought that Brittany would have filled the place with a bunch of useless pieces of furniture, but honestly she could have used a few more.

While Brittany told Quinn a story about her organizing the book shelf, which had a lot more movies than books on it, I played with Garfunkel. I wasn't much of an animal lover, seeing that I never had a pet when I was a kid; but Brittany's cats were always my favorite.

Around the different colored drapes story, Brittany got a text from the Asians.

Instead of going out, like we planned, we were having dinner at Brittany's. Tina wasn't feeling well and Mike didn't want to leave her home alone. It reduced our dinner party to four-me, Brittany, Q, and Hummel. Brittany wanted to show off her new found cooking abilities to Quinn, and Brittany's table was big enough so it worked out. I wasn't going to disagree, my piggy bank had been growing lighter by each passing day.

All four of us crammed into Brittany's small kitchen. Kurt busied himself at the table with a magazine to ignore the "inferior chef". I hopped up on the counter away from the stove where Brittany was flipped chicken and Quinn attempted to dice vegetables.

The first time Brittany cooked for me I offered to help, but we found out that we became easily distracted and didn't really cook. So I was happy to watch the show from the counter, texting Toni and running my fingers through Garfunkel's fur during the boring parts.

"Quinn could you get me a big spoon?" Garfunkel, Brittany's thin grey cat with impossibly soft fur, jumped down from the counter and I assumed she headed for her spot on the back of couch.

"Yeah." Quinn twirled around scanning the limited counter space and then eyeing a drawer she suspected that would hold the utensil.

However, this was Brittany's kitchen. Things were a little different. Quinn opened the drawer to find a variety of pasta. Before she could ask the whereabouts of the spoons, I opened the cabinet behind me and grabbed a large wooden spoon from the basket attached to the inside of the door. I tossed it over to Quinn and resumed my text to Toni, she apparently was having problems with the neighbor's big stupid dog.

"Thanks…" I missed most of the curious look from Quinn, but I caught the last half of it.

"What?" I typed out my suggestion of rat poison.

"Nothing. You spend a lot of time in the kitchen?" Quinn went back tending to the vegetables. There was a double question in there somewhere.

Brittany answered the question for her. "Last week we made dinner. I've been taking her out to all the hot spots in Dayton."

"Hot spots? I don't remember Burger King requiring a reservation." Kurt laughed into the glossy pages. I guess Brittany shared everything we did with the nosey little ma n.

Brittany frowned at the chicken, but I'm sure it was meant for Kurt. "We went to Gannon's…"

"That's pretty nice," Kurt turned to his judgment to me. "What did you have there Santana? The Ziti, or maybe the tilapia?"

"I had a cheese burger." He had a patronizing smile. "Fuck off Hummel." I like cheese burgers. That one in particular was delicious, and well worth the Hamilton. Quinn snickered and I saw a look of delight flash across Kurt's face.

"Both of you. No more talking." I pointed to Kurt and Quinn, who had her back towards me and she hadn't actually said anything. Kurt shrugged and focused on his fashion magazine, and Quinn continued ruining the vegetables.

"Some of it is going to be burnt." Brittany wasn't the best cook. But she looked too cute in her apron for me to say differently.

"That's fine B." I hopped down off the counter and went to set the table. Quinn brought a bottle of red wine as present, but I figured Brittany could use it now seeing that we all were eating now. I poured Brittany a glass and let her take a sip before filling the other glasses. She complimented Quinn's pick, which I had suggested, but I didn't feel the need to announce that.

I didn't notice Kurt's eyes following me around the room until I placed the glasses on the table. Glancing over his shoulder I found Quinn to be mimicking his actions. Ignoring them would probably be for the best.

Brittany brought the slightly burnt chicken and awkward vegetables to the table. I waited to for her to take a seat before I took my place beside her at the table. She made a lame toast to friends and food, but it was so adorably Brittany and I couldn't resist giving her a peck on her cheek and praising the meal.

I was about to cut into my chicken when I felt eyes on me again. "Okay. What? Why are you guys staring at me?"

Quinn shook her head and poked at the miserable side she made. Kurt, however, wasn't going down so easy. "You're just…" He glanced to Quinn and nodded to himself. "You seem overly domestic. It would be funny if it wasn't so-"

"Scary?"

"I was going to say unnerving, but I think Quinn said it well enough."

"That makes no sense. How?" I shook my head and dropped my fork onto the napkin I neatly folded a few minutes ago.

"Well you've only been here maybe twice? Yet you know where everything is."

I took a drink from my wine glass. "It's a sin to be observant?" Kurt clearly felt like being provoking mood. _I'm glad Quinn had her fun with David earlier_.

"Well, no. Perhaps I mean that you have an air about you which some would say… How do I put it." I rolled my eyes. I swear Hummel and Berry were interchangeable sometimes. "You act like you own the place."

"I do not." I looked over to Brittany who pointed ignored me, favoring her wine glass. "I just set the table."

"Yes, but it's how you did it. Without being asked, clearing off Brittany's mail from the table, deciding to use Quinn's wine." My fingers tensed around my silver ware, while Kurt took a breath. "It's not a bad thing. If I didn't know differently I would say that you lived here."

"She doesn't live here." Brittany interjected as she took a piece of chicken.

"Yes I know that Brittany." Kurt rolled his eyes, but the obvious statement from Brittany was meant for me. It was her way of letting me know that she didn't mind and wasn't buying what Kurt was selling.

"You're making something out of nothing. Get over yourself Hummel." I took a bite of Brittany's chicken, "you too Fabray. You both shut up." So what if I helped without being asked. Isn't that what you're supposed to do in a relationship?

Brittany patted my knee under the table and I shrugged off some of my annoyance. I knew this was going to happen, Kurt and Quinn would start on something I'd get mad and then Brittany would defuse that situation. Maybe I'd get a couple kisses out of it.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

After dinner I offered to help Brittany with the dishes. While Brittany and I were stuck at the sink Kurt amused Quinn on the couch with his new smart phone and Quinn questioned him on the intricate working of a vehicle's air conditioning unit; which Kurt apparently knew cars as well as he did the latest Broadway musicals. I could hear Rachel Berry's voice over the running water of the sink.

I took up the washing bit and let Brittany dry. "Here." Berry was still annoying me from across time and space. Fucking technology.

"You know I could of done this later." Brittany rested her head on my shoulder waiting for the next thing to dry.

"I didn't want to leave your place dirty. Would you really want to look at this stuff in the morning before you head off to the studio? I'm almost done anyway."

She didn't say anything more; she just took the plates and stored them away. Quinn walked into the kitchen smiling and asking for another glass of wine.

I rinsed off the final plate, drying it as well since Brittany was pouring Quinn and herself another glass. "I think you may have had enough Quinn."

"You're driving now."

I was about to open my mouth and tell her what I think about her piece of shit car when Brittany's arm snaked around my waist. Most of my thoughts left when she nuzzled my cheek with her nose. "Why don't you let Quinn have a little fun? It's been a long time since I've seen her."

"Yeah Santana." Quinn pinched my cheek and paraded out of kitchen with her third glass of wine. "I can't even remember the last time we hung out like this."

"You mean got drunk?" Kurt was sitting on the couch with Garfunkel resting above his head.

"No Kurt, I mean enjoyed each other's presence in the company of alcohol." Quinn flopped down next to him on the couch, and I took the old lazy boy with Brittany crashing down into my lap.

"I do! It was graduation. I've got pictures from the party." Brittany became overly excited, as usual, and bounced on my legs almost spilling her red wine.

"Shut up!" It sounded angry, but Quinn was bouncing herself. Wine drunk is a different kind of drunk, it never fails to make you hyper and giggly. Which is good for Quinn, she usually turns into a bitch.

"But I do…" Brittany settled in my lap almost sadly.

"I think she wants to see them Britt." I rubbed her arm and she immediately perked up once she understood.

"Oh ok! They're in the greenish photo album." She hopped off my lap, shoving the wine glass into my hands and dragging Quinn over to the bookshelf. It was a little weird that Brittany kept pictures like an old lady would. But then I do remember Britt saying something about not being able to hold the pictures on the computer.

"Well they're hyper." I nodded, Quinn was usually more reserved than this. At least I had Kurt to keep me company while we babysat the two blondes.

"Anything new?" I moved over to the couch and pulled Garfunkel beside me. Kurt was on his phone again, but I did have a letter to deliver.

"Why do people think that I care about their complaints? It is hot outside, but do you really need to tell three hundred people that?"

"I don't even check that crap."

"I would rather not, but I need my distractions." Kurt had a plastic smile staring down at the small screen. I have always preferred my distractions to be physical.

I looked over to Brittany and Quinn. They were knee deep in reminiscence, and giggling like mad at whatever pictures Brittany kept. It was nice to know that Brittany never really cut me out of her life. She always kept me close to her heart. The proof was lying on the rug in between them.

"Well while they're distracted I have something for you."

"A present? Santana, you shouldn't have."

"It's not a present." I motioned for him to follow me into the kitchen. After a moment of hesitation he followed. There were plenty of sharp objects in the room, I could understand his skepticism with the ingrained memory of my high school self.

"Well what is it then?" I had moved the note earlier into my back pocket. I saw Quinn peeking at my purse when we got to the apartment.

I held the paper out to him, but before he could touch it I withdrew. I told him my disclaimer that I didn't know what it said but "I ain't no damn pony express."

He had a curious look on his face. I did fail to mention who it was from, but I figured he could guess from the Sheriff logo. I gave him some privacy while he read the note. Not that I was going to leave the kitchen, I just helped myself to a glass of water. I did deliver it; I should get to know what it said.

"So?" I slouched into the countertop and watched Kurt scan the message again before he slipped it into his shirt pocket.

"So what?" I wasn't amused by his flippant attitude.

"What did it say?"

What was probably another 'cute' response was cut short by the two winos. "Santana! Look we're babies!" Brittany pulled both Kurt and I into the living room.

"Actually Brittany I need to get going-" He didn't have a chance to say anything else Brittany gathered him into her arms for a massive hug and a dozen kisses to his cheeks. It was one of the stranger things I've seen happen between the two. At least he was taller than Brittany now.

"Thanks for coming Kurt! You're the best!" Kurt removed himself from Brittany and basically ran out the door.

"Santana! Look!" _Right. We're babies._ Quinn pulled me down into the couch next to her, Brittany falling into my side. The photo album was then dropped into my lap and the pages started turning.

"Look at this! It's got everybody. Me, you, Quinn, and even André!" It was the summer before our freshman year of high school. I remember André dropping me and Quinn off at Brittany's house and Mrs. Pierce demanding a photograph. Being the type of woman that she is, she insisted that André join us. So there we were in Brittany's front lawn. Brittany with her an arm wrapped around Quinn's shoulders, the other around my waist; and André draping his arm over my shoulders. Smiling.

If Mrs. Pierce would have asked for a picture like this today, I'm sure there would be a lot less smiling. Probably more on the side of blood splattering the green grass.

"Santana I don't think you grew at all." Quinn snickered and patted the top of my head.

I batted her hand away. "Neither have you Quinn." Really, she's like maybe an inch taller than me.

"I did."

Our united "shut up Brittany" sent the girl into a fit of giggles which I thought would never end. She almost rolled off the couch, but she managed to control herself. She rolled back into my side and traced her finger around the image of my brother and me. Something that was a rarity now.

"Do you think André got any bigger?"

I shrugged. Of course he did. In the picture he was seventeen-almost eighteen. But Brittany was asking me what he looked like now. How college and starting a career in New York has shaped him. "I dunno Britt. I haven't seen him in a long time."

"That's sad." Brittany dropped her head onto my shoulder, and I turned the plastic pages of the photo album trying to ignore the sadness creeping upon me.

"She could be home seeing him right now." Quinn set her empty glass on Brittany's small coffee table. That wasn't a slip, she had said it purposely. I gritted my teeth and growled out her name.

"What?" Feigning ignorance. Maybe that's what I should be doing.

"Nothing." I pushed down the angry swell in my throat, and refocused on the pictures. The page had several photos of the three of us in our division tournament of freshman year. I tired rerouting the conversation to the Cheerios, but Brittany was no longer interested in the past.

"Is André-" She fidgeted next to me, increasing my irritation.

"It's getting late Quinn. We should probably get going. It's a long drive." I snapped the album close and dropped it into Brittany's hands and pulled Quinn up.

She gave me a questioning look, but my glare thankfully gave her reason enough to go along with me. "Brittany it was wonderful seeing you. We'll have to do this again." Brittany stood to hug her and I pushed Quinn to the door.

I had to detour into the kitchen to collect our purses so I sent Quinn out the door before me, insuring that she wouldn't drop anymore bombs. I pulled the door open and turned telling Brittany that I'd call her once I got to Quinn's. In one swift move Brittany slammed the door close and trapped me between her and the thick metal. The door would probably be easier for me to escape from.

"I know that you miss your brother Santana." She didn't give me the chance to refute her statement. "I understand why you'd want to avoid him."

"Brittany…" I squirmed under her weight, she released me but I was pinned to the spot by her eyes.

"What I don't understand is why you thought it was a good idea to keep it from me. Why you have to keep that hurt to yourself." Her voice was soft, but she looked… almost angry.

"It's just André being an asshole. It's just stupid crap." It was stupid. André was being stupid. I don't deal with stupid people.

"Why can't you tell me about your stupid crap? Isn't that why I'm here?" No Brittany wasn't angry; she was disappointed. She lifted her hand that was once pointing to her chest, to caress my hot cheek.

"Is Quinn better at handling your problems?" There was a glint of jealously, but overwhelming I felt her disappointment. Disappointed in me. Once again I wasn't letting her in. "Or does she ask fewer questions?" Her hand dropped limply from me when I didn't have an answer for her.

I swallowed the piece of me that wanted to fall into her arms. The piece of me that wanted her to hold me and make everything better. But I knew that she couldn't make anything better. André was my problem. And I was dealing with that just fine on my own. I didn't need anyone's help.

Her usually bright eyes were faded to a dark grey. A sigh escaped her as I kissed her cheek, the metal door finally gave and let me through. In the dim hallway with Quinn leaning against the plain white walls, I heard Brittany set the locks in place. Quinn started down the hall without a word and I followed just as quietly.

I thought that the most difficult problem was going to be the distance. I was right, but it wasn't the physical term. It was the rift that I kept between us. Staring it dead in the face tonight, I could finally see it. Maybe I was the one who caused the problems all along. It was starting to feel that way.

This was something I didn't know if I could cross. The journey could be too dangerous, and I know that there is no way that I'm strong enough to make it.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AN:**Let me know what you think about things and stuff. i'm always up for opinions on tumblr too, gleeruinedmylife . tumblr . com


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: **Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee.

I want give a quick thanks to all my readers and those of you that take the time to leave a review. You guys help fuel this, so thanks.

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><p><strong>Chapter Eighteen: Every Planet We Reach Is Dead<strong>

_|x|x|x|x|__|x|x|x|x|_

The ride with Quinn was quiet, other than she was still drunk and had the radio cranked. I was just happy she wasn't trying to talk to me. I had enough to mull over in my own mind. Though I could have been better off without the singing.

The cool summer air chilled me as we cruised down the open highway. There were few cars on the road at our late, for Ohio, hour. Meaning fewer distractions for me. A strange feeling had curled itself in the pit of my stomach ever since we got into the car. I kept my phone in my lap, in case Brittany called or texted me that she was sorry for bringing up André. At least that's how I was reasoning why I cradled the thing in my hand.

The highway cut through the dark, short stalks of corn, leading us further towards the Cow Town of Lima. We were almost half way home and finally my phone vibrated and showed a text. Reading it once drained all the blood from my face, brain, arms, legs, into my stomach feeding that feeling. The swell of it almost caused me to run off the road. _ We need to take a break…_ Reading it twice spun me into confusion. One final time it caused me to punch Quinn in the shoulder.

"What the hell was that for?" My fist interrupted her dance and off key singing. But that's what she gets for sending me a fucked up text.

**From Quinn: **I think we need to take a break. [9:43 pm]

"What the fuck does that even mean?" I tossed my phone into her hands so she could read what she sent me.

"I have to pee. Really bad now." Luckily there was an exit coming up soon with a gas station just off the road. I slowed the car and pulled off the highway and continued to shout at Quinn.

"Oh my god… And you couldn't just freaking tell me that?" I nearly suffered a heart attack from her stupid text message, and all she had to do was go to the bathroom. Maybe it would have helped if I read who it was from first.

"I was singing Santana." I closed my eyes and counted to ten. I was not going to kill my friend.

Sitting in the car waiting for Quinn, who I should of followed seeing that she stumbled through the glass doors, gave me a little quiet time to think. What if Brittany had sent that to me? Clearly I was expecting something like that if I immediately thought that Britt sent me Quinn's stupid pee text.

What the hell would I do if she did? Would we be over? Just like that?

I rested my head on the open car window, watching for Quinn through the glass windows of gas station. Brittany didn't try much to keep me there with her, she just let me go. Did I want her to trap me there? No, but… Maybe I should see if she's mad. I tapped my fingers on the black painted metal cooled by the night air. Sending a 'are you mad at me' text sounded too much like I did something wrong. Which I don't think I did.

Quinn's head bobbed between the stacks of soda and motor oil. _I'll just text her when we get back to Quinn's. She'll feel better by then._ I started the car and for some reason, even leaned across the seats to open Quinn's door.

"That was just deplorable." I rolled my eyes and backed out of the gas station. "There was pee everywhere!"

It wasn't like that when I stopped here last week. I mean it was a gas station bathroom, but it wasn't that gross. "Yeah and I'm sure you didn't add to the mess."

"You would know how to make a mess of things."

"I'm actually very tidy, thank you."

"I'm talking about Brittany moron." She was fumbling with her seatbelt. Clanking the metal together, but making no progress.

"And I'm talking to a drunk." The noise was enough to irritate me further, so I clasped the belt for her.

"Say what you want about me, but you're the one who miraculously destroys every relationship you enter." Her motor skills were impaired, but her bitch coordination was still fully functional.

"Fuck off Fabray." It was mostly untrue. I had a couple of steady short lived romances in college.

"Santana, I refuse to sit idle by and watch this fall apart again."

"Nothing is wrong!" I slammed my hands against Quinn's steering wheel, hoping to end this stupid conversation.

"Fine, if nothing's wrong call Brittany right now." I scoffed and took my phone that she offered from the cup holder to me. "I bet she doesn't answer."

I punched her speed dial and wondered why I was feeding the troll that was Quinn Fabray. After a few rings, three at the most, I was connected to Brittany Susan Pierce's voicemail. Instead of leaving a message I just hung up and let the phone drop into my lap.

"Britt not very talkative now?"

"She has a life you know." I gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter, popping my knuckles. "She's probably in the bathroom or something." And she brought her phone, so that when I called she could send me to voicemail. _Fuck._

"Whatever makes you feel better."

"You know what would make me feel better right now? You keeping your damn mouth shut."

"I'm just trying to help."

"Yeah, well fucking don't."

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

I didn't say anything. The testing phone call had set me on edge. What if I had managed to piss Brittany off? We never actually fought before. There was never reason too. But looking back now, maybe I refused to acknowledge a problem.

The rest of the car ride I spent replaying every hostile conversation I had with Brittany, every situation where I was the aggressor, every time I refused to listen. Every time I pushed her away.

_|x|x|x|x|__|x|x|x|x|_

_Honestly it wasn't even a competition._

_I flipped the toilet lip close and dropped onto it. Brittany's mom always bought the plushest toilet paper, which is good for not only wiping off stage makeup but also liquids. Like the kind that are refusing to stop leaking from the corners of my eyes. _

_We were just the stupid entertainment at Parent Teacher Night. It shouldn't be making me feel like shit. It wasn't important. _

_I left Brittany in the living room to compose myself under the guise of removing my makeup, so I didn't have much time. I wasn't crying like Hoover Dam broke, it was just a slow leak of my sanity. I leaned over on the counter to see myself in the corner of the large mirror. There were two thin, now dried, trails running through the stage makeup. Outwardly I looked tired, as to be expected for the lead soloist, but inside I felt like driving my car off a cliff. _

_There was soft click from the door and I shot up to wipe away any evidence. A second later Brittany poked her head into the room, followed by the rest of her settling on the counter top to watch me work. _

"_What's taking you so long? The muffins are getting cold." Brittany's mom made us celebratory apple cinnamon muffins for a job well done. Mrs. Pierce made more fuss over my solo than either of my parents. Even if she didn't cheer or make me muffins, that I knew were mostly for her, at least she showed up. _

_I didn't respond to Brittany's question, I just continued wiping at my face. I was changed into my pajamas, at least she would have to wait for that._

"_Honey…" She twirled on the counter top to pull out a wet wipe. "Here let me." I dropped my hand and let Brittany rub at my face with the cloth. It was unfair. They didn't show up to the Invitational when they promised to. _

"_Santana stop frowning. You should be happy. You were awesome tonight." She gave me a small smile, which I tried my best to return. With her hand on my face her other holding my shoulder, I just wanted her to crush me into her chest and make this feeling go away. But I couldn't do that, I could only do the opposite. _

"_I am happy." Push her away. _

"_What's wrong?" It must of turned out more sad than anything else. _

"_Nothing." She finished wiping away the last of my makeup and I ran the water to rinse my face. She held out a towel for me, as well as pleading look. "I'm fine Brittany, let's go watch the movie." _

_I stalked out of the bath room and into the living room where I was banished to sleep since Brittany told her mom that we were dating and we were caught in a rather awkward situation. Brittany lifted the quilt so that I could climb under with her on the couch. The arm she had wrapped around me felt heavy and hot, so I shrugged her off and moved away from her. _

"_Santana?"_

"_Just watch the movie." I crossed my arms and glared at the screen. I've seen the movie plenty of times so it had no effect on distracting me from the smoldering anger I had for my parents at the moment. _

_After a few minutes of strained silence Brittany sighed and pulled one of my hands into hers. "You know they wanted to be there."_

_I took a deep breath and focused on her fingers running over my skin. "What are you babbling about?"_

"_Santana don't be like this. I'm sure something important came up." Hot liquid clouded my vision, but I held back anything from breeching. I pulled my hand away from Brittany; she doesn't know how it feels to be on the back burner constantly. This was a subject I'd rather not talk about, so I made a decision. I stood from the couch and went about collecting my things from Brittany's room and shoving them into my bag. _

"_What are you doing?" Brittany followed me into her room looking on with clouded confusion._

"_I forgot, I was supposed to be home tonight."_

_Brittany sat dejected at the foot of her bed. "Santana… why are you-"_

_I pulled on my Cheerios jacket and pressed a quick kiss to her cheek. "See ya tomorrow Britt." She didn't acknowledge me, she just stared to the floor. She looked like the earth split open and was sucking her down into the dark depths. I pushed that thought away, she's probably just tired._

__|x|x|x|x|__|x|x|x|x|__

Once I was safely hidden under the mound of quilts that Quinn's mother provided me with on the couch, I slipped out my phone and sent Brittany a text telling her that I made it to Quinn's alright. It took a little longer than I would have liked to get my reply.

**Brittany:** K night [11:52 pm]

I didn't bother sending my own good night message. From the text alone I could tell that Brittany wasn't in a very good mood. Curling my body into the warmth of the couch I forced my eyes closed and willed my mind to stop. Tomorrow was an important day. I needed to ace it.

Girlfriend problems are not.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck" I pulled into my driveway, parking behind a shiny black BMW. Probably what André rented. "Fuck." I glanced down to my clock; I was going to be late for my 'in the bag' interview with the Grasmick and Sutton firm.

I kicked off my heels, the shoes landing somewhere in the car, so that I could run a bit faster. I spent a lot of time selecting my outfit. It was down to the T, impressive hand bag, perfectly pressed power suit, my shiny silver pen. I packed it all and brought it to Quinn's house and laid everything out last night. Everything but my freshly printed resume. Which I'm assuming I left neatly stacked on my desk, ready to be put into a folder.

It was kind of early so there was a chance he would be asleep still, or in the shower. Pushing my key into the lock on the front door I debated going full out ninja and sneaking around, but a quick down at my watch told me that I'd better just run up the steps.

And that's just what I did.

Taking them two at a time, I pushed my way around the corner ready to sprint down the hall. But the door to my room was wide open, and the light was on. So instead of galloping into my room, I took slow tentative steps and peered into my room.

André was standing at my vanity still dressed in his pajamas, staring down at something. I flipped back against the wall and took a breath. Hopefully I could just go in there and he'd leave. Hopefully.

I stepped into my room and he made no move to acknowledge me so I cleared my throat to get his attention. It was like he didn't hear me slam the front door and jump up the stairs. He turned around to me and I saw what he was staring at.

He had my stuffed rabbit in one of his hands, behind him on the mirror of my vanity there was a picture of me and Brittany. One we took in a photo booth, because Brittany's lame like that, during our mall trip a week or so ago.

"What are you doing here?" Of course my brother would ask what I was doing in my room. I would have asked the same, but I knew he was snooping. "Mom said you were staying with Quinn."

"I forgot something." I collected my resume from the desk and stuck it inside the glossy folder I had picked out. Turning back around to face him, André was staring at me still holding the rabbit. He was acting very strange, and I would have liked to take the time to read into it but I already had to warp-speed across town.

We both stood awkwardly for a moment, waiting for the other to make a move. _I so don't have time for this fuckery_. I cradled my folder and stalked past him.

"Here." My plush bunny was thrust into my chest. "It looks like it ate soap, cause it's farting bubbles." He pointed at the tag on its butt, and sure enough the tag had a few embroidered bubbles along with the name of the company.

After the shock of my brother speaking words to me wore off, I sat Bubble Butt on my dresser and motioned for André to leave so I could close the door. He didn't need to find anything else anyway. He waited for me in the hall and followed me down the steps. _Maybe he's going to kill me and that's why he came to 'visit'._

Then I realized that I didn't even know why he was visiting. I didn't care to ask my mother, and dad didn't mention the reason either. Perhaps since he was willing to talk to me I could just ask him. "So how long are you staying?"

"It was supposed to be til Friday, but plans changed. I'm leaving tomorrow, so I guess you can come home then." He had crossed his arms and glared into the dining room.

"Plans?" I could be a little bit late, it could be one of few times he would talk to me.

"They didn't tell you?" I shook my head. Of course our parents didn't tell me anything. "I was engaged."

"Jennifer decided last night that she had other plans. Plans that didn't included me." He dropped his weight against the wall and moved his glare down to the floor. I didn't even know he had a serious girlfriend, much less a fiancée.

"I'm sorry-"

"You're going to be late." André pushed off the wall and stalked into the living room. He told me to leave, but it sounded much more of plea to stay. The cool metal of the front door handle reminded me that I had to really be going. I swung the door open and casted a final glance to my heart broken brother.

_|x|x|x|x|__|x|x|x|x|_

I was two minutes late and the dillweed of a junior associate made it clear that he did not like me or the air lingering around me. My mother said that she went to school with this Grasmick guy, and was all buddy buddy with him still. It didn't even help when I dropped my mom's name.

Mr. Anal Probe slid my resume off to the side of his desk, closer to his waste bin. "Well Ms. Lopez it's been a pleasure speaking with you. I'll give you a call in a few days and let you know the firm's decision."

"Thank you for your time." I shook his clammy hand and didn't resist my urge to wipe his douche disease from my palm. He was a dick and deserved it. He led me out of his small office and to his secretary. I was just about to storm out of the place when a bald man chuckled his way through the bull pin.

"Gunderman!" The man leering over his secretary stiffened as the older man approached him. "Have you sent Ms. Lopez on her way yet? I was hoping to- There she is! Just like her mother!" The old man slammed his hand over the junior associate's shoulder and pulled him over to me.

"Ms. Lopez, Santana right? Copenhagen Grasmick, your mother had a lot to say about you; but she never said that you're as beautiful as she was in college. Don't tell her I said that."

"I wouldn't dare." By the way Grasmick was shaking my hand it seemed as though my luck had changed.

"I hope Mike treated you well." My response was to chuckle along with Grasmick and stare down Gunderman. "I can get used to that laugh, and I suppose I will in the next few weeks."

"I don't know if I'll be laughing that much sir."

"Oh come on now, lawyers aren't that uptight!" He punched Gunderman in the shoulder and checked his watch. "Well Santana I guess I'll see you again in a few days."

I spun around to watch the old man giggle his way into the further reaches of the office, thoroughly pleased for the way Gunderman had his ass handed to him.

"Be here next Tuesday at nine, we'll get you set up with a desk and start your duties." I tried to hide my mirth, but from the look of Gunderman's face I wasn't doing a good job.

"I can't wait."

_|x|x|x|x|__|x|x|x|x|_

Once I got into my car I turned into celebratory mode. Seeing that it was not even afternoon yet drinks weren't an option. So I picked up my phone and dialed Brittany instinctively. After realizing that we weren't on speaking terms I ended the call and tried Quinn, who didn't answer. Someone had to share my epic win. It hadn't even been two months and I totally forgot about my best friend in Chicago.

"Sup slut."

"Toni guess what happened."

"Something to do with vaginas."

"What? No." That's the problem with being gay. You're constantly reminded of it.

"Usually when our conversations start with 'guess what', it's always about vaginas… Or boobs. Or a combinat-"

"I'm ignoring you now. Listen, I got a job!" Mentally I fist pumped for both my victory and in anticipation of a real pay check.

"How fantastic now you can support me and my nicotine addiction." I laughed at the memory of the two of us going out for the first time and buying a carton of cigarettes. She got hooked around the same time I did, mostly from me needing a smoking buddy.

"More like I can move out of my parent's house."

"And shack up with that pretty little blonde of yours?" The proposal was highly doubtful, especially since Britt was pissed at me for something stupid. "I suppose little isn't an accurate adjective for her is it?"

"No. Definitely not moving in with her."

"Trouble in paradise?" I could practically see the evil glint in her eye. If there was one thing Toni loved, it was drama.

"We're not talking at the moment. But I'm sure she'll come around."

"Well don't fret too much over her. There's a reason why people don't re-date. Exs are exs for a reason. Usually that reason being that they're ex-ecptationally terrible, in all aspects of life."

"Brittany's not terrible." I huffed because she's the extreme opposite. She's the most wonderful, caring, beautiful person in the world. I left that part out, seeing that it wouldn't be met with much fanfare from Toni. Maybe I'm the terrible one.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, I'm just saying. Who really ends up with their high school sweet heart anyways? No one, unless you live in the bible belt and you get knocked up. This silent treatment is just going to lead to something else. And soon you're going to realize why you broke up in the first place. Like they say, history is bound to repeat itself."

"You're kinda right."

"Chica please, I'm always right." Toni has a very strong stance on my relationships; Brittany was no exception for her. However this time she helped me realize what I needed to do to keep my girl.

Talking with Toni had me driving on auto-pilot to my parent's house. Where my brother was stationed at the moment. "I'll talk to you later, I'm driving."

"Yeah, congratulations on your job again. Skype me and we'll have shots tonight."

"Alright, see ya." I closed the phone and made an illegal u-turn.

_|x|x|x|x|__|x|x|x|x|_

* * *

><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AN: **Let me know what you think about things and stuff. gleeruinedmylife . tumblr . com

It's a little shorter than usual, but that's how it worked out.


	19. Chapter 19

**AN: **Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee.

This chapter has some mature content, so if that offends you skip that bit.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Nineteen: Sister Golden Hair<strong>

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_**  
><strong>

I had plenty of miles to figure out just what I was doing. Or just how stupid I was being. It didn't really feel like that though. The fact that I was actively having to remind myself that this could be a bad idea didn't help. Driving down the long stretch of highway, I had a sense of purpose.

Brittany got inside my heart. That was true enough. I never withheld that from her. My love she could have. But I suppose since she was Brittany, she needed more. She wanted the details of my every thought, not just the ones I have about ghastly reality shows or fleeting murderous feelings towards my mother.

I allowed Brittany access to me physically, emotionally, and she wants the rest now. Who am I to deprive her of that?

My thoughts were scattered around the focal point of apologizing to Brittany. I pulled into the dance studio's parking lot and sat for a few minutes. Brittany pointed the building out once, but I wasn't granted a tour. Not that I'm heart broken about that, we where on our way to dinner when she exclaimed about her workplace. My sunglasses slid down my nose while I scanned the parking lot. Her car was sitting in the parking lot under the shade of a giant tree, giving me the reassurance that she was in fact inside. Nervousness crept up my spine. I was just about to disturb her class, it could turn out romantic or probably in my case I'll just look crazy.

I weighed the costs and benefits and made my move. Walking up to the door of the glass building I mentally prepared a speech, hoping that I didn't leave anything out. The tall tinted glass didn't allow me to peer inside, so it was a bit of a shock to step into the cool air of a newish studio. I was expecting much less from the Asian's aunt and perhaps more bamboo.

"Hello, how can I help you?" An older woman, probably the aunt, greeted me at the door, pulling me from my stupor. I had pictured myself crashing through the door and Brittany halting her instruction to run over to me, forgiving me with a passionate kiss. In a perfect world I would pull her up onto a giant white steed-or maybe a Harley, and ride off into the sunset. However, none of those things were going to happen though. That stuff is for old women's romance novels. And the thought of clinging to Brittany on the back of any moving creature or machine, while I wouldn't mine the contact, I did mind the whole fall off and die prospect of it.

"Um hi. I'm looking for Brittany." I drummed my fingers on the counter that was full of sign up sheets and a little basket of candies.

"There's many children here with that name, what's last name?" She dropped down behind the desk and pulled out a book.

"I'm not picking up a kid. I need to talk with Brittany Pierce." The old woman blinked at me through her thick glasses. "She teaches here right?" Her car was sitting outside, but the lady could have me questioning what air was.

"Yes, she does. Who are you?" I sighed and stared down the hallway, noticing the thumping droning from the rooms.

"I'm her fri-girlfriend. I just need to talk to her for a second." It looked like there were only a few rooms down that way. Brittany was probably in one of them.

"Oh so you the one to make her sad. Does Brittany know you're here?" The woman squinted daggers at me and shoved the book across her desk.

"What? No, just tell me where she's at lady." I kept my temper in check, restraining myself from slamming my fist on the counter.

"I don't think so. You can talk to her later. Not here." She waved me off, expecting me to go out the door.

_Bitch._ I stalked past her and down the hallway to the classrooms.

"Hey you stop!" I turned around to see the short woman pushing off of her chair and chasing after me so I picked up my pace. Luckily there were windows on the doors so I didn't have to barge into each one. I hurried to the first room to find it dark. Pushing off the door and moving as fast as I could in my skirt, for an old lady she was fast. The next room was full of young kids dancing around with not much structure, but the instructor was not my blonde headed girlfriend.

"You get back here now!" My heels clacked on the hardwood as I followed the pumping bass to the last room. I peered in the window finding a senior citizen dance class, with Brittany leading them. Curses in Chinese, Japanese, or whatever spilled from the tiny woman barreling down on me. Before she was able to grab me I pulled open the door and pushed it close with a loud slam and locked it, smiling at the old woman through the window.

The moment I took to gloat was cut short when I realized that there was a small mob of people staring at me laughing at the old lady on the other side of the door. One of them being my angry girlfriend.

"Santana!" _Make that my super angry girlfriend. _I spun around and straightened my blouse and tried to fix my wind swept hair from my mad dash down the hallway to face Brittany standing in front of the mirrored wall with a cross look on her face. "What are you doing?"

I lifted my head to deflect the curious stares of the elderly people. "I came to talk to you." Brittany rolled her eyes and stomped over to me. If she wasn't glaring at me I would of thought she looked cute in her outfit.

She grabbed my arm and pulled me into the corner, tossing a smile over her shoulder. "You guys continue. I'll just be a second." The old people mumbled to themselves and carried on with their routine. She pushed me against the wall and continued in a harsh whisper, "what the hell are you doing here?"

"I needed to talk to you right away." I brought my hand to urge her firm, almost painful, grip from my arm.

"Santana I'm working. Don't you think you could of waited? Or maybe called me? Something other than barging into the middle of my class?"

"No!-Sorry it's just. See Quinn said, well actually Toni really said it-" There went my speech.

"Santana we'll talk later." _This is what I get for shooting off the hip_. She hooked her hand on my arm once again, no doubt push me out the door. Surprisingly I was able to pull her back. Brittany wasn't going to toss me out, I wouldn't let her do this. I knew that if I left now there'd be no repairing the rift between us. I may have just noticed the true breath of the rift that I created, but I was damn sure going to bridge it.

"Wait! Brittany, I love you." I threw my hands to cradle her cheeks, thankfully she didn't shake me off. "I love you and I'm sorry." Right now all that mattered was making her realize this.

"For what?" I held her still staring at her tired eyes, brushing back strands of her honey hair that fell from her ponytail. She didn't have her usual spark, and I was to blame.

"I'm sorry. I don't know how to exactly explain it, but I understand now. I need you. I need you, and- and I don't want to figh-" Brittany pulled out of my grasp and turned away. "No wait, let me try and explain." I followed her steps to a blue duffel bag that she was riffling through.

"Brittany you mean the world to me." I chanced a glance to the nosey old men and women staring at me. Even though I was causing a bit of a scene, I didn't know what else to do. This was our now or never talk about it moment. I could feel tears collecting, just waiting for the next blow to spill over. We could play like none of this was a problem, but then it would only be a matter of time before we drifted apart once again. And now Brittany-bent over the duffel, was ignoring me. Pouring my heart out was my last resort. "I don't care what I have to do to prove that to you. Please Britt." I balled my hands into fists, willing her to not do this. I tried to keep my words clear and strong, but I could feel my soul quiver "Let me love you."

I wrenched my eyes closed to ward off my impending sorrow. "Honey…" Brittany pulled at my left hand and ease it open. I looked down to see that she dropped a small key ring into my palm. "Stop crying honey. I'll be home in a few hours. We'll talk then ok?" I deftly nodded and felt her strong arms wrap around me, crushing me into her hot chest. "And apologize to Mike's aunt." After a moment she released her hold on me and pressed a quick kiss to my forehead, which resulted in a resounding awe and heat swelling in my cheeks.

I didn't hear what Brittany said to her class, I was busy running out of the room sucking in my sobs. But I'm sure it had something to do with how cute it is when I get shy or some shit. Santana Lopez is not shy, nor is she cute.

Santana Lopez is a badass. Hopelessly in love, but still a badass.

_|x|x|x|x|__|x|x|x|x|_

I stood outside of Brittany's apartment door staring at it and toying with the key between my fingers. Brittany was never a private person, but this would be the first time I would be in her house alone. _Waiting for her to come home._ I was giddy for the stupidest reason.

Even in high school I never was alone in Brittany's house. I had free range over her room-to an extent, but once she left the room she expected me to follow. I learned that lesson early on in junior high. It was like Brittany was allowing me into a place I've never been before. _Either that or I'm reading into things way too much_.

_|x|x|x|x|__|x|x|x|x|_

_Summer break before high school started had meant me staying at Brittany's house almost every night. My parents didn't mind, but her mom made it clear that I had to go home every once in a while. However I was being kicked out of bed by the youngest Pierce this morning. _

_Brittany woke me up unnaturally early, because she had been roped into going to the store with her mother. Mrs. Pierce was going to drop me off at home, where I was going to sleep the rest of the day away anyways. But Brittany refused to let me sleep through her home made breakfast. "Come on Santana. You can help. I know you can make French toast really good."_

_I rolled onto her side of the bed, hiding in the pillows. My voice was muffled by sleep and cotton "Why can't I just sleep here? Just wake me up when you're done with breakfast. I'm not even hungry." _

"_I can't leave you here alone." I watched her from the safety of my pillows as she dressed to go grocery shopping with her mom. I hoped that she didn't notice me leering, even if she did I could blame it on her cute underwear._

"_Charity is here. Not alone." I pointed out the old cat on her dresser and watched the little apples with smiley faces slip out of view by a pair of jean shorts._

"_Come on Santana." I let her Brittany pull me into a sitting position, but I refused to release my hold on her pillow._

"_I'm just gonna sleep. I'm not gonna go through your stuff."_

"_Santana, please." She hooked her pinkie around mine and gently tugged. For some reason I could never say no to that. _

"_Fine. I don't get what the big deal is." I dressed and followed Brittany into the kitchen._

"_It's not a big deal. It's just breakfast." Brittany was a master of deflection. Always was and always will be._

__|x|x|x|x|__|x|x|x|x|_  
><em>

Noise from the stairwell jarred me from the moment, and I slid the key into the lock. I dropped my hand bag next to the door and delicately placed Brittany's key in the ceramic bowl she kept next to the door. Garfunkel was already at my feet purring while she rubbed against my legs.

I took a silent inventory of Brittany's small apartment. Having very little must pay off in the cleaning front. Everything seemed to be in its familiar spot, considering I've only been here a few times. Not to mention my mind wasn't very focused on if there was a quilt on the back of the couch or not, and whether it was neatly folded.

Garfunkel meowed as she followed me into Brittany's small bedroom. A room that I was less than familiar with. I wanted to change out of my interview outfit and into something more comfortable; I figured that Brittany wouldn't mind me borrowing something. I removed my blouse and skirt, carefully folding them at the edge of the giant bed- which Garfunkel felt was an invitation to lay on them. I pulled open a few drawers to find shorts. The black ones I found were from Brittany's stint in the Ohio State Cheerleading Squad. I don't know if I would of kept them if I was in Brittany's position, but I pulled them on. She was always proud of herself, I suppose that's why she kept them.

Opening her closet showed that Brittany had arranged her clothing in a rainbow pattern. I picked a yellow cotton tee and red one and tossed them on the bed. As I hoped, Garfunkel was going to help me pick. She jumped onto the red shirt that had Dayton Dance written in bold lettering.

"Good meow meow." I pulled the shirt from underneath the cat and over my head.

I turned around to put the yellow shirt back in its spot and close the closet doors, however the shoes littering the closet floor caught my attention. I knew that Brittany had a problem with shoes, but it was their arrangement that made me linger. They were lined up next to each other in neat rows except for a few pairs that sat around a small box with a note book on top of it in the corner of the closet.

Now I know it's not my place to go through Brittany things. Especially when she's… annoyed with me at the moment. But the dark shiny stain on the wood was too tempting, the brass clasp was begging to be opened. I picked up the box, dropping the notebook to the floor and brought the box to the center of the large bed.

"Do you know what's in here Garfunkel?" The cat didn't make a noise, but she did move from my clothes on the edge of the bed to curl next to my thigh, peering over at the box. "Don't tell Brittany."

Without much more thought I flicked the old clasp and lifted the lid to the secret box.

The box was full of old folded papers, and photographs. I took the photos out first. Most of them where of me and Brittany in high school, even one from freshman year of college by the Ohio State shirt she was wearing. I hummed to myself as I flipped those the glossy papers. There were pictures of Quinn, people from Glee club, a picture of the football team with x's over everyone-but Dave and Finn, her Junior Prom with Artie, and one of her and her two-my they rest in peace, cats.

_It must be her memory box or something._

I sat the pictures away from Garfunkel since she was already trying to eat them while in my hands. The only other things in the box were a bunch of old notes, from high school I guess. I picked up one at random with Brittany's name spelled wrong. Skimming through the sad accuse for a note I decided that they all must be those lame 'please go out with me' crap that high school boys like to toss on your desk after class. I read through a few more until I found one from Wheels outlining the five reasons Brittany was the hottest girl in school.

"Now I have to puke." I shuffled through the rest of them, my fingers grazing something metal at the bottom of the box. I pulled the chain up to find that it was her broken friendship bracelet, along with a dozen or so notes rolled up. She used her broken chain as a sort of a tie to keep them all together. The papers weren't directly addressed to Brittany, or anyone for that matter, but they were definitely from me. They were our notes we passed in class. After reading a few they were apparently just the good ones-the funny ones.

It was sweet that she kept them all together. Though somehow I felt bad. There was not one letter written in my handwriting that professed my undying love for her. I never wrote her a sappy love note. Not that I have any plans to-that's beneath me. Even though I had no real desire to write one, something ate at me for not doing so. I sighed and looked over to the clock on Brittany's night stand. She didn't tell me when she'd be coming back, but I didn't want her to find me going through her stuff.

I started putting the notes and pictures back, in a vain attempt to leave it how I found it, but a familiar piece of paper stopped me. The frail edges and the fact that it wasn't notebook paper, led me to believe what it was. Unfolding it, _just as I thought_ our contract. This stupid little piece of paper that managed to keep us together after all this time. I smiled and put everything back into Brittany's box.

I stood, disturbing Garfunkel's nap, setting the box on top of the notebook and returning to the bed after reorganizing the shoes around the box. I fell backwards onto the pillows that were full of Brittany's scent. Maybe I didn't have to write Brittany something as juvenile as a love note. I created a legal document that basically left no room in her life for anyone else but me. I figured that was better than a stupid note telling how cute she was.

_I tell her that shit every day._

Garfunkel crawled next to my head and I scratched at her ears, she curled into a ball and purred herself back to sleep. It was then that I realized how sleepy I was. A night spent on Quinn's couch, worrying about Brittany, the interview, the stress of the day, and now Brittany's bed and fluffy cat created a dead weight in my body dragging me towards a much needed nap.

_|x|x|x|x|__|x|x|x|x|_

Something… no someone, was stroking my face; and something warm was on my chest. I fluttered my eyes open found Brittany sitting next to me on the bed, smiling down at her cat lying on my stomach.

"You awake now?" I shook my head and turned my face into the pillow, knocking Garfunkel off of me in the process. "Come on Santana." Instead of sitting up like a mature woman, I grabbed blindly for her arm and pulled her down into the sheets with me.

She let me tug her down, but she didn't seem too happy about. "What?"

"I said that we'd talk when I got home." Face to face with her I now noticed that her hair was damp and she was changed out of her dance clothes. She's been home for a while, and I must have been asleep for a long time. She draped an arm around my waist and tugged me closer to her.

"Sorry. I was just sleepy."

"I noticed. And you should really lock the door, you never know when someone's going to just walk into the apartment. That's actually happened to me like… five times."

"Sorry…"

"It's ok." She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my cheek, her lips still warm from the heat of the water. "You look too cute in my clothes for me to be mad at you for long."

"Is it ok I borrowed them?" I tugged at the hem of the shirt I stole from her closet.

"Considering we've been doing that since we were thirteen, I think its fine." I whined when she released me and pushed herself off of the bed. "I made you some coffee, come on."

I sat up and glanced at myself in the mirror hanging over her dresser. My eyes were red from sleeping with my contacts in and my hair was a mess. With another call from Brittany I pushed myself from her warm bed and into the living room. Brittany was standing next to the couch, coffee mug and bottled water in her hands. I sat down on the cushions while she watched me and handed me the streaming mug. We sat for a few minutes in silence, Brittany sipping on her water while I took mouth fulls of the bitter coffee.

"Whenever you're ready Santana." I took a final gulp of the hot liquid and sat the mug on the table. I turned to face her on the couch, taking another moment to figure how to say everything that I needed to say. The perfect way to say sorry.

"I'm sorry for being a dick." She nodded and took another drink from the bottle. "I shouldn't shut you out. Especially from the bad stuff. I get that now."

"I just want you to talk to me. I know you love me, but… I don't understand why you feel like you can't talk to me about everything. You've always been like that, I hoped that this time you'd let me in a bit more."

"I just don't want to burden you with my crap."

"Santana your crap is my crap too. At least I want it to be. I'm supposed to like share the heavy load with you. It makes me feel that you don't trust me. It's like there's a section of your life I'm not allowed to see."

"I do trust you!" I reached out for her hand, removing the bottle of water from her grasp. "I'm not going to hide anything from you anymore. You get to know about all the good stuff and bad stuff." I scooted towards her and dropped my head on her shoulder. With the warmth of her arms snaking around me, I cracked. It was everything that I wanted, but never let happen. "I'm so sorry for pushing you away."

"I'm sorry for letting you." Relief flooded me as Brittany squeezed me tighter. It was all I needed to start crying about the second worst thing in my life. The first being losing Brittany, which I nearly had again without realizing it. "Don't cry Santana. I'm not mad anymore."

"It's just… André. He just… it hurts you know? I want to pretend he doesn't exist, and then he comes back and reminds me how he hates me-"

"Ignoring him won't do you any good. Ignoring the problem just adds to the snowflake."

"Yeah, I know. But I don't know what to do about it." I hid my face into her neck and tried to focus on her fingers running through my hair.

"Honey, you just talk to him. That's it. He can't ignore you forever."

For a fleeting second I thought about not telling her that I spoke to André today, but that would be two steps back. So I told her about how he looked like someone ate his cookies and kicked his puppy this morning.

"Well I would think that this is a good time to talk to him. He's vulnerable right now, isn't that when you usually swoop in?"

I laughed, "yeah I guess so." I brushed at the annoying wetness on my face. André could wait a bit. I was done with crying and I needed to drive home how much I love the girl that was wrapped around me. "I got that project manager job today."

"Yay! I'm so proud of you. See you have no reason to be crying." She clapped her hands and started to stand.

Before Britt could get far I pulled her back against me. "Maybe not..." She tilted her head, waiting for me to continue. I smirked, picking up her arms to wrap around my neck and whispering into her ear. "But I'm not done apologizing yet." Brittany whimpered and dropped her arms around my waist as I pushed her back into the cushions of the couch.

I kissed the skin just below her ear, nipping down the length of her neck and trailing my tongue back up to her jaw. She tasted like soap, which would make sense. She did just take a shower, but I wouldn't mind having tasted her after she's been dancing all day, working up a sweat. Her hands pulled me away from her base of her neck, and I was disappointed until I felt her warm breath on my lips. Kissing Brittany was like drinking nectar. Soft, warm, sweet, and wet. I pressed my entire body against her, causing her to gasp. I took advantage of her outburst and dove into her mouth. While my tongue slid against hers I slid my hand under her shirt to scratch down her stomach. We hadn't been super intimate because of my rules, but my hands and mouth were acting out on their own. I figured it was long enough of a wait. And if I wanted to stay in control I was going to have to fight for it, Brittany had never been very submissive. She bunched up my shirt and tugged at my shorts. Her hands grabbed at my ass and thighs, slowly attempting to flip me.

To prevent myself from becoming the bottom in this, I sucked on her bottom lip and thrust my thigh between her legs. She moaned and arched against me. I was happy with my little victory, returning back to her neck to celebrate. But she took the opportunity to pull my shirt half way off.

I sat up, tossing my shirt off my arms, and straddling her thigh to glare down. "It was in my way, and it's my shirt anyway." Brittany eyes were no where near my face. I tried to keep an unamused expression, but her fingers and palms where dancing over my stomach and slowly coming up to toy with my bra and pouting when she finally reached the bottom.

I smacked her hands away, and reached around to unclasp my bra. "Is this in your way too?" Brittany nodded furiously and I could feel her fingers playing with tie of my shorts. I chuckled, apparently everything I was wearing was in her way. I made quick work of taking off the offending item and throwing it behind the couch. Brittany ran her tongue over her front teeth and then sat up and latched her mouth onto my breast. With her suckling and the fingers creeping into my shorts I couldn't help but ask for more.

Asking for more meant three things: a topless Brittany pushing me onto my back, the rest of my clothes coming off, and someone's overly talented mouth on an invade and conquer mission.

For a fleeting moment I remembered that the original plan had our roles reversed, but a pair of dark blue eyes staring up at me from between my legs had me worrying more about getting Brittany's tongue just a bit more… "Britt."

I clenched my jaw at her first stroke. The third and fourth brought my hands to her head so I could feel a bit of control. However, Brittany had a way of always taking that from me. Usually because her fingers were too long for her own good. I didn't even care that my hips were rolling to their own beat, Brittany could catch up fast enough.

"Britt." Her unoccupied fingers pinched my nipple, matching her thrusts and tonguing. A hard suck in combination with a curl of her fingers, I felt a snap throughout my body. I pushed myself against Brittany using the couch as leverage, squeezing her with my legs to keep her in place. My voice reached its breaking point fading off into a whimper at the end of her name.

My breaths were coming in short and deep while Brittany gently brought me down from the high she created. After deeming that her job was done she crawled up my body and nipped at my neck. Her weight wasn't crushing, in fact it was something comforting. I had countless people do the same, but with Brittany it felt right. Perfect even. If I could I would have stayed like that forever, but her needy kisses reminded me that I needed to reciprocate.

From underneath her I managed to push her shorts off, since she refused to give up her position. I raked my fingers over her stomach and up her back. It was my intent to torture her. I thumbed her pink nipples while she bit on the lobe of my ear. Apparently I had been keeping her on a short leash because after another one of my descending gropes to her stomach Brittany caught my wrist and thrust it into her building heat. "San I need to feel you inside me."

Little else stood to reason. My fingers met her slick warmth, and I could feel my own arousal pooling from touching hers. "Baby you're so wet…" She responded by rocking herself into my hand, nearly pushing herself onto my fingers. She rocked her hips with more conviction, but I denied her once more. At my inaction Brittany growled and bit down on my shoulder. Satisfied with tormenting her, and not wanting a more serious punishment, the next time she rolled her hips against my hand I pushed back with two of my fingers. She shuttered on my neck, while I built up her pace.

After a few minutes of dragging out each stroke searching for that spot, Brittany stuttered in my ear. I could feel her arms shake and from her cries I knew she was getting close. In one fluid motion I flipped her to her back. She pulled me down into a deep kiss, as I used my weight against the back of my hand. She gasped for air so I moved my lips to her breast. Her usual milky skin was flushed and hot. I lapped at the tiny beads of sweat in the valley between her breasts and pumped my hand into her deeper and faster as she dug her nails into my back, moaning out her commands.

The beginning of her spasms started in her legs and moved into her arms to crush me against her while I continued pushing into her adding a third finger. "San…" She buried her head into my neck to muffle her chant, and then I finally felt her tighten around my fingers.

It was a thing that I've seen and felt a hundred times, but watching Brittany come undone at my doing- it was something I could never get enough of. There was something about her slack jaw, empty of sound, her eyes wide with surprise that had me begging for more.

She threw her hands back and I sucked her from each of my fingers while she watched and caught her breath. I dropped down next to her, squeezing myself between her and the couch.

"Does this mean you'll spend the night now?"

Humming, I pressed a lingering kiss to her smiling face. "I don't think you'll be able to get me to leave."

_|x|x|x|x|__|x|x|x|x|_

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AN: **Let me know what you think about things and stuff. gleeruinedmylife . tumblr . com

I wasn't really planning for that, but it just happened. It's winding up/down? The end is near.


	20. Chapter 20

**AN: **Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee.

Sorry for the wait. Midterms and lazy combo. I haven't got a lot of feedback on Santana's brother, and this chapter is kind of heavy on him. I hope you guys like it.

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty: All The Right Moves<strong>

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

I actually couldn't spend the night with Brittany. Despite how much I wanted too.

"He'll be there in the morning." Britt brought her knees to her chest as she watched me. Probably thinking of ways to keep me here.

"He said he's leaving in the morning." Garfunkel mewed as I pulled my borrowed shorts from underneath her. "Weren't you just telling me to go and talk to him?"

Brittany pouted and pawed the air in front of me. "Andy can wait. I want cuddles now."

"You always want cuddles." I stepped within her reach and let her pull me back down onto the couch into her lap. Brittany crushed my ribs for a total of three seconds before letting go and pushing me away.

"I'm done now. Let me get ready and we can go." Brittany bounced up from the couch and picked her clothes up from the living room. Brittany was like whiplash if you let her, but over the years I've learned to just roll with it.

"We?"

She hesitated a moment while pulling on her shirt. "Yeah, we. Unless you don't want me to come."

"Actually, I think that would be good idea. You can be my backup. Or my escape plan, depending on how this shit goes down."

"I always have good ideas." She pressed a quick kiss to my forehead and ran into the bathroom.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

There was a forty six second fight over who would be driving to Lima. Brittany won on the fact that I promised to spend the night and she was going to need more kisses later.

Who was I to deny her of those?

And not having to burn the gas was an added bonus. Though Brittany probably used double the amount of gas since she decided that she needed to speed the entire way to my house. It was very Fast and Furious. I was surprised that we didn't have another run in with Dave, or one of his cop buddies. That would have been worse; there are only so many closeted sheriffs in Ohio. Even though Brittany sped, we only cut maybe fifteen minutes off the commute.

Brittany's lead foot did take my worry elsewhere. But it wasn't enough to stop the ball of nerves growing inside my stomach and crawling up my throat.

Sitting at the curb of my house I started debating whether or not I actually needed to talk to André. I'm sure everything was implied in our last conversation.

"Get out of the car Santana."

Brittany was holding my door open, and when I didn't move immediately she grabbed my hand pulled me from the seat. I released an irritated sigh, but I let her straighten my blouse and fuss over my hair. I felt that it was inappropriate to wear Brittany's gym clothes while seeking retribution from my brother.

"You're gonna go in there and tell André that you love him and want to be friends again, and I'm gonna be right there with you."

I rolled my eyes. Those probably won't be the words I used specifically, but Brittany's translation was good enough. I grasped her hand and stalked up to the front door, I forgot my keys since Britt drove so I let her rap on the door. As usual the music that thrived in her head found its way out, creating a rhythmic beat against the wood.

It took a few hard slams to the door and even a couple chimes, from myself, to get my brother to answer the door. It wasn't a shock that my parents weren't home, but finding my brother nose deep in a bottle of scotch certainly was. He didn't say anything, just left the door stand open and stumbled back downstairs into the den.

"You didn't tell me he was an alcoholic now."

"He's not. I mean, I think he's not." The Lopez family was known as social drinkers, if that. We were far too proud to admit any sort of ill feelings, even into the bottom of a bottle. "Why don't you wait up here."

"Why?"

"I don't know if he's upset or not." I was sure to leave out the part where I didn't want him to go berserk and slam his fist into anything. Such as one of us.

"Santana." Brittany had a firm grip on my hand and pulled me down the steps. There was strength in numbers.

The den was dark, save for the ancient game on the screen of the television. André was sunk into the couch, controller in hand, the bottle not too far off. Bags of chips and junk food littered the coffee table, apparently he hadn't moved all day. I stopped approaching off to the side of the couch, not wanting to step in front of the game.

The game paused to begin a new puzzle of weird little bunny things and jelly beans? I never understood what they were. But if André was found playing Wario's Woods then it was safe to assume he was having a bad day.

"Mom and Dad are gonna be pissed if they find the place trashed." I kicked an empty beer can under the coffee table, hearing clinking of it hitting others.

"Whatever."

"I doubt they'd be happy to find you trashed either." André wasn't taking his eyes off the screen, picking up little animals to stack them on top of bombs to blow them up.

"Don't give a shit."

"Maybe you should." Brittany stood closely behind me, her finger locking with mine. She's been witness to fights between me and my brother, some serious most just teasing. Either way, Brittany never liked people shouting at each other. We weren't yelling yet, haven't even broken out the Spanish either, but given the state of the conversation so far we were getting there.

"Maybe you should go fuck yourself. Oh wait, you brought a friend for that." The controller dropped into his lap while he took a shot from the bottle and glared at Brittany.

"André what the hell is your problem?" I pushed Britt back and took a step to André. Now I remembered why I didn't want to come, why I had growing nerves about this on the way here, talking to my brother was basically arguing with a three year old with a case of potty mouth, with an added bonus of five years of rejection.

"My problem is you. You manage to ruin every fucking thing." He glared down at the coffee table. It was a wonder I didn't notice it earlier while I was scanning the room. Among the trash there was a clear space with a rather expensive looking engagement ring. I guess she tossed that in his face.

"Do tell. How the fuck did I run your girl off? Cuz I'm sure that's one magical story." I crossed my arms and waited to hear how I exactly ruined his life. Last I remember we haven't seen or spoken to each in months.

"Existence. Simply living and breathing. Hell, you probably could have been dead and fucked it up." He waved me off and picked his controller up to resume the game.

My arms dropped to my sides, my fists were clenched and ready, but hitting him in the nose wasn't going to solve anything. It might make me feel a little better, but it would probably be counterproductive. While I contemplated what to retort with, Brittany pushed past me with a scowl.

"Andy, don't say things like that to your sister." When he didn't immediately respond, Britt stole the controller from him and stopped the game.

"I'll say what I want, so shut the fuck up. You're the cause of it anyway. Now give that back!" Brittany shook her head and held the controller high above her head. Even though my brother was a fully grown man, our genes didn't possess the height that Britt's family did.

I didn't like the look on my brother's face. So before he decided to do something stupid I stepped between them.

"You know what I don't understand? How two homophobes can't live happily ever after. Does she think your genes are tainted?" Whoever my brother was engaged to must have been a real doll. Who the hell breaks up with someone because they're related to a lesbian.

"Jen's not a homophobe you idiot."

"Then how is this my fault?" I took the controller from Britt and tossed it on the couch next to André, no need to piss him off completely.

"Fuck I don't know." André lifts the bottle up to his lips and takes a greedy pull. There's coins dropping down on the screen, but he's not moving to collect them. As the stage changes, it alters André disposition. "It's not your fault."

All the fight drained out of him. This was the main reason my brother and I were social drinkers. At parties it's easier to distract yourself from crying. Or in André's case, being a baby.

"Then why yell at me?"

"I don't know. I just want Jen to come back." His hands were sweeping through his hair and running down the side of his neck leaving angry red marks in their wake.

"Yeah see, screaming at me, not gonna fix your pathetic life." I felt Brittany's hand on my back, calming me as well as keeping my comments a bit less vulgar.

"She's mad at me because of you." Brittany's hand swept off my back as she carefully sat next to him on the couch and brushed his short hair between her fingers. She was too nice, I've always thought that about her. She's got a warm heart, and I didn't deserve her. Neither did André, but I suppose it's what she wants to do. And usually what Brittany decides to do is the right thing.

"What do you mean Andy?"

"Because I never told her about you. She found your room and realized wha- who you were seeing and left." He stopped to give a weak laugh, "Well not before lecturing me."

"What'd she say Andy?" I sat down on the coffee table, not wanting to break the spell Britt had over my brother. His fingers had relaxed their grip on the bottle and he allowed Britt to rub small circles on his shoulder.

"She said I was killing Tana and she couldn't be around someone like that." He brought the scotch back up to his lips, but thought better of it and handed it over to me. I gave him a questioning look and he took a deep breath to start his explanation.

"Her cousin, Jen wasn't real close or anything, but the dude was gay. When his parents realized, they wrote him out of their lives, like they didn't have a son. They basically banished him. No one in the family knew what was going on, you know they suspected normal teenage shit. That is until they were invited to the kid's funeral." Brittany paused her circles, sparring me a concerned glance. "Kinda hard to hide the fact your kid just committed suicide because you disowned them."

"Fuck…"

"Jen said if she would have known…" I watched him struggle and press his hand hard into eye. "Kevin's parents didn't know it was that bad, but what they did to him caused it. Jen said that I'm doing the exact same thing to you."

"No you're not." André looked truly apologetic, but I couldn't tell if it came from his recent heartbreak or not. That and the fact I he ignored my existence for the past five years were the only reasons I wasn't sitting next to him.

"I was. I'm just lucky you were able to tolerate it. Hell if the tables were turned, I don't know what I would be doing. Certainly not bringing my boyfriend over to comfort you." He gave a weak smile to Brittany.

It took me a moment to decide the best way to change the game plan. Once I collected my thoughts I started talking, before Brittany would get impatient and begin to ramble about sibling bonds. "That wasn't my primary goal. I was supposed to come in here and bring you to your senses. However it seems someone else beat me to it."

André surprised me, jumping off the couch and pulling me into a crushing hug. "I'm so freakin sorry Tana."

"I'm not the only one you need to apologize to." I pushed him away and nodded to Britt, a friend he's had for twelve years.

"Brittany, I'm sorry I put you and Santana through that crap." He didn't squeeze her, but her did drop his hand to her shoulder.

"I forgive you, as long as we can visit you in New York now." Brittany smiled, forgiving him without much thought. I suppose I just did, and André was like an older brother to her too.

"Uh, yeah sure." André walked over to the game system and turned it off. I don't know how soon I'll be milking that promise, probably much later than sooner.

I watched him scan the damage he caused to our parent's family room with his blearily eyes. "You know making amends with me isn't gonna get your girl back."

"Yeah, but it's a start." He bent over and picked up a napkin to throw at me.

"Well good luck with that." It didn't make it anywhere close to me. It just floated to the ground between us. All three of us stared at it until Brittany spoke up.

"Can we watch a movie? Those little animals creeped me out."

So maybe André was trying to get his girlfriend back, and that fixing us was just a step in the right direction. So what? I'm getting what I want. He's getting what he wants, and it sounds like this Jenny girl isn't so bad.

Brittany had already picked out a movie and loaded it into the player while André and I stood at opposite sides of the couch staring at each other. Was it really going to be this easy?

Strong fingers wrapped around my wrist and pulled me down into Brittany's side, André received the same treatment, falling into Brittany's left side. A month ago, if someone told me that I'd be watching a movie snuggled up with Brittany and my brother I would have laughed in their face. But I suppose life is as hard as you want to make it. With Brittany it's always been easy.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

_There were few things that caused my mother and father to intervene in their children's lives. My brother getting caught drinking with his friends and trying to steal a soda machine was one of those few things. After talking the police down, André was sentenced to a month locked away from the outside world. In other terms he was grounded. _

_No parties, no girls, no happiness. _

_What this meant for me was that my Friday night sleepovers with Britt would now include my brother. It would have included Quinn too if her parents weren't super crazy, or controlling as Quinn put it. But whatever, if Quinn came there'd be less room under the blanket with Britt. _

_I tried to get André to go upstairs and play a game or something that didn't involve being in the same room as me and Brittany. However during his punishment, he took to it as extra time spent annoying the shit out of me. Which was fine when it was just the two of us, but I rather not have him humiliate me in front of my friends. _

_"But Sleeping Beauty is my favorite."_

_"Santana it's his favorite!" Brittany was seated in the middle of the couch pleading with me to let my brother watch the movie with us. _

_"Oh my god. It's not. Go away." I rounded the couch and sat down next to Brittany with the giant bowl of popcorn in my lap. The no boys policy included my brother. _

_"Fine I'll just go upstairs and cry myself to sleep. I don't have any friends anyway." André faked a sniff and started to leave the den._

_"No, sit." Brittany pulled him down onto the couch next to her and stole the remote from me to hit play. "Andy can watch the movie with us." I didn't say anything; I just sunk into the arm of the couch. It'd be too much work to complain. _

_"It's André." He stated for the umpteenth time, with little pieces of popcorn flying out. Boys are gross. _

_"Yeah I know, I like Andy better." Britt smiled and refocused on the screen. She's known André for almost two years now, and she refuses to call him by his name. At first I thought it was because she couldn't remember it or pronounce it right. But then again Santana isn't a walk in the park for most white honkies, so I suppose it really was just her preference. _

_"This is my favorite part." Brittany whispered to herself, though André and I both heard it. _

_"It's still on the credits Brittany."_

_"It's my favorite part too." André shoved another handful of popcorn into his mouth smiling at me. _

_"Really?" Brittany clapped her hands at the thought of having a real companion for these stupid Disney movies. _

_"Oh yeah, wait this is the best too. Tana pass me the popcorn."_

_"I love it all!"_

_"Kill me now." I handed the bowl over to Britt so she could pass it to André_ _after taking a handful for myself. _

_"Santana, you're ruining the movie." She knocked her shoulder into mine, and pointed to the screen. Out of the corner of my eye I could see André smirking. Smug bastard. He was using my own friend against me. _

_"Well excuse me, you and And-" Brittany pressed her hand to my mouth to silence me. _

_Her palm was sweaty, hot, and unmoving. More importantly the feel of it pressed against me for a few seconds was causing some weird feelings in my head. I lifted my hand to pull her away from my face after realizing that she wasn't going to move it. My fingers were curled around her thin wrist when I felt her slowly lowering her hand from my face. I glanced over to find her staring at the movie biting her bottom lip as her fingers brushed over mine. Next to her André was looking on with a teasing smile on his face. I don't know if it was the smile or Brittany, but a goose bumps raised on the sides of my arms. _

_For the next ten minutes I sat trying to forget about my best friend and my annoying brother. Whether Brittany would do that again, why I kinda wanted her to do it again, and if André noticed the flush on my face when Britt did that. _

_"Can we skip to the dragon part?" André grinned as he baited my best friend. _

_"Andy you can't just fast forward through the whole thing." Brittany glanced over to me, waiting for a comment from me. It was like they were in this thing together. _

_"That's the very best part though."_

_I can over look André being amused if it preoccupies me and Britt too. _

_ "Why don't you just shut up a-" _

_Just as I thought Brittany slapped her hand over my mouth, adding a shush to André's laughter. Then after she decided my punishment lasted long enough I felt her fingers brush over my lips again, her nails slightly raking against my bottom. My tongue darted out to test the lingering taste from her finger tips, popcorn and something else. I could probably figure it out if she did it again. That became my rationale for wanting her to do it again. _

_And that's how the game started. André would say something, Brittany would agree or disagree, I would attempt to say something, and then Brittany would run her fingers over my mouth. _

_It was almost better than Britt's 'my feet are cold' game._

_Once the movie ended André suggested a horror movie, which I shot down instantly. After hearing Brittany demand to watch Failure to Launch, André decided that his xbox was calling. _

_I got up and switched the DVDs while Brittany opened the chest in the corner to pull out the giant quilt hiding inside. When I got back to the couch she was waiting to throw the quilt over the both of us. _

_"I like Andy."_

_"You don't know him like I do." There was a faint noise from stomping; I guess André already died in whatever game he was playing. _

_"You like him too." Brittany poked my cheek and I swatted her hand away. _

_"He's my brother, I don't really have a choice." _

_"Yes you do." I was about to argue, but Brittany's head resting on my shoulder had me protesting other things. _

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

It was long past midnight when Brittany was finally satisfied, rolling to hug my back to her bare chest. Though Brittany being tired didn't exactly translate into me agreeing to sleep.

What happened on the couch earlier… let's just say that it wasn't what I planned it to be. I was hoping for a bit more seducing, a tacky candle light dinner even. I guess in the lives and times of Brittany Pierce and Santana Lopez there's no room for that. At least, not when we haven't been properly reintroduced to each other.

Brittany was spooning me, arms wrapping around my waist, and nuzzling her nose just under my ear. It was almost stupid how just feeling her warm breath on my skin had me on my knees begging for more.

"I'm so happy you're staying finally."

Once we got back from my parent's house I asked Britt what she wanted to do. Being the rude impulsive girl she was she didn't verbalize her answer. All I got was the mischievous glint in her eyes and a strong arm dragging me into the bedroom.

"I'm sorry I didn't sooner. Your bed's comfy." I scraped my nails down the arm laying over my stomach, pushing it lower without much resistance. "It's even better with you in it."

"You just needed time." She was pressing lazy kisses to my neck while I was dragging her hand down between my legs. "I don't mind waiting."

Despite everything else, her words were like a bucket of cold water over my head. I threaded my fingers through hers and clutched her hand to my chest. She seemed to notice the change in my mood and held me tighter.

Waiting. That's all she ever did for me. My guilt from high school and now my recent actions had me wanting to curl in a ball, or better, just never leave this bed.

"Britt, I promise you no more waiting." I kissed her knuckles laced between my fingers.

"Sometimes waiting's good." I turned around in her arms, searching for her bright eyes in the darkness. "Like the anticipation of it makes it better, right?"

"Yeah, I guess." There was a limit though. A thick wall to hit your head against if what you're waiting for is something you need like air.

Brittany brought her hand to smooth over my cheek and run into my tangled hair. "I love you."

I don't know if she meant to kiss me when she pulled me closer, but I just took the chance to bury my face into her chest. A deep breath of the air surrounding her warm, flush skin and there was nothing else to say, "I love you too."

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AN: **Let me know what you think about things and stuff.

Hopefully the next chapter will be out soon... hmm soon.


	21. Chapter 21

**AN:**Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee.

A few months have passed since the last chapter. We've skipped into the future, because I'm a time traveler like that.

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty One: Don't You Evah <strong>

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

If there was something I couldn't sleep through, no matter how tired I was, it was heat.

And right now, with Brittany-who runs hot, spooning me, the heavy quilt blanketing our body heat, and Britt's apartment's shitty AC; I was wide awake at six in the morning and sweating.

However, I could never bring myself to wake Brittany. Even though I wasn't facing her I could just feel that she was looking cute lost in her dreams, and I know for a fact she was exhausted. The studio kept her late after classes and I surprised her last night too. The flood of memories from last night ran a shiver down my spine and ended bluntly between my legs.

My intention last night was to surprise her and make her dinner for our three month anniversary, which fell on a Wednesday. Even though I basically lived in her apartment on the weekends, sweet lady kisses were rare Tuesday through Thursday.

I didn't have to be in the office until later in the morning so I was in no hurry to rush off to work like I usually had too. That and my desire to go, asides from my girlfriend's slowly waking hands, was diminished due to a newly arrived stack of offers from three New York news papers on my desk at home. Being employed makes you look better on a resume I found out. I tried to bring up the topic last night, but Brittany wasn't in the mood for talking.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

_Quinn had been on my ass recently to get drinks. Apparently we had to go into public to get trashed. Thus the reason I'm sitting at a gross Lima bar peeling the label off my empty beer bottle. However instead of looking for an out to this I'm actually looking for a way to talk about my mother. "Does Judy nag at you to move out?" _

_"Um, yeah. Like all the time. Why?" Quinn signaled to the server for another round, sparing me a questioning look. I guess Quinn was at the same drunk level as me, minus the super bitch. _

_"Ever since I started at that stupid law firm my mom's been all over my ass about moving out."_

_"And?"_

_"And I don't want to stay in Lima. I mean do you?" The girl came back with our drinks and Quinn didn't hesitate to take a mouthful of the bitterness. _

_"If you don't like it here why don't you just move in with Britt?" _

_"I want to get out of bum fuck Ohio Quinn!"_

_"Then get out." Quinn brushed off my worry; it made me think that she was happy to be back in Lima. It probably had everything to do with trouty mouth floating around town. _

_"It's not that simple."_

_"Nothing's simple when it comes to you." _

_"You're simple." _

_"Was that an insult?" I refused eye contact with her and busied myself with my bottle, only to have her steal it from me. "You should probably stop drinking, it's getting sad." _

_"You're sad." Quinn rolled her eyes, switching in the bitch mode I needed. _

_"Look Santana. Find a fucking job in a city that pleases you and move there. End of story." Quinn slid my bottle back into my hands. "Though I'd work something out with Brittany, you know so you don't wallow in misery." _

_"I'm in misery now."_

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

Feeling a bead of sweat roll down my back, I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get out from this heat. I wiggled away from the Brittany sized furnace behind me, doing my best to not wake her, only to have two strong arms pull me back into the bellows.

"Baby I'm hot."

"Yeah I know you are." Brittany was instantly awake, and apparently instantly turned on. Her tongue was on the back of my neck drawing lazy circles. I batted away her hands that were sliding underneath my tank top. _Jesus Christ is there no off switch?_

First off I was hot, and not in the way she was. Secondly, if she was up I wanted to actually talk to her about something rather important. How long were we going to play house on the weekends? My job was nice, but it wasn't something I would want to do forever. Especially if forever meant in Lima. What would we do if I took a job in New York?

I caught her devious hands in mine from under my shirt and turned over to face my early morning lover. I gave her a pointed look and dropped her hands. Brittany shrugged off her libido and broke into a huge smile, pressing our foreheads together.

"Morning Officer Lopez." I blushed and managed to mummer out something of a good morning before she caught my lips between hers. We may or may not have played cops and robbers last night, the adult version.

"When do you have to leave?" She broke the kiss and I glanced over her shoulder to check the time. It was a little after seven now.

"Uh… I need to be on the road at nine."

"Good we can have breakfast together… or we could-"

"Sleep a little longer?" I knew what she was getting at, but I was out of commission for the rest of the day. Brittany really takes being the 'bad guy' to heart. Brittany nodded and settled back against her pillows. We stayed like that for a while staring at each other. I played with the wrinkles on her hand wondering how bring up the topic of me moving to New York, and if Brittany would like to consider, maybe, if she wants to, tag along.

"What's your future plans?" I was aware that I sounded a bit over eager and was made more awkward by my fingers tracing her wrinkles like a creepy fortune teller. So I covered it up with "not that I have any" and dropped her hand in favor of running my palm down her bare skin of her torso. I sort of had plans, but with the offers from the papers in New York at home on my desk and the blonde laying in my arms, I wasn't sure.

"You wouldn't of thought it, but I had big plans Santana." She giggled and pulled me closer to flick my nose.

"Had?"

"Not super-take over a South American Country, big. But life changing none the less. Up until a few months ago at least. Like… April. See, Mom was going on a big cleaning kick and she was wanting to do a little redecorating. Darr's room was going be a guest bedroom, since her's was bigger than mine. And mine was going to be her study."

Brittany rolled over on her back and I followed her, propping my elbow up so I could look down on her. "Did that bother you?"

"Nah, like I said I had plans." She tapped her fingers to her head, and I swear I heard the echo. My Britt Britt doesn't make plans. She rolls with the punches and always comes out on top. But I suppose I'm wrong, she's surprised me before.

"What were they? Why did you change your mind?"

"Well you see I had to help Mom get all my stuff packed and stored away." Brittany threw back the covers and crouched in her closet bringing the wooden box I rifled through a while ago, along with the notebook. "I was tossing most of everything into the attic, and then I came across this."

I coughed a little, "what's in it?" I scooted down to the edge of the bed where she sat the box while she pulled on a baggy t-shirt. I hoped that she wouldn't be able to tell that A- I was faking curiosity and B-she hadn't noticed things were moved around in there.

"Nothing really. Just a bunch of old notes and pictures." Brittany flipped the brass clasp and dumped everything out onto the bed, putting to rest my worry of being found out. "They're like my little trophies." She waggled her eyebrows and giggled to herself. And here I was thinking that she was sentimental. Brittany was just keeping conquest counters.

"Britt these are from high school." I picked up a couple I had read before and threw them at her. "So these notes from your high school flings changed all your plans?"

"No. That's stupid." She rolled her eyes and searched through the papers to find the ones from me rolled up and banded with her friendship bracelet. "These are cute, but they don't just make me want to change my master plan."

I took the rolled up papers and did my best to be surprised, but then I honestly pouted. Was I being counted as a fling? Or was the memory of me not worth rerouting her entire life. They both were good questions. "Was my daily critique of Berry's wardrobe not hard hitting enough?" I read a couple lines and laughed to myself.

"Actually..." Brittany snagged the paper away from me, "This is kinda borderline creepy. I always thought you had a thing for her. Quinn too, you guys were like… too _focused_ on her." She shoved my shoulder and knocked me back on the bed. "But we're getting away from the point." I wiped my frown from my face and held back my retort, when I saw her pick up our contract.

"You probably remember this." She carefully unfolded the paper, just as she did at the beginning of summer in her car.

"Of course I do, I made it." I took the paper from her and traced my fingers over the doodles covering the margins of the page. _Is that a gibbon?_

"Well when I found it in here I completely forgot about it. In fact I was so surprised to find it, I almost ripped it apart and fed it to Xavier-stray cat, he ran away." I took a moment to digest the information.

Brittany had been so close to tearing me from her life forever. There were more than a few choice words I had circling my thoughts, but the way she looked down to the paper in my hands with a crooked little smile kept my mouth shut and I waited for her to continue.

"I had already been living in Dayton on my own for a while. I was out of Lima, and I was far from any memory of you. Aside from Mike and them, but they realized it was a taboo subject. Life was going according to plan. But then this happened." She held out her hand for the paper, and spoke so softly I almost didn't catch it. "I was mad at myself, but I remembered that I already had a plan."

"Brittany…" Did she really mean that she was dropping everything on the chance that I would hold to my promise?

"So I had to amend things. You know, to fit around the original. However, it sucked waiting for you to graduate, and finally come home. But I kept saving my money, you know, in case you didn't hold up on your end. Honestly I felt-"

"You're not stupid." It was an automatic reflex, and it didn't take my thoughts away from why would she need to save up money to win me back.

She smiled, "I didn't tell anyone about it, so everyone thought that I would have been gone by now. Well Kurt figured out that I'm probably not going anywhere. I mean really, even if you did come back. How was I supposed to know if we'd get back together?"

"Where were you going?"

"LA."

"LA? Wait, for dancing? When were you leaving?"

"Yup, I was supposed to be on a plane three weeks ago." She pulled open her notebook and flashed me the first page _BRITTANY SUSAN PIECERE: THE MASTER PLAN_.

"After I dropped out I felt like a loser. I was nothing more than a heart broken college drop out. I was setting myself up to slowly rot away in Lima, Ohio. My mom told me to shake it off and make a new plan. So I did."

"Is it all outlined in there?" She handed me the notebook and I flipped through the pages. The front pages were full of her bubbly writing, no doubt explaining every little detail. The rest worked more like a ledger.

"Yes ma'am. Basically I was going to save up for a year or so, take some dance classes in Columbus-which turned into teaching with Mike because my instructor pointed me in the direction, and by the end of the summer I was supposed to be on a one way flight to LA."

"Is there a troop that wanted you to join?" I got panicky. This wasn't a fucking plan, this was a goddamn dream. Brittany's dream no less, and I apparently destroyed it by simply existing. "Because you should totally go, it's your dream right?"

"It would be totally awesome, but… Let's just say that in Ohio- Pierce is Fierce, but in Cali- Pierce is Poop."

"What? Don't say that." Brittany's sad pout caused me to drop the notebook onto the crumpled papers lying between us. I wracked my brain trying to come up with something quickly, but Brittany rambled on.

"That and it's a bit more difficult to do than it is to write out. It takes a lot of time and effort. When I'm worked like a dog at the studio or while I was at mom's office, it reduces the quality of my auditions. And I'm not even physically there, so I can't even beg for a position." I watched as she thumbed through a few blank pages and flipped it close with a sigh. I crawled around the mess and hugged her from behind, wrapping my arms around her stomach and nuzzling into her warm shoulder.

"So the plan was that there was no plan other than saving up money to get to LA and having enough to keep me fed until I found a job. Preferably getting paid to dance." She slouched forward and started putting everything back into the wooden box.

I felt terrible. Brittany gave up her dream so easily for me. I know that everyone isn't destined for the glittering lights of the stage, Glee Club proved that to most of its members. But I wanted that so badly for Brittany.

"Baby, you can still do that." I tightened my arms around her.

"Nah, I've got you and the studio." She patted my hands away and went to store the box and notebook back into the closet.

"You'd still have me if you left! And I know you don't want to teach babies to spin in circles forever."

"Pirouet-"

"Brittany those kids are just spinning in circles. And you know it."

"Maybe so, but I don't want to leave you here." Brittany flopped her body onto the center of the bed next to me and hid her face in the sheets. I stroked her hair while she sighed into the covers; usually we were in the opposite positions.

"Who says we can't leave together?"

"What do you mean?" She turned her head and squinted at me.

"Just hear me out. I know it's not LA, but my post-graduation internship slash job quest has finally bore fruit." Delicious non-entry level fruit.

"Where?"

"New York. I don't know what to do with the offers though."

"What do you mean you don't know what to do with them. You take them! Isn't this what you wanted?"

"Yeah, but I…" I tugged at the bottom of her shirt, there was no way not to make this sound lame. "I want you more though. And I was thinking that it would be really awesome to have both."

"Santana are you asking me to move to New York with you?" Her shimmering blue eyes were staring up at me and I had to look away before I stuttered like a love sick fool.

"Hey I'm not saying that… but like… Ohio is lame right? If I got a job and then you would want to find a job in New York too… then we could maybe share an apartment." I stared down to the stitching of her shirt, still playing with it between my fingers. Anything to hide my blush. I should of made a power point highlighting the perks of living together in the city."You know… rent in New York is expensive."

I looked over just in time to prepare myself to hit the floor. Brittany launched herself at me, and it rocketed both of us to the floor. While I mentally checked for bruises, Brittany was busy leaving little kisses over my face and anywhere else she could.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

"This is fantastic!"

"Are you sure? When are you leaving?" I could hear Mike brooding from the living room. I guess I shouldn't be so hard on him; he was losing his best friend.

"Mike don't rain on their parade. This calls for a party!" For never really hearing her do anything more than cry in high school, Tina had a pretty loud voice.

"Well Santana is going out mid September." I walked back into the living room with a bowl of snacks for everybody.

Brittany told Mike, who brought Tina, and I felt that it was unfair to Quinn. So it resulted in all three of them invading Brittany's apartment on what was supposed to be a quiet- sexy Friday night.

"Her brother is helping us find a place, and then the next week she'll start… whatever it is-"

"I'm glad you remember the important facts about my life Britt." I sat the bowl on the coffee table and straddled the arm of the recliner Brittany was in.

"Hush. Then I'll be driving up in two weeks to our established love nest." I cringed at her wording, but Tina thought it was cute. I'm not sure I have the ability to establish a love nest per say, but setting some furniture around a couple rooms shouldn't be hard.

"And when will the wedding be?" Quinn finally said something from her squished position on the couch next to Tina. I glared at Quinn and started to piece together a finely worded sentence detailing how and when Quinn could fuck herself, but Brittany's laugh stopped me.

Mike grabbed a handful of chips and held them out for Tina. Quinn leaned forward on the couch with her brows raised, which was never a good sign. "Wait, Brittany do you have a job lined up?"

"No, but I've got enough saved up to buy a little time. And if anything goes wrong I can just live with you right Quinn?"

"Definitely not." Quinn shot down Brittany faster than I thought she would. But then again, I don't know if Quinn could handle Britt's energy. Though it might make for a good reality show.

"I'm gonna miss having you at the studio Britt." Mike sighed and slumped into the couch. I watched Tina pat his hand and Quinn mumble that she wouldn't mind getting out of Ohio either.

"It's not like I'd never visit you guys. Wait! You guys should totally come and visit. We could turn it into a mini-vacation!" Brittany elbowed me and I nodded in agreement. _The things I do for her._

"Just give us some time to break it in." A chorus of sexual 'aww yeahs' hit me before my head fell into my palm. "You know what I mean!" I was surrounded by twelve year old sexual deviants.

"Remember when we broke in our apartment?" Tina wiggled her eyebrows at Mike, and then I to gag as I saw her attach herself to his face.

"One day they're going to get stuck like that." I chuckled at Quinn's off handed comment.

_But really, who just does that? _In the same second of my passing thought I felt Brittany's fingers slide under the back of my shirt and then I remembered that I do the same damn thing.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

It took longer than usual to get Brittany's apartment back to the usual amount of occupants. Which is totally my fault, since I left it up to her to kick our friends out while I put away the snacks and drinks. Garfunkel sat on the counter top, her grey tail swaying in the air, in front of the microwave and watched me tidy up. I think that she wanted her couch back just as much as I wanted to go to sleep.

Finally I heard the last of the farewells and the locks clicking into place, followed by Brittany's chipper voice "Santana!"

"What?" I put the last of the empty cans in the recycling and turned around to find Brittany sitting on the counter next to her cat.

"We're moving to New York."

"I'm highly aware of that." I walk over next to her, petting the fluffy grey cat. I'm also highly aware that I have a rather large debt I owe my father now. Brittany offered to pay for all of it, but there was no way I was going to let her blow all her savings on an apartment for us, so I ended up putting most of the money down on it.

"We're gonna live together." Brittany was literally vibrating on the counter top. It's a wonder she still has energy, I mean she had classes and everyone stayed over pretty late.

"Yup."

"And we get to be together all the time."

"Except for that two week period of not being together." That was going to be unpleasant. Primarily because I'll miss Brittany, but I also don't know if I'll be able to avoid Berry for too long.

Brittany pouted and pulled me to stand between her legs. "I won't make it. I'll die."

I could of told her she'll be fine, but teasing her is so much better. "Should I set up a back-up roommate?"

"Santana!"

"Well if you're going to die I better find a replacement." I pulled away from her and put on my thinking face.

"I'd be hard though. She'd have to be tall," I eyed her up and down like I was assessing her, but really I was thinking about how she needed to be wearing less clothes. She picked up on my more than friendly staring and reached to pull me back. I stepped back in between her legs and ran my nails over her jeans from her calves to her thighs. "Really long legs, a tight little ass." I was husking into her ear now and groping everything I could reach, doing my best to ensure kitchen sex. "I doubt she'd have abs like yours or-"

My teasing words die on my tongue as Brittany forces herself into my mouth. Which I certainly don't mind at all. If I did have to find a replacement I doubt they'd be able to do the thing Brittany does with her tongue that makes my knees weak.

In my next conscious thought I realize Brittany has me standing in nothing but my underwear. Her hands threw my shirt over my head and her legs pulled my sweat pants to bunch at my ankles. She grins in a way that shows that she's proud of herself. "I doubt they'd be able to do that either, San."

No. I don't think they could.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AN:**Let me know what you think about things and stuff.


	22. Chapter 22

**AN:**Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee.

This is the end my friends. It will be a two parter, since I didn't want to overwhelm anyone with a super lengthy chapter. If I could I would have cute little drawing on the sides to keep you happy, but I can't. And those would probably just be pictures of kittens and totally irreverent to the story.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Twenty Two-Part One: Wonderwall<strong>

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

Everything I own, well everything I own and that I want, had been packed and sent to my new permanent residence a few days ago.

I myself was being shuttled to the airport, thanks to Quinn's shitty yet somewhat reliable. I could of drove, but I didn't really understand the point of having a car in New York. Also my car was being collected as security for my debt. My mom told me that André was subject to the same treatment, so I didn't complain too much about it. Brittany was driving up anyway, so if for some reason I wanted to sit in traffic I could undergo that particular punishment.

"I'm gonna miss you so bad." Brittany's nose nuzzled my ear as her hand was traveling up my thigh to places more acceptable in a private setting.

I glanced up to the front seat, Quinn was busy driving and listening to Sam's story he was working on. As much as I objected to him riding along, now with Brittany pressed against my side and whining in my ear I couldn't have been happier that Quinn was allowing Sam to pursue her again. Bonus points as that I didn't have to listen to the footnotes of Trouty Mouth's work in progress either.

I tangled my hand in Brittany's silky hair, it's finally grown down to her shoulders again- a suggestion from me, to pull my soon live-in girlfriend even closer.

"I'll miss you too baby." I turned to catch her lips, but she pulled away from me and hid her face in my neck. "Britt it's only for a few days."

"The last time you left I didn't see you again for a really long time." She mumbled quietly into my neck, squeezing her arms around my waist while I made soothing circles over the expanse of her back. The omission brought back a lot of heart ache for both of us.

Remembering the way she stood in my street watching me drive away from her, the tears falling from her face as she waved. The sinking feeling after we turned, cementing the reality of our separation. Brittany's phone call I got as soon as I was out of her view, asking me to come back. At least that's what I could hear through the hiccups.

I shook my head, I didn't want her to go through that again.

"Britt you'll be with me before you know it. I'll call you everyday twice. And I'll text you all day. And then we'll have skype. Baby don't… don't cry." I couldn't feel any wetness on my shoulder, but the skin of her neck where my fingers rested felt hot and her breathing had almost grown into a pant. "Britt?"

Brittany took in a deep breath and pulled away from my shoulder, but keeping her tight grip on my waist. "I just don't want you to forget about me."

I didn't have any clever ideas like I did in high school. I knew that Brittany was sensitive, but it really was only going to be a few days apart. Did she really think that I was going to move to New York, into the apartment that I bought for her, and then leave her high and dry in Ohio?

"Brittany I'm not gonna forget about you. I love you too much." I run my hands up her arms to settle around her neck. Even though Quinn and Sam had the radio and their own conversation, Brittany's little panic in the car was severely limiting my comforting affections.

"I know that. I just want to make sure, like you did before college."

"You want me to write a contract again?" I know she knew that was it fake, and more importantly, that I didn't have any paper unless you count napkins. Brittany shook her head and turned around to rummage through her purse.

"Well I guess it like that. But it's not what I mean."

Brittany's movements finally caught Quinn's attention and she sent me a curious look, to which I just shrugged. Normally I have a pretty good handle on the inner workings of all that is Brittany, but there are still times when I don't even fucking know.

"What are you looking for?" I tried to look over into her bag, but my seatbelt that Quinn insisted on me wearing held me back.

A tiny squeak came out of her mouth and I guess she found what she wanted. Brittany turned around and beamed at me after glancing anxiously to the front seat. Now Quinn and Sam were both watching, and I was wondering how I'm going to deal with Brittany's emotional one eighty's all day, every day.

That's when I noticed the black velvet box in the palm her hand.

"Brittany."

There was only one thing that could be in that fucking box.

"Brittany."

_I swear to god, if she… _Brittany was rambling and I just noticed that fact, so I only caught the last half of her… proposal.

"Santana I love you more than anyone else in this world. Will you…" She opened the tiny box and the street lights on the highway flashed over the silver banded and diamond ring. "Will you marry me?"

"I… yeah… What?" Brittany bounced in her seat and grabbed my hand to slide the ring onto my finger. It was like the world was slowing down, but it was just Quinn pulling the car onto the side of the road. "Brittany…this is…"

It took me a moment to realize just what I agreed to.

"Yay, Santana you're totally my fiancée now!" I couldn't argue with that, the heavy ring was more than real. Brittany's arms around my neck were the only things that kept me from hitting my head on Sam's seat when Quinn slammed her brakes.

Quinn threw her seatbelt off and turned around in her seat, pointing angrily at Brittany. "You did not just propose to Santana in the back of my car!"

Brittany was busy peppering my face with kisses to respond so I did for her. "Yeah, she did." I was still in a daze, staring at the sparkling ring on my finger.

"And you said yes?"

"Yeah. I did Fabray." Even though I surprised myself with my answer, I wouldn't of thought to respond any other way. Not to Brittany, not to the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

"No. Give that back." Quinn started to crawl into the back seat. Thankfully Sam stopped her, well stopped her from stealing my ring, not her howling. "Let me go! I worked too hard for this!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Quinn was twelve steps past raining on my parade; she was damn well pissing on it. I gave a thought about testing out the damage my new ring could do when I felt Brittany's finger's on my cheek forcing me to look into her eyes.

"I was supposed to do this in the airport. Quinn, Sam, Tina, Mike, Finn, Kurt, we had this big song planned for you. But I couldn't wait. I wanted to have you now." Brittany's eyes flickered down to my lips and I didn't want to wait for her, so I pressed my lips against hers. Even with Quinn huffing in the background, it was the best kiss of my life.

"You've always had me. It's just official now." She giggled and kissed me again. Sam clapped like the numskull he is and Quinn grumbled and started back down the highway.

I took off my seatbelt to sit in my fiancée's lap. Brittany's fingers laced through mine, toying with my ring, as I gave her a million lazy kisses followed by a million I love you's. I didn't care that I had absolutely no money for a wedding anytime in near future. I could wait years, I was happy with just knowing that we would be married. It didn't matter when.

"I love you so much." Brittany rather moaned than spoke her words, though it was my fault since my kisses escalated to sucking on her neck just below her ear.

"You have no idea how bad you're gonna get it when you come home." I bit her ear and ground my hips down into hers. The action brought around moans from more than just my fiancée.

She really was in actual trouble though. Proposing to me in a car and then dropping me off in an airport full of strangers. People would think I'm a naturally happy person.

"Hey! Hey! Don't defile my car!" I gave Quinn the finger, not removing my mouth from Brittany's. "See this is what I was afraid of!"

"Quinn settle down, aren't you supposed to be congratulating them?" Sam's voice filtered over Quinn's yelling, causing both me and Brittany to smile.

"No, it'll smell for weeks!" She hit the steering wheel with her fist hard enough to honk the horn.

Brittany giggled into our kiss, breaking away for a second to tell me that she thought I smell great all the time.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

The mood at the terminal was a stark contrast to the mood in the car. It wasn't even Brittany who was crying now. It was me.

"Honey, look at me." I lifted my chin to look up at Brittany with my watery eyes. "You're supposed to be happy." I shrugged and blinked away a few tears, until Brittany dabbed at them with a tissue. "You should be super happy. You're getting to marry your super hot awesome girlfriend. A super hot awesome fiancée that scored you some serious bling."

I looked down to my ring. In the bright lights of the airport it was even more beautiful. I wanted to ask where she got the money for this, but I didn't want to spoil the moment. "I just want to be with you."

"You are with me. Honey it's just a few weeks." The line at the security check point moved up. Brittany kissed my forehead and pulled me forward. "After that, it's you and me forever."

"I want it to be forever now." She giggled and I frowned. What part of this is amusing?

"Sorry honey, I just forgot I'm marrying a big baby." I started to deepen my frown, but not thirty minutes ago I was telling Brittany that we'd only be apart for a few days.

"I'm sorry Britt." I pressed my face into her chest and let her hold me in the middle of the crowd. The TSA agent called for the next in line, which was me. "I love you."

"I love you too honey, see you later." I pressed a quick last kiss to her lips, whispering see ya, and walked up to the agent.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

After landing and waiting around for forty minutes, André and Jennifer picked me up from the airport. It was my first time meeting Jennifer. I should have it recorded somewhere that brothers and sisters have a lot in common. Physical characteristics are a given, humor is usually similar, musical taste, political views, but I suppose it's a special few that have similar tastes in women.

Jennifer didn't look anything like Brittany, her parents were Cuban, but their personalities were very much alike. She even called him Andy, which I questioned immediately. Apparently she had a previous boyfriend also named André who was very gangsta gangsta, but at the bottom of the list. However my polite comments sent her into a constant yammering, which I suppose was a good thing since André and I were still in the peace treaty stage. What would have been a long quiet ride was filled by Jennifer's questions and comments about everything and anything.

I did my best to keep up with the conversation but my attention was elsewhere, the same place it had been the entire flight.

I didn't even know I was holding my hand, until Jennifer asked if I hurt it. I mumbled something out to say that everything was fine, and doing so I waved my hand around.

"Andy didn't say you were engaged!" Jennifer slapped his arm, causing him to take his attention from the road for a second to peer into the back seat in search of my ring.

"He didn't know. It just happened."

"Oh my god! How are you not freaking out?" Jennifer turned in her seat and somehow managed to pull me into a hug. "Congratulations sweetie! Whitney couldn't have done better! Look at that ring Andy!"

"Her name's Brittany baby." Jennifer pulled my hand into the front seat for André, which received a low whistle. "I didn't think she had that kind of cash."

"I didn't either." I pulled my hand back and fussed over my new ring. Brittany shouldn't of spent the money on this. I was always partial to the finer things in life, but Brittany could of bought me a ring pop and I would of said yes. _And I wouldn't be worrying about her bank account, or lack thereof._

"Santana let me look at that again." I shoved my hand in her face so she could continue her high pitched excitement. "Yeah, this isn't new. It's cleaned up really well though."

"So what if it's old."

"Nothing. I can just tell you're worried about money. Moving to a new place, taking a risk at a new job, it's stressful. But you don't have to worry about your ring getting repossessed." Jennifer almost lost me, but the final sentence made me freak out. "That's probably her family ring."

_Family? Oh god._

"I don't know about that. She didn't tell me either way really." I already had my phone out and sending Brittany a text.

"Oh, well I can tell. My grandmother was an appraiser. Not that I suggest selling that. You hold onto that with your life. That ring sitting on your pretty little finger is a symbol of a legacy." And that would explain the foreign language engraved on the band. "What's her last name?"

**From Britt Britt: **I didn't buy it. [8:17 am]

I heard André give a little chuckle. "Pierce. Are you jealous that I bought yours?"

"What? No! Andy I love it." I watched her kiss his cheek while I waited for Brittany's reply. "Not to be rude, but mine's way better San. Just cause Andy gave it to me."

**From Britt Britt: **Mom said to give it to you. [8:18 am]

**From Britt Britt: **You didn't lose it did you? Mom would be upset, it's been in our family forever. [8:18 am]

Of course Brittany would think that I lost her freakin family ring. I would of called her right now, but I don't think I wanted to present that side of myself to my soon to be sister in law just yet.

**To Britt Britt:** When were you going to tell me that your mom gave you the ring? [8:19 am]

**From Britt Britt: **It was part of my plan to convince you to take my name, that and Brittany Lopez sounds like a bad soap-opera name. [8:20 am]

**From Britt Britt: **If you don't want to that's fine too. [8:20 am]

"Are you taking her name San?" Jennifer was apparently talking to me, rather at me, for the last few minutes.

"I dunno. She wants me to." I sent a text telling Brittany to call me after she got out of class and we'd talk later. "I'm not sure though."

"Well Santana Pierce sounds very pretty to me, so does Brittany Lopez. Even Santana Pierce-Lopez sounds amazing. Though I'm settled in with Jennifer Lopez."

"You're the real Jenny from the block to me baby." André laughed at his joke. I guess Jennifer doesn't live in fear of hearing Jennifer Lopez jokes where ever she goes for the rest of her life.

"Oh that reminds me. Santana, yesterday when I let in the movers at your apartment, I found the most bestest coffee shop on your block. We'll have to get together there sometime and have a bagel."

I nodded and agreed, Jennifer wasn't so bad. She also reminded me that I had bigger things to worry about.

Like setting up my apartment, my first day tomorrow at the newspaper, how I was going to find the right words to describe the neighborhood to Britt, and most importantly how I was going to survive the two weeks without Brittany.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

André and Jennifer helped me drop my luggage off at in the apartment and Jen insists that we go to breakfast.

Walking down the sidewalk from my apartment to the coffee shop, and I feel more free than I had anywhere else. I liked Chicago, but New York was totally different. It's a completely different vibe from Chicago, it's refreshing to say the least. Though I could of used the fresh air that Lima provided, but I suppose it's a game of give and take.

It was just something about all the people wandering through their lives that released my own freedom.

After breakfast, André told me that he had to go back to work after lunch. Jennifer offered to stay with me, but I had a lot of unpacking an organizing to do so I declined.

"You got a lot on your plate sweetie. But you're Andy's sister, so I think you'll be fine." Jennifer crushed me into a hug, and that was the point that I realized that I could only handle this woman in small doses. She may have a similar carefree quality to her that Brittany does, but Jennifer managed to hit my annoying button. Repeatedly.

"Tana if you need anything, don't hesitate to call me."

"The only thing I need right now is a nap." André hopped down the steps, Jennifer attaching to his arm instantly, and waved before they started off to his car.

The climb to the fourth floor was probably something I was always going to hate. Yet knowing what was waiting for me behind that door made it all worth it.

My luggage I brought with me on the flight was dumped next to the door. André told me that everything I had delivered he put in the bedrooms to get out of the way for the movers bringing in large items. My shoes clacked against the hard wood floors, the sound echoing a bit from the lack of really anything in the room.

I walked around the couch, a gift from my grandfather for graduating and moving out, and sat down on the plush new cushions. It was facing the wall where a television should be sitting, but it was just a bare white wall as of now. To my left the sun filtered through the windows unrestrained. I got up and maneuvered the couch until it was facing the windows. The view was mostly the brick building next to mine, but there was a sliver of sky in the corner. It was better than staring at a wall.

The white walls glared at me, this was going to take some work. And I had no idea how I was supposed to do it all. The living room presented its challenge to me, so I fled to a room I knew I could handle.

The kitchen wasn't small nor was it very big. But taking in the electric stove, sink, and cabinets I could picture Brittany and me fooling around and cooking dinner together. It didn't have an island, but I guess that was something to look for in a few years when we go apartment hunting again.

Opening one of the cabinets, the dust and emptiness reminded me that it needed to be stocked. With food, not dreams. I didn't bring any real cookware with me, and Brittany would bring her stuff in a couple weeks, but what she had wasn't that great anyway. That meant an expensive shopping trip.

I closed the cabinet and wandered into the back of the apartment. I passed the bathroom, not much work in there. It was just a bathroom. People don't hang out in bathrooms. Well I do sometimes, but I'm not very worried about the decorations.

The second bedroom was probably gonna be a _whatever Brittany decided to do with it_ room. If it ended up with a bed in it I would be amazed, and then concerned for her health. Until then I guess we can use it as an unpacking and staging area for everything else.

The master bedroom was littered with my boxes and one large bed. It was just as new as the couch my grandparents bought and sent here. But it came from Brittany's mom. My soon to be mother in law.

I fell into the plastic wrapped bed when a wave of _holy shit my life_ washed over me. Brittany proposed to me no more than twelve hours ago. I was officially off the market.

_The world should be weeping at their loss_.

I smiled against the warmed plastic, and then set to tearing it off. Luckily my bed at home was just as big as this one, so I had plenty of sheets for it. Once the bed was covered, and looked rather inviting, I realized the black on black color scheme may not be Brittany's first choice. Her multicolored quilt covered bed popped into my mind, and I stared down at the bed like it was about to swallow me alive.

_I was going to have to somehow integrate into her life._ The thought pounded away in my head.

Instead of worrying about that, the huge list of items I have to buy, starting at the newspaper tomorrow, everything I have do; I fell down into the sheets and slept. Maybe when I woke up the world would have fixed my problems.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

* * *

><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AN:**Let me know what you think about things and stuff. Part two will be up soon.


	23. Chapter 23

**AN:**Disclaimer I do not own any characters from Glee.

This is it.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Twenty TwoPart Two: **

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

Falling through my apartment door with paint cans and my messenger bag, I nearly kissed the ground. I hauled my messenger bag over my shoulder and dumped it onto the couch and dropped the cans in the corner.

After four days I realized that I seriously underestimated the amount of work my job required. To make things worse, it seemed like everyone was testing out the new girl. Like they had to find the limit of favors that would send me over the edge and into the office with a semi-automatic rifle. I had hours of papers to look over, and it wasn't even Friday yet.

If the pay wasn't good I would of burnt the building to the ground. However, it was great so for the last few days I've left my matchsticks at home. It had pretty good benefits too, health and all that, and if I proved myself, good chances of moving up. To be clear, I wasn't going to work every day, I was dominating it. Couch Sylvester at least ingrained a ridiculous work ethic in me.

I kicked off my shoes in the general area of the door, and shuffled into the kitchen for a snack. Maybe a beer. I stocked the cabinets and fridge with everything I could think of yesterday, but I was living off paper plates until Brittany showed up with real dinner ware.

I ripped open the box to the cereal bars and grabbed a beer before sitting on the couch to stare out the window for the next few hours. My computer was sitting on a coffee table Jennifer and I found at a thrift store a few blocks from my apartment. It wasn't pretty, but it was something to prop my feet on. I hit play on my itunes and relaxed into the couch letting my hair down and sinking my teeth into the only solid food I've had all day. The combo wasn't exactly dinner material, but I was too exhausted to stand on my feet to make a proper dinner.

The music floated around the room, and I sang along with it between gulps and bites. The song was starting the breakdown into my favorite part when there was a knock at the door. I had the mind to ignore it, but it was probably someone important. Or André who I was supposed to be friendly towards, and that was still tittering on awkward.

I stood up and brushed off some crumbs from my blouse, and looked through the peephole. I didn't see anyone, but the knocking was still there. Whoever it was had a severe height disadvantage, or wanted to kill me.

To be safe, I left the chain lock in place on the door. I didn't know of any midget serial killers, but I haven't met everyone in the building.

I opened the door a few inches, and slammed it shut immediately.

"Santana that is no way to greet an old friend!"

"Get away from my door Berry!"

"I will do such thing. Though I am here upon my own pretenses, I also have been recruited to check up on you. So with direct orders from Brittany, let me inside."

"Good try. Britt would never send you to _check up_ on me. You've been stalking me. Now I'm calling the police, John Hinckley."

"I came with food."

It wasn't as much as me that made the decision to let Rachel in as it was my stomach. With the mention of real food I slid the chain lock open, letting it clatter against the wooden door. I didn't actually open the door for her, so I stepped back to the couch to pick up my beer. This way when I wanted her to leave I could tell the cops she entered without consent.

After a few moments I heard Rachel test the door, and finally push through.

"Brittany said if you wouldn't open to bring something for you to eat. It seems she knows where your rationale lies." She patted the bag, which I guess had whatever she brought with her, and then eyed the beer in my hand. "Santana please don't tell me you've turned to alcohol in your time of stress."

"How'd you get in here anyway?"

"My visit was a surprise, so I did have to wait around a bit before I convinced someone to let me in. Really Santana, you should not turn to drink. It's unhealthy."

I made a mental note to put up a poster of Berry that said something like shoot on sight.

"What'd you bring?" I ignored her latter question and focused on the grumbling in my stomach. The only thing that stupid snack bar did was make me more hungry.

"Tofu burgers. I know you prefer meat, but since I will be joining you for dinner I figured that cheese on yours could sate your cravings for something a bit more flavorful, if I do remember the last time I prepared a meal of which you attempted to eat, you said that my tofu was bland as well as my sex life, which I'm still a bit concerned over how one leaps from food to sex."

"Whatever." I took the Tupperware full of blights against nature from her and brought it into the kitchen, while Rachel took off her coat. "I don't have real plates, so you'll have to deal."

"That's not a problem. I remember when I moved into my first apartment. I wouldn't want to use the term living in poverty, but it was similar affair."

I scoffed, and reheated the burgers in the microwave. There was no way I was eating those things cold. "Do you drink? Or do you want water."

"For the sake of comradery I'll take a beer, though I don't suppose you have any wine?" I did have a bottle of red wine, but that was for when Brittany finally arrived. I wasn't going to share that with Berry, so I got two more beers from the fridge.

"Thank you Santana. I see you've been doing your best with the apartment." Rachel eyed the bare walls of the living room and dining room. "The kitchen looks homey."

"Yeah, well none of Brittany's stuff is here yet. It'll look better after she fixes it." I took the plates and napkins to the small dining table and motioned for Rachel to sit.

"May I say that I would have never thought that you would be so easy to domesticate. Truly I thought that you would have fought tooth and nail."

I rolled my eyes, and brought my bottle up for a cool drink. The stupid tofu cheese burgers were actually really good. I had another mouthful when I noticed that Rachel was neither eating nor was she talking.

"What's wrong?"

"Santana… Is that… Are you engaged?" Rachel pointed at the ring on my hand with her mouth agape.

This was something I have yet to tire of. My ring was awesome, and I could only think that parading the girl attached to it would increase my pleasure. "Yes."

"How?" She tossed down her napkin and was trying to climb over the table to get a closer look.

"Well you see when you're not completely hideous, people fall in love with you and give you very nice things in turn that you promise to have sex with them a regular basis."

"No I mean, Brittany proposed to you? When?"

"In the car ride to the airport."

"That was impulsive of her, but fitting. Let me extend my congratulations. When will the wedding be?"

I took another drink from my beer, just so I could remember to use my inside voice. "Take a quick look around Berry. Does it look like planning a wedding in on the top of my to do list?"

"I suppose not." I watched her nervously toy with her drink before speaking again. "I know we're not the best of friends, but I would like to offer myself as entertainment for the festivities."

"At my bachelorette party?" The opportunity was too good to pass up, and her sputtering was fantastic. Though I wouldn't deny that in the appropriate outfit and under the right lightening Rachel could pass for a pretty good striper. It'd probably take an entire roll of ducktape to keep her quiet, I wasn't sure of the market for singing strippers.

"What? No. No. No, I mean the reception. What's a wedding reception without a wonderful band, and by band I mean background to my vocals."

"We'll see. I'm pretty sure Britt may want the Muppets to perform, but I'll keep you in mind."

"All joking aside Santana, you're very lucky. Brittany is a very beautiful, caring person, I'm happy for the both of you."

I rolled my eyes and shoved the last of my burger-food thing, into my mouth. "Thanks. You finished?"

I leaned over the table to take her unwanted food, and tossed the plates in the trash and the untouched beer back into the fridge, I would just drink that later. "May I ask for a tour?"

"Yeah sure." I walked around the apartment with her. She pointed out her opinions and did my best not to voice mine. Brittany did send her here so I could expect that she would be reporting back to Britt later, so I played nice. Or as nice as I could be, the beer was helping.

Rachel was quick to say that I needed more things on the walls. But I didn't want to put something up that Brittany didn't like. The few pictures I did have weren't very Brittany-ish. And what if Brittany had been spending all her spare time thinking up a master plan for the apartment, I wouldn't want her to be upset that I already put stuff up. She already had me go to the hardware store and buy paint for the living room. _Which I needed to get done soon. _

After the short tour was completed I pushed Rachel towards the door. "Well it was just great for you to come and annoy me Berry, but I'm sorry to say that my hobbit limit has been reached."

"I would be offended if I was not under time restraints myself. Jessie is coming over to run through lines with me. But I will be back Santana, or should I start calling you Mrs. Pierce so that I am in practice for when it is official?"

"Just get the hell out of my apartment before I throw you out." I shoved her coat and bag into her chest and pushed her out the door.

"Very well, enjoy your evening Santana." Once she disappeared behind the door I made sure to turn every lock so she wouldn't barge back in. I stopped in the kitchen and picked up Rachel's unopened beer and went back to the couch to start on my work.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

I was nearly done when my phone chimed, showing Brittany's face on the screen. Dropping my papers and pushing my computer away from me I relaxed into the cushions and answered the call.

"Hey Britt."

"Hi Santana, how was your day? It's late, you didn't call. Do you got a lot of work again?"

"Yeah, lots of paper pushing." The clock on my computer told me that it was an hour past the usual time I called Brittany before bed. "But you'll never guess who visited me today."

"Oh… who?" Her voice hitched over the phone, it was her lying cue.

"Rachel Berry."

"That's weird. You were nice right?"

"Oh I was very nice, sweeter than honey. But I wonder how she knew were our apartment was. You don't think she is stalking us, do you?" I kicked my feet up on the coffee table and waited for her lame excuse.

"No, she probably… Kurt maybe?"

"Yeah, no. She said someone else told her." I had a smug grin, Britt was terrible at lying to me.

"Fine!" She was just too easy for me to break down. "I told her to go and talk to you!"

"Why the hell would you do that Britt? I thought you loved me!"

"Of course I love you, that's why I sent her. You always sound so lonely on the phone. And Andy isn't really hanging out with you, and you don't know anyone else, and she's kinda… not too… bad."

"Brittany I'm fine. I got a lot of things to distract myself with." The stack of papers probably grown during the past few minutes, and the paint cans and rollers were sitting across the room. I had plenty to do. It just so happened that I enjoyed whining too.

"Sorry, I just thought that you'd like the company." Brittany's voice deflated over the speaker.

"The only company I want to be in is yours."

"I'll be there soon honey. Garfunkel misses you too. See-" I could hear what I assumed was fur rubbing against the phone and then a loud rumbling. "She misses her nap buddy."

"Are you sure she's up for that car ride?"

"Yeah I got a bunch of pills for her. Remember that time you stole those pills from your dad that made us really tired and we tried stay up and have sweet lady love'n, but we just ended up falling asleep in my living room?"

"Uh, yeah. Your mom was pissed." The image of Mrs. Pierce glaring at me while I tried to stumble away from her daughter has yet to leave my mind. At least I passed out before I got either of us completely naked.

"Yeah that sucked." Brittany started off with a giggle and ended it as a long yawn.

"You sleepy baby?"

"Yeah, I feel like I need ten of me. Packing, work, mom, packing, job hunting, it's wearing me out." I could hear her exhaustion over the phone, I could see it in our skype calls.

"I'm sorry I'm not helping."

"It's alright, you're fixing up the apartment." It was just a reminder that I wasn't in this alone, I had a partner to share the work with. And I don't think I'd be able to do it without her. I just hoped that I wouldn't ruin it for her.

"Yeah I got the paint you wanted for the living room today. It'll look better when the walls aren't all white." Brittany picked out a dark red, which was surprising, but then she wanted to do the bedroom in bright yellow. We were in the middle of a negotiation on that matter.

"Hmmm. I'm sleepy. I gotta get up early tomorrow."

"Ok, I'll talk to you later baby." I sat up a bit, stretching out my back.

"Alright. Love you."

"I love you too, night." I tossed my phone on the table and started to turn off the lights around the apartment before going to bed myself.

After going through my nightly routine, I got to do my new addition which was becoming my favorite activity. Sitting on the edge of our bed, I slid off my engagement ring and sat it on the glass dish on my nightstand. Light from the lamp danced through the jewels, sparkling like the blue eyes of my fiancée.

Just like the last three night I turned the lamp off with a grin and pulled the covered over me. The coolness of the pillow hit my head and I sent off the only prayer I had these days.

_Make it two weeks already_.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

I wasn't late. But I wasn't on the time schedule I wanted for today.

Brittany was due within the hour and I was still four blocks away. Meaning I had virtually no time to get ready. She had been texting me all day, giving me status updates on her progress. Or whatever caught her eye on the side of the highway. Or a particularly funny joke Garfunkel told her, which is impressive, seeing that the cat is knocked out with kitty tranquillizers.

I stopped at a Chinese place a block back and picked up something reminiscent of Brittany's usual order. Seeing that we were probably going to be spending the next few hours carrying in boxes and unpacking, I don't think we'd have time to stop and make dinner.

And that would also take away from my precious sexy times.

With that in mind, I pushed myself to hurry along the busy Friday night streets. Every person seemed to know exactly what I was trying to do, and made it their mission to block me. Either that or I was being more pushy than normal. It was probably the latter because I don't remember getting that many glares normally. I thought that the fall weather was supposed to make people more friendly.

_Brittany would just think everyone's more fluffy._

Finally I jogged up to the old brick of our apartment complex. The plastic take out bags wrapped around my wrists made it almost impossible to find my keys hidden deep within my purse. I had hoped that one of my neighbors would open the door for me, but no one was entering or leaving the building. Before I got super frustrated I sat the take out bags on the sidewalk and pulled out my key to unlock the door.

My foot kept the door open while I turned around to pick up the bags to find them in the deft hands of the woman I've been dreaming of for two long weeks.

"The ground doesn't look very clean." Brittany stood holding our dinner, complete with a bashful smile and shivering in her light jacket.

I could feel my smile cracking as I jumped into her arms, letting the door fall shut. "Brittany!"

The bags hit my back as she circled her arms around me, squeezing me tightly. "Hey honey." Her nose was red and her cheeks were flushed from the cold wind. _I told her to dress warm._

"You cold baby?" I questioned while tilting my head to press a quick kiss on her cold lips. I felt her nod and press herself against me. "Come on up and see your apartment."

"Our apartment." Brittany gave me a quick peck and hopped away from me towards the curb. "Let's get sleepy head upstairs too."

I don't know how I didn't noticed her car parked directly in front of the building. I must of been super focused on getting inside to not see the white car sitting on the edge of the street. It was a miracle that she got the space, it was going to make moving everything upstairs a lot easier.

With Garfunkel asleep in her carrier and tucked under her arm, I led Brittany up the steps and to our apartment door.

"Welcome home baby." I pushed the door open and ushered Brittany into the room.

"Wow."

Brittany twirled in the center of the living room. The walls were now painted red like she wanted, there were even a few musical posters hanging up- Berry insisted and it didn't look too bad, and I found a large mirror to hang on the wall dividing the living room from the kitchen. It wasn't much, but it was an improvement.

"You like it?" I slipped my keys into my pocket, watching her take in every detail of our home.

"I love it." Brittany grabbed my hand and dragged me down the hallway into our bedroom. "You did a great job Santana."

A wave of relief flooded me. I had been so worried about whether or not she would like it, and now with her ever growing smile I realized that I never had anything to worry about.

Brittany took off her light jacket and sat it on the bed next to the pet carrier, and then carefully pulled Garfunkel out, laying the sleeping cat on her jacket.

"We'll leave her in here while we bring in stuff." Brittany stroked over the cat's back, and then pulled me through the door and back into the living room.

"Why'd you leave your jacket? Won't you get cold?" Brittany rolled her eyes, picking up one of my coats from the rack by the door. It was small on her, too short in the arms, but it only made her look more adorable if it was possible.

"If Garfunky wakes up and we're not there she might be scared, but if she smells both of us then she'll calm down."

Brittany took my hand and I led her back down the building's hallway and stairs. There was a thought that soon the apartment would smell like both of us, but like not in a gross way. In the way that Garfunkel knew that it was her home, well I guess our home.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

It took a while to bring in all of the boxes, though most of it was just in bags and mostly Brittany's clothes. There was one picture frame that was broken on the trip over, so that was scraped. I guess it was a good thing Berry gave us a couple posters. I was, however, overly thankful for cooking utensils.

The noise had brought the attention of the neighbors across the hall from us. Mrs. Reed was a old divorced woman raising two young boys, with a bit of a drinking problem. She was friendly, though I hadn't spoke to her much the two weeks I've been in New York. She did however notice that I was engaged right away.

"Ah, Santana. What's with all the commotion?" Mrs. Reed stood in her doorway, leaning against it. I was in much of similar stance, waiting for Brittany to bring up the last bag.

"Oh, sorry. My girlfriend is moving her things in."

"I finally get to met your belle?"

I nodded, and no sooner Brittany appeared at the end of the hall. Once she was in arms reach, I wrapped my arm around her waist.

"Brittany this is Mrs. Kim Reed, our neighbor. Kim this is my fiancée Brittany."

Brittany smiled and balanced the box on her knee to free her hand to shake Mrs. Reed's outstretched hand.

"I'm happy to finally put a face to a name. Santana's said many things about you. But- I see you two have a busy night ahead of you, so I'll leave you be."

"Nice meeting you too."

Mrs. Reed swayed back into her apartment and I pushed Brittany into ours.

"You been telling people tales about me?"

"Nothing that isn't true."

Brittany carried in the last heavy box into the apartment and dropped it behind the couch next to the three other black bags, as I locked the door.

"That's the last one."

I stepped to next to her and we both looked over the bags and boxes littering the floor. I was debating whether to start sorting through stuff now or "are you hungry?", but Brittany's fingers wrapped around my wrist and spun me into her chest.

I caught myself on her shoulders, while her hands unbuttoned my coat. I was fixed to her blue eyes watching herself slide my coat off my shoulders and onto the floor. I could almost feel her eyes raking up my neck, her cold hands burnt through my shirt as they climbed my sides until they rested, cupping my face.

I dropped my hands to her waist, the stone on my ring glinting and reminding me exactly what we had. We stood like that staring, me into her darkening blue pools and her into what I had always thought were too dark to be colorful but she told me that they were the brightest part of me.

Brittany's soft lips finally came over mine, slowly coaxing me to open for her with long strokes along my bottom lip. The same gentle teasing continued, I was lax in letting her tongue me until it stirred my own actions.

I pulled my coat off of her, joining the other on the floor at our feet, and tangled my fingers in her hair. Brittany's moan spurred me to begin tugging us backwards down the hall. Even though I've had two weeks to map out the layout of the apartment, I still managed to stumble into the wall and door frame of our bedroom.

Just as I was about to toss her back on the bed she pulled away from me. "Wait San, kitty's still sleeping."

I was seriously considering throwing the cat out in the hall for being such an infuriating cockblock. Brittany thankfully took the initiative and carefully scooped up Garfunkel and tucked her into a nest of clothes scatter by the closet. I had fell onto the bed, propping myself up on my elbows with my feet dangling off the side. My shirt was laying open from Brittany popping the buttons, and I unfastened my pants to keep the pace moving along.

Brittany stood and twirled around with a smirk, "someone's eager." She torn her shirt over her head and strode towards me until she was sitting between my legs.

She dropped her head between by breast to kiss her way up to my pulse. I tilted my head to give her more room and wrapped my legs around her thighs. From there I let the heat beating in my head and settling in my stomach, take control.

I pushed off my shirt and bra along with hers, while Brittany tugged by pants off. She always had a thing for stripping me, but who was to blame her.

"Britt take off-" She kissed me, wiggling out of her pants while I pulled her ontop of me, pinning myself to the bed. Her lips ghosted over my neck, and I could feel them curl into a smile.

"Wasn't I suppose to be in trouble for something? This seems like the opposite."

I quirked my eyebrow and flipped positions, "it sounds like you're asking to be punished."

The dark smirk I got in return was my insurance that neither of us were going to be sleeping very much tonight.

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

The next morning I was woken by an overly friendly kitten paw to the face. Garfunkel was pacing between Brittany's and mine pillows. Brittany probably wasn't awakened from her _baby's_ pawing since she was using me as a pillow instead. Not that I was going to complain about the familiar weight, warm breath, or silky hair tickling my skin.

Brittany was mostly using me as a bed too; it was amazing that I hadn't woken earlier.

_Physical exhaustion does a lot to a person. _

Another swipe to my forehead started me to wake up the woman wrapped around me. I pressed my nose into her hair, kissing the tangled locks. "Baby, rise and shine."

Brittany shifted to place a warm kiss on my chest. "I'm already shining."

Brittany had apparently woke up a long time ago. Which I should have noticed from the smell of coffee wafting through the open door and the tank top she was sporting.

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

"You looked so sleepy. And Garfunkel was doing a pretty good job."

The cat was sitting on the night stand within my reach, so I picked her up one handed and brought her to sit in the small space between Brittany and me. "What would I do without my furry alarm clock?"

Brittany moved to scratch Garfunkel's ears, smiling against me, earning a loud rumble of approval from the cat. I dropped my head to lay against sleep tangled blonde hair.

This is what I had to look forward to everyday. Waking up by a loud meow from our cat, and a kiss from the love of my life could never lead to a bad day.

Smiling, I tugged closer to my fiancée.

Whatever happened to us, if we never unpacked all the boxes in the spare room, if Garfunkel pooped in our closet, if Brittany was pissed at me for putting frogs in the bathroom instead of ducks; it wouldn't matter, as long as we were together.

"I love you, Britt Britt."

"I love you too honey."

_|x|x|x|x||x|x|x|x|_

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><p><strong>END<strong>

**AN:** Oh god, that says end. I'm over come with emotions. [get yourself together]

I really want to thank everyone that's read and stuck with me. To the people that just read along, thank you. To those that left thoughts, thank you.

I doubt I would of gotten this far without you guys. It's been awesome.

Let me know what you think about stuff.


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